Dynamic negotiating | Hartwig Eckert | TEDxArendal

Summary

The speaker explores the concept of 'communicative factory settings,' our innate conversational patterns that can hinder effective communication and negotiation. By using 'anticipators' and focusing on 'conceded territory' instead of disputes, the speaker introduces strategies for dynamic negotiation that can transform personal and professional interactions, emphasizing the importance of positioning over manipulation and fostering constructive dialogue.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ The importance of establishing rapport in communication is highlighted by the speaker's interactive approach with the audience.
• 🔮 The concept of 'anticipators' is introduced, which are linguistic cues that signal what is likely to come next in a conversation.
• 🧠 Our brains are wired to predict and formulate responses during conversations based on common speech patterns and interactions.
• 👶 The idea of 'communicative factory settings' is presented, suggesting that we learn and master conversational patterns from an early age.
• 🚫 The speaker argues that these communicative patterns can be detrimental in certain situations, such as negotiations and meetings, often leading to conflict or stagnation.
• 🤝 A new approach to negotiation is proposed, focusing on 'conceded territory' rather than disputes, which can transform opponents into partners.
• 💡 The speaker advises to use questions to position the negotiating partner, rather than presenting solutions, to foster a more constructive dialogue.
• 🔍 Strategy three emphasizes interpreting objections as consent when they do not cover all possibilities, suggesting a more nuanced understanding of communication.
• 📜 Strategy four involves being aware of presuppositions in statements, which can reveal underlying acceptance of ideas despite surface-level disagreement.
• 🛠️ Dynamic negotiation strategies are presented as a powerful tool that, if misused, could lead to manipulation, but when used ethically, can constructively position people in negotiations.
• 🌟 The transformative potential of applying dynamic negotiation strategies is emphasized, suggesting that it can change one's personality and the way others react to them.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speaker's talk?

The main theme of the speaker's talk is the concept of 'communicative factory settings' and how they influence our interaction patterns, particularly in the context of negotiations.

What does the speaker mean by 'anticipators'?

Anticipators are linguistic elements and signals that suggest what is likely to come next in a conversation, which the audience often uses to predict and respond to the speaker's statements.

How does the speaker use the audience's anticipation to establish rapport?

The speaker uses the audience's anticipation by crafting a sentence that leads them to shout out the word 'but', demonstrating the power of anticipators and making the audience feel involved.

What is the 'communicative factory setting' according to the speaker?

The 'communicative factory setting' refers to the innate conversational patterns we learn in early childhood, which often lead to predictable responses in various social interactions.

Why are communicative factory settings problematic in negotiations?

Communicative factory settings can be problematic in negotiations because they lead to a cycle of arguments and counterarguments, which can prolong discussions unnecessarily and potentially lead to breakdowns in communication.

What is the example of a negotiation scenario presented by the speaker?

The speaker presents a negotiation scenario involving a citizens initiative president and a politician discussing the replacement of a car park with a harbour promenade.

What strategies does the speaker propose for effective negotiation?

The speaker proposes strategies such as not being misled by anticipators, focusing on the conceded territory, positioning the negotiating partner through questions, interpreting objections as consent when they don't cover all possibilities, and watching out for presuppositions.

What is the concept of 'conceded territory' in the context of negotiation?

The 'conceded territory' is the part of a statement or argument that the other party has implicitly agreed to, which can be used as a basis for further negotiation and building towards a resolution.

How does the speaker address the concern of manipulation in dynamic negotiation?

The speaker acknowledges the potential for misuse but suggests distinguishing between manipulation for disadvantage and positioning people to construct solutions, advocating for the latter as a guiding principle.

What is the final message or 'take-home message' from the speaker?

The final message is to encourage the application of dynamic negotiation strategies in everyday life, emphasizing that doing so can change one's personality and the way others react to them.

How does the speaker conclude the talk?

The speaker concludes with a humorous wish for the audience, hoping that the 'conceded territory' will be with them and wishing them good luck, followed by applause.

Outlines

00:00

📢 Establishing Rapport with an Audience

The speaker describes the feeling of loneliness in a crowd and sets out to establish rapport with the audience through a participatory exercise. He explains the use of anticipators in speech patterns that help the audience predict the next word. The discussion covers typical conversational patterns and their impact on communication, emphasizing how these patterns are ingrained from childhood and how they function in various settings, including negotiations, debates, and personal relationships.

05:04

🤝 The Dynamics of Negotiation

This section elaborates on a negotiation example between a politician and a citizen's initiative president. The speaker illustrates how typical counterarguments follow predictable patterns and highlights the concept of focusing on 'conceded territory' instead of disputed issues to transform opponents into partners and drive dynamic negotiations. The speaker introduces strategies for effective negotiation, including avoiding anticipators, focusing on concessions, asking positioning questions, interpreting objections as consent, and watching for presuppositions.

10:08

🌟 Transforming Communication through Dynamic Negotiation

The speaker addresses objections about the potential misuse of dynamic negotiation techniques, distinguishing between manipulation and constructive positioning. Emphasizing the profound impact of dynamic negotiation, the speaker suggests that applying these strategies can change one's life by altering how others respond and how one's personality is shaped by communication. The talk concludes with encouragement to practice dynamic negotiation in everyday life, reinforcing the transformative power of these strategies.

Keywords

💡Anticipators

Anticipators are linguistic elements and signals that prepare the listener for what is to come next in a conversation or speech. In the script, the speaker uses words like 'yes,' 'admittedly,' 'normally,' and 'I would' to set up the audience's expectation for the word 'but,' which they correctly anticipate and shout out. This concept is integral to the theme of communication patterns and how they can be predicted and used effectively in negotiations.

💡Rapport

Rapport refers to the establishment of a harmonious or sympathetic relationship, particularly in the context of communication. The speaker aims to create a rapport with the audience by engaging them in an interactive exercise, which is a way to connect with people and make them feel involved, thus addressing the feeling of loneliness mentioned at the beginning of the script.

💡Turn-taking patterns

Turn-taking patterns are the customary sequences in which speakers take turns to speak during a conversation. The script discusses how these patterns are often predictable and can be preemptively responded to, as seen when the audience anticipates the word 'but.' These patterns are crucial to understanding the dynamics of conversation and negotiation.

💡Communicative factory setting

This term, coined in the script, refers to the innate communication patterns that individuals develop from an early age, which are often predictable and standardized. The concept is used to illustrate how these patterns can be both beneficial and detrimental in various communication settings, such as negotiations, and how they can be overcome for more effective dialogue.

💡Counterargument

A counterargument is a response made to refute or oppose an argument made by someone else. In the script, the speaker uses the example of a child's first counterargument to illustrate how these patterns are learned and used throughout life. The concept is central to the theme of negotiation and the strategies for effective communication.

💡Negotiation

Negotiation is the process of discussion and compromise between parties to reach an agreement. The script provides an example of a negotiation between a citizens' initiative and a politician, highlighting the use of certain strategies and communication patterns that can either hinder or facilitate the negotiation process.

💡Conceded territory

Conceded territory is a term introduced in the script to describe the points of agreement or concessions made by one party in a negotiation. The speaker advises focusing on these points rather than on the disputes, which can shift the dynamic from opposition to collaboration and is a key strategy in the theme of dynamic negotiation.

💡Dynamic negotiation

Dynamic negotiation is a concept presented in the script that involves using strategies to create a more productive and evolving negotiation process. It contrasts with the more static, predictable communicative patterns and involves focusing on concessions, asking questions, and interpreting objections as implicit consent where possible.

💡Presuppositions

Presuppositions are assumptions made within a statement that imply certain conditions or facts. The script explains how presuppositions can survive negations and still influence the interpretation of a statement. Understanding and identifying presuppositions is part of the dynamic negotiation strategies discussed.

💡Personality

Personality, as discussed in the script, is shaped to a certain extent by the way individuals communicate with each other. The speaker suggests that by applying dynamic negotiation strategies, one's communication style can change, which in turn can affect one's personality, illustrating the transformative power of effective communication.

💡Manipulation

Manipulation refers to the act of influencing someone or something in a clever or unscrupulous way, often for one's own advantage. The script addresses the potential for dynamic negotiation strategies to be misused for manipulation, but distinguishes between manipulation and positioning people to construct solutions ethically.

Highlights

Establishing rapport by engaging the audience to shout the next word to feel less alone on stage.

Using anticipators like 'yes', 'admittedly', and 'normally' to predict audience responses.

Our experience with speech patterns allows us to formulate responses in our minds while others are still speaking.

Typical conversational patterns like accusations, attacks, and arguments often lead to predictable responses.

The concept of 'communicative factory setting' to describe the automatic conversational patterns we learn in early childhood.

How communicative factory settings can be problematic in negotiations and lead to prolonged meetings and failed partnerships.

An example negotiation scenario between a citizens initiative president and a politician about town planning.

The importance of not being misled by anticipators and focusing on the conceded territory in negotiations.

Positioning the negotiating partner by asking questions rather than providing solutions.

Interpreting objections that don't cover all possibilities as paradoxical consent.

Identifying and watching out for presuppositions in statements that survive negations.

The potential misuse of dynamic negotiation strategies for manipulation and the importance of ethical use.

How applying dynamic negotiation strategies can change people's reactions and shape our personalities.

The universal applicability of negotiation skills from childhood disputes to international issues.

Encouraging the audience to practice and test the dynamic negotiation strategies in their own lives.

The metaphor of 'conceited territory' as a guiding principle for successful negotiations.

Transcripts

Transcriber: Chi Linh Reviewer: Emma Gon

Have you ever felt lonely in the company of a few hundred people?

That’s the way I felt when I stepped onto the stage.

So I'm going to establish rapport with you now,

and what I’m going to do is I’m going to say a sentence.

And when I stop, I want all of you

to shout the next word into the lecture hall

to let me know that I’m not alone and that you are not avatars, but real people.

Got the message? I say sentence, I stop,

and when I give you the signal,

you will shout the next word into the theater.

So here’s my sentence: “Yes, admittedly, it is a charitable project

and normally I’d be very happy to make a donation.

(Speaker signs the audience and they shout: “But”.)

How on earth did you know my next word was going to be “but”

and all of you guess that? Telepathy?

No, it is because I used anticipators,

anticipators are elements and signals that focus on what is to come.

The anticipators that I used were “yes” and they were “admittedly”,

“normally”, “I would“ instead of I will and most importantly,

rising intonation up to the comma, “but.”

Because of our experience with speech patterns and interaction,

we are often ahead of the speakers even formulating our response in our minds

while they are still talking.

Typical turn taking patterns, typical conversational patterns interaction

are an accusation triggers a contract causation or a rejection.

An attack triggers defense criticism, triggers justification,

and an argument triggers a counterargument,

and an allegation triggers refutation.

Do you recall your first refutation in early childhood?

Correct: “It wasn’t me.”

Do you remember how you first tried a counter argument on your parents?

“It’s bedtime.” “But I’m not tired,” yawn, yawn.

So let's just coin a new term term for these speech patterns,

these predictable patterns.

Let’s call them the communicative factory setting,

because we acquired and indeed mastered these sound taking patterns

in our early childhood.

Nobody in the world needs training for that.

And let’s call them communicative factory setting,

because they produced us in our families, as it were,

the communicative factory that produced us.

Communicative factory settings

are appropriate and standard in certain settings of discourse,

such as parliamentary debates and talk shows.

The poison when we are negotiating.

They are the reason why meetings are often unnecessarily prolonged.

They're the reason why collective bargaining often come to a grinding halt.

And they are the reason why, sadly, partnerships break up.

Marriages do not end in divorce because after 20 years of married bliss,

one of the partners wakes up one morning realizing, “Oh my God, you look ugly.”

(Laughter)

Okay. Let me take you through a negotiation conducted

in the spirit of the communicative factory setting.

The president of a citizens initiative had an appointment with a politician,

who was responsible for town planning.

The proposal was to replace the existing car park

by a beautiful harbour promenade.

To this proposal, the politician responded by saying,

“In principle, that is a great idea, a wonderful idea indeed.

And I do appreciate citizens coming to me with visions,

but we do not have sufficient parking spaces.

As a matter of fact, we’re desperately short of them.”

Now, this statement wasn't entirely true.

As a matter of fact, there were other areas, even suitable ones.

So the predictable response was, “But we do have alternatives,

think of the areas X, Y, and Z.”

Why is it that we cannot resist the seductiveness of a good argument?

That's your take home message, by the way.

And so the predictable counterargument that the politician came up with was,

“But these areas are too far away from where we need their shoppers.”

“But the harbour promenade would attract them.”

“But we need the revenues from the parking fees.”

“If we attract more tourists, the town would profit even more.”

“Do you know how much it would cost me

to have that car park built on the waterfront

only four years ago? €3.6 million.

Giving up that area as a car park is something

I could never explain to the voters.”

“Huh, Is votes, votes, votes, all you politicians can only think about?”

“But the time interval is too short for such drastic change in town planning.

We can’t jump onto the bandwagon at any moment.”

Okay. So far, so bad.

Now, let me take you through this negotiation again,

this time, step by step.

As you remember, the politicians first counterargument was

“In principle, that it’s a great idea, a wonderful idea indeed

and I do appreciate people coming to me with visions,”

anticipates “But”, the predictable but.

Now let’s assume that the president of the Citizens Initiative

had responded by saying,

“When I made inquiries about a contact person,

your name was the first to come up and I’m happy

I followed that recommendation because you immediately saw

that this was a great idea or a wonderful idea.

Do you know of any towns where this, as you actually put it,

vision has become reality?

So my first message to you is do not go for what is in dispute,

go for what has been conceded.

Go for the concessions and let’s coin a new term for this.

Let's call it the conceded territory.

Focusing on the conceded territory, as demonstrated just now,

makes the difference between negotiating opponents and negotiating partners.

It makes the difference between stagnation and dynamic negotiation.

We’re now in a position to start formulating

the first strategies for dynamic negotiating.

Strategy number one - do not be misguided by anticipators.

Do not go for what is in dispute, focus on the conceded territory.

Number two - position the negotiating partner

by asking questions as demonstrated, not by giving you a solution.

Now here comes a challenge.

What if the conceded territory has not been made explicit?

The town politician said giving up this area as a car park is something

I could never explain to the voters.

Concealed below the surface is the conceded territory.

The subtext, which means what the politician really meant

can be rephrased as if you can sell this to the voters,

you can do with the car park, whatever you like.

So strategy number three is if an objection doesn’t cover

the whole spectrum of possibilities,

this objection is to be interpreted paradoxically as consent.

When in the 20th century, a man proposed to a young maiden

and she protests by saying, “But this is so sudden.” It meant yes.

So, strategy number four - watch out for presuppositions.

Presuppositions are that part of a statement

that survives miraculously negations. The politician had said,

“But the time interval is too short

for such a drastic change in town planning.”

Of course, we would have preferred him to say,

but the time interval is not too short. That is the negation.

But within the framework of dynamic negotiation,

it doesn’t make any difference, it’s neither here nor there,

whether he says the time interval is too short

or the time interval is not too short.

Because in either case,

has he accepted the idea of a beautiful harbour promenade,

where now only talking about the time factor.

It can’t get any better than that, can it?

Because he has now accepted what was an issue only 60 seconds ago.

However, when I expound the strategies of dynamic negotiation

to people, in particular when I demonstrated in real case scenarios

they usually come up with the objection,

but you are manipulating people who only have

the communicative factory setting at their disposal.

I love objections because as you all have spotted now

the conceding territory is in that statement.

So my response to that is you've drawn my attention to the fact that

because dynamic negotiation is a powerful instrument,

it carries the danger of being misused for the purpose of manipulation.

Will it delay your concerns,

if we distinguished between manipulating people to their disadvantage

on the one hand and on the other hand,

positioning people in order to construct solutions

along the lines of the dynamic negotiating strategies

and making the latter the guiding principle of our governance.

If you systematically apply the strategies of dynamic negotiation

with the conceded territory at its core,

your life will never be the same again,

because people’s reaction towards you will be different.

And in the wake of these change reactions, your personality will change,

because our personalities are to certain extent

shaped by the way we communicate with each other.

Now from early childhood bedtime disputes to United Nations issues,

we negotiate everywhere and all the time.

The good news is you can practice it as you're walking out of that door.

Put it to the test. Give it a try.

And may the conceited territory be with you. Good luck!

(Applause)