im here

Zaki

31 Aug 202405:41

Summary

TLDRIn a candid video, the speaker grapples with existential questions, reflecting on their past ambitions and current aimlessness. They express a desire to find a fulfilling purpose, contemplating their love for guitar and gaming, and the misery of competitive play. The speaker acknowledges the societal pressure to work and the emptiness of holidays without close friends. They touch on their foray into voice acting and music, sharing their SoundCloud presence with its melancholic songs. The video concludes with thoughts on moving and the impact of cutting toxic relationships, hinting at a song inspired by such an experience.

Takeaways

🤔 The speaker is currently in a booth, reflecting on their thoughts and life direction.
🛌 They initially tried to relax on their bed but found their mind too active, leading them to the booth.
🔄 The speaker acknowledges the common advice of not looking back but expresses confusion about their future path.
💼 They recognize a societal expectation to contribute through employment or education but are unsure of their specific purpose.
🎸 A year ago, they bought a guitar and have been playing casually, indicating a possible interest in music.
🎮 They enjoy playing games, especially non-competitive ones, as competitive gaming causes them distress.
😔 The speaker feels a sense of aimlessness and existential dread, questioning their purpose and future.
🏡 They mention a lack of close friends and a distant relationship with family, contributing to feelings of loneliness.
🎙️ The booth was purchased with aspirations in voice acting, and they have recorded songs on SoundCloud, which they describe as depressing.
🔧 The speaker is considering moving to a smaller apartment soon, expressing reluctance and the hassle of moving.
✂️ They discuss the difficult decision to cut someone out of their life, which they've reflected on through songwriting.

Q & A

Why did the speaker decide to get into the booth?
-The speaker's mind was too active to relax on the bed, so they got into the booth to perhaps say something or think about their past.
What does the speaker feel about the advice 'don't look back'?
-The speaker seems to be struggling with this advice, as they are contemplating their past and current purpose in life.
What societal duty does the speaker feel they have?
-The speaker feels they have a duty to serve society, possibly through getting a job or furthering their education.
Why did the speaker purchase a guitar?
-The speaker bought a guitar about a year ago, but they still consider themselves a novice and play it occasionally.
Why did the speaker stop playing competitive games?
-The speaker found competitive gaming to be miserable, especially when they couldn't rank up, leading to their decision to quit.
What is the speaker's current plan for their life?
-The speaker's current plan is to continue studying, try to get a job, and then retire, although they are unsure about the specifics.
What was the speaker's dream in the past?
-The speaker's past dream was to become a YouTuber, but they are now uncertain about this goal.
How does the speaker feel during weekends and holidays?
-The speaker feels miserable during weekends and holidays, especially when they have long stretches of time with nothing to do.
Why does the speaker feel alone despite having family and school interactions?
-The speaker feels alone because they lack close friends and their family interactions are limited to events, with school interactions being superficial.
What is the purpose of the booth according to the speaker?
-The booth was initially purchased for the speaker to try voice acting, and they have used it to record songs, which are available on SoundCloud.
Why does the speaker consider their recorded songs depressing?
-The speaker's songs reflect their current emotional state and thoughts, which are filled with uncertainty and existential questioning, hence they are described as depressing.
What is the speaker's view on their YouTube channel and its purpose?
-The speaker views YouTube as a place for entertainment, but they feel their current content is not entertaining and is more of a projection of their scrambled thoughts.
Why is the speaker considering moving to a smaller apartment?
-The speaker is considering moving to a smaller apartment, possibly due to financial reasons or a desire for a change, but they express reluctance about the move.
What significant action has the speaker taken regarding their personal relationships?
-The speaker has cut someone out of their life, which they found to be a necessary but difficult experience, and they even made a song about it.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Struggling with Existential Thoughts

The speaker is in a booth, unable to relax, and reflects on their active mind. They ponder their past self and the saying 'don't look back.' They feel a duty to serve society but are unsure of how to do so. They express a desire to find something they love to do, like playing the guitar, but admit they are still a novice. They also mention giving up on competitive gaming due to its negative impact on their mood. The speaker is uncertain about their purpose and future, considering a path of studying, getting a job, and eventually retiring. They don't know what kind of job they want and feel disconnected, especially during holidays. They mention having a booth for voice acting and recording songs on SoundCloud, which are depressing, and express a general sense of confusion and aimlessness.

05:01

😔 The Pain of Cutting Ties

In the second paragraph, the speaker discusses a difficult experience of having to cut someone out of their life. They felt it was necessary to avoid putting themselves in harmful situations. They mention creating a song about this experience, which can be found on SoundCloud. The speaker decides not to delve into the trauma and chooses to leave the conversation, ending the session with a sense of resignation and a simple goodbye.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Relaxation

Relaxation refers to the state of being free from tension and anxiety. In the script, the individual attempts to relax on their bed but finds their mind too active, which leads them to the booth. This highlights the struggle many people face when trying to unwind and the impact of mental restlessness on the ability to relax.

💡Existential Crisis

An existential crisis is a period of intense self-reflection where individuals question their purpose and the meaning of their existence. The script captures this concept as the speaker contemplates their life's direction, feeling uncertain about their future and purpose, as evidenced by the lines 'I don't know what the hell I'm here for' and 'I don't even know what I'm here for, man.'

💡Duty

Duty refers to a moral or legal obligation. The script mentions a sense of duty to serve society, which is a common feeling that motivates individuals to contribute positively through jobs or other means. The speaker's uncertainty about their specific duty reflects a common struggle in defining one's role and responsibilities in society.

💡Hobbies

Hobbies are activities done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure. The script references the purchase of a guitar a year ago, indicating an attempt to engage in a hobby for personal enjoyment. The speaker's description of their novice status and sporadic practice shows the challenges in maintaining hobbies and the desire for activities that bring joy.

💡Competitive Games

Competitive games are activities where players compete against each other, often with the goal of ranking or winning. The speaker mentions giving up on competitive games due to the misery of not being able to rank up, illustrating the emotional toll that competitive environments can have on individuals and the decision to prioritize mental well-being over competition.

💡Retirement

Retirement is the period after one stops working, typically after reaching a certain age or having worked for a sufficient number of years. The script humorously mentions a plan to 'study, get a job, and then retire and die,' which reflects a common life trajectory but also a sense of resignation or lack of excitement about the future.

💡Isolation

Isolation refers to the state of being alone or separated from others. The speaker expresses feelings of loneliness and isolation, mentioning a lack of close friends and the hollowness of interactions with family and school peers. This keyword is central to the theme of the video, as it underscores the speaker's struggle with social connections and the impact of isolation on mental health.

💡Voice Acting

Voice acting is the art of performing voice-overs or providing voices for characters in various media. The speaker mentions having a booth for voice acting, indicating an interest in this creative field. The booth serves as a symbol of the speaker's aspirations and the pursuit of a creative outlet, even if it's not yet fully realized.

💡SoundCloud

SoundCloud is a platform for sharing and discovering music and audio. The script references recordings made in the booth that can be found on SoundCloud, highlighting the speaker's engagement with creative expression and the digital sharing of personal content. The mention of 'depressing' songs also reflects the emotional tone of the speaker's creative output.

💡Existence

Existence refers to the state or fact of living or having life. The script ponders the fleeting nature of existence, as the speaker questions their purpose and the meaning behind their actions. The phrase 'existence is fleeting' captures a philosophical contemplation on life's transient nature and the search for significance within it.

💡Trauma

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that has a lasting impact on a person's mental health. The script briefly touches on the idea of cutting someone out of one's life due to a negative experience, suggesting the presence of past trauma. This keyword is significant as it hints at the underlying emotional struggles that may contribute to the speaker's current state of mind.

Highlights

The speaker is in a booth trying to relax but finds their mind too active.

Reflects on the past and the advice not to look back, pondering the direction to move forward.

Expresses a sense of duty to serve society, possibly through employment or education.

Mentions the struggle with not knowing their purpose or what they are meant to do.

Reveals a desire to find something they love to do, like playing the guitar.

Talks about giving up on competitive gaming due to the misery it causes.

Questions the meaning of existence and the purpose of being alive.

Considers the idea of continuing education with the hope of finding a job and eventually retiring.

Lament on not knowing what kind of job they want or what they are here for.

Mentions a past dream of becoming a YouTuber but expresses uncertainty about it now.

Describes weekends and holidays as times of misery and loneliness.

Talks about the lack of close friends and the reasons behind it.

Expresses feelings of being alone despite having family and school interactions.

Reveals owning a booth for voice acting, which was a past aspiration.

Mentions recording songs in the booth, which are available on SoundCloud, but warns they are depressing.

Contemplates the fleeting nature of existence and the scramble of their thoughts.

Considers ending the recording session as there's nothing substantial to take away from it.

Reflects on the decision to move soon and the reluctance to do so due to the effort involved.

Discusses the experience of cutting someone out of their life and the emotional impact it had.

Mentions creating a song about cutting someone out of their life, which can be found on SoundCloud.