Can you control your tongue? | My Dear Heart Ep. 13 | Dr. Haifaa Younis | Jannah Institute |

Summary

This video discusses the harmful practice of tail carrying, or backbiting, and offers practical advice on how to avoid it. The speaker emphasizes the importance of not believing or spreading negative things others say about people, and instead focuses on hating the bad action, not the person. Key lessons include protecting the heart from ill feelings, speaking less to avoid mistakes and sins, and adopting wisdom through silence. Drawing on examples from Islamic figures like Luqman and Sayyidina Abu Bakr, the video encourages filtering one's speech to ensure it aligns with good deeds and pleases Allah.

Takeaways

• 😀 Tail carrying (gossiping) involves passing on negative things others have said about someone, and it is discouraged in Islam.
• 😀 The person who engages in tail carrying is labeled as 'fasiq' in Islam, meaning they are disobedient to Allah and untrustworthy.
• 😀 When confronted with gossip, don't believe it immediately, even if it seems true.
• 😀 Refuse to listen to gossip, as it brings no benefit and only harm to the heart and relationships.
• 😀 If someone tells you what another person has said about you, inform them that it’s not something you want to hear.
• 😀 Avoid allowing ill feelings to develop toward the person being discussed, as it can harm your heart and cloud your judgment.
• 😀 Dislike the wrong actions of others, but don’t hate the individuals themselves, as all people are creations of Allah.
• 😀 Do not act on the gossip by spying or seeking confirmation, as it only worsens the situation.
• 😀 Speaking too much leads to mistakes, which can result in sins, so strive to speak only when necessary and beneficial.
• 😀 Follow the principle of speaking good or staying silent, as it aligns with the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).
• 😀 Silence can be a form of wisdom and avoiding unnecessary speech can help maintain purity of the heart.
• 😀 Use a mental filter to evaluate whether what you are about to say is beneficial and pleasing to Allah before speaking.

Q & A

What is tail carrying, and how does it impact relationships?

Tail carrying refers to spreading what others have said about someone else, often in a negative light. It can cause harm by creating ill feelings and misunderstandings between people, damaging relationships and fostering resentment.

Why is tail carrying considered harmful in Islam?

Tail carrying is considered harmful in Islam because it spreads rumors, encourages negativity, and is a form of disobedience to Allah. The person who engages in tail carrying is labeled as 'fasiq' (a transgressor), and their testimony is not accepted in Islamic law.

How should one respond when someone tells them what others have said about them?

One should not believe it immediately. Instead, the best approach is to reject the gossip and tell the person sharing the tale that it will bring no benefit. Islam encourages distancing oneself from such conversations to maintain a pure heart.

What is the Islamic perspective on hating actions versus hating people?

In Islam, it is encouraged to hate the sinful actions of individuals, but not the individuals themselves. Every person is a creation of Allah, and they can change and improve. Disliking an action is for the sake of Allah, not due to personal animosity.

What does the Quran say about people who engage in tail carrying?

The Quran warns against following people who use Allah's name to swear oaths falsely and engage in backbiting or tale carrying. These individuals are described as corrupt and are not to be trusted.

What was the story of Sulaiman Ibn Abd al Malik and the man accused of tail carrying?

Sulaiman Ibn Abd al Malik, the leader of the believers, confronted a man accused of spreading tales about him. The man defended himself by stating that the person who spreads tales is never truthful. Sulaiman accepted this response and cleared the man, illustrating the harm of believing in gossip.

Why is it advised not to spy on others when hearing tales about them?

Spying on others to confirm rumors only leads to unnecessary distrust and negativity. It is recommended to avoid such actions to maintain a clean heart and prevent further harm from gossip.

What does the hadith about speaking and remaining silent teach us?

The hadith teaches that when speaking, we should either say something good or remain silent. Speaking less reduces the chance of making mistakes, and words should only be used to please Allah or benefit others.

What is the significance of staying quiet, according to Sayyidina Luqman?

Sayyidina Luqman, known for his wisdom, emphasized that staying quiet is a form of wisdom. It prevents unnecessary mistakes and is considered a noble practice. Silence can be more beneficial than speaking without purpose.

What is the importance of using a filter before speaking, as suggested in the lecture?

The filter refers to ensuring that whatever we say aligns with what is pleasing to Allah. If our words are not beneficial, kind, or aligned with truth, we should choose silence to avoid harm to others and ourselves.