What is love?
Summary
TLDRThis script delves into the multifaceted nature of love, drawing from ancient Greek concepts to explore its various forms: Eros, the passionate love; Philia, the deep friendship; Ludus, the playful infatuation; Storge, the familial affection; Philautia, self-love; Pragma, lifelong commitment; and Agape, unconditional love. It questions whether love is a feeling or a choice, suggesting that while falling in love is a feeling, maintaining it is a conscious decision. The narrative challenges the idea of seeking completion in others, advocating for self-love as the foundation for loving others genuinely.
Takeaways
- đ Love is a complex emotion with various forms, not just a single feeling.
- â€ïž Eros represents passionate love, often characterized by physical attraction and desire.
- đ€ The distinction between love and lust can be blurry, with some suggesting that love is lust that persists over time.
- 𧏠Science identifies three stages of falling in love, beginning with lust and progressing to deeper emotional connections.
- đ« Philia is love that stems from friendship and is marked by loyalty, sacrifice, and a sense of camaraderie.
- đ Ludus is a playful, light-hearted form of love that involves flirtation and fun without deep commitment.
- đȘ Storge is the unconditional love found in familial relationships, not necessarily dependent on shared bloodlines.
- đ€ Philautia emphasizes the importance of self-love, suggesting that one must love themselves to truly love others.
- đ Pragma is the long-lasting, committed love that involves acceptance, compromise, and a lifetime of partnership.
- đ Agape is the selfless, altruistic love that extends beyond personal relationships to include empathy for all of humanity.
- đ€ Love is both a feeling and a choice, with the initial attraction being a feeling and the ongoing commitment a conscious decision.
Q & A
What are the seven different words used by the ancient Greeks to explain love?
-The ancient Greeks used seven different words to explain love: Eros, Philia, Ludus, Storge, Philautia, Pragma, and Agape.
What is Eros and how does it relate to romantic relationships?
-Eros refers to passionate love, often associated with desire for pleasure and physical attraction. It is the type of love that can be seen in love at first sight and is common in the beginning stages of romantic relationships.
How does the script differentiate between lust and Eros?
-The script suggests that while both lust and Eros involve intense physical attraction, the differentiation might lie in the duration of the feeling. If it's fleeting, it's considered lust, whereas if it lingers, it's seen as Eros or love.
What are the three stages of falling in love according to the script?
-The three stages of falling in love are: 1) Lust, driven by hormones like testosterone and estrogen. 2) A 'high' or euphoria stage where dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine are involved, creating feelings of happiness and excitement. 3) The transition from lust to love, which is not clearly defined in terms of time but involves a deeper emotional connection.
What is Philia and how does it contrast with Eros?
-Philia represents a platonic or deep friendship-based love. It contrasts with Eros in that it is not driven by physical attraction or passion but is instead based on intimacy, kindness, and selfless goodwill.
How is Ludus different from other forms of love mentioned in the script?
-Ludus is a playful, flirtatious, and light-hearted form of love. It is based on infatuation, flirtation, and fun, and does not necessarily involve serious commitment or deep emotional attachment.
What is Storge and how does it relate to familial love?
-Storge is an unconditional, familial love that exists between family members, whether by blood or not. It is characterized by a sense of security and a need to protect loved ones, even if they are not always likable.
According to the script, why is Philautia important in the context of love?
-Philautia, or self-love, is crucial because it suggests that one cannot truly love others if they do not love themselves. It involves self-acceptance, self-care, and the ability to be kind to oneself.
What does Pragma represent in the context of love as described in the script?
-Pragma represents long-lasting, committed love that is associated with a lifetime commitment, such as in marriage vows. It involves acceptance of differences, compromise, and enduring love despite challenges.
How is Agape defined in the script, and what role does it play in society?
-Agape is defined as unconditional love, often extended to humanity, animals, and the environment. It is altruistic and selfless, expecting nothing in return. Agape serves as a foundational element for societies and communities, promoting empathy and support.
What is the script's perspective on whether love is a feeling or a choice?
-The script suggests that love is both a feeling and a choice. Falling in love is a feeling, but staying in love and maintaining a loving relationship is a conscious decision that involves commitment and vulnerability.
Outlines
đ The Complexity of Love
This paragraph delves into the multifaceted nature of love, challenging the idea of a singular definition. It contrasts common affections like sunshine and travel with the dictionary's broad explanation of love as a mix of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs. The narrative then shifts to explore the ancient Greek perspective, highlighting seven distinct words for love, with a focus on Eros, or passionate love. Eros is described as love at first sight, driven by physical attraction and desire, often confused with lust. The paragraph ponders whether love is simply lust that endures, raising questions about the transition from lust to love and the biological underpinnings of these feelings, including the roles of testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine. It also introduces Philia, love that stems from deep friendship and intimacy, contrasting it with the fleeting nature of Eros and the rarity of true friendship in modern society. Ludus is briefly mentioned as a playful, non-serious form of love.
đšâđ©âđ§âđŠ Varieties of Love Beyond Romance
Paragraph 2 continues the exploration of love by introducing Storge, a type of familial love that is unconditional and not dependent on mutual affection or trust. It discusses how love can exist without liking, using the example of siblings. The paragraph also touches on the idea of chosen family and the protective instinct inherent in Storge. Philautia, self-love, is the next theme, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance and self-care as a foundation for loving others. The narrative encourages self-celebration and breaking away from toxic relationships. Pragma, or long-lasting love, is introduced as a love that is committed and compassionate, one that involves compromise and the rebuilding of relationships. The paragraph concludes with a reflection on whether love is a feeling or a choice, suggesting that while falling in love is a feeling, maintaining love is a conscious decision.
đ Love as Altruism and Self-Completion
The final paragraph discusses Agape, a form of love characterized by selfless giving and empathy, often directed towards strangers or causes. It contrasts this with the cultural and biological theories of love, arguing for an innate, universal aspect of love. The paragraph ponders the purpose of love, from a societal to an individual level, and how it contributes to happiness and community. It also contrasts the joys of love with the pain of loneliness, emphasizing the importance of love in human life. The narrative concludes with a myth from Plato's 'The Symposium' about the search for one's other half, suggesting that true love begins with self-love and self-completion, encouraging individuals to seek love not as a means of becoming complete, but as a way to share completeness with others.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄLove
đĄEros
đĄPhilia
đĄLudus
đĄStorge
đĄPhilautia
đĄPragma
đĄAgape
đĄLust
đĄHappiness
Highlights
Love is a complex emotion with various forms, not just a single feeling.
Ancient Greeks used seven different words to describe love's different forms.
EROS represents passionate love, often associated with physical attraction and desire.
The distinction between lust and Eros is debated, with duration of the feeling as a possible differentiator.
Philia is love that stems from friendship, characterized by intimacy and selfless goodwill.
Ludus is a playful, flirtatious form of love that doesn't necessarily involve seriousness or permanence.
Storge is unconditional familial love, which can exist without mutual affection or trust.
Philautia, self-love, is crucial for being able to love others genuinely.
Pragma is the long-lasting, committed love that involves acceptance, compromise, and enduring partnership.
Agape is the selfless love for humanity, often shown through charity and empathy.
Love may be both a feeling and a choice, with falling in love being a feeling and staying in love a decision.
The longest study on happiness indicates that love is a key factor in a happy life.
Loneliness is juxtaposed with the importance of love, highlighting the need for connection.
The myth of androgynous humans explains the human desire to find a 'complete' partner.
Self-love and understanding one's completeness are essential before loving others.
Love should not be sought as a means for personal completion but as a genuine connection with others.
Transcripts
I love a lot of things. Some people love sunshine and rainbows. Â
Some love the warmth of summer and the chill of winter. Others love the smell of hot coffee in the Â
morning, and the coziness of their bed at night. Some love to travel and go on crazy adventures.
According to the dictionary, love is a mix of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs Â
associated with strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for a person, Â
or a thing, or even an idea. But can we really define love? How do we explain a word that you Â
can use to describe what you feel for everything from people to cars to intangible ideas?
To fully understand what love is, we have to look at the ancient Greeks. Â
Instead of one all-encompassing word, Â
the ancient Greeks used seven different words to explain love in its many different forms.
EROS
Eros, which means passionate love, is the most common type of love we see in our world today. Â
Itâs fueled by a desire for pleasure. Itâs love at first sight, seeing someoneâs physical Â
appearance and immediately getting attracted to them, even without knowing their first name.
Most romantic relationships start like this. Itâs passionate, it can even be a bit obsessive.
But love like this is confusing. Itâs the age-old question of âlove vs. lust.â Both lust and eros Â
come with intense physical attraction and a strong desire to be close to the person, Â
even if you just met them.
Some people like to differentiate them by the length of time they stay around. Â
If it was a fleeting emotion, it was lust. But then if it lingered around like the Â
best man at a wedding, then it was definitely love. But is that really true? And if it is, Â
then is love simply lust that has stayed around for long enough? If lust simply becomes love, Â
how long does it take for the switch to happen? At what point does lust become love?
Itâs a complex question, and you donât normally give it much thought, so Iâll do it for you.
According to science and human biology, Â
there are three stages to falling in love, and it all starts with stage one - lust. Itâs Â
driven by testosterone for men and estrogen in women. So when does lust become love?
Well, thatâs stage two.
When we start feeling a sense of a âhighâ when we see them or speak to them or even just think about Â
them. A high similar to the feeling youâd get from drugs or alcohol. When we start to feel a sense of Â
euphoria when weâre around them. When testosterone and estrogen are replaced by dopamine, making us Â
happy and excited, adrenaline triggering our fight or flight, and norepinephrine keeping us alert.
This is why falling in love feels like an addictive Â
rush. Like youâre driving at 120 miles per hour with no brakes in your car. Â
Your palms are sweaty, your knees are weak, and your arms are heavy. Your heart is racing.
Love is this feeling.
PHILIA
Sometimes love doesnât start with lust, it starts with Â
friendship. Knowing someone well enough that you can predict their reaction to every situation. Â
Love is intimacy. Itâs authentic, itâs kind, itâs warm, itâs encouraging.
Love is a best friend youâve known since you were Â
a child. Itâs always wanting the best for the other person, selfless goodwill.
In todayâs world, philia is dying. We have millions of followers and subscribers, Â
but very few friends. We have a multitude of people seeing the perfect view of our lives, Â
everything we want them to see, but no one whoâs welcome to see whatâs behind the curtains.
Philia is a sense of camaraderie. Itâs calling someone brother or sister, Â
even when they are not related to you by blood. Love is loyalty, sacrifice, and vulnerability.
Love is a choice.
LUDUS
Love is not always serious. Love is not always permanent. And when itâs fleeting, Â
love is not always lust. Ludus describes a love that is built on infatuation, flirtation, and fun.
Sometimes love is simply having a crush on someone and acting on it. Itâs going Â
out for drinks with a friend and acting like a romantic couple for the night only. Â
Itâs random kids pushing each other on the swings in the playground, Â
basking in that joy that their friends are having alongside them. Itâs going to Â
the club and dancing with strangers, or singing karaoke in a room full of people youâve just met.
Sometimes love is casual, exciting, fun. Â
It doesnât need any obligations or implications to be love. Â
Love doesnât need physical attraction to be love. Love doesnât even need friendship to be love.
Love simply is.
STORGE
We often say that love involves commitment, time, mutual trust, and acceptance between two people. Â
But is that really the case? Because none of this exists between a mother Â
and her child, but love does.
The truth is that sometimes we can love someone even when we donât like them. Â
If you have any siblings, Iâm sure youâll understand this concept a lot. Â
The Greeks called it Storge:Â unconditional, familial love.
The kind of kinship love that only exists between family members, Â
and of course, family does not mean you have to be tied by blood. Lifelong friends who become family, Â
adopted children, step-parents, when we consider someone our family, we often develop a need Â
to protect them, even when they might not be the nicest people to hang around with.
Storge is a strange type of love. Most times when we love someone, we are drawn closer to them. We Â
want to spend all our free time with them, go on adventures with them, laugh, smile, cry, Â
do everything with them. But sometimes love is wanting to go home, even when you might not talk Â
to the people there very much. Itâs simply a sense of security, like a weighted blanket.
This love is being able to give someone a kidney without hesitation, Â
but not your phoneâs charger. Even when in truth, only one of those is easily replaceable.
And this strange feeling is not only towards people. Itâs the same for sports teams and fans. Â
Every year you cheer for your team, every year they break your heart, Â
yet the very next year you glue back the millions Â
of pieces and wear the badge with pride chanting âthis year will be our year!â
Because love is unconditional. Itâs not dependent on who the person is or what they can give to you. Â
Love is a one-way ticket. Itâs loving someone Â
even when they might not have the ability to love you back.
PHILAUTIA
Aristotle once said âall friendly feelings for others are an extension of a manâs Â
feelings for himself.â If you donât love yourself, you can never truly love others. Â
This is why philautia, the love of oneâs self, is something we shouldnât take for granted.
Love is not just what you can do for others, itâs also what you can do for Â
you. So go out and give yourself a treat once in a while. You donât have Â
to have achieved anything or crossed any milestone before you celebrate yourself. Â
Just like others donât necessarily have to do anything before you love them, you donât either.
Love is when you stop comparing yourself to others. When you forgive yourself for your past Â
mistakes and stop judging yourself for things that are beyond your control. Love is when you Â
wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and be proud of the person staring right back at you.
Love is leaving toxic relationships and not feeling obligated to stay no matter Â
who they are or how important theyâve been to you in the past. Itâs choosing yourself over Â
and over again and protecting yourself the way you would protect anyone else.
Love is being kind to yourself. In your thoughts, in your words, Â
and in your actions. Because only when we truly love ourselves can we be able to love others.
PRAGMA
Love lasts for a lifetime. Love is to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer, Â
for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part.
Love is committed and compassionate. It is accepting each otherâs differences and learning Â
to compromise. Love is taking all the broken pieces and putting them together again, instead Â
of throwing them all out. Love is everlasting, rooted in romantic feelings and compassion.
So is love a feeling or a choice? If love is a choice, why do we never know weâre falling Â
in love with someone until we are? Why canât we ever say to ourselves, Â
âI want to fall in love with this person,â and just do it?
On the other hand, if love is a feeling, then there is no basis for wedding vows. Â
There is no basis for the promise that weâll love each other forever. Â
Because feelings come and go, and usually they are beyond our control. Â
The only way we can judge that love will remain forever is when we decide that it will.
Is love a feeling or a choice?
Well, itâs both.
Falling in love is a feeling, but staying in love is a decision. Itâs telling them you love them Â
even on the worst days. Itâs saying to them, âI donât know how weâll get through this Â
except that itâll be together.â Love is being vulnerable even when we donât feel like it. Â
Love is holding the roses without being scared of getting pricked by its thongs.
Love is an amazing feeling in the beginning. But for love to last a lifetime, it has to Â
evolve into a commitment of never letting this person go for as long as they let you.
AGAPE
Love is giving to charity and helping strangers in need. Love is empathy towards humanity. Itâs Â
fighting for change even when you might not be directly affected by the issues.
Love is altruistic, selflessly caring for humans, animals, and even Mother Earth itself.
Love doesnât expect anything in return for its actions. Love itself is the reward. Love Â
serves as the foundation for societies and communities, without which we cannot thrive.
Scientists have always battled with the concept of love. Â
Some believe that love is a basic human emotion like anger or sadness or joy. However, Â
some others believe that love is simply a cultural phenomenon, something we are drawn towards as a Â
result of societal expectations and pressures. But nothing could be farther from the truth.
If love is simply a cultural phenomenon, it wouldnât exist in all cultures of the world. Â
And the fact that it does suggests that in truth, there is something innate about love, Â
something biological about its experience.
If love is fundamental to the human experience, then we must ask, Â
what is the point of love? Why do we love? Is it for parents to be able to bear with their Â
kids long enough for them to attain maturity? Or perhaps it's for mates to remain together for as Â
long as is necessary to raise the next generation of humans? Does love exist to create a sense of Â
community and camaraderie that is necessary for a herd community like ours to exist?
We might never know why love exists or what ultimate purpose it serves, Â
but what we do know is how important it is.
The longest study on happiness showed that people who end their life happy are not the Â
ones who are the richest, or the ones who are the most healthy, or the ones who never made Â
a mistake in their lives. The happiest people are those who are surrounded by the most love. Â
Love from spouses, love from children and grandchildren, Â
love from friends, love from religious organizations and communities.
To fully understand just how important love is, we need to juxtapose its experience with the pain Â
of loneliness. Not having that someone to share your inner monologue with because your thoughts Â
are too petty or intense, random or full of anxiety, or too scary to share with just anyone.
You canât rant, you canât scream, you canât fully express your feelings of obsession Â
over your favorite passions, or rage over your most heartbreaking moments. Constantly having Â
to filter our thoughts through the lenses of politeness and political correctness. Being looked Â
at but not being seen, being heard but not being listened to. Itâs dreadful, weâve all been there.
If love is so important, why do we not make it the center of our lives? Â
Why do we chase everything else, but to love we say, âstop searching and it'll find you?â You see, Â
the truth is love doesnât always find you, and sometimes you have to search it out.
So to those chasing love, listen.
In Platoâs dialogue, The Symposium, Aristophanes the playwright explains love the way many of us Â
chasing love think of it. In the beginning, humans were all androgynous with double Â
the parts we have now, including two faces turned in opposite directions.
This physical form made humans so powerful that they became a threat to the gods. Â
So Zeus cut them in two, one male and one female. And since, every human has longed to Â
be rejoined with their other half like two pieces of a puzzle, two halves of a whole.
Although this is just a myth, it opens up the curtain to why we love Â
the way we do. We often fall in love with people who we think would complete us. Â
People who so perfectly fit together the pieces of our heartâs puzzle.
People who complement our shortcomings and give us hope for the things we are most insecure about. Â
We love in part with the hope of completion. We all have a deep-rooted need to blossom Â
and we can only hope this person is the rain at the end of summer.
But the truth is, weâre already complete. In us are the two parts of a whole. So when people say Â
âstop searching for love,â donât take that as a message to stop trying. Â
Take that as a lesson to stop looking for completion in another person.
At the end of the day, only when you truly love yourself, and completely understand Â
the weight that that carries, can you love others the way they deserve to be.
It all starts, and it all ends, with you.
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