Parenting a Disabled Child: Nurturing Self Worth | Shailen Singh | TEDxTexasStateUniversity

Summary

In this poignant transcript, a father of a disabled child shares his experiences with the challenges of parenting and the systemic barriers they face. He emphasizes the importance of self-confidence and self-worth for his son, critiquing the inflexible administrative processes that often overlook individual needs. The father calls for a reevaluation of societal structures to better accommodate and value the experiences of children with disabilities, advocating for a world that recognizes and respects neurodiversity.

Takeaways

• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The father emphasizes the importance of fostering self-confidence and self-worth in his children, treating his disabled son no differently than his other children.
• 🏢 The administrative processes associated with his son's disability highlight a societal gap between how the father sees his son and how the world perceives him.
• 🤔 The father questions the impact of these processes on his son's self-image and the messages they send about his identity.
• 👶 The father discusses the challenges of finding suitable childcare for his son, as traditional daycares are structured around a linear developmental pathway that his son does not follow.
• 🎢 The father highlights the need for accessible playground equipment and the additional staffing required to support his son's enjoyment of play, which is often not accommodated.
• 🏡 The family has made significant lifestyle changes, including job changes and relocations, to better support their son's needs.
• 👩‍💼 The father notes the higher rates of unemployment and underemployment among parents of children with disabilities, particularly impacting women.
• 🌱 The father is concerned about the early messages children with disabilities receive about their worth, which can lead to self-doubt.
• 📚 He advocates for learning from disabled authors to gain a more personal understanding of disability and to better support his son.
• 🌟 The father wants his son to know that he is perfect, his body is perfect, and his disabilities are a beautiful part of who he is.
• 🌐 He calls for a societal shift in assumptions about disability to reflect its normalcy and to create a more inclusive and equitable world for people with disabilities.

Q & A

What is the main responsibility the speaker feels as a father?

The speaker feels that a main responsibility as a father is to ensure his children have a healthy sense of self-confidence and know their self-worth.

How does the speaker view the parenting of his middle son who is disabled compared to his other children?

The speaker views parenting his middle son, who is disabled, as no different from parenting his other children.

What is the biggest challenge the speaker faces in raising his middle son?

The biggest challenge the speaker faces is managing the multiple administrative processes that arise due to his son's disability.

Why does the speaker feel that daycare centers struggle to accommodate his son?

Daycare centers struggle to accommodate his son because they are built on the assumption that all children follow the same developmental pathway, which does not fit his son's unique needs.

What is an example of a challenge the speaker's son faces at the playground?

An example of a challenge is that the speaker's son requires assistance from a staff member to get out of his chair, onto the swing, and be supported throughout the activity.

How does the speaker feel about the lack of a definitive 'yes' or 'no' from daycare centers?

The speaker wonders what the effect of such non-committal responses is on his son's self-worth, as it implies that he doesn't fit the typical developmental mold.

What impact has the need for care for his son had on the speaker and his partner's careers?

The need for care has led the speaker and his partner to take new jobs, change careers, and move to different locations to access better care structures.

What message does the speaker believe is being sent to children with disabilities from the beginning of their lives?

The speaker believes that the message sent to children with disabilities is that they don't fit societal norms, which can lead to self-doubt.

How does the speaker define ableism in the context of his experiences?

The speaker defines ableism as not a giant, overt threat, but rather something that manifests quietly and insidiously through administrative processes and organizational policies that restrict access for people with disabilities.

What does the speaker want his son to understand about himself?

The speaker wants his son to understand that he is perfect, his body is perfect, and his disabilities are a beautiful and defining characteristic that makes him worthy of love and equitable access.

What is the speaker's hope for the future in terms of inclusion and understanding of disability?

The speaker hopes to partner with his son to rethink inclusion and challenge the assumptions that restrict full participation for people with disabilities, ultimately aiming for a more just and equitable world.