What Doesn't Kill You DOESN'T Make You Stronger, Here's Why (Trauma)

Summary

This video script challenges the adage 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' highlighting its oversimplification of human resilience in the face of trauma. It argues that while some adversity can foster growth, traumatic events like abuse and neglect may leave lasting scars and require significant recovery efforts. The script critiques the phrase for dismissing the complexity of individual experiences and perpetuating toxic masculinity. It emphasizes the importance of compassion, self-care, and acknowledging the unique impact of adversities on different individuals.

Takeaways

• 💪 The quote 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' is often used to praise survivors of adversity, suggesting growth through challenges.
• 😔 However, the phrase can dismiss the lasting effects of trauma, such as substance abuse and the need for therapy, which are not always acknowledged.
• 🤔 The video challenges the oversimplification that adversity always leads to strength, highlighting the complexity of trauma's impact on individuals.
• 🧗‍♂️ It acknowledges that minor adversities like physical challenges or failures can indeed build resilience and strength.
• 😢 But severe traumas, such as abuse and neglect, can leave deep emotional scars and lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, complicating the idea of becoming stronger.
• 🌙 The video suggests that offering immediate strength through adversity may not be helpful and can rush people through their emotions without processing.
• 🤝 It emphasizes the importance of being present and compassionate, rather than rushing someone to 'get over it' or find strength immediately.
• 🧘‍♀️ Self-care and professional treatment are crucial for recovery from trauma, and the quote fails to mention the time and effort required for healing.
• 🚫 The phrase can perpetuate toxic masculinity by discouraging vulnerability and promoting the idea of 'bottling up feelings' as a sign of strength.
• 🌈 The video argues against the reductive nature of the quote, advocating for the recognition of unique individual experiences and responses to adversity.
• 💌 It concludes by encouraging compassion and understanding of others' experiences, suggesting that not everyone will react or grow from adversity in the same way.

Q & A

What is the main argument against the phrase 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' presented in the video script?

The main argument is that the phrase often dismisses the long-term effects of traumatic events, such as substance abuse, trauma, and the need for years of therapy, suggesting that not all adversities necessarily make people stronger.

How does the script suggest that traumatic events can affect a person's life?

The script suggests that traumatic events can leave scars, cause unhealthy coping mechanisms, and may result in long-term issues such as PTSD, emotional problems, and severe addiction if untreated.

What is the potential issue with using the phrase 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' to comfort someone in pain?

The issue is that it can rush people through their emotions without allowing them to process their feelings, and it may lack compassion and empathy when they need it the most.

What should be considered before using the phrase 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' in a conversation according to the script?

It's important to remain present and compassionate, and to let the person come to their own conclusion when they are ready, without rushing them.

How does the script relate the phrase to the concept of toxic masculinity?

The script relates the phrase to toxic masculinity by pointing out that such statements often discourage vulnerability, treating it as a weakness, and force people to bottle up their feelings, which is unhealthy.

What does the script suggest as a healthier alternative to the phrase 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'?

The script suggests that acknowledging each person's unique experiences and offering compassion to those struggling with their adversities is a healthier approach.

How does the script address the oversimplification of human experience by the phrase?

The script points out that the phrase is reductive and fails to acknowledge the uniqueness of individual experiences, reducing all of us to a single statement that oversimplifies our lives.

What is the script's stance on the belief that everyone should come out of adversities the same way?

The script argues against this belief, stating that the phrase can perpetuate the idea that everyone experiences the same adversities and should react the same way, which is not true.

What is the script's view on the importance of self-care and treatment in the context of overcoming trauma?

The script emphasizes that only with proper self-care and treatment do people have a chance at being made stronger from the effects of trauma.

How does the script suggest we should respond to someone who is struggling with adversities?

The script suggests that we should strive to acknowledge their unique experiences, offer compassion, and not make assumptions about how they should react or recover.

What is the script's final call to action for viewers regarding the phrase 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'?

The script encourages viewers to reflect on whether the phrase is true for them and to share their thoughts in the comments below, while also reminding them of their importance.

Outlines

00:00

💪 Questioning the 'Strength Through Adversity' Narrative

This paragraph challenges the popular adage 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' suggesting it oversimplifies the complex effects of trauma. It acknowledges that while some experiences can indeed build resilience, others, such as abuse and neglect, can leave lasting scars and lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of being present and empathetic with those in pain, rather than rushing them to 'get stronger.' It also touches on the need for self-care and professional help to recover from trauma, and criticizes the perpetuation of toxic masculinity through similar phrases that discourage vulnerability and emotional expression.

Keywords

💡Adversity

Adversity refers to difficult or unfortunate events or circumstances that can cause personal suffering or loss. In the video's theme, adversity is portrayed as a potential catalyst for personal growth but also acknowledges that it can lead to negative outcomes such as substance abuse or emotional issues. The script discusses how the phrase 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' might oversimplify the complex impact of adversity on individuals.

💡Trauma

Trauma is defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have long-lasting emotional effects. The video script uses the term to describe severe experiences such as abuse or neglect, which are not just hurdles but can leave deep emotional scars. It challenges the notion that such traumatic events always result in strength, emphasizing the potential for lasting harm.

💡Resilience

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties or to endure hardship without being permanently damaged. The video script explores the idea that while some may become more resilient through overcoming adversity, it is not a universal outcome. It suggests that resilience can be a goal but should not be assumed as the automatic result of experiencing adversity.

💡Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms are strategies used to manage stress or emotional pain. The script mentions unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse as a response to trauma, indicating that not all coping strategies lead to strength but can sometimes exacerbate problems.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The video emphasizes the importance of empathy when supporting someone who is suffering, suggesting that simply telling them adversity makes them stronger lacks empathy and may not be helpful.

💡PTSD

PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event. The script uses PTSD as an example of a potential long-term effect of trauma, highlighting the complexity of recovery and the need for proper treatment.

💡Self-care

Self-care refers to the actions people take to look after their own health and well-being. In the context of the video, self-care is presented as a necessary component for healing from trauma, suggesting that strength may come from taking the time to care for oneself properly.

💡Toxic Masculinity

Toxic masculinity refers to cultural norms that define manhood as dominant, aggressive, and emotionally stoic, often harming both men and society at large. The script points out that phrases like 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' can perpetuate this concept by discouraging men from showing vulnerability and seeking help.

💡Vulnerability

Vulnerability is the state of being open to attack or damage, but in a psychological context, it also refers to the willingness to show one's true feelings. The video argues that being vulnerable is a sign of mental strength, not weakness, and is important for dealing with the effects of adversity.

💡Human Experience

Human experience encompasses the full range of events, feelings, and encounters that make up a person's life. The script criticizes the reductive nature of the phrase 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' stating that it fails to acknowledge the diversity and uniqueness of individual human experiences.

💡Compassion

Compassion is a deep awareness of and sympathy for the suffering of others, leading to a desire to alleviate it. The video encourages offering compassion to those struggling with adversity, recognizing that different people may react differently to the same challenges.

Highlights

The quote 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' praises survivors of traumatic events but often dismisses the after-effects of such events.

The phrase may oversimplify the impact of trauma, ignoring the potential for substance abuse, years of therapy, and more.

The video argues that trauma can leave scars and lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, challenging the idea that adversity always strengthens us.

It's important to be present and compassionate instead of rushing people through their emotions after a traumatic event.

Self-care and proper treatment are essential for recovery from trauma, rather than simply expecting strength from adversity.

Toxic masculinity is perpetuated by phrases that discourage vulnerability and force people to bottle up their feelings.

Being vulnerable and open about struggles is a sign of mental strength, not weakness.

The quote oversimplifies human experience by reducing individual stories to a single statement about adversity.

The statement fails to acknowledge the uniqueness of individual responses to life's adversities.

Compassion is crucial when offering support to those struggling with adversities, as everyone's reaction may differ.

The video invites viewers to reflect on whether the idea of being strengthened by what doesn't kill us is universally true.

Some adversities may help us grow stronger, while others may leave lasting pain that is not easily overcome.

The video emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and respecting the unique experiences of each individual.

The video encourages viewers to share their thoughts on the topic in the comments section.

A reminder to like and subscribe for more content related to personal growth and mental health.

The video concludes with a heartfelt message that viewers matter, emphasizing the importance of self-worth.

Transcripts

- NIE said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?

It's a quote that praises the survivors of traumatic events

and argues that people grow stronger through adversity.

However, the phrase often dismisses the

after effects of the things that don't kill us, such

as substance abuse, trauma, years of therapy, and more.

So in this video we wanna dig deeper

and argue that what doesn't kill us doesn't

always make us stronger.

Trauma, yes, it's true to some degree

that we are made stronger by things that don't kill us.

Whether it's rock climbing, falling off a bike,

asking out a crush, or failing a test,

we grow stronger with life's hurdles.

But what if we go through something far more painful?

Traumatic events like abuse, neglect, rejection,

toxic relationships and bullying may not exactly kill us,

but they certainly leave us

with scars from indescribable, hurt and pain.

And it may result in unhealthy coping mechanisms like

substance abuse or lashing out to others just to numb

or suppress the symptoms of our trauma.

So it might not be so simple to say

that people are always made stronger by adversity

because we may never know the true impact of the things

that don't kill us present.

Imagine that your best friend called you in the middle

of the night and they're crying

because they just broke up with their partner.

How helpful do you think it is for you to say, it's okay.

This will make you stronger if you haven't noticed already.

This statement refuses to be present with those in pain.

It rushes people through the moment without allowing them

to process their emotions.

It also doesn't offer compassion

or empathy when they need it the most show

before you roll up your sleeves

and jump into, quote this, it's important

to remain present and compassionate.

Besides, it may be best to let your friend come

to their own conclusion when they're ready

and not rush them into it.

Self-care. Many of us know firsthand

that traumatic events have a way of destroying our sense

of self and distorting our worldview.

If left untreated, they can also lead to a lifetime of

after effects, including PTSD, unhealthy attachments,

emotional issues, or severe addiction.

And in order to recover from the effects of trauma,

it can take long periods of therapy.

In short, he's quote, fails to mention the time

and effort it takes to recover from the effects of trauma.

What he maybe should have said instead, is that only

with proper self-care and treatment,

do we have a chance at being made stronger

from the effect of trauma?

Toxic masculinity,

what did the following statements have in common?

Man up. Walk it off. This will pass.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

They often perpetuate toxic masculinity.

While some of them can be motivating under the right

context, statements like these don't really help people

who feel crippled by their adversities.

They offer no sympathy and merely force people

- To the same thing.

Bottle up your feelings and keep going.

But we know that bottling up feelings is never healthy.

Besides, these statements often discourage vulnerability

because it treats vulnerability as a weakness.

Being vulnerable

and open about one struggles against things

that don't kill us is actually a sign

of mental strength, not weakness.

Human experience.

The biggest problem with the quote,

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is

that the statement is reductive.

It refuses to acknowledge the uniqueness

of our individuality

and reduces us down to one single statement that all

of us in every situation are made stronger

by adversities in life.

In short, it oversimplifies our human experience.

All of us have unique stories,

and the quote doesn't fully encapsulate the parts

of our lives that aren't necessarily made stronger

by what doesn't kill us.

It can also perpetuate the belief that every single one

of us experiences the same adversities

and should come out of it exactly the same way.

Ultimately, it's not so easy to tell whether

what doesn't kill us truly makes us stronger.

Yes, some adversities do help us grow stronger.

Other times we might be left with pain

that we may never truly recover from.

But the most important part is that we should strive

to acknowledge each other's unique experiences

and adversities.

It doesn't hurt to offer compassion to those

who are struggling through their adversities

because not everyone will react the same way.

And what about you? Do you think it's true that

what doesn't kill us makes us stronger?

Tell us in the comments below.

If you like this video, don't forget to like and subscribe.

And I'll say this, with all the love in the world,

you matter.