You’ve Been Playing a Role. It’s Time to Come Home.

Summary

This video explores the journey of self-discovery and healing, urging viewers to confront the identities they have built to survive, often at the cost of their true selves. It emphasizes the importance of identifying the roots of self-rejection and taking intentional actions toward self-love, which is not about feeling good but about doing what is healthy for oneself. The video encourages mourning past pain, reconnecting with one's inner child, and silencing the internal critic by choosing to feed a new, loving voice. Ultimately, it’s about unmasking oneself and learning to love who you truly are.

Takeaways

• 😀 Self-identity can be masked by a persona built for survival, and it may lead to feelings of suffocation and grief.
• 😀 Healing begins by identifying and understanding why you hid your true self in the first place, which could be due to neglect, abuse, or cultural pressure.
• 😀 To unmask and heal, you need to mourn the lost version of yourself—the child who was neglected or forced to survive in ways that felt unnatural.
• 😀 Self-love is not a feeling but a series of intentional actions that prioritize your well-being, even when the feelings don't align.
• 😀 To know yourself, ask deep, probing questions about your true desires, likes, and experiences, without the filter of past trauma or expectations.
• 😀 The process of self-love requires active and continuous exploration of your identity, just like how you would study or engage with someone else you care about.
• 😀 Reparent yourself by acknowledging and caring for the wounded child within, and allow them to exist without judgment or suppression.
• 😀 Break the cycle of self-rejection by actively choosing to prioritize your true self, even if it feels uncomfortable or out of character to others.
• 😀 Confront and challenge your inner critic, which may be rooted in past pain or negative experiences, but don’t let it define you.
• 😀 The healing process involves feeding the ‘lover’ inside of you, the voice of self-compassion, which helps counter the negative internal dialogue from your critic.

Q & A

What is the core reason people struggle with their identity?

People struggle with their identity because they spend most of their lives building a persona to survive, which eventually leads to feeling suffocated and disconnected from their true selves.

Why is the performed self not a true reflection of who we are?

The performed self is an identity built to meet external needs and expectations, not an authentic representation of who we are. It is a survival mechanism, often shaped by circumstances beyond our control.

What role does anger play in the healing process?

Anger is not inherently bad; it can be a sacred emotion that helps people mourn and express the grief they carry. Acknowledging and processing anger allows individuals to understand their pain and begin healing.

How can people begin to love themselves authentically?

To truly love yourself, you need to take actions that are healthy and good for you, regardless of how you feel. Self-love is not just an emotional state but is built through consistent, intentional actions toward self-care and self-awareness.

Why is self-awareness important in learning to love oneself?

Self-awareness helps you uncover your true likes, wants, and feelings. By regularly reflecting on who you are, you develop a deeper understanding of yourself, which is essential for real self-love and healing.

What is the significance of reparenting oneself in the healing process?

Reparenting involves nurturing and caring for the inner child—the version of you that never received the love and care it needed. It is about reclaiming parts of yourself that were neglected or suppressed due to external pressures.

What does it mean to 'turn down the volume' on the inner critic?

Turning down the volume on the inner critic means not allowing negative, self-rejecting thoughts to control your actions. Instead of believing and obeying the critic's voice, you create space for a more loving, supportive voice within you.

How can someone start shifting their focus from the critic to the lover within?

To shift focus, you need to intentionally feed the voice of love every day. By speaking life and love into yourself, even when it feels fake or uncomfortable, you gradually weaken the critic’s influence and strengthen the supportive, loving voice.

Why is it important to make space for mourning during the healing process?

Mourning allows you to process the pain of lost years and suppressed aspects of yourself. By acknowledging your past pain and grief, you begin to heal and make space for a more authentic life moving forward.

What is the role of daily practices in the journey of self-discovery?

Daily practices, such as self-reflection and journaling, are crucial in the journey of self-discovery because they help you consistently learn about yourself. Over time, these practices help you reconnect with your true self, develop self-awareness, and foster self-love.