Why Indian Men Get Zero Matches On Dating Apps | Explained With Data
Summary
TLDRThis video script explores the human need for long-term partnerships, contrasting us with the majority of species that avoid such bonds. It delves into the biological and social reasons behind our pair-bonding behaviors, facilitated by hormones like oxytocin. The script critiques modern dating apps, revealing how their algorithms can distort the dating market and affect users' self-esteem. It discusses the potential negative impacts of these apps on society and relationships, advocating for more authentic, offline connections to foster meaningful relationships.
Takeaways
- đ§ Humans are part of the 3% of mammals that form long-term cooperative partnerships, which is facilitated by hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin.
- â€ïž Pair bonding is crucial for survival, and the lack of it can lead to shorter lifespans, indicating the importance of social connections.
- đĄ The dating landscape is heavily influenced by algorithms that prioritize user engagement over successful matches, affecting users' self-worth.
- đž Dating apps are a lucrative business, with companies like Match.com making significant profits by gamifying the user experience.
- đ Collaborative filtering in dating apps reinforces biases and limits user exposure to a diverse range of potential matches.
- đšâđ©âđ§âđŠ The gender imbalance on dating apps, with more men than women, skews the dating market and affects match outcomes.
- đŻ Attractiveness plays a significant role in dating app success, with a few users receiving the majority of likes, highlighting the power law in action.
- đ« The commodification of human beings on dating apps promotes a shallow, consumerist approach to relationships, devaluing emotional connections.
- âł There's a cultural and societal pressure to marry before turning 30 in India, which can limit the pool of potential partners as one ages.
- đ The video editing cohort by Aevy is a successful initiative, training over 1800 video editors and providing job opportunities in a growing market.
Q & A
What percentage of living species seek lasting partnerships?
-Only 3% of living species seek lasting partnerships, with humans being a part of this minority.
How does pair bonding in humans contribute to survival?
-Pair bonding in humans contributes to survival by forming strong attachments, working as a team, sharing resources, and creating family units, which are facilitated by the release of hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin.
What is the impact of not finding a partner or love on a person's lifespan?
-Individuals who do not find a partner or love tend to have shorter lifespans on average, as suggested by the paper mentioned in the script.
How much are Indians projected to spend on dating apps by the end of 2024?
-Indians are projected to spend around $400 million on dating apps by the end of 2024.
What is the inherent business model of dating apps according to the script?
-The inherent business model of dating apps is to keep users swiping and engaged on the platform, rather than finding a perfect match, as this would lead to users leaving the app and the company losing revenue.
What is collaborative filtering and how does it work in dating apps?
-Collaborative filtering is a method used by dating apps to generate recommendations based on the majority opinion, not just personal preferences. It shows users potential matches based on historical data of other users, which can reinforce bias and limit the diversity of profiles seen.
How does the simulation with 1000 virtual profiles reveal the distortion in the real dating market by dating apps?
-The simulation reveals that due to the imbalance of men to women on dating apps, men receive fewer likes and matches. Additionally, the attractiveness of profiles plays a significant role, with a small number of users receiving the majority of likes, creating a power law dynamic on dating apps.
What is the 'paradox of choice' and how does it affect users on dating apps?
-The 'paradox of choice' refers to the phenomenon where having too many options can lead to indecision and dissatisfaction. On dating apps, this can cause users to become paralyzed, always seeking an 'upgrade' and never fully investing in any one connection.
Why is it suggested to start thinking about long-term relationships in your 20s?
-It is suggested to start thinking about long-term relationships in your 20s because the pool of potential partners reduces as one gets older, and cultural pressures in India often encourage marriage before the age of 30.
How does the script suggest finding meaningful relationships?
-The script suggests finding meaningful relationships by engaging in offline, real-world connections, participating in community events, and focusing on authentic communication and building long-lasting bonds.
Outlines
đ§ Human Pair Bonding and the Impact of Dating Apps
The paragraph discusses the unique characteristic of humans to form long-term partnerships, setting us apart from most other species. It attributes this to the human brain's reward system that encourages pair bonding through hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin. The speaker then critiques modern dating apps, suggesting that they exploit human desires for connection for profit, often at the expense of users' self-esteem. The paragraph also touches on the business model of dating apps, which may be designed to keep users engaged rather than help them find meaningful relationships, and it highlights the potential negative psychological effects of these apps.
đ The Algorithmic Bias and Market Distortion in Dating Apps
This paragraph delves into the mechanics of how dating apps use algorithms to match users, often leading to biases and a distorted representation of the dating market. It explains collaborative filtering, which influences user matches based on majority preferences rather than individual choices. The paragraph also discusses an experiment that demonstrates how dating apps can exacerbate gender imbalances and attractiveness disparities, resulting in a few users receiving the majority of matches. The speaker argues that these apps commoditize human relationships and encourage a transactional approach to dating, which may lead to a paradox of choice and hinder the formation of deep connections.
đŹ The Importance of Early Investment in Long-Term Relationships
The speaker emphasizes the importance of investing in long-term relationships at a younger age, noting that as people age, their cognitive flexibility decreases, making it harder to adapt to new experiences and form new connections. They argue that the pool of potential partners reduces as one gets older and societal pressures often lead to rushed decisions. The paragraph also touches on the benefits of being in a loving relationship, including improved mental and physical health, economic stability, and social support. The speaker encourages viewers to invest in building meaningful connections and to seek authentic communication beyond the limitations of digital platforms.
đ The Decline of Communication Skills and the Need for Offline Connections
In the final paragraph, the speaker criticizes the modern trend of poor communication in relationships, such as ghosting, and its negative impact on mental health. They discuss the importance of in-person interactions and the role of offline communities in fostering meaningful relationships. The speaker suggests that by participating in real-life social events and communities, individuals can improve their communication skills and increase their chances of forming lasting connections. The paragraph concludes with a call to action for viewers to step away from screens and engage in authentic, face-to-face interactions to build meaningful relationships.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄPair bonding
đĄOxytocin
đĄVasopressin
đĄDating algorithms
đĄCollaborative filtering
đĄBateman's principle
đĄPower law
đĄParadox of choice
đĄCognitive flexibility
đĄAuthentic connection
Highlights
Humans are among the few mammals that form long-term cooperative partnerships.
Pair bonding in humans is facilitated by the release of hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin.
People who don't find a partner or love tend to have shorter lifespans on average.
Social media and dating apps often promote superficial and unhealthy relationship dynamics.
The business model of dating apps is designed to keep users engaged and spending money.
Dating apps use collaborative filtering, which can limit user choices and reinforce biases.
Men face a more challenging time finding matches on dating apps due to platform algorithms and user behavior.
Attractiveness plays a significant role in the number of likes and matches users receive on dating apps.
Dating apps can lead to a paradox of choice, preventing users from fully investing in relationships.
The pre-commitment stage in dating apps can be prolonged, affecting the development of long-term relationships.
Gen Z's dating inculturation is heavily influenced by digital platforms, shaping their approach to relationships.
Offline interactions and communities are crucial for forming meaningful and long-lasting relationships.
Long-term relationships require investment and effort from both parties, not just initial attraction.
Loneliness can have severe health implications and should not be ignored or numbed through distractions.
Authentic connections and real communication are essential for building meaningful relationships.
Offline meetups and communities can provide a platform for people to meet and form genuine connections.
The video editing cohort by the speaker has been successful in training and placing video editors in the job market.
Transcripts
Okay.
Imagine a world where 97% of living
species don't want
any lasting partnerships.
Now imagine being a part of the 3%
that does.
That's us humans.
You know,
we're one of the few mammals
that form long term
cooperative partnerships.
But why?
What is it that makes us so different?
So something called pair
bonding in our brains.
The basically figured out
that forming strong attachment.
Working as a team, sharing resources
and creating family units
boost our chances of survival.
So our brains are releasing
happy hormones
like oxytocin and vasopressin
to facilitate these bonds,
evolving our social intelligence
and cooperative skills.
I mean, we're we've literally hardwired
the quest for the soulmate into our DNA,
to the point
where people who don't find a partner
or don't find love
have shorter lifespans on average,
says this paper.
So learning
this whole dating business
dating algorithm
could actually be a
matter of life and death.
I know I'm extrapolating a
bit here, but nevertheless,
I feel like it's important
to understand
the ways of our current world
and why and how they're involving.
You see, the social media
today is telling you
all sorts of nonsense from situation
shapes, breadcrumbs, text
and ship tours dropping.
I mean,
how can we all be so stupid
to feel trapped in these dumb games?
Have you ever stopped
and asked yourself,
who creates all of this?
Who benefits from all of this?
Is it really you?
or the businesses making money off you?
Because by the way,
they are making shit turns.
You know, Indians by the end of 2024
will be spending around
$400 million on dating apps.
Great business opportunity
capitalizing on people's
loneliness and suffering, for sure.
But if you're an Aevy subscriber,
it is my duty to share
the tough truths about life
survival, relationships.
why they're so important.
How do you find one?
When and how should you start
thinking about all this?
At some point, you will have to.
So, I was talking to
A friend
recently who was sharing
how he created a new Tinder
profile a few weeks back,
and the number of matches
he got
was abysmally low,
as opposed to the number of people
he swiped right on.
It was like, bro,
I don't think I'm that ugly or repulsive.
Why are these girls not swiping right?
It's literally
taking a hit on my self-confidence.
And, you know,
that's when I was like, shit,
this must be the case
with so many people.
So many folks on these apps
must be feeling this way
and tying their self-worth
to these dating apps
without even understanding
the basic economics of dating apps
or how these algos actually work,
because it's totally unrelated
to your value, by the way.
I, for one,
honestly thought
that it was universal truth
that everybody knew that
dating apps only make money
if you stay on them,
so it's inherently
in their business model
to keep you swiping
and not finding the perfect match,
because then you leave the app.
Then how do they make money?
In fact,
you know, just in February, Match.com,
which owns all of these
dating companies, by the way,
was sued for this very issue.
The allegations were that the
"predatoryâ business model of dating
apps like Tinder, hinge,
defrocked those looking for love
and fearful of missing out.
It's an algorithm that rewards compulsive
use of its platforms
and makes them pay
hundreds and hundreds of dollars
a year for a subscription,
which is absolutely true.
They also said that these companies
basically gamified
the platforms
to transform their users
into literal gamblers,
locked in the search
for psychological rewards
that the business
makes elusive on purpose.
Again, this also absolute truth.
So I think the purpose of
most of these companies
is to make profits
and give returns to their investors,
and the algorithms have evolved
to do just that.
In fact,
there was a lot of conspiracy theories
about Tinder literally crippling
the standard free version of the app
and making it basically unusable
unless you pay for a premium account
or add ons like Super Likes and Boost.
There are also
people are coming up
with all sorts of absurd
strategies to get matches. Look at this.
So the
second issue and our
new learning about these apps
was very interesting to me.
A few years back,
there was this guy who wanted
to show how algorithms work.
So what he did
was he designed a game called
Monster Match.
Now, this game was meant to show
how algorithms basically
reinforce bias
by limiting what you can see
and size of the company
more than the users.
So these dating apps
do something called
collaborative filtering,
which basically generates recommendations
based on the majority opinion,
not just your personal preferences.
It's actually very similar
to the way Netflix
or even YouTube
recommends what you watch.
So let's say your user
and you swipe right on a zombie,
and then you swipe left on vampire.
On Monster Match
the new user,
who also swipes right on the zombie.
Want to see the vampire in the queue?
Only because the algo is now showing
you monsters
based on historical data of user.
So this is what's called
collaborative filtering.
It's useful for the app,
but think about the damn vampire.
What if user two
would have liked seeing the vampire?
What if user two and vampire
could have had a future together?
Now it's gone and user two. User three.
User for user five was profiles
a similar to user one
will probably never see the vampire.
This basically shows us
how dating app users
get boxed into narrow
assumptions, and certain
profiles are routinely excluded.
Now, not just.
This is another
very interesting experiment
which was conducted by an organization
on why men specifically trouble
finding matches.
So what they did
was they ran a simulation
with 1000 virtual profiles
to see how these apps
distort the real dating market.
First, imagine an ideal world
where men and women use
these apps equally.
Each ring
100 profiles a day and liking 1 in 4.
So this gave everybody a 25%
chance of getting a like, resulting
in 25 likes and six matches per day.
But real apps,
you know, on this balance,
there are more men than women on
apps like Bumble.
So what they did was
they assumed a ratio of 2 to 1
and added this to the simulation.
Now, in this scenario,
women receive twice as many likes
or fewer likes and became more desperate,
liking more and more profiles
to increase their chances.
Now, according to Bateman's principle
of evolutionary psychology,
men also tend to be less
picky when compared to women.
In picking a short term partner.
So due to this, and also to just match
more men like profiles nearly
three times as often as women.
According to a New York Times article.
So when they put all of this data
in the simulation,
women received
92 likes on average,
while men got just seven.
Now, one thing that we haven't considered
till now is attractiveness.
In reality,
some profiles are more attractive
than others,
and a small number of users
get the majority of these likes.
Data from an engineering change
showed that 50% of men's likes
go to just 25% of women,
while 50% of women like,
but only 15% of men.
Now, when they updated this data
in the simulation,
giving users
an attractiveness score
from 0 to 100, the results.
What's striking you?
Only top 10% of male
got all the likes and all the slides.
So the power law is insanely strong on
dating apps.
Now imagine this coupled
with collaborative filtering,
you realize that it is in no way
reflective of the all played
dating market,
and in no way reflective of your value,
self-esteem, or self-worth.
It's really just a game
for these businesses
to make money
and keep swiping,
and it shouldn't be thought
of as anything more than that
if it lands on your first date.
Great,
but don't go to these apps
with some crazy expectations.
In my opinion.
I feel like they've been more of a bane
than a boon to the society.
And I'm not refuting people
finding the partners that some have,
but those are the outliers, not the norm.
I'm just trying to evaluate
the overall effectiveness
of their existence.
Honestly,
if you look at dating apps in India,
I feel like they are taking
some other form altogether.
Every single day on Reddit or Twitter,
you see a post
about how people are using these dating
apps to extort money.
The whole dating app
mafia and people
have literally lost lacs
to these scams.
So an individual
today needs to be all the more careful
when getting on a Tinder or a Hinge.
Now, while
this is
obviously very scary to see,
but what's more worrying to me
is that
these apps are inherently changing
the very fabric of relationships.
Firstly, what they do
is they prolong the whole
pre-commitment stage.
It's literally
like you have to go
through tens of levels
to just make it to a relationship.
I'm not even talking about marriage,
you know,
if you want back,
we done a video on white stuff
for Gen Z
to adapt to the usual workplace
norms as opposed to millennials.
Really spoke about this concept
in sociological enculturation.
What that basically means
is that humans learn
how to behave in an environment
with the help of others.
We've been around longer.
In the case of Gen
Zs, the whole dating inculturation
happened on digital platforms.
Tinder, hinge,
social media because of the pandemic.
So that kind of became the norm for them.
But I feel like it's these
same dating apps
that have made relationship
super transactional today.
People now are increasingly
treating intimacy and emotion
connection as products
that can be consumed,
rather than bonds to be nurtured.
What these dating apps do
is they present people as these products
to be browsed compared,
and then added to cart.
And I feel like this
commodification of human beings
is encouraging a very shallow,
consumerist approach to relationships.
What is basically happening is
people are treating potential partners
as something, dispose of it,
always looking for an upgrade.
And the sheer number of potential matches
also creates a paradox of choice.
With so many options,
we become paralyzed,
always wondering
if there's somebody better,
just a few swipes away.
And this is what's preventing
people from fully investing
in any one connection.
You know,
people are literally forgetting
that the best established predictors
of how a romantic relationship
are developed
can only be known
after the relationship begins,
which means that people
are not even reaching out.
These apps,
honestly, are just making people
waste their time. That's all.
Now, I don't mean to
say this to scare you,
but I want you all to know that.
Post your turn 30.
A lot of you
might start running out of options.
So if in your 20s,
you keep playing these damn
games on dating apps,
you could lose out on finding somebody.
And it's not because you lack something.
It's because in India, as a culture,
most families put insane
pressure on kids to get married
before they turn 30,
and most people even give in to it.
So the pool of people
who you could form long
lasting relationships with,
you had when you're 26 or 27
keeps Reducing as you get older
post 24-25
Long term
relationships are something
that all of you need
to start thinking about.
And if you dig deeper,
you'll understand that
as people age,
as people get older,
people start becoming more rigid.
So if you look at our brains,
they reach a significant level
of maturation in the mid 20s.
But as individuals
progress into 30s
adults synaptic plasticity
or the ability of connections
to strengthen or weaken
in response to activity changes.
Now, what this shift can do
is it can result in the brain
becoming more specialized
and efficient in certain areas,
but potentially less flexible
in adapting to new experiences
and changes.
Basically,
the cognitive flexibility reduces,
and it could take you
a little more extra effort to adjust.
I'm not saying
that you will not find a partner
when you're older.
I'm just saying that it's much easier
to find one when you're younger.
And a lot of people
now might say that,
hey, 20s are for exploring
and figuring out what we want.
We want to focus on ourselves. Great.
Figure out your career.
Learn some skills,
but don't not invest
in long term relationships
once you're done so.
And when I say invest, I don't mean
go make dating app profiles.
I mean actually putting in the effort
to try and form
a long lasting relationship.
This is physically going
and meeting people,
communicating rather than just texting,
actually putting in time,
getting to know the other person.
And I love this segment.
Do share some news with all of you.
So around
One and a half years ago,
we started a video
editing cohort
because we had this thesis
that we are moving toward the world
where it's becoming
easier and easier to build products,
but harder to get users.
So distribution
is going to become the mode.
And, you know,
some meta thesis was right,
because if you look
at companies, founders,
everybody is creating content right now
and honestly making
compelling videos, understanding
the algorithm is now a legitimate long
term career.
We are
we also are
now in the middle of a 7th cohort,
and we have trained over
1800 plus video editors.
We're now
working with companies
like Blink it,
Zerodha,
Zoho, and folks like Ali Abdaal
Nikhil Kamath
Tanmay Bhat
you know,
80% of students
who applied for placements have got jobs
with average salaries of 4.5
lakh per annum.
And I don't know if I can legally say
this, okay.
But honestly, anybody
and everybody
who joins
the cohort is willing
to finish the cohort,
get their portfolios ready.
We have a job for you,
and we are working
very, very hard to create this recruiter
network of 500 companies
who are all hiring multiple video
editors from us, by the way,
you know, while we have so many people
complaining about
not getting jobs on the internet,
I keep telling them, come to our cohort,
we can help.
But then they say, oh,
it's video editing.
But honestly, that's
where the demand is right now.
And you need to be okay with a job
that's not software engineering.
And I'm not exaggerating.
We have more recruiters than students
sitting for placements
as of now
and getting packages
higher than engineering colleges.
You know what? Don't take my word for it.
Got to experience it firsthand.
We're doing a free masterclass
where you can learn
how to edit videos like we understand
content better.
Get to know our instructors,
know what the communities like,
and see some of the work
that the cohort students
have done before.
And more than anything,
knowing content,
knowing editing will help
all of you build leverage for yourself.
So come watch it.
Even if you don't want
to join the cohort,
because you might just end up
learning something new.
I'm putting the masterclass
link in description.
See you then.
You know,
a lot of people
have this absurd idea
that relationships or love
is something that you're supposed to
fall into or stumble upon,
because that's how the movie show it.
But reality is actually very,
very different.
Long term relationships are not just
this thing that happens to you.
It's actually a skill,
just like everything else in life.
And it's not just about falling
in love, right?
It's about staying in love.
Let me tell you something.
Looking at this whole
staying in relationship as a skill
does not take away
from the sanctity of relationships.
But you need to understand
that relationships
are not just about the initial change
and the butterflies
you're feeding your tummy.
It's a decision to stay with that person
after these butterflies are gone.
I feel like it's a luxury
to have somebody take care of you,
be invested in your growth
as much as you are in yours.
Now there's two of you,
rather than just one.
You are never alone in anything you do,
any decision you make,
you have another person
who can help you, guide you.
And there are literally
so many proven benefits
of a good relationship.
For example, mental health studies show
how people in loving
relationships report
lower stress and higher happiness.
Physical health
research indicates
that married individuals
often live longer, healthier lives.
Economic stability.
Two incomes and shared
resources can provide a financial buffer
and also social networks.
Couples often have broader
social connections,
which again can be crucial
for everything from finding jobs
to emotional support.
But look at us
here we are bread crumbing it seems.
And I mean, what does that even mean?
And why are we resorting to all this?
To understand that it's tough
because two people make a relationship.
So we'll be like,
hey, I could be doing my part,
but what about the other person?
And that is the main reason
why I say that this new culture
that promotes
poor communication
skills is harming everybody. It's toxic.
You know,
relationships help
you become better communicators,
not just with friends,
but at work as well.
Mature people are promoting,
not talking, ghosting.
It's stupid, right?
You know, people on Twitter,
Reddit promoting
all of this are probably young
and haven't faced any adversities
in life.
God forbid
any of you get any chronic illness,
it will be absolutely horrible
going through it all.
And loneliness in itself
has been proven
to be extremely bad
and dangerous for your health.
Having meaningful relationship
is a basic human need.
People avoid for far too long,
only to realize that
now they are too scared
to form any sort of connection
because of fear of rejection.
Not an actual phenomena.
Which would explain by researcher
where he says that when we feel isolated,
our brain becomes more sensitive
to social stimuli.
Is that how you become more sensitive
to bitter taste when starving?
Because those taste
are associated with poisons?
So what loneliness does is
it heightens your alertness
to social danger,
making you wary of connecting with people
because you feel lonely
when you're scared
of forming a connection in tone,
you don't even try.
Which I feel like just makes the issue
all the more worse.
And, you know,
a lot of people just numb it
or deny this feeling of loneliness
because it's just easier to sit in school
on YouTube, on Instagram, right,
than go out
and actually found your connections.
It's easy to be fighting in comments
on social media
getting dopamine hits from bad.
But the easy way out
is not always the best way out.
And I worry
because all the problems
that you see in the West
eventually show up in India,
because we take a lot of inspiration
from the West,
and they are right now
going through a loneliness
epidemic extremely
high divorce rates, no relationships.
Everybody's just about me, myself and I
and then sufferers once they get older.
And I really, genuinely
don't want the youth or Indian Gen-Z
to walk through this in their lives.
The question becomes, what do we do?
Is it a solution?
How do we find meaningful relationships?
The remedy, as I've said multiple times,
it's back to basics,
back to offline dual world connections.
And, you know,
I was recently seeing
how a lot of cities
are coming up with new,
innovative ways to make people meet.
Look at all these mixers,
which don't just happen
two one cities anymore
with tier two cities as well.
Of course,
you have to make sure
that all of these mixers are safe,
especially for women.
But it's a great way to meet people
because, you know, all of the people
who are showing up for these mixers
also have the same intent as you.
They're also looking to find somebody
and very meaningful relationships
and not just this.
There are so many other ways.
There are so many offline
communities that are book clubs, sports,
so many options out there,
but you need to put in the effort.
And honestly,
if you're shy and worried that
what you do
once you're a part of these communities
and want to show up at these events
just have 2 to 3 phases ready
and questions ready,
and approach
people with this smile.
And I feel like the more often
you do this,
the better communicator you also become,
which is again
a very, very useful skill in life.
So all you got to do
is take that
first step,
join some offline community
and go meet people face to face.
You know every batch of our video
editing cohort.
Also, no matter what,
we make sure that even
if 10 or 16 students want to show up,
we always do offline meetups
because in-person interactions
are so, so important.
We will make friends,
we will find business partners,
and I don't know,
hopefully sometime in the future
maybe somebody might find
a life partner as well.
But why I'm
so hellbent on offline
is because all the magic
in relationships happens in person,
and the least you can do for yourself
is at least try.
I believe you can only get lucky
if you make the attempt to get lucky.
So go try to find the right direction
that's offline, not online.
And once you do find somebody,
I urge you to seek authentic connection.
Real communication.
Don't hide behind your screens.
Spend time face to face and build
something meaningful and long lasting.
Honestly, my partner was one of the best
decisions of my life
and I genuinely,
wholeheartedly hope
that you all are able
to find somebody to.
Anyway, that's all for today's video.
I hope you guys learned something
new, and also unlearn
some of the stuff that social media
has been telling you.
My name of the Achina Mayya
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