This is Why Love Doesn't Stay After Marriage.

Summary

This transcript discusses the dynamics of marriage in Islam, emphasizing the importance of love, mercy, and understanding between spouses. It highlights the need for mutual respect, patience, and communication, especially as the passionate early stages of marriage evolve into a more complex relationship. The speaker advises husbands to be patient and silent during arguments, and for wives to understand their husbands' challenges, particularly regarding temptations. The message underlines that maintaining a strong marriage is essential for personal faith and community harmony.

Takeaways

• ❤️ Love and Mercy: Marriage is sustained by love initially, but as time passes, mercy and courtesy become essential.
• 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Mutual Responsibility: Both husband and wife must take care of each other instead of focusing solely on their own expectations.
• 🤔 Understanding Weakness: Women need to understand the intense temptation men face regarding other women.
• 🙂 Smiling Matters: A simple smile from the wife when the husband comes home can have a huge positive impact on the relationship.
• 🔄 Resentment Cycle: If small gestures of affection are neglected, resentment can build up over time in the marriage.
• 🗣️ Avoiding Arguments: Men should avoid using logic and argument to resolve issues with women, as it often backfires.
• 🤐 Power of Silence: Silence and patience can be more effective than arguments when dealing with sensitive situations in marriage.
• 💔 Fragility of Marriage: The marital relationship is delicate and easily influenced by negative forces like Satan.
• 🏡 Foundation of Community: Strong marriages are essential to maintaining the integrity and morality of the broader Muslim community.
• 🙏 Prayer for Good Marriages: The speaker concludes with a prayer for all to be the best spouses and to be blessed with the best partners.

Q & A

What does Allah say about the relationship between husband and wife in marriage according to the Quran?

Allah mentions that He has placed love (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah) between husband and wife. This love is initially passionate, but over time, mercy and courtesy sustain the marriage as other obligations like work and children come into play.

Why is mercy important in a long-term marriage?

As the initial passionate love in marriage may fade due to life’s demands, mercy becomes crucial in sustaining the relationship. This involves being kind, understanding, and patient with one another.

What advice is given to husbands who feel they no longer love their wives?

Husbands are reminded of the courtesy they owe their wives, considering all the care and support their wives have provided over the years. It's important not to base their feelings solely on physical attraction but to appreciate the partnership and sacrifices made.

How does the Quran describe the desires of men, and how should women respond to this?

The Quran mentions that the greatest weakness for men is their desire for women. Women are advised to understand this natural inclination and support their husbands by warding off temptations instead of condemning them.

Why might a husband build resentment towards his wife, according to the speaker?

Resentment can build if a husband feels unappreciated at home, especially if he is greeted with negativity after facing temptations and challenges outside the home. A lack of kindness and warmth from the wife can exacerbate these feelings over time.

What simple act is recommended for wives to improve their relationship with their husbands?

A simple smile from the wife when the husband comes home can significantly improve the relationship, making the husband feel appreciated and positively affecting his mood for the rest of the evening.

What common mistake do husbands make when trying to resolve conflicts with their wives?

Husbands often try to resolve conflicts through reasoning and logical arguments, forgetting that women may not respond to logic in the same way men do. Women’s emotions are more complex, and they might require a different approach.

What alternative approach is suggested for husbands when dealing with disagreements with their wives?

Instead of arguing, husbands are advised to use silence and mercy. Silence, when used effectively, can lead to introspection and reconciliation, as the wife may reflect on the situation and approach it differently.

Why is it important for husbands and wives to maintain a harmonious relationship in Islam?

A harmonious relationship is essential because its breakdown can lead to broader corruption within the Muslim community, including moral decline and the spread of scandals. Healthy marriages contribute to the overall well-being of the community.

What role does the speaker attribute to Shaytan (Satan) in marriages?

Shaytan aims to destroy marriages because he knows that the breakdown of this relationship can lead to further corruption within the community. Therefore, it is crucial for couples to safeguard their relationship from such influences.

Outlines

00:00

💑 The Dynamics of Love and Mercy in Marriage

This paragraph discusses the Quranic perspective on marriage, emphasizing that the initial passion and love between a husband and wife often fade as life progresses and responsibilities increase. The key to sustaining a marriage lies in cultivating mercy and courtesy towards each other. The speaker highlights how men may become less enamored over time, but maintaining respect and understanding is crucial. Additionally, the speaker touches on how men should guard their gaze and control temptations, while women should understand and support their husbands’ struggles with their inherent weaknesses, particularly their attraction to women.

05:01

🙂 The Power of a Wife's Smile and the Fragility of Marriage

This paragraph explores the importance of small, seemingly simple acts, such as a wife's smile, in maintaining harmony within a marriage. The speaker describes how a husband's day, filled with external temptations and challenges, can be brightened by a warm welcome at home. Conversely, constant negativity and nagging from the wife can lead to deep-seated resentment. The speaker argues that both spouses should focus on fulfilling their roles and supporting each other, rather than engaging in arguments or using religious teachings as weapons against one another. The paragraph concludes with advice on how silence and mercy can effectively resolve conflicts and strengthen the marital bond.

Keywords

💡Marriage

Marriage in this context is depicted as a partnership between a husband and wife that is built on love and mercy. The speaker emphasizes the evolving nature of marriage, where the initial passion often gives way to other responsibilities, and stresses the importance of maintaining kindness and compassion to sustain the relationship over time.

💡Love and Mercy

These are the foundational elements of a successful marriage according to the Quran, as highlighted in the video. Love refers to the passionate affection that often characterizes the early stages of marriage, while mercy is the compassion and understanding that helps maintain the bond when the initial passion fades. The speaker urges both partners to cultivate these qualities to keep their relationship strong.

💡Temptations

Temptations, particularly sexual temptations, are presented as significant challenges for men. The speaker notes that men are naturally inclined towards women, which can lead to difficulties in maintaining marital fidelity. The video suggests that both men and women should be aware of these temptations and work together to overcome them, with wives supporting their husbands in resisting these urges.

💡Courtesy

Courtesy in marriage refers to the mutual respect and consideration that spouses should show each other. The speaker argues that even when romantic love fades, the courtesy owed to one another should remain, recognizing the efforts and sacrifices each partner makes in the marriage. This respect is crucial for maintaining a healthy and supportive relationship.

💡Resentment

Resentment is described as a feeling that can build up in a marriage when one partner feels unappreciated or constantly criticized. The speaker highlights how a lack of positive interaction, such as a wife's frown when the husband returns home, can lead to long-term resentment, which negatively impacts the relationship. Addressing and preventing resentment is key to maintaining marital harmony.

💡Smile

A smile is portrayed as a simple yet powerful tool in a marriage. The speaker emphasizes that a wife's smile when her husband returns home can significantly improve the atmosphere and prevent misunderstandings or conflicts. This small act of kindness is shown to have a disproportionate positive impact on the husband's mood and the overall dynamics of the relationship.

💡Arguments

Arguments in marriage are presented as natural but often counterproductive if not handled wisely. The speaker advises that men should avoid trying to resolve every disagreement through logic and reasoning alone, as women may respond better to emotional understanding and patience. The video suggests that silence, rather than confrontation, can sometimes be more effective in resolving conflicts.

💡Silence

Silence is described as a strategic response in marital disputes. The speaker suggests that husbands, instead of engaging in heated arguments, should sometimes choose to remain silent, allowing their wives to reflect and possibly resolve the issue themselves. This approach is depicted as a means of avoiding escalation and promoting peace within the marriage.

💡Psychological Speech

Psychological speech refers to the powerful and emotionally charged way in which women communicate during conflicts. The speaker notes that women often have a natural ability to use words in a way that is deeply impactful and sometimes difficult for men to counter. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for men in navigating marital disagreements effectively.

💡Support

Support within marriage is depicted as a reciprocal responsibility. The speaker emphasizes that wives should support their husbands in managing their temptations and challenges, rather than condemning them. This mutual support is vital for sustaining the marriage and fulfilling the spiritual and emotional needs of both partners.

Highlights

Marriage is sustained by love and mercy, with the passion of love being prominent at the beginning and mercy becoming crucial as marriage progresses.

Mercy towards the spouse becomes vital when the initial passion fades, helping to maintain a strong and lasting relationship.

A husband's courtesy towards his wife is essential, recognizing her role and efforts in the relationship.

Men have a natural weakness for women, a desire that Allah has placed in them, which women may not fully understand.

Women should support their husbands in controlling their desires, rather than condemning them for their weaknesses.

Men often face temptations outside the home, making it crucial for wives to provide a supportive and understanding environment.

A wife's smile when greeting her husband can have a profound impact on the relationship, setting a positive tone for the entire evening.

Small gestures, like a smile, can prevent resentment from building up in a marriage over time.

Men should avoid turning marriage into a competition of who's right, as women can often out-argue them.

Women are complex, and sometimes they don't know why they're upset, making it important for men to be patient and understanding.

Argumentation isn't always effective with women; sometimes silence and mercy are more powerful tools.

The Sunnah of the Prophet teaches that silence, combined with mercy, can be an effective way to resolve conflicts with one's wife.

A husband’s silence, when used wisely, can prompt a wife to reflect on her actions and foster harmony in the relationship.

Good communication and emotional intelligence are key to maintaining a healthy and balanced marriage.

A strong marital relationship is foundational to sustaining faith and preventing moral corruption in the broader community.

Transcripts

and Allah says about

marriage beautiful words of Quran you

will find these words applicable in all

of your married lives those of you that

are married Allah says he put between

you between the husband and wife love Ma

and it's passionate love Allah says and

mercy because in the beginning of

marriage is very passionate you're

obsessed with your wife you can't think

about anything else your friends call

you they go straight to voicemail right

because you just got married for you

know for 6 months you're out of you know

out of sight no no body sees you but

then as marriage goes further what keeps

marriage alive isn't that anymore cuz

other obligations come in there's kids

there's work there's not not you're not

honeyy anymore how do you keep the

marriage sustained Mercy towards your

wife Mercy towards the husband courtesy

between you you know this man comes to

he says I want to divorce my wife and he

says why do you want to divorce your

wife I don't love her anymore I don't

find her attractive anymore and so asked

him what about courtesy what about the

courtesy you ow your wife she doesn't

take care of your kids she hasn't put up

with you all this time you know and you

know we have we're difficult creatures

to put up with men right we're we're

very difficult creatures to put up with

and our wives put up with us even if

they share you know say a couple of

words here and there in the end they

still put up with us right so they do

quite a bit for us so we can't just say

oh well she doesn't look like what I was

imagining the you know back in the day

when I didn't used to lower my gaze I

saw some things on TV and I was

expecting that

you know this is you know really it's

it's not the healthy attitude you have

to if the believer watches their gaze

and they control their Temptations and

then they do the best with their wives

they will be the most satisfied and they

won't have any Temptations outside but

at the same time and I'm I'm ranting on

the brothers but at the same time the

sisters have to understand this Allah

subhana wa T created men and women very

differently men their biggest weakness

is women they could be richer they could

be poor they could be you know healthy

and not very healthy you know skinny and

fat or tall doesn't matter what culture

what language all of them have the same

weakness women and women Allah many in

majority cases he made them oblivious to

this weakness of men they don't realize

how bad it is so when the Ayah comes and

a woman reads it lower their gaze oh

yeah I could do that and they're like

what's the big deal why can't men just

lower their

gaze and you you don't understand what

don't I understand you have eyes I have

eyes they have Retina you know it

processes the same information

so what's the problem you see they're

not they don't understand the power of

this desire that Allah subhana wa put

inside of us and mentioned as number

one number one of the desires that were

beautified for men were desires for

women right the number one FNA the

prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam fears

for the men of this um is what women

because it's a serious problem so the if

the wives understand that then instead

of condemning the their husband why are

you so

weak how come you can't control your

eyes instead of knowing that they would

accept this is the creation of Allah

subhana wa tala you have to the wife has

a role of supporting her husband and

becoming strong and she can do that by

warding Temptations off from him not by

lecturing him you know and and this is

the other thing that's very important

for wives to understand the husband he

goes to the office or he goes to the

train and there are women horribly

dressed they're sitting there smiling at

everybody trying to you know basically

this is all these women have in terms of

their dignity they're not respected for

their intellect they're not respected

for their opinions so all they think is

we're going to be respected if men see

more of our you know our shame so they

they dress it in decent fashion because

when men look at them they feel kind of

you know self-respect like I'm worth

something people are looking at me

that's basically what it is it's really

horrible it's sad but then they go to

the office and the secretary is smiling

at you and saying how are you how was

your day you know what are you getting

for lunch oh you're fasting oh that's

you know and they're they're smiling at

you and then you go you know and every

ad women are smiling at you and then you

get

home and you open the door and the wife

said where were you oh the the the the

Train the train was late oh every day

the train is late oh I understand you

know and there's a frown every day and

the first day it's okay the second day

it's okay 10 years of this 12 years of

this what's going to happen the husband

has resentment towards the wife even if

he doesn't say anything he's building

resentment inside and the simple simple

solution of the messenger sallallahu

alaihi wasallam a smile of the wife when

the husband comes home you know how big

a deal this is this is not a small thing

it stabs the husband when the husband

comes home and the wife doesn't

care and you know he's very disturbed by

that he may not say something but it

really really hurts husbands and it

hurts the relationship and it comes out

in weird ways now that they're hurt

they're kind of upset as they're having

dinner oh there's not enough salt in

here you know there's something wrong

and they're extra angry at the kids

they're frustrated but the same scenario

the the wife opens the door and she

greets the husband with a smile just a

smile it's not expensive but what

happens the rest of the night goes

smoothly the husband's in a good mood

he's talking to her when he's talking to

her I I don't want to talk right now I

have a headache it's not going to happen

all started from where just one little

Act of the wife these are Simple

Solutions but they're powerful Solutions

and you don't take care of these

Solutions and things this baggage just

keeps adding up and adding up and adding

up and that's where you get those

statistics cuz the husband doesn't even

want to look at the wife she's just

annoying you know she just does this or

that right so both sides have to

understand they have to take care of the

other side instead of expecting from the

other side just make a goal for yourself

to take care of the other side this

is the only time they don't guard their

privates is with their spouses and this

relationship is very strong I don't even

want to quote the Hadith even though you

know quoting a Hadith is a good thing

but I know the repercussions it can have

in our community unfortunately I don't

personally Allah I don't personally feel

that Muslim families are mature enough

to take a Hadith and take it in a mature

way usually they end up using Islamic

text as a weapon you know what the

prophet said about the wife who doesn't

take care of her husband's need at night

he said this this this you should be

ashamed of yourself you know or she's

really going to be nice to you now you

know it's not it's not a contest you

know you should be more like the sahab

and she be like you're no sahabi

yourself you

know that's how it's going to be so if

you want to make it a competition you

will never defeat women not not your

mother not your sister not your wife you

will never defeat them in argument cuz

what they can come up with you didn't

even think of from the back of your head

right Allah put this in them you know

they have they have the power of of

speech psychological speech speech

psychologically effective speech so you

have to learn to deal with that the

other thing another piece of advice just

in terms of Harmony between husband and

wife is that you know argumentation men

seem to think everything can be solved

by reasoning and logical evidences right

and they they forget that Allah subhana

wa tala didn't create women in this

simple black and white fashion women are

complicated creatures when you get

married many of you will testify your

wife is crying one day and you ask her

why are you crying she'll say I don't

know

I I I'll talk to you later about it and

you say no really is it something I did

no leave me alone I don't know and they

really don't know sometimes and if they

do it's too complicated for you to

understand so they'll say you're not

going to get it right so they're complex

creatures and so you will learn this and

when you're not married you'll learn

this with your mother and you will learn

this with your sister you try to reason

with them you give them reasons for why

you did something that disappointed them

they say oh so you know so much better

fine next time I shouldn't argue with

you cuz you're so smart

right and their feelings will be hurt

who just lost that argument you did cuz

you tried to reason the way you argue or

you want to make your point with women

what's the best way to make your point

with women it's not by argument the W

the best way to make a point with your

wife to make a point with your mother is

actually the Sunnah of the messenger

sallallahu alaihi wasallam one Mercy

second

silence silence you know how effective

silence is for good believing wives if

the husband is silent then she will say

what's the matter is there something I

did but if the husband talks back man

she will talk back way better than you

can right she will come back with a

better rebound than you ever thought it

possible but if you're silent and if

there's an ounce of good in her goodness

in her she will come and say maybe even

if I don't think it was my fault it was

my fault I'm sorry but the husband has

to learn this technique of silence and

not Silence with a frown and pushing her

away just a little extra sad puppy face

here and there you know try it with your

mom see if it works and it will work to

with your wives also inshal right but

this is important these are the

etiquette of marriage the messenger he

could yell at his spouses he could say

harsh things them he doesn't because you

know the the relationship is so fragile

this relationship and Shan wants every

opportunity to destroy it and as soon as

he destroys it what's going to happen

corruption in the Muslim Community is

going to happen that's what's going to

happen men are going to be not guarding

their eyes anymore and other things are

going to happen scandals are going to

spread This Is How They spread from Bad

marriages all the great tragedies that

happen in the Muslim Community that

people don't even want to talk about cuz

they sound so disgusting where did they

start they start from a husband not

taking taking care of the wife and a

wife not taking care of the husband so

this is this is at the heart of being a

Believer and sustaining our Iman taking

care of the wife and taking taking care

of the husband may Allah subhana wa

taala make us the best husbands and

grant us the best wives

[Music]