How To Make An Avoidant Ex Miss You
Summary
TLDRThe video discusses how to make an avoidant ex miss you, focusing on understanding avoidant attachment styles. It explains that avoidants fear intimacy and prefer emotional distance, but they still long for connection. The key is to give them space and become unavailable, as this allows them to miss you without fear of emotional obligation. The video also highlights that avoidants only truly miss someone once they feel the person has moved on and after failed connections with new prospects. The importance of personal growth during a no-contact phase is emphasized.
Takeaways
- 🔒 Avoidant exes are typically drawn to anxious partners but often struggle to maintain close relationships.
- 📚 Understanding the four main attachment styles can provide insight into relationship dynamics and breakup recovery.
- 🌐 Visiting www.exboyfriendrecovery.com or taking the quiz can help assess one's chances of getting an ex back.
- 🚫 Avoidant individuals often avoid intimacy and may keep partners at a distance to prevent emotional closeness.
- 🐺 Avoidants see themselves as 'lone wolves', valuing independence and self-sufficiency over emotional connection.
- 🤔 Empathizing with an avoidant's worldview is crucial for effectively making them miss you after a breakup.
- 🚭 Avoidants may only start missing an ex once they believe the ex has moved on and is emotionally unavailable.
- 💬 Low-level interactions can trigger discomfort or guilt in avoidants, so minimal contact is advised.
- 🕐 The timing of re-engagement with an avoidant ex is key; they often miss their ex more after failing to form new bonds.
- 💡 The no-contact rule is essential for those with anxious attachment styles to build self-worth and be emotionally ready for potential reconciliation.
- 📈 The success of getting an ex back often depends on one's mindset post-breakup, needing to be secure and accepting of potential outcomes.
Q & A
What is the most common type of ex that clients are trying to get back, according to the video?
-The most common type of ex clients are trying to get back is an avoidant ex.
What is the typical relationship dynamic between anxious and avoidant attachment styles?
-There is an odd relationship dynamic where anxious individuals are naturally drawn to avoidant individuals, but this dynamic often leads to breakups.
How do people with an avoidant attachment style typically behave in relationships?
-People with avoidant attachment styles avoid intimacy, keep their partners at a distance, and often withdraw during conflict. They also tend to mistrust others and rely on themselves emotionally.
Why is it important to understand an avoidant's worldview when trying to make them miss you?
-Understanding an avoidant's worldview helps in empathizing with how they perceive relationships, allowing for more effective strategies to make them miss you.
What mistake do people often make when trying to get an avoidant ex to miss them?
-People often fail to empathize with the avoidant’s perspective and resort to generic advice like 'playing hard to get,' which doesn’t cater specifically to avoidant attachment styles.
Why do avoidance feel more comfortable missing an ex after the relationship has ended?
-Avoidants feel free to miss someone once that person is unavailable because it reduces their fear of engulfment and makes them feel safe to long for the person without the risk of intimacy.
What effect does staying in contact with an avoidant ex have on their emotions?
-Staying in contact may keep uncomfortable emotions or guilt at bay and prevent the avoidant from fully processing the loss of the relationship, making it harder for them to miss the person.
What typically triggers an avoidant ex to start missing their former partner?
-An avoidant ex typically starts missing their former partner once they have tried to form bonds with new prospects and those relationships fail to meet their expectations.
How does one's mindset affect the success of reconnecting with an avoidant ex?
-To successfully reconnect with an avoidant ex, one must reach a mindset where they are okay with the possibility of not getting back together. This sense of security and independence is attractive to avoidants.
What is the 'no contact rule' and why is it important in dealing with an avoidant ex?
-The 'no contact rule' is a strategy where one avoids contacting their ex for a period of time. It’s important for avoidants because it gives them space to process the breakup and feel comfortable missing their ex.
Outlines
🧐 Understanding Avoidant Exes and Their Attachment Style
This paragraph introduces the concept of avoidant exes, explaining how they are the most common type of ex that clients of the speaker encounter. It highlights the relationship between anxious and avoidant attachment styles, often seen in couples, and previews the purpose of the video: understanding how to make an avoidant ex miss you through psychology and empathy. The paragraph also emphasizes the different worldviews of avoidants and those with other attachment styles.
📊 Take the Quiz to Evaluate Your Chances
A brief interjection where the speaker encourages viewers to visit their website, exboyfriendrecovery.com, and take a free quiz to assess their chances of getting their ex back. It provides a simple call to action, directing viewers to check the description link of the video to access the quiz.
💔 Avoidants' Fear of Intimacy and Emotional Distance
This paragraph explains the hallmark behavior of avoidant attachment: a lack of intimacy. It dispels the myth that avoidants avoid relationships entirely, clarifying that they do form relationships but maintain emotional distance. It also discusses their withdrawal during emotional situations or conflict and their tendency to mistrust reliance on others. Avoidants often see themselves as emotionally self-sufficient, driven by a fear of getting too close.
💡 Empathizing with Avoidants' Emotional State
The speaker emphasizes the importance of empathy when trying to make an avoidant ex miss you. By understanding their perspective and emotional state, you can better strategize your approach. The speaker draws a parallel between everyday scenarios of emotional misunderstanding and avoidants' behavior in relationships, such as when avoidants deny their emotions and snap when confronted. This understanding is key to successfully making them miss you.
🧠 The Psychology Behind Making an Avoidant Miss You
The speaker introduces unique insights on how to make avoidants miss you, focusing on understanding their mindset. Many people use generic strategies like 'playing hard to get,' but these often fail because they are not tailored to avoidants. This paragraph sets the stage for explaining four key components that help avoidants feel comfortable missing their ex without pressure.
🚪 Step 1: Create Distance to Allow Them to Miss You
The first component of making an avoidant miss you is to become unavailable. Avoidants will only miss their ex once they believe the person has truly let go and moved on. The speaker explains that anxious behaviors, like trying to fix things too quickly, prevent avoidants from feeling comfortable enough to long for their ex. Giving space allows avoidants to feel non-pressured, a crucial element in getting them to miss you.
📱 Step 2: Low-Contact to Avoid Emotional Overload
The second component stresses the importance of low-level interactions. Constant contact or pressure makes avoidants feel trapped and prevents them from missing their ex. By limiting contact, you disrupt their emotional regulatory system, allowing them to process their feelings of loss. The speaker warns against over-contacting, as this can lead to being blocked by an avoidant ex.
😌 Step 3: Freedom to Miss Without Pressure
The third component focuses on timing. Avoidants can only miss their ex when they feel that there is no threat of rekindling the relationship immediately. Once they believe their ex has moved on, they are free to reminisce and miss the relationship without feeling obligated to return. This freedom is essential to their emotional processing, and creating this space allows avoidants to feel safe in their nostalgia.
💔 Step 4: Avoidants Only Miss You After Failing with Others
The fourth component discusses how avoidants will start missing their ex when they fail to find a connection with new partners. Once the new relationships don't live up to the expectations set by their previous one, they begin to reflect on their past relationship more fondly. The speaker suggests that after an avoidant has tried dating others, they will begin to miss the comfort and bond of their past relationship.
🔄 The Importance of Emotional Security and Letting Go
The speaker concludes by stressing that the key to winning back an avoidant ex is emotional security. After a breakup, one must reach a state of mind where they are truly okay with moving on and accepting that the relationship may not be rekindled. The speaker explains how a secure mindset allows for proper use of the 'no contact' rule, which is essential in making an avoidant feel free enough to miss their ex.
🚨 Final Call to Take the Ex Recovery Quiz
In the final paragraph, the speaker reminds viewers to take the ex recovery chances quiz. They emphasize the importance of engaging with the content by liking, commenting, and subscribing to the channel. This serves as the closing of the video, reinforcing the call to action and encouraging further engagement.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Avoidant Attachment Style
💡Anxious Attachment Style
💡No Contact Rule
💡Emotional Distance
💡Fear of Engulfment
💡Guilt and Burden
💡Self-sufficiency
💡Reciprocal Feelings
💡Unavailability
💡Latent Romanticism
Highlights
Most exes that clients want to get back are avoidant, and clients themselves are often anxious.
Avoidant individuals form relationships but maintain emotional distance, often mistrusting intimacy.
Avoidants are like 'lone wolves'—they are independent, self-sufficient, and fear getting too close.
They avoid relationships not due to lack of interest but because they fear not meeting expectations.
To make an avoidant ex miss you, they need to believe you've let go and moved on.
An avoidant will not miss someone who is readily available; space and time are essential.
Low-level interactions can trigger uncomfortable emotions for avoidants, making space even more critical.
Only after an avoidant feels a relationship is truly over will they allow themselves to miss their ex.
Avoidants may enjoy missing an ex once they feel liberated from the relationship.
It often takes failure to find a new connection before an avoidant starts missing their ex.
Timing is critical in making an avoidant miss you—pushing too early can backfire.
A no-contact rule helps avoidants process emotions and feel free to miss their ex.
Post-breakup, developing a secure mindset is essential to reconnecting with an avoidant.
Avoidants need to feel that you are over them before they can emotionally miss you.
Confidence in being okay without getting back together is key to making an avoidant reconsider the relationship.
Transcripts
all right today we're going to be
talking about how to make an avoidant
ex miss you now avoiding
x's we find tend to be the most
common type of x that most of our
clients are trying to get back
and if you want kind of a history lesson
with regards to ex-boyfriend recovery
it's probably a good idea to read some
of our articles
on attachment styles because we talk a
lot about the four main types of
attachment styles there
are and we find that most of our clients
are anxious and most of their exes are
avoidance
and there's this odd relationship
between the two where they're almost
naturally drawn together and almost
naturally will
break up so what we're going to do today
is not only teach you how
to make an avoided ex miss you using
real life psychology but we're also
going to help you empathize with what an
avoidant
goes through because the way they look
at the world is going to be completely
different than the way
you look at the world so let's first
start by looking
at what an avoidant attachment style
is and looks like hey there real quick
i want to say that if you're new to this
youtube channel or you're
trying to figure out what you should be
doing to get your ex back and you're
trying to learn if you even have a
chance
in your specific circumstance probably
the smartest thing for you to do is
actually
stop by our website
www.exboyfriendrecovery.com
or take our ex recovery chances quiz
that can be found
at xboyfriendrecovery.com now if you're
watching this on youtube
taking that free quiz is super easy to
do all you have to simply do is look in
the description link below this youtube
video
and click on the link you see there it
will take you directly to the quiz where
you can fill it out and get an
easy answer on what you should be doing
going forward and overall what your
chances look like in your specific
situation all right
so let's get you back to the video all
right so the big calling card here
is a lack of intimacy they'll either
avoid it altogether or they'll keep
their partners at a distance
now a lot of people mistakenly believe
that someone with an avoidant attachment
will avoid relationships altogether but
that's simply not true they do form
relationships but they
simply find ways of staying distant
within the confines of the relationship
you see this a lot when it comes to
expressing emotions or dealing with
conflict
they'll withdraw or simply avoid it i'd
even go as far as saying that they have
a pretty big mistrust and depending on
others in relationships
the avoidant type would often perceive
themselves as
lone wolves they're strong independent
and self-sufficient
not necessarily in terms of physical
contact but rather on an emotional level
underlying everything with an avoidant
attachment style is a deep
fear of getting too close so i think the
big mistake a lot of people make when it
comes to avoiding attachment styles
specifically trying to make an avoidant
miss you is they fail to empathize with
their world view now we've kind of done
that a little bit already by simply
explaining
what an avoidant attachment is and how
they kind of
view life but what i would like to do is
dig a little deeper so that you can
truly understand
how their perception of your
relationship or your time together is
probably different from your perception
of your time together and then
from there once we have empathized a lot
of the suggestions i'm going to make
about hey
this is probably the best way to make
someone miss you
will make a lot more sense because i
think a lot of times people think
alright so how do you make a man miss
you how do you make an avoidant man miss
you and immediately they
jump on the bandwagon of the generic
advice play hard to get do this do that
do that
well some of that advice is working but
a lot of it isn't working because it's
not geared specifically toward
avoidance so before i give you the goods
i think it's important for us to
understand how avoidance
operate all right so avoidance they want
connection
like everyone else but their deepest
fear is that
love and closeness come at not
being available or told who they should
be and fear disappointment
and instability inherently if someone
likes them
and starts to lean on them they don't
believe they will be able to live up to
their partner's needs
or expectations as a result
relationships quickly become
obligating guilt-ridden and burdensome
for a while they may pretend to be in
the relationship while secretly hoping
that their partner
will leave them one quick note on that
last thing
have you ever been in a relationship
with someone where you
have or you feel like you have a really
good understanding
of what the person's emotional state is
without them saying
a word it's almost like they just have
this aura surrounding to them or you
pick up whatever body language cues that
they have and you're like hey
something is wrong so you walk up to
that person and you say hey
what's what's going on talk to me and
they say
oh nothing much everything's fine but
you can tell they're not telling you the
truth
so you push further and further and then
they snap
at you what is your problem there's
nothing wrong with me
why won't you ever leave me alone
classic example
of an avoidant what works to make
an avoidant miss you i had to think
really hard about this
and i'm really proud of the answers that
i came up with because they are
extremely unique i've never seen anyone
offer this type of advice
ever before in the breakup industry
specifically for
avoidance because it requires you to
kind of change your paradigm and the
reason i made such a big deal about
explaining what an avoidant attachment
style was and helping you empathize or
see how they look at relationships and
their point of view
is because a lot of the suggestions i'm
going to make to help
you make them miss you or long for you
requires you to have some understanding
of their state of mind
so in all there are four main components
or things that i would like to talk to
you about today to help
make your ex miss you component number
one
avoidance are free to long for an ex
once that person is unavailable out of
the relationship
this is super important one of the
reasons that a lot of our clients
fail in getting their exes back is
because they're too anxious we know that
a lot from studying attachment styles a
lot of the people coming to
ex-boyfriend recovery or ex-girlfriend
recovery have anxious attachment styles
they
want to fix the relationship as soon as
possible
with an avoidant they're not going to
miss you until they truly believe
you've let go and you've moved on and
you're unavailable
and then they feel like wow now it's
okay for me to long
now it's okay for me to miss my ex
and this is an important thing because
it really helps them feel
non-pressure with regards to the missing
because
if they feel like they're missing you
when you are
available you'll get back together
and they don't want that so it's an
important distinction
to make component number two
low-level interactions have the
potential to bring up
uncomfortable emotions or guilt
all right so here's what you need to
know with every interaction
a low-level disruption to the avoidant
auto regulatory
system with the potential to bring up
uncomfortable emotions
or guilt the less engaged in contact
someone is the more miserable they may
in fact be
conversely keeping in contact may keep
the idea that the x is on the back
burner
and the avoidant can continue to deny
the loss of an
attachment figure so let's say you
decide you want to reach out to your ex
and you decide you come to ex-boyfriend
recovery you look at all of our stuff
you take the free quiz you say hey i
might have a chance of getting my ex
back and you read the first thing we
tell you to do
which is a no contact rule which is put
in place for this
very reason but you decide i don't need
that
that's for sissies that's for pansies
i'm gonna do things
my way so you blow your ex's phone up
with 70 different text messages in 15
different voicemails and you get blocked
why well your ex may be and avoid it but
even if you
aren't interacting with your ex an
excessive amount
it is going to indicate to them that
it's not okay for me to miss them yet so
giving them space
giving them time is an extremely
important thing to do if you want to
make them miss you
component number three without the
danger of reciprocal
feelings they are free to
miss you so it's only really after
they think you have moved on that you're
over them they begin to feel like this
liberation from the fear of engulfment
and it finally gives them free reign to
have their latent
romanticism with regards to your
relationship so an x being truly
unavailable may even produce a perverse
enjoyment
they are at a liberty to fully miss and
think wistfully
of their ex while it confirms their
self-belief that people won't stick
around them
in other words it's their safe space
they've always gone through life
believing hey if i'm in a relationship
it's gonna feel great for a while but
then they're gonna leave
and when that self-fulfilling prophecy
occurs even if it's their
fault it kind of gives them enough free
reign to feel like okay
now i can look back fondly on that
relationship now i can miss them
so a lot of making avoidance miss you
revolves around
timing things correctly and finally
component number four
usually they'll only truly miss you
after they fail to
find a bond with new prospects
okay so you guys broke up they probably
broke up with you or you probably broke
up with them
doesn't really matter you want to make
your avoidant ex miss you you've decided
or diagnosed your ex as an avoidant
you're thinking okay what do i have to
do chris nothing
okay i can do nothing how long do i do
nothing for chris well you're gonna do
nothing for
a while you know maybe when they finally
decide to reach out to you
once they feel free they'll feel okay
but really if you're looking for an
indication of how long you do nothing
and how long you start
working on getting over an ex it's a
good indicator to look and see if
they've gone
dating so if they're dating people you
see on social media it's actually a good
thing for avoidance because
number one they're probably still hung
up on you and number two
once that person doesn't live up the
expectations that you've created with
your great relationship
they begin to start looking back on you
in an interesting way
they feel like okay now i can start to
miss
my ex now what we do know
about attachment styles and what we're
seeing work in regards to
getting exes back it really revolves
around you
being as secure as possible after the
breakup and not a lot of people
understand this distinction
and i've been writing this gigantic
article lately about how to get an
ex back just like the general redo of
our strategy
updating it for 2021 and what's really
interesting about this concept is i've
been looking at what state of mind
someone needs to be in before they begin
contacting their ex and we find that if
you're in a state of mind where you're
still
wanting that ex back more than anything
you have not confronted the reality that
you may not get them back and
you're not okay with it if you don't get
them back
you're usually going to fail you
literally need to get to the state of
mind
where you use the no contact rule this
time where you're spending all this time
on yourself
to rebuild whatever self-worth or
confidence that you have to feel like
you know what if i don't get them back
that's okay i'll be okay it'll hurt but
i'll be fine
once you have that mindset you are ready
to talk to your ex
if you don't have that mindset you're
probably not going to do very well when
you do
talk to your ex and this is important
for avoidance because a lot of that
all right you know i'm going to be okay
you know i've moved on i've
let go is key to making them miss you
hey there thank you so much for making
it to the end of this video now if you
haven't already make sure you stop
everything you're doing and take that x
recovery chances quiz
that i talked about at the beginning of
this video taking the quiz is super
simple just look in the description
below and click the link you see
there also if you haven't liked
commented or subscribed to our youtube
channel please
please please please do so
you
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