You’re Always on a Narcissist’s Mind, Here’s Why They Can’t Let You Go! | NPD | Narcissism

Summary

Narcissists can't let go of their exes due to their deep need for validation, control, and superiority. Even after a breakup, they often remain mentally fixated on their former partners, viewing relationships as a source of 'supply' rather than emotional connection. Narcissists engage in cycles of idealization and devaluation and struggle with emotional object constancy, keeping their exes in their mental narrative. They may covertly monitor their exes' social media or bring them up in new relationships to maintain control and validation, revealing the ongoing, unhealthy obsession that lingers long after the relationship ends.

Takeaways

• 😀 Narcissists obsess over ex-partners due to their constant need for validation and control, not love or affection.
• 😀 Relationships to narcissists are a source of supply, used to boost their fragile self-esteem, not for mutual connection.
• 😀 Even after a breakup, narcissists continue to keep their ex-partners mentally present by fixating on their image and validation.
• 😀 Narcissists struggle with object constancy, meaning they have trouble maintaining emotional bonds when the person is out of sight.
• 😀 Narcissists' obsession with ex-partners may manifest in covert ways, such as social media stalking or monitoring their life through others.
• 😀 Their obsession is not about rekindling the relationship but about maintaining control over their ex’s thoughts and actions.
• 😀 Narcissists frequently compare new relationships to past ones, especially if they didn't end the relationship on their own terms.
• 😀 Their fixation can continue for months or even years after the relationship ends, especially if they feel they lost control.
• 😀 Narcissists often use their ex-partners to fuel their sense of superiority and to reflect their own self-worth, even when they're no longer in contact.
• 😀 Narcissists' obsession with their exes can lead them to subtly disrupt their lives, sometimes even bringing up past relationships in new ones to maintain psychological control.

Q & A

Why can't narcissists seem to let go of their ex-partners even after the relationship has ended?

Narcissists struggle to let go because they view relationships as a source of validation and control, not mutual connection. Even after a breakup, they continue to crave the approval and superiority they once received from their ex-partners.

What is meant by the term 'object constancy' in the context of narcissism?

Object constancy refers to the ability to maintain emotional bonds with someone even when they are not physically present. Narcissists often lack this ability, causing them to obsess over their ex-partners, even after a relationship ends.

How do narcissists typically manifest their obsession with ex-partners?

Narcissists may engage in covert behaviors like stalking on social media, constantly monitoring their ex's activities or interactions. Even when not in direct contact, they maintain an internal fixation on the person, assessing whether they have lost control or not.

Why do narcissists bring up their past relationships in new ones?

Narcissists often bring up previous partners in new relationships to maintain control and create a psychological bond. By playing the victim and talking negatively about their ex, they try to manipulate their new partner's emotions while keeping their ex as a point of comparison.

What role does a narcissist’s need for superiority play in their obsession with exes?

The need for superiority drives narcissists to keep ex-partners in their mental narrative. The relationship is a means to affirm their own value and worth, and losing control or validation from the ex-partner triggers a continued obsession.

How do narcissists’ behaviors after a breakup differ from emotionally healthy individuals?

Unlike emotionally healthy individuals, who view relationships as opportunities for growth and mutual connection, narcissists view them primarily as sources of supply to bolster their own sense of worth. After a breakup, they remain obsessed with maintaining control and validation from their ex-partners.

What is the cycle of idealization and devaluation that narcissists often go through in relationships?

Narcissists tend to idealize their partners at first, showering them with attention and affection. Over time, however, they devalue them, becoming cold and aloof. This cycle reflects the narcissist's need for validation and control, and it often resurfaces even after the relationship ends.

Why do narcissists obsessively monitor their ex-partners on social media?

Narcissists monitor their ex-partners on social media to maintain a sense of control. Even after the breakup, they feel the need to see if their ex is still thinking about them, moving on, or finding someone new, which threatens their fragile sense of superiority.

How does the narcissist's internal preoccupation with their ex-partner affect their mental state?

Narcissists often replay past interactions with their ex-partners in their minds, assessing whether they 'won' or 'lost' in the relationship. This mental rumination is driven by a need to preserve their ego and maintain a sense of control, which can lead to emotional instability and obsessive thoughts.

Can narcissists ever truly move on from their ex-partners?

Narcissists may appear to move on by entering new relationships, but they rarely fully let go of their ex-partners. Their obsession is often buried beneath the surface and may resurface, especially if they feel their sense of control or superiority is threatened by their ex moving on or finding new relationships.