Digital Age Etiquette: Evan Selinger at TEDxFlourCity

Summary

The speaker discusses how modern technology, particularly social media, erodes genuine human connection. Through examples like a Facebook ad and personal stories, they explore how etiquette, often dismissed as outdated, is actually essential in fostering care and consideration. They argue that small gestures, like checking phones at gatherings or sending thoughtful thank-you notes, help cultivate mutual respect and prevent apathy. The speaker highlights how technology can be used thoughtfully without undermining social bonds, promoting a balance of giving and receiving with genuine effort.

Takeaways

• 😀 Facebook's portrayal of family gatherings through technology creates a disconnect between people in real life.
• 😀 Overuse of technology in social situations, like tuning out during family dinners, can lead to apathy and isolation.
• 😀 Etiquette, often seen as old-fashioned, is crucial for fostering care and connection in today's world.
• 😀 Simple gestures, like checking phones in before family events, can help maintain attention and connection among generations.
• 😀 The 'phone stack' concept, where everyone places their phones in the center during meals, helps people engage with each other.
• 😀 Technology should be used mindfully, with etiquette serving as a guide to ensure respect and consideration in digital communication.
• 😀 Acknowledging others through formal communication (like well-written emails) shows respect and encourages reciprocal consideration.
• 😀 Etiquette in communication, such as taking time to write thoughtful thank-you notes, helps reinforce the value of effort and reciprocity.
• 😀 Pro-social behaviors, like writing personalized notes or giving thoughtful feedback, can leave a lasting impact on others.
• 😀 Proper use of technology in formal settings, like using phones for notes instead of distractions, can improve the effectiveness of communication and respect during events.

Q & A

What is the main critique the speaker offers about Facebook's portrayal of family life in its advertisements?

The speaker criticizes Facebook's portrayal of family life, specifically in a commercial where a young woman ignores her family at the dining table, engaging with her phone instead. This highlights how technology can disconnect people rather than bringing them together, leading to apathy and lack of effort in social interactions.

Why does the speaker suggest that 'etiquette' is important in the modern world?

The speaker suggests that etiquette is important because it fosters care and conscientiousness in social interactions. In an age of technology-induced apathy, etiquette provides a means to show respect and make an effort to connect with others, which helps counter selfishness and disconnection.

What is the significance of the 'phone stack' mentioned in the script?

The 'phone stack' is a social practice where everyone places their phones in the center of the table during a gathering, with a penalty for taking them out, like paying for the meal. It serves as a gesture to encourage people to focus on each other and engage in meaningful face-to-face interaction, rather than being distracted by their phones.

How does the speaker relate email communication to etiquette?

The speaker uses email communication to illustrate the importance of formality and consideration. For instance, emails that start with casual greetings like 'yo' can come off as disrespectful. The speaker emphasizes that adding small formalities or acknowledgments in communication shows that the recipient is valued and respected.

What lesson does the speaker's daughter, Rory, learn through writing thank-you notes?

Rory learns that thank-you notes are more than just a formality; they are a way to show acknowledgment and appreciation for others' efforts. The speaker emphasizes that this small act of effort is a form of etiquette that demonstrates respect and helps build stronger social connections.

How does the story about Rory's teacher writing personalized notes to students illustrate the value of etiquette?

The story about Rory's teacher writing personalized notes highlights how small, thoughtful gestures, such as recognizing individual achievements and providing constructive feedback, can make a lasting impact. This exemplifies how etiquette—making the effort to show care and consideration—can strengthen relationships and foster respect.

What was the speaker's reaction to his daughter's idea of sending a thank-you note via text?

The speaker initially found his daughter's idea of sending a thank-you note via text to be an example of Silicon Valley efficiency, but he pointed out that a quick text would not convey the same level of effort or consideration as a more personalized gesture, such as a handwritten note or a creative video message.

What does the speaker suggest would happen if etiquette were more widely practiced in relation to technology?

The speaker suggests that if etiquette were more widely practiced in relation to technology, it would allow people to use their devices in ways that enhance interactions, rather than detract from them. People could use phones for note-taking or sharing information without it seeming disrespectful or disengaged.

How does the speaker relate the concept of 'etiquette' to the 'Golden Rule'?

The speaker connects etiquette to the Golden Rule by emphasizing that small gestures of courtesy and consideration reflect the core principle of treating others as one would like to be treated. Etiquette, when practiced thoughtfully, embodies this idea by showing that mutual respect and effort matter in social interactions.

What is the ethical question the speaker poses at the end of the talk?

At the end of the talk, the speaker poses the ethical question: 'Are we going to take more than we give, or are we going to give more than we take?' This question encourages reflection on how individuals engage in relationships and whether they contribute effort and care, or take without reciprocating.