The Struggle to Relax: Why ADHD Makes it Tough

Summary

This script discusses the challenges of relaxation for individuals with ADHD, who often struggle with self-regulation. The speaker shares personal experiences and insights, suggesting that true relaxation for them might involve a break from self-regulation rather than traditional relaxing activities. They advocate for the importance of allowing the brain to wander and engage in activities it naturally desires, which can be more rejuvenating than forcing oneself into conventional rest. The video also promotes a language learning platform, Babel, which the speaker finds engaging and effective for mental breaks.

Takeaways

• 🧠 The speaker discusses the challenges of relaxing for individuals with ADHD, highlighting the need for a break from self-regulation.
• 📚 The speaker finds English Babble helpful for mental breaks, appreciating its interactive and educational design by language teachers.
• 🌐 Babel is described as an effective tool for learning a new language, with a focus on real-world conversations and grammar, which builds confidence.
• 🎉 The speaker shares a personal experience of using Dutch during a keynote in the Netherlands, showcasing the playful use of the language learned through Babel.
• 🔗 A call to action is made for those interested in learning a new language, with a discount offer for Babel subscriptions through a provided link or QR code.
• 🤔 The community finds it difficult to relax during traditional relaxing activities due to easily getting bored and the nature of ADHD affecting self-regulation.
• 🏖 The speaker explains that relaxation for those with ADHD might involve taking a break from self-regulation rather than focusing on a relaxing activity.
• 🌳 The importance of allowing the brain to wander and explore without purpose is emphasized, as it provides a form of effortless fascination and mental break.
• 🔄 The speaker shares a personal realization about the need for a break from self-regulation and how starting a new project can serve as an unexpected form of relaxation.
• 🎯 The concept of 'letting the brain off leash' is introduced as a form of relaxation, suggesting that it's not about doing something relaxing but allowing the brain to do what it wants.
• 💊 Medication for ADHD can assist with self-regulation, but on days without it, the speaker suggests letting the brain off leash more to compensate for the increased effort required.
• 🌈 The speaker encourages the community to consider the difference between needing a fun relaxing activity and needing a break from self-regulation, advocating for a mindful approach to recharging.

Q & A

Why do people with ADHD often struggle with relaxation?

People with ADHD struggle with relaxation because their brains are easily bored and they have a condition that makes self-regulating attention, emotions, and behavior difficult, which is what they often need a break from.

What does the speaker find helpful for their brain during moments of stress or the need for a mental break?

The speaker finds English Babble helpful as it is engaging and stimulating, allowing their brain to take a break from something they care about without the pressure of self-regulation.

How is English Babble designed to assist with language learning?

English Babble is designed by language teachers and is interactive, making it both fun and educational, helping the speaker feel like they are genuinely learning a new language.

What is the speaker's experience with learning Dutch through Babel?

The speaker finds Dutch challenging due to its differences in grammar and pronunciation but is starting to feel more confident and even having fun with it through Babel's real-world conversation focus.

How did the speaker use their newly learned Dutch during a keynote in the Netherlands?

The speaker was able to be playful with the language during the keynote, showcasing their beginner level Dutch and feeling comfortable speaking it when the opportunity arose.

What does the speaker recommend for those who want to learn a new language?

The speaker highly recommends Babel, suggesting that interested individuals click the link in the description or scan the QR code for a 60% discount on their subscription.

Why do traditional relaxation activities often fail for people with ADHD?

Traditional relaxation activities fail for people with ADHD because they require self-regulation, which is what they are often seeking a break from, and because they can get bored easily.

What does the speaker mean by 'taking a break from self-regulation'?

Taking a break from self-regulation means allowing one's brain to engage in activities without the need to control or manage focus, emotions, or behavior, essentially letting the brain do what it wants.

How does the speaker describe the experience of needing a break from self-regulation?

The speaker describes it as a moment when their brain demands a break from the constant effort of self-regulation, leading them to start a new project or engage in an activity that feels more like a break than work.

What is the importance of recharging the ability to self-regulate according to the speaker?

Recharging the ability to self-regulate is crucial because if not done, the brain may start to rebel or become reactive, and it's not realistic to expect perfect management of attention, behavior, and emotions all the time.

How does the speaker suggest giving oneself a break from self-regulation?

The speaker suggests being mindful and allowing oneself to not do something the brain doesn't want to do at the moment, like sitting in a certain way during a meeting or engaging in an activity that feels more natural and less forced.

What does the speaker suggest as an alternative way to relax for people with ADHD?

The speaker suggests letting the brain off leash, engaging in activities that come naturally and feel less like work, even if they seem unproductive, as a way to recharge and relax.

How does the speaker's experience with medication affect their approach to self-regulation?

The speaker's medication makes self-regulation easier, so on days without medication, they allow their brain to be off leash more, recognizing the extra effort required to self-regulate without it.

What does the speaker propose as a new vocabulary for the ADHD community regarding relaxation?

The speaker proposes distinguishing between wanting to do a fun relaxing activity and needing a break from self-regulation, as they are two different things that may be misunderstood in the community.

How does the speaker conclude the video regarding relaxation and self-regulation for people with ADHD?

The speaker concludes by encouraging the ADHD community to consider what actually feels recharging and better for them, whether it's traditional relaxation or taking a break from self-regulation, and to subscribe for more content.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 ADHD and the Struggle with Relaxation

The speaker discusses the challenges individuals with ADHD face when trying to relax, such as getting easily bored and the constant need for mental stimulation. They introduce 'English Babble,' a tool designed by language teachers that provides an engaging and interactive way to take a mental break while learning a new language. The speaker shares their personal experience with learning Dutch through Babel, highlighting the platform's effectiveness in teaching grammar and pronunciation. They also mention their ability to use the newly acquired language skills during a keynote speech in the Netherlands, emphasizing the importance of real-world conversations in language learning. The speaker encourages viewers to try Babel for language learning and offers a discount for subscriptions.

05:01

🌟 Redefining Relaxation for ADHD Brains

The script delves into the concept of relaxation for individuals with ADHD, explaining that traditional relaxing activities can be difficult due to the nature of ADHD which makes self-regulation a constant effort. The speaker suggests that what is often needed is a break from self-regulation rather than a traditional relaxation activity. They share personal anecdotes about how they've learned to give their brain a break by letting it wander or engage in activities that come naturally without forcing relaxation. The speaker also discusses the importance of reframing the idea of relaxation for those with ADHD, allowing the brain to do what it wants without the pressure of productivity. They advocate for a community vocabulary that distinguishes between wanting to do a fun relaxing activity and needing a break from self-regulation.

10:03

🎉 Embracing Unstructured Downtime for ADHD Relief

In the final paragraph, the speaker emphasizes the importance of embracing unstructured downtime as a form of self-care for individuals with ADHD. They suggest that taking breaks from self-regulation can be as simple as sitting in a certain way without worrying about appearing professional or engaging in deep, philosophical thoughts that the brain is naturally inclined towards. The speaker highlights the need to recharge the ability to self-regulate and prevent the brain from rebelling due to exhaustion. They also touch on the role of medication in facilitating self-regulation and how, in its absence, it's even more crucial to allow the brain to take breaks. The video concludes with a call to action for viewers to subscribe and engage with the content, and a thank you note to Babel for sponsoring the video, along with an offer for a discount on their subscription service.

Keywords

💡ADHD

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by difficulty with sustained attention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. In the video, the speaker relates their personal experiences with ADHD, discussing how it affects their ability to relax and self-regulate, and how they find alternative ways to mentally break from stressors.

💡Self-regulation

Self-regulation refers to an individual's ability to manage their emotions, behavior, and attention. The script emphasizes the extra effort people with ADHD often need to exert in self-regulation. The video discusses the importance of taking breaks from this self-regulation as a form of relaxation and mental recharge.

💡Babble

Babble, as mentioned in the script, is an interactive language learning tool designed by language teachers. It serves as an example of a stimulating activity that the speaker uses to give their brain a break from constant self-regulation, while also providing a sense of learning and engagement.

💡Dutch

Dutch is a language that the speaker is learning through Babble. It is used as an example to illustrate how the speaker is gaining confidence and having fun while learning a new language, which is very different from their native language.

💡Relaxation

Relaxation, in the context of the video, is redefined beyond traditional activities like lying in a hammock or doing puzzles. The speaker explains that for individuals with ADHD, relaxation might mean taking a break from the constant need for self-regulation, allowing the brain to engage in activities it finds naturally appealing.

💡Dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with reward and pleasure. The script mentions the pursuit of dopamine as a reason why people might engage in activities that seem unproductive but are actually a form of letting the brain take a break from self-regulation.

💡Burnout

Burnout is a state of chronic stress that leads to emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion. The speaker talks about experiencing burnout and the importance of recognizing the need for a break from self-regulation to prevent or recover from it.

💡Unmasking

Unmasking, in the context of ADHD, refers to allowing one's true behaviors and characteristics, often suppressed due to the need for self-regulation, to be openly displayed. The speaker mentions unmasking as a part of taking a break from self-regulation and allowing their ADHD traits to be visible.

💡Medication

Medication is mentioned as a tool that helps the speaker with self-regulation. On days when medication is not available, the speaker allows themselves to take more breaks from self-regulation, acknowledging that it takes more effort to manage ADHD symptoms without it.

💡Recharge

Recharge, in the video, refers to the process of mentally and emotionally refueling, which is essential for individuals with ADHD who expend a lot of energy on self-regulation. The speaker suggests that taking breaks from self-regulation can serve as a form of recharging.

💡Community

Community, in this context, refers to the group of people who share similar experiences, particularly those with ADHD. The speaker addresses this community, offering insights and advice on how to better understand and manage the challenges of ADHD, including the concept of taking breaks from self-regulation.

Highlights

The speaker discusses the challenge of relaxing for individuals with ADHD, suggesting that the brain may need a break from self-regulation.

English Babble is recommended as a tool for mental breaks, engaging and stimulating the brain without the need for self-regulation.

Babel's interactive design by language teachers makes learning a new language both fun and educational.

The speaker shares personal experiences of learning Dutch through Babel, noting the difficulty of pronunciation and the gradual increase in confidence.

Babel's focus on real-world conversations helps beginners feel comfortable speaking the language in practical situations.

The speaker playfully used their newly learned Dutch during a keynote in the Netherlands, demonstrating the effectiveness of Babel's approach.

A promotional offer for Babel is presented, with a 60% discount for new subscribers through a provided link or QR code.

People with ADHD often struggle with traditional relaxation activities due to their propensity to get bored easily.

The need for self-regulation in relaxation activities is identified as a barrier for individuals with ADHD.

The concept of taking a break from self-regulation is introduced as a form of relaxation for those with ADHD.

The speaker explains how engaging in activities that require less self-regulation can be more relaxing for the ADHD brain.

Starting a new project as a form of relaxation is discussed, emphasizing the importance of letting the brain follow its interests.

The idea that relaxation for people with ADHD might look different from others is explored, focusing on the need to let the brain 'off-leash'.

The speaker shares personal strategies for giving the brain a break from self-regulation, such as sitting in a preferred posture during meetings.

The importance of recharging the ability to self-regulate is highlighted, with the acknowledgment that the brain will seek a break if not provided.

The role of medication in facilitating self-regulation for individuals with ADHD is briefly discussed, and how it impacts the need for breaks.

The speaker calls for a new vocabulary within the ADHD community to distinguish between fun relaxation activities and the need for self-regulation breaks.

The video concludes with an invitation for viewers to share their personal experiences with relaxation and self-regulation breaks.

A final thank you is given to sponsors and supporters of the channel, emphasizing the importance of community in discussing ADHD-related topics.

Transcripts

hello brains have you ever felt like

you're really bad at relaxing yeah

that's an ADHD thing

sometimes what my brain needs is a break

from self-reg sometimes it just needs a

break from a specific stressor like

English Babble is great for that

because it's engaging and stimulating

it's a way for me to get a mental break

from something that I really care about

but I can't stop spinning on and get my

brain spinning on something else for a

minute so that I can come back fresh

what's great about Babel is it's really

interactive but it's also designed by

actual language teachers so it's not

just fun I really feel like I'm learning

this language

I appreciate that all of these right now

are about me saying I don't understand

what did you say I don't understand it

Babel is teaching me the grammar and

pronunciation of Dutch which is very

different from what I'm used to oh wait

no that's a restaurant restaurant oh my

gosh that's really hard to say okay I'm

starting to feel more confident with it

and even having a bit of fun and cook

guess what that means

pancakes I'm still just a beginner but

because Babel focuses on real world

conversations I already feel comfortable

speaking it when the opportunity comes

up at the keynote I gave recently for an

organization in the Netherlands I was

even able to be playful with it I'm

excited to keep going with it and see

how much more I can learn if you'd like

to learn a new language I highly

recommend Babel just click the link in

the description below or scan this QR

code for 60 off your subscription other

side and let me know in the comments

below what kind of language you want to

learn and why

a lot of people in this community

including me find that they have a

really hard time relaxing doing relaxing

activities specifically like going to

the beach and just hanging out in a

hammock and relaxing or doing a puzzle

or anything that's like deliberate

relaxation activities are very difficult

for people in this community as a

general rule and there's a couple

reasons for that one we get bored really

easily you know laying in a hammock and

chilling and watching the sunset or

whatever that gets boring so fast and

our brains do not like to be bored it

can actually be more painful than

relaxing which is a lot of the time why

I think I will start a project if left

to my own devices but I realized

recently that there's another reason why

we have a hard time relaxing focusing on

a relaxing activity still requires

self-regulation and that is usually what

we need a break from because we have a

condition that makes regulating our

Attention our emotions our behave

Behavior our sleep really difficult

a lot of the time what relaxation looks

like I have learned is taking a break

from self-reg we have to put in so much

extra effort to get ourselves to focused

on the thing that we need to do and to

to do the thing and say the thing right

and mask our ADHD in certain situations

and all of these things engage in so

much self-regulation like active manual

self-regulation on a regular basis that

taking a break from that is often what

we need most I have long talked about

how it's really important to let our

brains and bodies wander wander down a

wikihole or like go on a walk and just

explore get some green time in just have

that kind of effortless Fascination

where your brain's just kind of bouncing

around and stuff the problem is that

takes energy and as I recently learned

if you haven't seen that video check it

out

um when really hyper focusing for an

extended period of time like I had

energy for absolutely nothing else I

definitely didn't have the energy to go

for a walk but I still needed a break

and so I didn't know what to do until

one day my brain was like

I can't self-regulate like this I need I

need a break from self-regulation and I

was like oh that's what relaxing looks

like for us honestly just in general

like taking a break from relaxing I

learned this because there is one day

where I just really really needed a

break and instead of taking a break or

doing anything that anybody else would

think was relaxing I started I started a

new project I didn't understand it

either because I'm like if I had decided

to do this project today if I decided to

focus on this project then that would

have been work but because I didn't

decide to my brain decided to I just let

it do what it wanted and it wanted to do

a project that day and so that's that's

something that I've learned like

relaxing for us might look different

than it does for most people because our

energy is put into something different

than for most people we put so much more

energy than most people do into

regulating our Behavior our emotions our

attention everything about ourselves we

put so much energy into regulating that

all the time that we often just need a a

break from that and so I I see a lot of

times people saying like oh yeah like

it's the dopamine right like I'm

scrolling through Twitter for the

dopamine I'm doing this for the dopamine

I'm chasing the dopamine I think it's

sometimes that we just need to let our

brains off leash a little bit we need a

break from trying to focus on the thing

we're supposed to be focusing on and

just let our brains do what it wants are

there times that we are you know chasing

cheap sources of dopamine because we're

bored sure but sometimes we're just

exhausted and so I think it's good to

reframe that a little bit and know that

if we are doing something that doesn't

seem productive

it's because we're letting our brains

off leash we don't have to be doing a

relaxing activity

in order to relax we just need to loosen

the reins a little bit sometimes yeah

it's great to I don't know have the

house to yourself and do whatever you

want and scream at the top of your lungs

and like bounce jump on the bed I don't

know be able to literally do whatever

you want because there's nobody else

around but even if there's other people

around I think it's important to like

not be like I'm just not self-regulating

everybody can just deal I did have to do

that at one point uh in writing the book

and I was very careful to like let

people know hey I'm gonna be a lot right

now I can't I need a break from self rig

I need to I need to not self-regular

right now I might be a lot I might be

loud I might be silly I might be I don't

know I'm gonna be a lot I'm going to

continue to be a lot but you don't have

to be here for it like and if you know

if I'm bothering you let me know if you

need to to leave and go do your own

thing like that's totally fine I just

can't like I was at that point where I

was completely burnt out but what I

realized coming back to work and just in

my normal day-to-day life applying this

new understanding

there's a lot of ways that we can take a

break from self-reg there's a lot of

ways we can do that even partially so

I've been a little bit more mindful of

like hey I'm starting to get tired I'm

going to take a break from self rank in

this one aspect I'm in a meeting with

somebody who it's okay if I sit weird on

my chair so I'm just not gonna care

about that like I'm gonna sit on my

chair however I want to sit and I'm not

going to monitor that behavior I'm not

going to like try and sit in a

professional way I'm just gonna I'm

gonna take that little bit of my brain

off leash I'm gonna unmask that part of

my ADHD taking a break from self-reg

does not mean deliberately doing

something relaxing it means letting your

brain do what it wants to do even if

that's the exact same thing it would

have been doing otherwise I think that's

the key like that's why it's so

confusing that's why I thought I was so

bad at relaxing for so long is like yeah

I got bored and I immediately started

doing something else that was definitely

not a relaxing activity well because

when my brain's off leash it doesn't

want to do a relaxing activity because

it's boring the point is like not

forcing to do something that it is not

in the mood to do that's what taking a

break from self rig looks like so if I

want to sit

you know right now I'm like I want to

sit cross-legged cool that's what I'm

doing we can at least in little ways

start to give ourselves a break from the

self-regulation that we have to do a day

in and day out and here's the thing if

we don't give ourselves that break

I feel like we're gonna take it anyway

you know if I don't let my brain off

leash now and that if I don't recharge

that you know that ability to

self-regulate at some point my brain

starts to Rebel or I can't keep it

anymore and I'm gonna be reactive to

something or whatever

um it's really important for us to take

that time to recharge because if we

don't like our brains are going to take

it anyway it is not realistic for us to

be able to to perfectly manage our

attention and behavior and

um and emotions and everything 24 7 it's

just not we need a break like mindfully

give yourself a break and be like I'm

not gonna ask my brain to do something

it doesn't want to do right now I'm

going to let it do what it wants because

I know that I'm gonna need to to be able

to focus later I know that I'm gonna

need to

um to to be on tomorrow and so like

today I'm gonna give myself a break

that's I think what meds do too is like

it it makes it easier

to self-regulate like that's what my

meds do for me and so

um on days when I don't have my meds

when I can't take my meds when I'm out

of meds whatever I let myself I let my

brain off leash a little bit more

because it is more effort for me to

self-regulate on those days but I just

wanted to put it out there like I think

it would be really cool to have that

vocabulary in our community like do you

want to do a fun relaxing activity or do

you need a break from self rig because I

think those are two different things and

I think by trying to relax correctly we

are unintentionally not giving ourselves

the break that we need at least speaking

for myself and I do see it a lot in in

the community too so I hope this was

helpful thank you to my brain Advocates

and all my patreon brains for helping me

support this channel so that I can talk

about what I want to talk about and do

videos that I think are going to be

helpful for the community I think this

is going to be something that's really

important for a community to like think

about and be aware of I'm curious what

you do like that you actually find

relaxing like if you give yourself a

break from self-regulating what does

your brain naturally want to do because

I think it'll be different from person

to person in the community but for me it

often is starting a project doing

something creative or uh I don't know

like thinking deep philosophical

thoughts that's what my brain wants to

do a lot of the time so

um it seems like work but if it's not

scheduled if it's not something that I'm

trying to focus on it doesn't feel like

work it feels like a break so I think

maybe that's the the takeaway is like

take a take a break from self right now

and then like see if that's relaxing and

and notice how that feels compared to

trying to do something relaxing and like

which actually feels recharging what

actually feels better to you like

subscribe click all the things and I

will see you next video bye brains thank

you again to Babel for sponsoring this

video click the link in the description

or scan the QR to get 60 off your

subscription

[Music]

thank you

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