How can I fix my partner?

Summary

In this episode of 'Real Talk with Daada,' AD DuLa, Emmanuel discusses the common yet unhealthy dynamic of one partner attempting to 'fix' the other in a relationship. He emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between supportive behavior and the futile effort of trying to change someone's core personality or habits. The conversation highlights the emotional toll of being a 'fixer,' the resistance it often meets, and the potential damage to one's self-esteem and identity. Emmanuel advises on setting healthy boundaries, accepting partners as they are, and knowing when to walk away from a relationship that becomes a source of constant strain and disappointment.

Takeaways

• 😀 The podcast 'Real Talk with Daada' focuses on relationship topics, including navigating marriage and understanding the dynamics of fixing a partner.
• 🔧 The concept of someone being 'broken' and needing to be 'fixed' by their partner is explored, highlighting the potential for resistance and disappointment.
• ⚖️ There's a distinction between supporting a partner, which is healthy, and trying to fix them, which can lead to emotional strain and unrealistic expectations.
• 🚫 The idea of being a 'fixer' in a relationship is discouraged because it can result in the partner feeling unappreciated and can negatively impact their self-esteem and identity.
• 💔 The act of trying to fix someone can lead to resentment and strain in the relationship, as the person being 'fixed' may feel inadequate or threatened.
• 🤝 The importance of acceptance in a relationship is emphasized, where partners should appreciate each other without the need to change one another.
• 📍 Setting healthy boundaries is crucial when supporting a partner, ensuring that the support does not cross over into an attempt to change the person fundamentally.
• 🚶‍♂️ It's advised to walk away from a relationship if the other party is resistant to change and continues to engage in behaviors that are deal-breakers.
• ❌ The key takeaway is that one cannot fix anyone; instead, the focus should be on supporting and guiding each other towards a healthier relationship.
• ⏰ Recognize the thin line between support and fixing, and understand that enabling bad behaviors can also have a toll on oneself.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the 'Real Talk with Daada' podcast?

The main theme of the 'Real Talk with Daada' podcast is discussing various aspects of relationships, particularly focusing on marriage and navigating through its challenges.

Why is it important to distinguish between 'supporting' and 'fixing' a partner in a relationship?

It's important to distinguish between 'supporting' and 'fixing' a partner because supporting involves healthy encouragement and emotional backing without imposing change, while fixing implies an unrealistic expectation to alter the partner's personality or habits, which can lead to resistance, disappointment, and emotional strain.

What are the potential negative outcomes for someone who tries to 'fix' their partner?

Potential negative outcomes for someone who tries to 'fix' their partner include resistance from the partner, feelings of being unappreciated, burnout for the 'fixer', emotional strain, and a decrease in the partner's self-esteem and identity.

How can a person support their partner in a healthy way according to the podcast?

A person can support their partner in a healthy way by providing emotional support, helping with goals, and not imposing changes. It's about being there for the partner without attempting to alter their core personality or habits.

What is the role of acceptance in a relationship where one partner feels the need to 'fix' the other?

Acceptance plays a crucial role as it allows the partner who is being 'fixed' to understand that the other is not trying to change them but is instead offering support to help them grow and improve.

Why is setting healthy boundaries important when one partner wants to 'fix' the other?

Setting healthy boundaries is important because it clarifies the intentions of the supporting partner, ensuring that they are not trying to change the other person's lifestyle or ways, but are instead aiming to foster a better version of themselves together.

What should a person do if they encounter resistance while trying to 'fix' their partner?

If a person encounters resistance while trying to 'fix' their partner, they should consider walking away because the relationship is becoming unhealthy and the issues they are trying to address might be deal breakers.

How does the podcast suggest dealing with deep-seated issues in a partner that they are not ready to change?

The podcast suggests that if a partner has deep-seated issues they are not ready to change, it's important to recognize one's limits as a supporter and not take on the role of a 'fixer'. It's crucial to understand that some issues are beyond one's capacity to address.

What is the key takeaway from the podcast regarding trying to 'fix' someone in a relationship?

The key takeaway is that one cannot fix anyone, and it's important to recognize the difference between support and fixing. If resistance is met, especially on deal-breaking issues, it might be necessary to walk away for one's own well-being.

How can a person ensure they are not enabling bad behaviors while supporting their partner?

A person can ensure they are not enabling bad behaviors by setting clear boundaries, focusing on supporting positive changes, and not tolerating behaviors that are harmful or toxic to the relationship.