Can you fix limerence with "no contact"?

Summary

In this video, Maris, a doctoral student in counseling psychology, discusses the complexities of going no contact in the context of limerance. She emphasizes the importance of understanding the reasons behind choosing no contact and how it can aid recovery. Maris explains that no contact means not only avoiding direct communication but also minimizing exposure to information about the person, as this can fuel obsessive thoughts. While no contact can be beneficial, it should be executed thoughtfully to avoid drawing attention to the situation. Ultimately, Maris encourages viewers to prioritize their mental health and engage in self-reflection throughout the process.

Takeaways

• 😀 No contact involves not only avoiding direct communication but also limiting exposure to information about the person you are fixated on.
• 💔 Limerence is a psychological state where one's emotional well-being is heavily influenced by the attention or lack of attention from a particular person.
• 🛑 Going no contact can help reduce fantasies and emotional dependency on the 'loved' object, leading to potential recovery.
• 🤔 It's important to evaluate your reasons for going no contact to ensure it aligns with your emotional recovery rather than seeking attention.
• 🌱 No contact is often a good starting point for dealing with limerence, but it shouldn't be viewed as the only solution.
• ⏳ Recovery from limerence can take a significant amount of time, often ranging from 1.5 to 3 years, and requires patience.
• 👥 If going no contact draws attention to your emotional state from friends or colleagues, it might worsen the situation by intensifying your feelings of limerence.
• 🔄 Once you have moved past the intense phase of limerence, it may be possible to reintroduce the person into your life without the same emotional baggage.
• 💡 Limerence is often rooted in an idealized version of the person, which can change once the emotional intensity fades.
• 🤝 Engaging in no contact does not mean you are blocking someone for life; it's a temporary measure for emotional health.

Q & A

What is limerance?

Limerance is an intense emotional state focused on a specific person, characterized by obsessive thoughts, fantasies, and an emotional dependency on that person’s behavior.

What does 'no contact' mean in the context of limerance?

'No contact' refers to not only avoiding direct communication with the person you are attracted to but also refraining from consuming information about them, such as social media posts.

Why is no contact considered beneficial for recovery from limerance?

No contact can help reduce emotional dependency, break the cycle of rumination, and create space for healing by diminishing the intensity of feelings associated with the loved object.

How does social media interaction relate to limerance?

Engaging with a person's social media creates psychological contact, which can fuel fantasies and emotional dependency, making it harder to recover from limerance.

What should individuals consider when deciding to go no contact?

They should weigh the short-term pain of no contact against the long-term benefits of emotional healing, considering whether the sacrifices made are worth the potential future outcome.

What is the average duration for limerance to pass?

On average, it takes between 1.5 to 3 years for limerance to pass, although this duration can vary from person to person.

Can no contact be reversed once the limerance is gone?

Yes, once the intensity of limerance has diminished, individuals can reintroduce contact with the loved object in a more pragmatic and realistic manner.

What are some potential negative consequences of going no contact?

If no contact draws attention from friends or colleagues, it can exacerbate the situation and lead to more obsessive thoughts about the loved object.

How can someone ensure their no contact approach is effective?

They should make the process seamless and natural, avoiding drawing attention to their actions or the limerance dynamic, and focus on their recovery instead.

What is the importance of self-reflection when going no contact?

Self-reflection helps individuals understand their motivations for going no contact and ensures that the decision is rooted in a desire for personal recovery rather than seeking attention or validation.