Dr. Laurie Santos: Happiness Problem #2b, Comparing to Other People. Science of Well-Being for Teens
Summary
TLDRThe video script delves into the impact of social comparison on happiness, highlighting how reference points, such as salaries and social media portrayals, skew our perception of success and contentment. It discusses the tendency to compare ourselves unfavorably to others, leading to dissatisfaction despite our own achievements. The script also points out the flawed nature of these comparisons, as we often contrast our realities with others' curated highlights, which can result in a distorted view of our own lives and the lives of those around us.
Takeaways
- 💰 Money is often seen as a source of happiness, but it can create dissatisfaction due to social comparison and the desire to be richer than others, as noted by philosopher John Stuart Mill.
- 📊 Social comparison is the act of evaluating one's status, possessions, or salary against others, which can lead to negative feelings and irrational decisions.
- 🤔 People tend to compare themselves to those who are better off, which can result in a constant feeling of inadequacy, even when they are doing well.
- 💼 A study by Solnick and Hemingway showed that people would prefer to earn less if it meant they were earning more than their peers, highlighting the power of social comparison.
- 🏆 Unreasonable salary reference points, such as those seen on television or with celebrities, can skew perceptions of wealth and lead to dissatisfaction with one's own income.
- 📺 Watching more television correlates with higher estimates of others' wealth and lower self-assessment of one's own wealth, indicating the influence of media on financial perceptions.
- 🚗 Comparisons can also affect satisfaction with material possessions, such as cars, where seeing others with better items can diminish one's own happiness.
- 🏫 Academic performance is another area where social comparison can impact happiness, with students often feeling less satisfied with their grades when comparing themselves to high-achieving peers.
- 🌐 Social media amplifies social comparison by providing constant exposure to others' highlight reels, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness.
- 🤳 The curated nature of social media content means that people often compare their private struggles to others' public successes, leading to skewed perceptions and negative self-assessment.
- 🧐 Research indicates that people are prone to overestimating the positive experiences of others and underestimating their negative experiences, further exacerbating the effects of social comparison.
Q & A
What is the main idea discussed in the script about money and happiness?
-The script discusses how money, particularly in the form of salary, often serves as a salient reference point for happiness, but this can lead to dissatisfaction as people tend to compare themselves to others who are wealthier.
Who is the philosopher mentioned in the script that noted the desire to be richer than others?
-The philosopher mentioned in the script is John Stuart Mill, who noted that people often desire to be richer than others, not just to be rich.
What is social comparison and how does it affect our perception of our own status?
-Social comparison is the act of evaluating one's own salary, status, possessions, etc., in relation to others. It can cause us to feel unsatisfied or 'crappy' because our brains tend to compare ourselves to those who have more, leading to a distorted perception of our own status.
What did the study by Solnick and Hemingway reveal about people's preferences regarding salary?
-The study by Solnick and Hemingway showed that more than fifty percent of the participants preferred to earn less money ($50,000) if it meant they were earning more than others ($25,000) around them, rather than earning a higher salary ($100,000) where others earned significantly more ($250,000).
Why might using a reasonable salary reference point be beneficial?
-Using a reasonable salary reference point, such as comparing oneself to others in the same job or organization, can help maintain a sense of fairness and satisfaction, as it provides a more accurate context for one's own earnings.
How does the script suggest that our minds pick up on unrealistic salary reference points?
-The script suggests that our minds pick up on unrealistic salary reference points by observing that people often compare their earnings to those of rich individuals they see on television, which can lead to a skewed perception of wealth and dissatisfaction with one's own income.
What is the relationship between watching television and one's perception of wealth according to the script?
-The script states that the more television one watches, the higher the estimated wealth of others and the lower the perceived value of one's own wealth, indicating that exposure to wealthy figures on TV can distort one's perception of wealth.
How do reference points affect our happiness about our possessions?
-Reference points can affect our happiness about our possessions by making us feel inadequate when we compare what we have to the seemingly better possessions of others, such as cars or houses.
What impact do reference points have on students' happiness about their grades?
-Reference points can negatively impact students' happiness about their grades by causing them to compare their performance to those who are doing better, even if they are performing well themselves, leading to a lack of satisfaction.
How does the script describe the effect of social media on our happiness about our looks?
-The script describes social media as exacerbating the effect of reference points on our happiness about our looks by constantly presenting us with images of people who appear more attractive, leading to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction with our own appearance.
What is the 'highlight reel' concept mentioned in the script, and how does it relate to social comparisons?
-The 'highlight reel' concept refers to the curated, best moments of people's lives that are shared on social media. It relates to social comparisons because it leads us to compare our own lives, with all their ups and downs, to these idealized representations of others, which can result in feelings of inadequacy.
Why are social comparisons on social media considered 'wrong' according to the script?
-Social comparisons on social media are considered 'wrong' because they are based on incomplete information; we see the best moments of others but not their struggles, leading to a distorted and inaccurate comparison that can negatively affect our self-perception and happiness.
Outlines
💰 The Impact of Money and Social Comparison on Happiness
This paragraph delves into the complex relationship between money, happiness, and social comparison. It highlights the idea that money often serves as a salient reference point, with people striving not just to be rich, but richer than others, as noted by philosopher John Stuart Mill. The concept of social comparison is introduced, where individuals evaluate their status, possessions, and even relationships relative to others, which can lead to negative emotions. A study by Solnick and Hemingway is referenced, showing that people might prefer earning less if it means being better off than their peers. The paragraph also touches on the irrationality of using unrealistic reference points, such as celebrities' wealth, which can skew one's perception of their own financial situation and happiness.
📚 The Role of Reference Points in Academic and Aesthetic Self-Perception
This paragraph explores how reference points can affect one's happiness regarding academic performance and physical appearance. It discusses the tendency of students to compare their grades with peers, which can diminish their sense of achievement even if they are performing well. The paragraph also addresses the influence of media and social platforms on body image, where constant exposure to images of beauty can lead to dissatisfaction with one's own looks. The generational shift in exposure to others' appearances is noted, with the advent of television and the internet exacerbating these comparisons. The paragraph emphasizes the flawed nature of social media comparisons, where people often present their best moments while hiding their struggles, leading to a distorted perception of others' lives and an inaccurate self-assessment.
🤔 The Misjudgment of Social Comparisons and Their Emotional Consequences
The final paragraph focuses on the inaccuracies inherent in social comparisons and their emotional impact. It points out that people tend to overestimate the positive experiences of others while underestimating their negative experiences, leading to a skewed perception that can negatively affect self-esteem and happiness. The paragraph references a study by Jordan and colleagues that demonstrates this misjudgment, showing that individuals often predict more positive events for others than actually occur and fail to recognize the negative events that others experience. This misperception is compounded by the curated nature of social media, where people share their 'highlight reels' but hide their 'blooper reels,' creating an unrealistic standard of comparison that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Social Comparison
💡Reference Points
💡John Stuart Mill
💡Happiness
💡Salient
💡Television
💡Social Media
💡Highlight Reel
💡Beyonce
💡Grades
💡Looks
Highlights
Money is often assumed to bring happiness, but it can create dissatisfaction due to salient reference points, such as salary comparisons.
Social comparison is the act of evaluating one's status, possessions, and life against others, often leading to negative emotions.
A study by Solnick and Hemingway showed that people would prefer to earn less if it meant being better off than others.
Reference points can be unreasonable and based on unrealistic standards, such as celebrities' wealth seen on TV.
Salient reference points can distort our perception of our own earnings and possessions, making us feel less satisfied.
Social comparison can negatively impact our happiness about our grades, especially when comparing to high-achieving peers.
Reference points can affect our happiness about our looks, with constant exposure to images of 'prettier' people.
Social media exacerbates social comparison by providing a constant stream of highlight reels from others' lives.
We often compare our internal struggles to others' external successes, leading to inaccurate social comparisons.
A study by Jordan and colleagues found that we overestimate the positive experiences of others and underestimate their negative experiences.
Social media contributes to skewed social comparisons by showcasing only the best aspects of people's lives.
The impact of social comparison on happiness is significant and can be influenced by various factors, including media exposure.
Reference points can be misleading, as they are often based on what we notice rather than a rational evaluation of our situation.
Social comparison can lead to irrational decisions, such as choosing a lower salary to out-earn peers.
The transcript emphasizes the importance of being aware of the influence of social comparison on our perceptions and happiness.
Social comparison can affect various aspects of life, including salary, possessions, grades, and physical appearance.
The transcript suggests that understanding and managing social comparisons can lead to improved well-being and satisfaction.
Transcripts
foreign
let's go to a topic we talked about
before money we assume money is going to
make us happy but money often has very
Salient reference points particularly
the salary that we have often has a very
Salient reference point and this is very
Salient in fact this philosopher John
Stuart Mill once noted Ben did not
desire to be rich but they desire to be
richer than other men and that always
because again there's always be some
other man out there that's richer than
you it's going to make you feel kind of
crappy and this is a real phenomena
which reference points mess us up Social
comparison which we're going to Define
is the act of evaluating not just your
salary and your money but your status
your possessions your spouse your
whatever versus somebody else and the
mean thing about social comparison is
that our brains tend to pick that other
person who has that that has a much
better thing than us this is social
comparison and it can cause us to do
some downright dumb things when it comes
to the things that might make us happy
one study that showed this by solnick
and Hemingway looked at this they looked
at whether people were willing to give
up real income just to be better than
other people and so here was the the
question they posed to Harvard students
which of these two salary possibilities
would you prefer option number one is
that you're going to earn fifty thousand
dollars and everybody around you is
going to earn twenty five thousand
dollars you're making relatively more
money or option two is that you could
earn a hundred thousand dollars but
everybody else at your company who works
in the same position as you they're
getting 250 000 which of these would you
want now you assume that Harvard
students would take twice the salary but
in fact more than fifty percent of them
would prefer this option they'd reduce
their income by half just to be beating
everybody else which is kind of silly in
absolute terms but makes sense with
social comparison that's kind of uh the
bad way to do it but you might say like
well maybe there's a reasonable salary
reference point you could use right
maybe it's weird if everybody doing the
same job as you at your organization is
like making less money than you you know
if you have a summer job and you're
earning like 15 an hour and everybody
else is earning thirty dollars an hour
you might be like hang on there's
something wrong with this situation
right and so for me like you know maybe
if I was comparing my salary against
this guy this is Tom near he's another
Yale Professor another head of college
if he was earning way more than me I'd
be like hang on what's up right but I
shouldn't use for example Beyonce's
salary as a reference point right that
would be we have a different job we have
different skill sets that would just
make me feel unnecessarily bad right but
it turns out that this is yet another
way our mind sucks which is that we
don't just use reasonable reference
points our mind soaks up and evaluates
our own situation based on whatever
reference point we happen to notice in
whatever domain whether that's salary
our bodies our grades whatever if you
see it it's going to affect your
evaluation how do we know this well in
the salary domain we know this because
people pick up on salary reference
points that are unrealistic all the time
and one of the unrealistic reference
points we often see are the people we
see on television right like Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills or Empire
right you see a lot of rich people on
television that shouldn't be your your
standard for wealth but it turns out
people use it as such and we know this
from one study that found that the more
TV watching you do the higher you
estimate other people's wealth do you
think the average person is more wealthy
the more television you watch and
interestingly the more television you
watch overall the lower the average you
think of your own wealth so if you watch
a lot of Television you think whatever
you earn is probably less than a person
who didn't watch that much television
thinks so just seeing these other
reference points they're getting in and
making you think well I'm not earning
any money because you're watching like
real housewives out there and so
reference points mess up our sense of
how much we're earning it also messes up
our sense of having awesome stuff right
and we kind of get this when you see the
Fantastic stuff of other people yours
feels kind of bad like I have a car
that's like fine it runs fine whatever
but if I start looking at Beyonce's car
I'm like man my car kind of sucks right
like you can feel bad about your own
stuff based on other people's you know
so much so you have a nice meme for this
if your neighbor's car is ugly that
actually helps your happiness because
you don't feel so bad about your other
stuff right that that's awesome stuff
but I think more Salient for you all is
that your reference points are the kinds
of things that might mess up your
happiness about your grades and if
you're not getting perfect grades
chances are there's someone in your high
school who is there's someone in your
high school who's doing better than you
in terms of the GPA and that means even
if you're doing okay you might not feel
so good so because other students are
doing better and this is even more
problematic for the students who are in
the highest levels so if you're
competing with other AP students chances
are they're doing really well your
comparison group probably is no longer
the whole high school it's like the
other students who are in the best
highest level classes that means even
though you might be beating many
students at your school you're not
getting the kind of Happiness boost that
comes from it because your comparison
group Narrows Narrows Narrows to just
the very people who make you feel worst
about yourself thank you reference
points really bad stuff so that was how
reference points affect our happiness
about our grades but at reference points
of our happiness about pretty much
everything and I think one of the
biggest ones that FX teens today is that
reference points affect your happiness
about your looks objectively you all
look great you're awesome but if you
compare yourself against other people
there's probably always somebody even if
you look great that's going to look
better than you and this is where I
share this very famous photo of Sophia
Loren who is quite beautiful herself but
when she looks over at Jane Mansfield
she's kind of not feeling that good
about herself right and this is a famous
photo I think because everybody relates
to it right there's always the prettier
girl in the room as it were right but
your generation has more prettier people
not because there's objectively better
looking people around but because you
have to look at more and more people
right I mean think about it before the
1950s people just didn't see that many
people but then television came around
and now you're looking at all these
beautiful actors and actresses that
you're kind of looking at all the time
and your generation has it even worse
because you don't just have television
you have magazines that show you these
glossy supermodels and things and of
course you have the internet where right
on display on tick tock on Instagram are
like the most beautiful people out there
and again remember this really stupid
feature of reference points you don't
look at a glossy photo magazine or look
at an Instagram model and think that's
not the right reference point to use I'm
just high school student like I don't
have like hordes of people who are
focusing on my diet and my hair and my
exercise and all this stuff you just
think ah reference point that makes me
feel bad and your brain soaks it up and
so social media isn't just bad for body
comparisons I think social media is like
a whole network of giving you
comparisons about all kinds of things
that are going to make you feel bad
because you're getting lots and lots of
reference points on social media and
that means you're kind of comparing
everything you experience on social
media to yourself and it often makes you
feel bad and this can lead to lots and
lots of comparisons that make us feel
unhappy just another Meme here that one
of my Yale students made you're just
going around trying to love yourself and
there's your stupid friend on social
media keeps going to Italy and you're
like why don't I get to go and feel
really bad right but there's a
particularly bad thing about all these
social comparisons that happen on social
media it's not just that they happen and
that they're kind of bad and we could
avoid them is that we're really bad at
doing the comparisons we're getting the
comparisons all wrong it's not just that
we compare ourselves against these
extreme examples of beauty or money or
whatever we don't even get the
comparison right what do I mean by that
I mean with the science fiction writer
Corey doctorow once talked about which
is he quoted as saying it cannot be
repeated too much that you live your own
blooper reel and experience everyone
else's highlight reel I think the
problem with social media is people are
putting together their perfect highlight
reel where they look beautiful and happy
and Rich and whatever especially in the
public version but in the private
version what's going on inside their
brains what's going on in the background
might not be so good you might see an
Instagram picture that looks like this
where you look at these people like oh
my gosh my friends are so happy and like
they're doing all this fun stuff and on
this vacation but you don't know what's
going on on your inside you're comparing
your insides of what you're thinking to
their outsides and if you looked at
their insides they might be thinking
something like I hate my body completely
anxious right now but High look or you
know I'm pretending to have fun but like
I have so much work I need to get back
to like applying for colleges and all
this stuff like you don't see any of
that is it's just gone and this is the
problem that what the research shows is
that we get the comparisons really wrong
because we don't have access to the same
stuff and one of my favorite studies
that looked at this came from Jordan and
colleagues where they really tried to
explicitly look at how off are our
predictions about what's going on with
the good and bad things that are
happening to other people and so they
brought first-year students in and had
them estimate the number of positive and
negative experiences other first-year
college students had so they're kind of
guessing how many like good and bad
things are happening but then they also
said how often those things happen to
them and that means that the researchers
have an accurate guess about like how
often good and bad things happen versus
your estimate of how often these happen
to other people and we can just ask
whether or not those match up and so
here's what what Jordan at all found
when they were looking at positive
experiences so a positive experience be
like how many people do you think in
your school for example attended a fun
party like in their estimate for these
college First Years 62 how many went to
an athletic game that they enjoyed how
many went out with their friends how
many had a great meal how many a higher
grade than than they expected that's the
estimate but when you look at the actual
what the actual percentages are in every
single case the actual percent of people
who had the like good thing happen is
usually less than like people are
predicting so we're overestimating the
positive things that are happening to
other people that's the positive stuff
but when you look at the negative things
the pattern is even worse like so let's
look at negative events that could
happen your first year at College you
have a fight with your roommate you
thought about missing your friends you
kind of were rejected by somebody you
were trying to date you thought about
all your bad habits and felt really bad
about yourself you received a lower
grade than you expected those are the
estimates but here's what happens in the
actual in these cases they're not just
like like higher than people predict
they're often in many cases way higher
than people predict and the researchers
figured out why which is something
negative happens to you in college it's
not like you announce it like on
Instagram you try to effortfully hide it
so nobody knows and that means that
we're just like not working with the
right social comparisons we're not like
tracking all the good and bad things
that happen to people accurately and so
all that goes to say that we're over
we're estimating other people's good
stuff and we're really underestimating
other people's bad stuff so we're making
all these social comparisons in some
cases automatically and make us feel
terrible and those comparisons are just
wrong
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