Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen - A Visual Summary

Summary

In this video, the importance of effectively receiving feedback is discussed, drawing insights from Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen's book 'Thanks for the Feedback.' The script outlines strategies to manage emotional responses to feedback, categorizes feedback into coaching, evaluation, and appreciation, and addresses common pitfalls like 'switch tracking.' It also emphasizes the value of setting boundaries and the significance of one's response to feedback, suggesting techniques to enhance self-awareness and improve feedback interactions.

Takeaways

• 😟 Feedback can trigger unpleasant emotions due to uncertainty and the potential for negative comments.
• 🔍 The book 'Thanks for the Feedback' by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen focuses on improving the reception of feedback rather than giving it.
• 🤔 Three emotional response categories to feedback are identified: truth triggers, relationship triggers, and identity triggers.
• 🚫 Truth triggers occur when one feels the feedback content is incorrect or unjust.
• 👥 Relationship triggers are linked to one's perception and feelings towards the feedback giver.
• 🆔 Identity triggers challenge an individual's sense of self.
• 🗣️ Awareness of one's emotional responses to feedback is crucial for effective communication.
• 📈 Feedback can be categorized as coaching (for learning), evaluation (for assessment), or appreciation (positive recognition).
• 🔁 'Cross transactions' can happen, where the type of feedback received does not match the type desired.
• 🪞 The concept of 'mirrors' in feedback is introduced, with supportive and honest mirrors being two useful perspectives.
• 🔄 Blind spots in feedback can be reduced by discussing intentions and impacts separately.
• 🚦 'Switch tracking' is a pitfall in feedback conversations where the discussion veers off-topic; staying on track is essential.
• 🌐 A systems view of relationships can help in understanding how individual and collective perspectives shape feedback dynamics.
• 🧠 Understanding one's typical response to feedback through a 'well-being curve' can aid in self-awareness and improvement.
• 🛑 Establishing boundaries for feedback is important for maintaining emotional health and setting clear expectations in relationships.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the book 'Thanks for the Feedback' by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen?

The main focus of the book 'Thanks for the Feedback' is on how to receive feedback well, rather than giving feedback.

What are the three categories of emotional reactions to feedback identified by the authors?

The three categories of emotional reactions are truth triggers, relationship triggers, and identity triggers.

What are truth triggers in the context of receiving feedback?

Truth triggers are gut reactions where one feels that the content of the feedback received is not true or incorrect.

How do relationship triggers affect one's response to feedback?

Relationship triggers are influenced by one's relationship with the giver of feedback, including beliefs about the giver and feelings about how one is treated.

What do identity triggers challenge in the context of feedback?

Identity triggers challenge one's sense of self and can evoke strong emotional responses when one's core identity is perceived as being questioned.

What are the three types of feedback discussed in the book?

The three types of feedback are coaching, evaluation, and appreciation.

What is a cross transaction in the context of feedback?

A cross transaction occurs when there is a mismatch between the type of feedback one expects and the type one receives, such as wanting coaching but only receiving evaluation.

What is the purpose of discussing 'mirrors' in feedback conversations?

Discussing 'mirrors' refers to the type of reflection the feedback giver provides, either a supportive or an honest mirror, to help the receiver understand the situation as seen by the giver.

How can one address the gap between one's understanding and another person's in feedback conversations?

One can address the gap by discussing intentions and impact separately, recognizing that both are relevant but distinct aspects of the feedback.

What is switch tracking in feedback conversations?

Switch tracking is when a person in a feedback conversation intentionally or unintentionally changes the direction of the conversation to avoid addressing the original feedback.

What is the three-step back approach suggested by the authors for understanding relationship dynamics in feedback?

The three-step back approach involves identifying the intersection of personal tendencies, examining the roles each person plays in the relationship, and looking at the broader context including other players and environmental factors.

How can one respond to feedback in a way that is beneficial for both personal growth and maintaining healthy relationships?

One can respond to feedback by understanding their typical response pattern, setting boundaries, and giving oneself a second score that reflects how they handle the feedback, rather than just the feedback itself.

Why is it important to establish boundaries when receiving feedback?

Establishing boundaries is important to protect one's emotional well-being and to maintain healthy relationships by controlling who is allowed to provide feedback and on what topics.