Your Inner Magnificence | Bary Fleet | TEDxBryantU

Summary

This motivational speech draws a parallel between rocks hiding inner beauty and individuals concealing their inner magnificence due to fear, criticism, or trauma. The speaker references Abraham Maslow’s theory of self-actualization, dividing people into three groups: those who have realized their potential, those who believe in their potential but have been beaten down, and those living in quiet desperation. Through personal anecdotes of overcoming self-doubt and achieving physical challenges, the speaker encourages the audience to recognize their magnificence and help others see theirs, ultimately leading to self-acceptance and fulfillment.

Takeaways

• 🌟 We all have an inner magnificence that can be uncovered, like a rock hiding beauty within.
• 🤔 There are three types of people: those who are self-actualized, those who believe they have potential but are held back by life experiences, and those who feel so beaten down that they can't see their own potential.
• 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Many of us have built protective layers due to criticism, fear, and insecurity, covering up our true inner greatness.
• 😢 Childhood experiences, like being made fun of or laughed at, can lead us to hide our true feelings and diminish our confidence in ourselves.
• 🏅 Achieving something significant, like completing a triathlon or a Spartan event, can unlock the belief in one's own magnificence and capabilities.
• 💪 Having someone believe in us, like the speaker's coach, can inspire us to achieve things we never thought possible.
• 👀 Recognizing and seeing the magnificence in others is a powerful way to change lives and help people realize their potential.
• 🎯 Self-actualization is not about how others perceive us but about being the best version of ourselves and feeling good about who we are.
• 🤝 The speaker encourages the audience to look at each other and see their magnificence, reinforcing the idea that everyone has inner greatness.
• 📈 The journey to realizing our own magnificence can be difficult, but it is essential for personal growth and making a positive impact on the world.

Q & A

What is the main metaphor used in the script to describe human potential?

The main metaphor used in the script is a rock that, when cut open, reveals a magnificent gem inside. This is used to illustrate the idea that each person has an 'inner magnificence' that may not be immediately apparent but is there waiting to be discovered and expressed.

Who are the three kinds of people mentioned in the script in relation to self-actualization?

The three kinds of people mentioned are: 1) Those who are self-actualized and self-transcended, like historical figures such as Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, and Mother Teresa. 2) Those who want to believe in their inner magnificence but have been discouraged by negative experiences, causing them to hide their potential. 3) Those who have been so beaten down by life that they don't even consider the possibility of having inner magnificence.

What personal experiences from the speaker's life are shared to illustrate the concept of hidden magnificence?

The speaker shares experiences from his childhood and adulthood, such as being the smallest kid in school, being made fun of for his enthusiasm for learning, and being laughed at during a school assembly for giving an earnest but misunderstood answer. These experiences led him to hide his true feelings and thoughts, illustrating how one's magnificence can be obscured by life's challenges.

How does the speaker describe the process of building protective layers in response to negative experiences?

The speaker describes the process of building protective layers as a series of reactions to negative experiences such as being made fun of, criticized, or feeling defective. Each negative experience leads to the creation of another layer of protection, which over time hides the person's true, magnificent self from the world.

What significant event in the speaker's childhood had a lasting impact on his self-perception?

The significant event was when the speaker, as a six-year-old, witnessed his school burning down. He felt a deep sense of loss and cried, which led to older kids mocking him. This event taught him a lesson to hide his true feelings to avoid being laughed at, which affected his self-perception and behavior for much of his life.

What role did the gym owner Heather play in the speaker's journey towards realizing his magnificence?

Heather played a pivotal role as a trainer and believer in the speaker's potential. She recognized his magnificence, had a plan for him to participate in Spartan events, and trained him to achieve it. Her belief in him and her plan gave him the confidence and direction to push past his self-doubt and achieve something he initially thought was impossible.

What was the speaker's initial reaction to the idea of participating in a Spartan event?

The speaker initially cringed at the idea of participating in a Spartan event and wanted to say no. He was intimidated by the thought of the physical challenge and his age compared to other participants.

How did the speaker's perspective on himself change after completing the Spartan Beast event?

After completing the Spartan Beast, the speaker cried tears of exhaustion and joy, feeling overwhelmed with pride for what he had accomplished. He realized that it wasn't about what others thought or how he compared to others, but about being the best version of himself.

What is the speaker's invitation to those who consider themselves self-actualized and self-transcendent?

The speaker invites those who consider themselves self-actualized and self-transcendent to make a point of seeing the magnificence in every person they meet, as doing so can change their lives.

What final activity does the speaker ask the audience to participate in to conclude his talk?

The speaker asks the audience to turn to the people next to them, look into their eyes, and see their magnificence, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and acknowledging the inner greatness in others.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 Discovering Inner Magnificence

The speaker begins by using the metaphor of a rock to illustrate the concept of hidden potential. They explain that just as a rock holds beauty and value within, each person possesses an inner magnificence. The speaker connects this idea to Abraham Maslow's personality theory, which focuses on self-actualization and transcendence. They identify three types of people: those who have achieved self-actualization like historical figures, those who believe in their potential but have been held back by negative experiences, and those who have been so beaten down by life that they cannot see their potential. The speaker invites the audience to recognize and embrace their inner magnificence and shares personal stories to inspire the realization of one's true potential.

05:02

🏫 Childhood Experiences and Lessons

The speaker recounts childhood experiences that shaped their understanding of self-worth and expression. They remember being physically small and less athletic than peers, leading to feelings of inadequacy. A pivotal moment was when their school caught fire, and they felt a deep sense of loss, which was met with laughter from older children. This incident led to a decision to hide their true feelings to avoid ridicule. Another experience involved a school assembly where the speaker, despite giving a correct answer, was mocked, leading to a resolve to keep thoughts to themselves. These experiences contributed to a protective shell that concealed their inner magnificence.

10:05

🏊‍♂️ Embracing Challenges and Growth

In their later years, the speaker stumbled upon an advertisement for a triathlon, which sparked a desire to challenge themselves. Despite initial panic and self-doubt during training, they completed the sprint triathlon, marking a significant personal achievement. This success led to an interest in Spartan events, which are known for their grueling physical challenges. With the encouragement and training from a friend, the speaker overcame fears and completed the Spartan Beast, an experience that left them feeling proud and accomplished. This narrative underscores the transformative power of believing in oneself and the support of others in realizing one's capabilities.

15:10

🤝 The Power of Recognition and Support

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of recognizing and supporting the potential in others. They reflect on how the belief and guidance of their friend, Heather, played a crucial role in their achievements. The speaker encourages the audience to see the magnificence in everyone they meet and to seek help in realizing their own potential. The talk ends with an interactive exercise where the audience is asked to look into each other's eyes and acknowledge the inner magnificence, highlighting the theme that recognizing and believing in oneself and others can lead to a profound sense of self-worth and fulfillment.

Keywords

💡Magnificence

Magnificence refers to the inner greatness or potential within every individual. In the video, it symbolizes the unique, hidden talents or qualities that are often covered up by fear, insecurity, or negative experiences. The speaker encourages people to uncover their magnificence and let it shine in the world, relating it to self-actualization.

💡Self-Actualization

Self-actualization is the process of realizing and fulfilling one's potential and talents. It is a concept central to Maslow’s personality theory and is discussed in the video as the stage where people live from their inner magnificence, like historical figures such as Gandhi and Mother Teresa. The speaker emphasizes that everyone has the potential to reach this stage, despite obstacles.

💡Self-Transcendence

Self-transcendence goes beyond self-actualization and involves living for purposes greater than oneself, often for the benefit of others. The video references this in relation to figures like Gandhi and Mother Teresa, who not only realized their own potential but also impacted the world by living beyond personal needs or desires.

💡Layers of Protection

The 'layers of protection' in the video refer to the emotional barriers people build over time to protect themselves from criticism, judgment, and failure. These layers hide their true magnificence. The speaker describes how negative experiences, such as being laughed at or criticized, create these layers and make people hide their best selves.

💡Fear and Insecurity

Fear and insecurity are the emotional responses that people experience when they feel criticized or inadequate. In the video, the speaker mentions these emotions as part of the layers that hide a person's true magnificence. Overcoming these emotions is key to personal growth and self-realization.

💡Metaphor of the Rock

The metaphor of the rock is used in the video to illustrate how people are often seen on the surface as ordinary or unremarkable, but inside, they contain great potential or 'magnificence.' Just as cutting into a rock can reveal something beautiful, people need to uncover their hidden strengths and qualities.

💡Quiet Desperation

The phrase 'quiet desperation' describes people who have been so beaten down by life that they no longer believe in their potential or worth. The speaker identifies this group as those who feel hopeless and disconnected from their inner magnificence, often due to trauma or long-standing negativity.

💡Panic Attack

A panic attack is a sudden feeling of intense fear or anxiety that can be overwhelming. The speaker recounts his own experience with panic attacks during his journey of self-discovery and physical challenges. These episodes represent moments where fear and insecurity take over, but overcoming them is part of the process of realizing one's magnificence.

💡Belief in Others

Belief in others is a recurring theme in the video, where the speaker highlights the importance of having someone who believes in your potential, even when you don’t. He shares personal stories where others saw his magnificence and helped him achieve things he didn’t believe were possible, such as completing a triathlon and Spartan race.

💡Transformation

Transformation is the process of changing from someone who hides their magnificence into someone who confidently expresses it. In the video, this transformation is illustrated through the speaker’s own journey from feeling inadequate to accomplishing difficult challenges and gaining self-respect. This change represents personal growth and empowerment.

Highlights

The metaphor of a rock being cut to reveal inner magnificence symbolizes the potential for greatness within each individual.

Abraham Maslow's personality theory suggests that everyone has the capacity for self-actualization and self-transcendence.

There are three types of people: those who are self-actualized, those who desire to believe in their potential but have been held back by negative experiences, and those who have been so beaten down they don't believe in their potential.

The speaker's personal experiences of being underestimated and ridiculed led to a belief that one's true potential can be hidden behind layers of protection built up due to negative experiences.

The importance of recognizing and acknowledging one's own magnificence is emphasized as a key to personal growth and fulfillment.

The speaker shares a childhood memory of a school fire that led to a decision to hide true feelings to avoid being laughed at.

A humiliating experience in a school assembly about the difference between a fiddle and a violin reinforced the speaker's decision to hide their true thoughts.

The concept of building layers of protection due to fear, anxiety, and insecurity is discussed as a barrier to expressing one's true self.

The speaker's late-in-life realization of their own magnificence through participating in a triathlon and Spartan races is shared as a turning point in their self-perception.

The role of a supportive mentor, like Heather, in helping the speaker overcome self-doubt and achieve personal goals is highlighted.

The speaker's completion of the Spartan Beast race at an older age serves as a powerful example of overcoming self-doubt and achieving personal greatness.

The invitation for the audience to see the magnificence in others and the impact it can have on their lives is extended.

The speaker encourages those who recognize their magnificence to help others realize theirs, creating a positive cycle of personal growth.

The act of looking into someone's eyes and seeing their magnificence is proposed as a powerful exercise for personal connection and self-discovery.

The promise that realizing one's magnificence leads to feeling good about being oneself is a central message of the speech.

Transcripts

so what do you see it's a rock it's a

rock but somebody that knows about rocks

knew that there was more to this and

they cut into it and they saw this but

their curiosity didn't stop there

they cut it again and they saw this a

magnificence now I don't know a lot

about rocks but I know about people and

I am convinced that this is a wonderful

metaphor for each one of us that inside

each one of us there is an inner

magnificence I think that that was what

was behind Abraham Maslow's personality

theory about how to get that

magnificence to self-actualize to self

transcend in working with people through

the years I realized there are three

kinds of people they're the people that

Abraham Maslow was thinking about when

he created his model of personality

these are the people that are self

actualized self transcended

people like Gandhi people like Abraham

Lincoln people like Mother Teresa where

they're living from that place they're

expressing that place and it's

noticeable it's recognizable so I'm

curious if Abraham Maslow were alive and

we're here today if you are one of those

people that you think he would look to

and say yep I want to pick you and I

want to pick you to base my personality

theory on raise your hands okay I just

want to be sure I had the right audience

here

the second group of people are those of

us that want to believe this about

ourselves we want to believe that

there's something magnificent in us but

we've been put down we've been made fun

of we've been criticized we've been told

we're wrong all kinds of negative

experiences and we've covered up our

magnificence and instead of the world

seeing our magnificent miss they see our

rockness then there's a third type of

people and these are the people that

have been so beaten down and beaten up

by life they've had so much trauma that

this isn't even a possibility in their

minds and these are people that are

living lives of quiet desperation I'm

not going to ask any of you to raise

your hand but if that applies to you you

know who I'm talking to

I'm gonna tell you a couple of stories

about me and from that I hope that you

will realize why I am so passionate

about helping others you realize your

magnificence and by realize it I mean

two things one is I want you to know

what's there at least have the

intellectual idea that somewhere in me

is something magnificent and the second

part of that is to realize it make it

real make it in the world so the world

sees it and you're magnificent makes a

difference in the world

I've always been small I started school

a year early intellectually ready

physically a year behind I was the kid

that at recess when the self-appointed

captains were choosing up teams they

would argue over who had to take me on

their team when I was in Little League

oh that's really not fair I wasn't good

enough for a little league I was in the

minor leagues of the little leagues

and I was that kid they put out in right

field and everybody but me hope the ball

would never get to me I love school even

in first grade I was offended if the

teacher didn't assign homework because I

knew that's the way you learn you'll

learn by doing homework and so if the

teacher didn't assign homework I would

go home and I would sit in front of my

little chalkboard and I would make up

homework for me to do October of 2nd

grade our family had just sat down for

supper heard the town fire alarm go off

it was a really small community we

didn't have any professional

firefighters and the way it worked was

as soon as somebody knew there was a

fire they sounded the siren and whatever

able-body men were in town would rally

around and go get the one little

firetruck that we had and go fight the

fire

well what little six-year-old boy

doesn't like sirens and fire trucks so

as soon as I heard it I jumped up from

the table I ran outside and I looked

down the street to see if I could see

the fire truck and in just a moment I

did I watched it cross our street and I

knew the only place it could be going

was the school I ran back inside I

yelled at my parents the schools on fire

ran outside cross the street through the

neighbor's backyard over the fence onto

the hillside I goddess as close to the

school fire as I felt safe getting I

could feel the heat I could see the men

from the town I could see the fire truck

and it didn't take me long to realize

the fire was way too big and the

resources of the town weren't gonna be

enough and the fire was gonna win and as

that was sinking into me some of the big

kids now that's the third and fourth

graders came up to me and they said

Barry why are you crying

well I hadn't realized that I was crying

but

there were these quiet tears that were

coming down my cheeks and I looked at

them with great sincerity and I said

we're not gonna have school tomorrow

yeah that's what they did to kind of

laughed and I made a decision that day

don't tell people what you really feel

because if you do they'll laugh at you

skip to 5th grade middle school assembly

fifth sixth and seventh grade all

gathered in the gym I walked in looked

on the stage and there were all of the

instruments of the orchestra music

appreciation I was so excited I loved

music I couldn't wait for this assembly

over the course of the presentation the

man that was conducting the presentation

asked a question he said do any of you

know the difference between a fiddle and

a violin any of you know the difference

well I did I raised my hand I don't

think the guy expected anybody to do

that but when he saw my hand he called

on me so very proudly I stood up and in

my head I'm thinking bass fiddle violin

and so this little fifth grader did an

impromptu comparison and contrast speech

on the difference between a bass fiddle

and a violin and very proudly I sat down

and the guy that was running the

assembly made fun of my answer and the

whole school assembly laughed at me my

answer wasn't wrong it just was it what

he was looking for what he was looking

for was if we play country in western

music we call it a fiddle if we play

classical music we call it a violin it's

the same thing it just depends on the

kind of music what we call it but I made

a second decision that day don't tell

anybody what you really think because if

you do they'll laugh at you

and so I went through most of my life

thinking there was something wrong with

me

there was something defective in me

there was something deficient in me

there was something that wasn't normal

in me here's how it works

we're born and at our birth we are

magnificent parents proud parents look

at that infant and they see maybe the

most special person in the whole world

and then as we go through life things

happen to us people make fun of us and

we build a layer of protection people

laugh at us and we build another layer

of protection people criticize us and we

put another layer of protection and

inside each one of these layers is fear

anxiety insecurity and this is what we

show the world and this is what we hide

the part of us that is the best of us

because somehow as little kids we think

that that's very tender and as little

kids it is so fast-forward again I'm in

my late 60's scrolling through Facebook

one day and I see a facebook ad for the

ohmygod 'red sprint an Olympic triathlon

and something caught my attention about

that and I investigated a little bit and

I saw that a sprint triathlon a quarter

of a mile of open water swim 12 mile

bike ride 5k trail run I'm thinking I

know how to swim I've got a bike I got a

pair of sneakers

this is possible for me in retrospect I

think this was my magnificence trying to

get out and that's what caught my

attention so I signed up for the

triathlon and I signed up for the

clinics to prepare for the triathlon I

had my first ever full-fledged panic

attack at the open water swim clinic I

had already noticed that I was by far

the oldest person that was in the

clinics the irony was if I had stopped

stand up I could have stood up in the

water but I was so over my head

psychologically emotionally that I

panicked in the midst of my panic attack

the coach got in my face and she said

Barry you know how to swim you're a

triathlete now do this Wow me a

triathlete so far from this kid that

nobody even won on their team but it

clicked and so I did the triathlon I

didn't set any records except that day I

was the oldest person to finish but I

came home with a medal saying I am a

triathlete I felt pretty good about me

so as I was kind of basking in that I'd

seen some Spartan events on television

just little clips and my wife and I once

or twice a week we were going to this

little gym in Warwick that was a cardio

kickboxing gym and Heather the owner of

the gym I knew had done some Spartan

events for those of you that aren't

familiar with Spartan events there are

three categories based on various

distances and you run over very

challenging terrain and you encounter

ridiculous obstacles along the way

so I went to Heather because I knew that

she had done Spartans and I had great

respect for her and her ability as a

trainer and I said Heather you've known

me a little bit do you think it would be

possible that I could ever do a Spartan

event and she looked at me and her face

lit up and she said not only can you

you're going to and here's the plan in

April you're gonna do the Beast in

August you're gonna do the super and

you're gonna celebrate your 70th

birthday at Fenway Park

completing the Spartan trifecta and

everything in me cringed and I wanted to

say no no you don't understand I wasn't

actually thinking about doing it I was

just thinking about do you think it

would be possible she said Barry I'm

gonna train you and you stick with me

and you're gonna do this the night

before the Beast I had my second panic

attack there were I don't know eight or

ten or twelve of us in the condo and

there were about 40 from our gym that

we're doing this beast I was twice the

age of most of them and I'm thinking

they are younger than I am by decades

they are stronger than I am

they are faster than I am what was I

thinking don't remember much about that

night but I remember the next day I

remember the Beast

it was between 16 and 17 miles of very

challenging terrain over 5,000 feet of

vertical climb 35 ridiculous obstacles

along the way and when I jumped the fire

at the finish line I went off by myself

and I cried like a baby there were tears

of exhaustion tears of joy just

overwhelmed with all kinds of feelings

what made the difference between this

boy that didn't feel very good about

himself and this man who felt incredibly

proud about what he had accomplished

that day I knew it wasn't about what

anybody else thought I knew it wasn't

about how I compared to anybody else I

knew it was about me being the best me

so what makes the difference is I was

fortunate to have somebody that looked

at me and they saw this they saw inside

to something that I didn't see and

Heather had a plan and I did it not

because I believed in me but because I

believed in Heather and Heather believed

in me so if there was anybody here that

did raise your hand and said yes I am

self actualized I am self-transcendent I

am a model for Maslow kudos to you and

here's my invitation make it a point to

see the magnificence in everybody that

you meet it will change their lives and

if you're more like me I want you to

realize your magnificence and if you

need to get somebody to help you do that

don't hesitate to ask so what I'd like

to have you do right now is I want you

to turn to the person next to you and I

want you to look at them and I want you

to look in their eyes and I want you to

see their magnificence you just go ahead

okay

now now I want you to turn I want you to

turn to the person on the other side or

behind you and see their magnificence

and what I want you to realize what I

want you to realize what I want you to

realize is that two people just looked

at you and saw your magnificence and I'm

here to say the extent to which we

realize our magnificence it's the extent

to which we will be able to say I feel

good about being me and that's a promise

thank you

[Applause]