The Sex Talks We Never Had, That Can Save Our Kids | Clint Davis | TEDxWestMonroe

Summary

In this engaging talk, the speaker addresses the critical issue of 'sexual neglect' in children's upbringing. As a counselor and a sexual trauma survivor, she shares her personal story and the importance of teaching children about sexual development, consent, and body safety. The speaker emphasizes the need for age-appropriate conversations to prevent future trauma and highlights the role of technology and online platforms in exposing children to adult content. She offers practical steps for parents and caregivers to break the cycle of sexual neglect, promote healthy attitudes towards sexuality, and protect children both online and offline.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker uses a humorous anecdote about her son to introduce the topic of 'sexual neglect' and the importance of setting boundaries for children.
• 👦 The speaker defines 'sexual neglect' as a lack of age-appropriate conversations about sexual development, private parts, consent, and body safety.
• 🚸 She emphasizes the importance of teaching children 'the penis rules' to establish who can touch them, see them naked, and when and where this is appropriate.
• 🌏 The speaker highlights that sexual neglect is not listed as a traumatic event in the ACEs study but argues it should be addressed immediately.
• 👪 She compares the need for sexual education to teaching children how to cross the street safely, emphasizing the need for setting boundaries and expectations.
• 🚫 The speaker explains that children's first experiences with normal sexual development should not be associated with shame, fear, or surprise.
• 🔢 She presents statistics that one out of three girls and one out of five boys experience sexual trauma by the age of 18, with many cases due to sexual neglect.
• 💻 The speaker addresses the new challenges of sexual exploitation online, with children being exposed to adult content through platforms like YouTube Kids and video games.
• 📈 She notes that the average age a child sees pornography is between 8 to 11 years old, and that middle schoolers are engaging in risky behaviors like sending nude pictures.
• 🛡 The speaker suggests that less than 15% of parents have rules for devices, indicating a lack of understanding and preparation for the digital age.
• 📚 She encourages the audience to use available resources such as podcasts and books to educate themselves and their children about sexual health and safety.
• 💬 The speaker calls for difficult but necessary conversations about sexuality to break the cycle of sexual neglect and to empower children and adults alike.

Q & A

What was the humorous incident involving Grady and his grandmother?

Grady, who was five years old at the time, kicked his grandmother out of the bathroom while he was using the toilet because he didn't want her to see him or his 'penis'.

Why is the speaker addressing the topic of sexual neglect?

The speaker is a counselor trained in trauma and sex addiction, and a sexual trauma survivor herself. She wants to raise awareness about sexual neglect and its impact on children's safety and mental health.

What are the 'penis rules' mentioned in the script?

The 'penis rules' are guidelines set by the speaker and her wife for their two boys, which include who can touch them, who can see them naked, and when and where it is appropriate.

What does the speaker define as 'sexual neglect'?

Sexual neglect is defined by the speaker as a child growing up without age-appropriate and healthy conversations about sexual development, private parts, consent, and body safety.

Why is it important to discuss sexual development openly with children?

Discussing sexual development openly helps children understand their bodies, set boundaries, and know how to protect themselves from potential harm, both online and in person.

What are the five traumatic events listed in the ACEs study?

The ACEs study lists physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as physical and emotional neglect as traumatic events that can impact children for the rest of their lives.

How does the speaker relate the concept of crossing the street safely to sexual education?

The speaker compares teaching children about sexual development to teaching them how to cross the street safely, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and expectations to keep them safe.

What are some of the consequences of a child growing up sexually neglected?

A child who grows up sexually neglected may struggle with addiction, mental health issues, an unhealthy view of themselves and others, and have difficulty protecting themselves from online or in-person threats.

What statistics does the speaker provide regarding child sexual trauma?

The speaker states that one out of three girls and one out of five boys experience sexual trauma by the age of 18, with half of these cases being child-on-child interactions due to sexual neglect.

How has technology and the digital age impacted the issue of sexual neglect?

Technology and the digital age have moved abuse from in-person to online, with children being exposed to adult content and sexual exploitation through platforms like YouTube Kids, Roblox, and Minecraft.

What steps does the speaker suggest to combat sexual neglect?

The speaker suggests steps such as having difficult conversations, raising awareness, accessing resources like books and podcasts, seeking therapy for oneself, and starting conversations with children to build trust and understanding.

What is the speaker's ultimate goal for discussing sexual neglect?

The speaker's goal is to create a future where adults, families, and children feel comfortable with their sexuality, see themselves in a healthy light, and are confident in protecting themselves both online and in person.