CAREGIVING: THE SANDWICH GENERATION | SECOND OPINION WITH JOAN LUNDEN | Full Episode

Summary

In 'Second Opinion with Joan Lunden,' the focus is on the 'sandwich generation,' Americans caring for both children and older relatives. The discussion covers the physical and emotional stress of caregiving, the importance of support systems, and the need for societal and policy changes to aid these 53 million caregivers. Guest Shelly Pollard shares her personal journey, highlighting the guilt and sacrifices involved in balancing care for children and aging parents.

Takeaways

• 🏥 Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies actively support communities by providing meals and safety equipment, and partnering with nonprofits.
• 👵 The 'sandwich generation' is a term for those caring for both children under 18 and older relatives, a situation millions of families face.
• 👩‍⚕️ Dr. Roger Oskvig explains that the stress of caregiving can be physically inflammatory and impact a person's health and lifespan.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Caregivers often feel guilt and stress from balancing care for multiple generations, alongside their own personal and professional responsibilities.
• 👩‍💼 Christine Peck highlights that caregivers' responsibilities don't end when a loved one moves to independent living; they often still manage medication and other care aspects.
• 🏡 Shelly Pollard's personal story illustrates the challenges of juggling full-time work, teenage children, and aging parents' care.
• 🤝 The importance of a supportive network of family and friends is emphasized for managing the emotional and practical burdens of caregiving.
• 💼 Grace Whiting from the National Alliance for Caregiving discusses the significant number of Americans in sandwich caregiving situations and the emotional stress involved.
• 🏛️ Federal initiatives like the RAISE Family Caregivers Act aim to develop a national strategy to support caregivers.
• 👨‍⚕️ Dr. Oskvig stresses the need for caregivers to maintain a close relationship with healthcare providers to manage the physical and mental stress of caregiving.
• 🌟 Despite the challenges, caregiving can also bring a sense of meaning and purpose, and create precious moments with loved ones.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the 'Second Opinion with Joan Lunden' series?

The main focus of the 'Second Opinion with Joan Lunden' series is to address healthcare issues and provide insights into various medical topics, as evidenced by the discussion on sandwich generation caregiving in the provided script.

What does the term 'sandwich generation' refer to?

The term 'sandwich generation' refers to a group of Americans who are caring for children under 18 and older relatives at the same time, as coined in 1981 and discussed in the script.

What challenges do sandwich caregivers face according to the transcript?

Sandwich caregivers face dual challenges of caring for children and older relatives, often while being employed full time. They may experience stress, guilt, and a need to balance multiple responsibilities, as highlighted by the experiences shared in the script.

How does Dr. Roger Oskvig suggest approaching the issue of elderly parents' driving safety?

Dr. Roger Oskvig suggests involving the parents and their children in a discussion where he communicates the driving concerns directly to the parents, instructing the children not to talk during the visit, as mentioned in the script.

What is the impact of caregiving on the physical health of caregivers?

The stress of caregiving, especially for multiple generations, can be an inflammatory process in the body that ages various organs and can lead to shorter life expectancies, as explained by Dr. Oskvig in the script.

What resources are available for caregivers seeking support?

Resources available for caregivers include the National Family Caregiver Support Program, community-based organizations, and the Veteran Caregiver Support program for veterans, as discussed by Grace Whiting in the script.

What is the role of primary care practitioners in supporting caregivers?

Primary care practitioners play a role in guiding and advising caregivers through the caregiving process, helping them manage the health and well-being of their loved ones, as suggested by the script.

How does the script suggest sharing the caregiving responsibilities?

The script suggests forming a supportive team with family members or friends, as Shelly Pollard's story illustrates the importance of her 'Three Amigos' support system in caregiving.

What is the significance of the Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies' role mentioned in the script?

The script highlights the role of Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies in stepping up to help communities in need, expanding care to rural areas, and supporting local nonprofits, emphasizing their commitment to community health.

How does the script address the emotional stress on caregivers?

The script addresses the emotional stress on caregivers by discussing the sense of guilt and the importance of finding meaning and purpose in caregiving, as well as the need for support systems to balance the positive and stressful sides of caring.

What is the importance of having a close relationship with physicians for caregivers?

Having a close relationship with physicians is important for caregivers to maintain their health, as the stress of caregiving can have significant health impacts, and physicians can be allies in managing these effects, as mentioned in the script.

Outlines

00:00

🏥 Community Support and Caregiving Challenges

The video script begins with a focus on the community support provided by Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies, highlighting their efforts in preparing meals for families in need and their belief in expanding care beyond health insurance. It emphasizes the importance of supporting rural communities, providing safety equipment for heroes, and aiding local nonprofits. The script then transitions into a discussion about the 'sandwich generation,' which refers to individuals caring for both children under 18 and older relatives simultaneously. The conversation includes Dr. Roger Oskvig, a geriatrics specialist, and other experts who discuss the stress of caregiving and its impact on the body. The narrative continues with Shelly Pollard sharing her personal experience of being a full-time worker and a caregiver for her parents, illustrating the challenges faced by millions in the sandwich generation.

05:00

👨‍⚕️ Guiding Caregivers Through Transitions

This section delves into how Dr. Oskvig, a gerontologist, guides patients and their adult children through the challenging transition of aging care. He shares a method of involving parents and children in medical discussions to address concerns like driving safety or cooking abilities. The dialogue explores the emotional aspects of caregiving, such as guilt and the stress associated with taking care of multiple generations. The conversation also touches on new models of healthcare delivery that promote shared decision-making and the importance of maintaining the voice and autonomy of the elderly during the caregiving process.

10:03

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Balancing Caregiving with Family Responsibilities

The script continues with Shelly discussing the impact of her father's health issues and the subsequent need to find a suitable living arrangement for both parents. It highlights the difficulty of balancing caregiving responsibilities with the needs of her teenage daughter and her full-time job. The conversation with Christine, a licensed social worker, underscores the commonality of such situations among caregivers. The discussion also addresses the misconception that placing a loved one in independent living reduces a caregiver's responsibilities, as there is still significant involvement in managing medications, ensuring comfort, and handling logistics.

15:03

🌐 National Support for Caregivers

In this part, Grace Whiting, president of the National Alliance for Caregiving, provides insights into the scope of sandwich caregiving in America, with 53 million Americans caring for someone with healthcare needs and 11% of them being sandwich caregivers. The conversation addresses the emotional stress and guilt that caregivers experience and the importance of finding meaning and purpose in caregiving. The discussion also turns to the national initiatives and resources available to support caregivers, such as the RAISE Family Caregivers Act and the National Family Caregiver Support Program, emphasizing the need for better pathways and support systems.

20:04

👨‍⚕️ The Impact of Caregiving on Health

Dr. Oskvig discusses the physical and mental health implications of being a caregiver, noting that the stress can lead to an inflammatory process in the body that ages organs and缩短s life expectancy. He stresses the importance of caregivers maintaining a close relationship with their physicians to manage their health effectively. The conversation also highlights the silver lining of caregiving, such as the quality time spent with loved ones and the positive aspects of being part of their healthcare team.

25:05

💼 Advocacy and Support for Caregivers

The final section of the script calls for advocacy and support for the 53 million Americans who are caregivers. It emphasizes the need for policy changes to ease the burden on caregivers and for society to recognize and assist those who are providing care. The discussion encourages individuals to ask how they can help and to bring attention to the issue with healthcare providers and policymakers. Shelly shares her personal advice for other caregivers, urging them to find support and count their blessings.

📺 Conclusion and Sign-off

The video concludes with Joan Lunden encouraging viewers to take charge of their healthcare and to seek more information about the series. The script also mentions the production details of 'Second Opinion with Joan Lunden' and invites viewers to follow the show on social media platforms.

Keywords

💡Caregiving

Caregiving refers to the act of providing assistance, support, and care for someone who needs help due to illness, frailty, or old age. In the context of the video, caregiving is a central theme as it explores the experiences of individuals who are taking care of both their children and aging parents, a situation commonly referred to as the 'sandwich generation'. The script highlights the physical, emotional, and financial burdens that come with caregiving, as well as the importance of support systems for those who are providing care.

💡Sandwich Generation

The term 'sandwich generation' describes individuals who are caring for both their children and their aging parents simultaneously. This concept is integral to the video's narrative, as it delves into the challenges faced by this demographic. The script mentions that millions of families are dealing with the dual challenge of sandwich caregiving, underscoring the growing prevalence of this situation in society.

💡Stress

Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances. In the video, stress is portrayed as a significant factor affecting caregivers, particularly those managing multiple generations' care. The script discusses how stress can have a physical impact on the body, causing inflammation and potentially leading to health problems and a shorter life expectancy for caregivers.

💡Inflammatory Process

An inflammatory process is a biological response to harmful stimuli, including stress. The script mentions that the stress of caregiving can trigger an inflammatory process in the body, which can have negative health implications. This term is used to illustrate the physical toll that chronic stress can take on caregivers, emphasizing the importance of managing stress to maintain health.

💡Guilt

Guilt is a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some lapse of memory, mishap, or perceived wrongdoing. The script explores the emotional burden of caregiving, with guilt being a common theme. Caregivers often feel guilty about the time and energy they cannot devote to their loved ones, especially when they have to balance caregiving with other responsibilities such as work or caring for their own children.

💡Support Systems

Support systems refer to the network of people, services, and resources that provide assistance and encouragement to individuals. The video emphasizes the importance of having a strong support system for caregivers, which can include family, friends, community organizations, and healthcare professionals. The script shares personal stories of caregivers who rely on their 'Three Amigos' or other family members to share the caregiving responsibilities.

💡Respite Care

Respite care provides temporary relief to caregivers from their caregiving duties, allowing them time to rest and recharge. The script touches on the need for respite care as a way to alleviate the constant demands and stress faced by caregivers. It suggests that such services can play a crucial role in maintaining the health and well-being of caregivers.

💡Healthcare Team

A healthcare team is a group of healthcare professionals who work together to provide comprehensive care for a patient. In the context of the video, being part of a loved one's healthcare team is highlighted as an important aspect of caregiving. It involves understanding the patient's medical needs, advocating for their care, and making informed decisions about their health.

💡Quality Time

Quality time refers to spending enjoyable and focused time with someone, often to strengthen relationships. The script mentions the importance of quality time in the caregiving context, suggesting that despite the challenges, caregivers can have precious moments with their loved ones. It encourages caregivers to focus on the positive aspects of their relationships and to cherish the time they have.

💡Advocacy

Advocacy is the act of supporting or arguing publicly for a particular cause. In the video, advocacy is discussed as a crucial role that caregivers can play in improving their situation. It involves speaking up for their needs, the needs of their loved ones, and pushing for better support and resources within healthcare systems and at a policy level.

💡Isolation

Isolation refers to the state of being separated from others, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. The script addresses the sense of isolation that many caregivers experience, particularly in the context of the COVID-19 pandemic, which has limited social interactions. It stresses the importance of combating isolation by seeking support and maintaining connections with others.

Highlights

Blue Cross and Blue Shield companies support communities by preparing meals for thousands of families in need.

The responsibility to expand care to rural communities and support local nonprofits is emphasized.

The term 'sandwich generation' was coined in 1981 to describe Americans caring for children and older relatives simultaneously.

Today, millions of families face the dual challenge of sandwich caregiving as the population ages.

Dr. Roger Oskvig, a geriatrics specialist, discusses the stress of caregiving as an inflammatory process in the body.

Christine Peck highlights the stress of always feeling responsible for doing for others rather than doing with them.

Grace Whiting, CEO of the National Alliance for Caregiving, discusses the complexity families face in balancing caregiving.

Shelly Pollard shares her personal story of love and caregiving in the sandwich generation.

Caregivers of the sandwich generation spend at least 21 hours a week on uncompensated care.

Nearly three-quarters of sandwich caregivers are employed full time, and about 60% are women.

Shelly's caregiving journey changed when her father had a severe car accident and lost his driving license.

The importance of finding a supportive living situation for aging parents is discussed.

The transition of caregiving roles and the associated guilt are explored.

The need for a close relationship with physicians to maintain caregiver health is emphasized.

Initiatives like the RAISE Family Caregivers Act aim to create a national strategy for supporting caregivers.

The National Family Caregiver Support Program provides resources to help alleviate caregiver burdens.

Veteran Caregiver Support program expansion includes veterans from earlier conflicts.

The importance of advocacy for caregivers and their needs is highlighted.

The emotional stress of caregiving and the need for support to balance positive and stressful sides are discussed.

The impact of caregiving on life expectancy and the importance of self-care for caregivers.

The value of having a support system and the importance of faith, family, and friends in caregiving.

Transcripts

>> When our communities need

help, Blue Cross and

Blue Shield companies step up

with partnerships capable of

preparing meals for thousands of

families in need, because it's

not just about health insurance.

We believe it's our

responsibility to expand care to

rural communities, protect our

heroes with safety equipment,

support local nonprofits.

These are our stories to help

build stronger communities for

the health of America.

>> "Second Opinion with

Joan Lunden" is produced

in conjunction with UR Medicine,

part of University of Rochester

Medical Center, Rochester,

New York.

>> In 1981, the term

"sandwich generation" was coined

to describe a group of Americans

who are caring for children

under 18 and older relatives at

the same time.

Well, today, millions of

families are facing the dual

challenge of sandwich caregiving

as the population ages and as

Americans are having children

later.

Joining us today is

Dr. Roger Oskvig, a specialist

in geriatrics and aging at the

University of Rochester Medical

Center...

>> The stress of being a

caregiver, particularly when

you're taking care of multiple

generations, is an inflammatory

process in the body.

>> ...Christine Peck, a licensed

social worker with Lifespan...

>> I think one of the most

stressful things is always

feeling like you have to do for,

instead of doing with.

>> ...Grace Whiting, president

and chief executive officer of

the National Alliance for

Caregiving...

>> Are you aware of how hard it

is for families to try to

balance all this in addition to

whatever grief or complexity

they have in their life?

>> ...and Shelly Pollard, who

will share her story of love and

caregiving in the

sandwich generation.

>> It's a journey.

It's definitely a journey.

It's just not, one day,

you're in charge.

It's just a slow, gradual

change.

>> I'm Joan Lunden, and it's all

coming up on "Second Opinion."

♪♪

Those caregivers who are part of

the sandwich generation spend at

least 21 hours a week on

uncompensated care.

Nearly three-quarters of them

are employed full time, and

about 60% of them are women.

And today we meet one of those

caregivers.

So, we want to welcome you to

the program, Shelly, and for

sharing your story with us,

because you are a full-time

worker and you have a teenage

daughter at home -- I think,

about 15 years old -- those easy

years -- but in 2018, your dad

was involved in a pretty bad car

accident.

Tell us how things changed

at that point.

>> So, sure, Joan.

Thanks so much for having me.

My caregiving journey really

changed with that episode.

Kind of about two years ago, I

had a mother who was in a

assisted-living facility, a dad

who was pretty healthy and was

taking a lot of care, just

making sure he was seeing her

regularly; keeping her mind

straight by playing cards with

her; and managing all her

assets.

And then, about two years ago,

Dad started having some

challenges.

He'd been a diabetic for a long

period of time, on insulin,

type 2 diabetes, and it was just

getting harder and harder to

manage.

And then he also had some

cardiac issues and having fluid

in his heart and just lots of

trips back and forth to the

E.R., night after night after

night.

Then, in 2019, he had a pretty

severe accident, totaled his

car, and we were very blessed

that everyone walked away,

including my then-81-year-old

dad.

But after that, the state

revoked his license.

So, when that happened, Dad knew

he couldn't see Mom at the pace

he was seeing her, because he

was going just about every day.

And then we had to make some

tough decisions about what would

be best.

And so, as a family -- my

father, my sister, my

brother-in-law, and I -- decided

to try and find a place that

would be good for both parents.

It was a hard...

>> Yeah.

>> ...a hard thing to do,

because we very different needs.

Mom needed kind of constant

care, and Dad was very

independent.

We were lucky to find the

perfect place.

But in the midst of all that --

all those decisions -- was right

when my daughter was

transitioning from middle school

to high school.

You know, that's always a

rough --

>> Yeah.

>> ...or can be a rough time

for kids.

>> And you're working full time.

I mean, that's a lot on anyone's

plate, but it's a rather common

story, Doctor, for a lot of

caregivers.

In fact, probably most of the

caregivers in the country.

And you know, how do you guide?

As a gerontologist, you're

dealing often, I suppose, with

your patients and their adult

children.

How do you help guide them

through that difficult

transition?

>> My typical format, when

daughters and sons begin to be

worried about their parents,

is I bring the parent in

with their children, and tell

the children they're not allowed

to talk at all during the visit,

but I'm going to talk

with the parent.

And so what I'll do is say,

"There are some indications that

we are concerned about -- about

your driving or about your

cooking.

The first time you put yourself

or somebody else at risk of

harm, that goes away.

And just need to be prepared

for it.

And that's what I'm going to

tell your children to do."

So, the independence that may

feel like it's being taken away

is my order that they have to

carry out to protect them.

>> You're kind of saying, "This

is going to happen, and you can

blame me."

>> Yep.

>> Because guilt is a very big

part of this.

You know, just the guilt.

Even though you know, in your

heart of hearts, that a parent

needs more observation all the

time and more help, you still

deal with the guilt.

>> Yes, and I would imagine that

Shelly, like many individuals,

gets that plea from their

parents, just like you do from

your teenager, about, "Don't

leave me here.

Take me home.

I want to go to someplace and

visit.

I want to see my brother

on the East Coast," and that

sort of thing, and the guilt

just gets layered on.

>> Yeah.

>> I'm just struck by that

approach, and I'm wondering,

one of the things we've talked a

lot about in Washington is these

new models of healthcare

delivery that allow people to

engage in shared decision-making

and that it's not necessarily

a switch that goes on and off.

But even in somebody that might

have dementia that the family is

sort of negotiating that

experience over time.

And the people who are caring

for that friend or family

member, that those folks are

thinking about, I guess, less

like the way you would treat

your kids and more like it's

sort of your third act in life

as you get older.

And so what types of things can

caregivers be helpful in

supporting that person with?

And where does that person's

voice really need to shine out?

So I'm intrigued by that

approach of the caregiver sort

of sitting quietly, and also

interested to know whether

people actually do sit quietly.

>> I was going to say, and

whether they could do that

and be quiet.

>> I did not.

>> Yeah, and, Shelly,

what changed?

I mean, once your dad went

into -- and he was in

independent living.

But what did it -- How did it

change life for you -- your

relationship, your ability to

communicate?

How did you kind of change that

role as a caregiver?

>> So, I have a very supportive

family.

My sister and I are team players

in the care of my family.

Her husband is the three -- So,

we're the Three Amigos.

I think what changed the most

was just, when people get

slower, and I've got to commute

an hour from work to come see

Dad, and it's taking him a

longer time to get to his

question.

I think you lose a little bit of

patience.

And just taking over more

responsibility was harder

for Dad.

Like, I do his medicines now,

'cause his medicines almost need

three degrees to do the 37 pills

he takes.

And so going to more of his

appointments was the first step.

Then, taking on more

responsibility, like asking him

about his bills and where things

were kept.

And it's -- it's a journey.

It's definitely a journey.

It's just not, one day,

you're in charge.

It's just a slow, gradual

change that I welcomed because I

had great parents.

But it was tricky.

It was tricky 'cause I was often

deciding between a doctor's

visit with my parents and a

school activity for my child.

>> See, what's what we see.

That juggling act is so --

Because you had a daughter going

to a new school and at a tough

age -- you know, those young

teen years.

Is Shelly's story common to what

you see all the time, Christine?

Because you're a social worker,

so you deal with people

every day.

Is that a pretty common story?

>> It's very common.

And there's really a

misperception that when you have

a loved one that goes into a

supportive but independent

living situation, that there's

more supports and a caregiver

may have reduced responsibility.

So, in some ways, you have some

reduced responsibilities, but

as I hear, Shelly, you talk

about there's still medication

management.

>> Yeah.

>> There's still, you know,

making sure that your parent has

everything that makes them

comfortable and special

toiletries and everything else

that they need.

>> Laundry -- I did the laundry

for a long time.

>> Laundry, right, right.

>> There's Shelly shaking her

head "yes."

>> [ Chuckles ]

>> And so, while there are

wonderful supportive housing

options for older adults, that

offer socialization and so much

more, there is still the

caregiving responsibility of

maybe in a little different way.

And then the guilt.

>> Oh, yeah.

The guilt was horrible.

When you have to have your

10-year-old -- say, "We're gonna

go see Mimi," and she's like,

"Well, I wanted to go to my

girlfriend's house."

And you're like, "Well, we're

gonna go see Mimi first."

And a 10-minute visit turns into

an hour, because Mom got sick.

Or the nurses are asking you

questions, or you don't like the

way her room is set up.

And my daughter had a lot of

sacrifices, even the times in

the middle of the night, I'd get

a call and I wouldn't know, "Do

I take my daughter with me to

the hospital while I care for a

parent?

Or do I call someone to come

here in the middle of the

night?"

I mean, there's a lot of

balances and juggling you do.

I'm really blessed I have a

supportive network...

>> Yeah.

>> ...between my child's family

and great, great friends.

>> But this is a teaching moment

right now, Shelly, for everybody

that's watching, that that's one

of the things that really makes

the journey much easier, is when

you have the ability to pull in

family members or friends to

have that supportive team.

Grace, we're hearing Shelly's

story, but talk to us about the

numbers of Americans, in this

country, who are all dealing

with this sandwich caregiving

situation.

>> Yeah, so, there's lots of

different ways, I think, we can

be sandwiched.

And in the research that we've

done with AARP, we do a study

roughly every five years called

"Caregiving in the U.S."

And that most recent report, we

think there's 53 million

Americans who are caring for

someone of any age, with a

healthcare need or a functional

disability.

What's, I think, most

fascinating about these families

who are sandwiched is, about 11%

of that 53 million are the

sandwich caregivers.

The other thing I would say,

it's interesting, Shelly, to

hear you talk and, Christine, to

hear you talk about that sense

of guilt.

And, Joan, I think you're right

to raise it.

We ask about that emotional

stress on caregivers, in

addition to other kinds of

stress -- financial, health, and

wellness.

But we also asked if people felt

like caregiving brought a sense

of meaning and purpose into

their life.

>> Yeah.

>> And it's only about half of

caregivers that say yes to that,

and part of the difference is

that attitude and having that

additional support around you so

that you can balance the

positive and the more stressful

sides of caring.

>> Well, because, otherwise, it

can just become so overbearing

and so stressed.

Clearly, the numbers show us

that caregivers -- people giving

care to someone else -- have

more health problems, even have

shorter life spans.

What do you -- How do you advise

families?

>> This description of a

sandwich generation actually is

a good analogy, because what you

have is the nutrient, Shelly,

in between two pieces of bread,

her parents and her daughter.

And so the important thing is

that you take care of the

nutrient in that sandwich

because if that fails, the bread

on both sides loses what they

need.

>> Shelly, I know that your mom

passed away earlier this year.

I'm so sorry that you have to

deal with that.

But how did that affect you and

also your dad?

>> The passing of my mother was

challenging.

My parents would have been

married 59 year this year.

>> Wow. Okay.

>> So you can imagine

how hard it was.

And when Mom had been hospiced

prior to her -- She started

declining, we put her in

hospice, and she was just

getting hard to look at.

She had some really bad

mannerisms, and Dad was still

going every day.

And I remember saying to him one

day at lunch, "Daddy, you don't

have to go every day.

I worry about your health and

your mental capacity, going to

see her when this is such a hard

time."

And he looked at me like I was

2, and he said, "That's my wife.

That's what I'm supposed to do."

And so that type of relationship

was a one-of-a-kind thing.

And so the challenge with Mom's

passing, the hardest thing was

COVID-19 and that he'd been

quarantined for the past

six months, that we weren't able

to have a homegoing service

for Mom.

So that was the hardest thing

about my mom's passing -- not

being able to check on him like

I would have, the family dinners

we would have had every weekend

if it hadn't been this time.

>> And, Grace, though, I also

want to take you to the fact

that what are we doing, as a

nation?

What are we doing to help

financially support caregivers?

Because these are complex

situations when care is needed

that people often don't even

know how to provide,

and it's all unpaid.

>> That's right, Joan.

So, there's a lot of initiatives

at the federal government that

are in the works.

One is the Department of Health

and Human Services had a federal

advisory council called the

RAISE Family Caregivers Act.

And essentially, they're coming

up with a plan -- a national

strategy -- for how we're going

to support caregivers in several

different domains.

There are, right now, additional

funds that have gone into the

National Family Caregiver

Support Program.

And this is actually a

partnership with community-based

organizations, and folks can go

to eldercarelocator.gov and

find, in their county, what type

of resources might be available

to help take some of that weight

off of their shoulders.

We also encourage people to

really think about, "Where is it

that I need help?

Is it -- What type of

activities?

Is it the nursing type

activities are real high-touch?

Is it medical tasks, like giving

injections or managing meds?

Or is it sort of the

coordinating of finances and

those other things?"

Because there's not a lot of

paid support programs for

caregivers.

>> Yeah.

>> I would say, if you're

caring for a veteran,

they just expanded the

Veteran Caregiver Support

program to include veterans

from earlier conflicts.

Originally, the program was just

9/11 vets.

So, that's one place, is to

check in with the V.A.

And the other is under the

Medicaid program.

Sometimes and in some states,

you can receive financial

support if you are caring for a

friend of family member.

But it varies.

I actually think folks like

Dr. O are going to be a great

place to start, just in terms of

some of those initial things.

"How do I do this?

Where can I find more

information?"

And talking to a physician who

can help guide you and your

family through that can be

really useful.

>> Yeah, I think what you were

saying --

>> It's hard to ask for help,

though, sometimes.

People find it hard to ask for

that help.

>> Yeah, and I think -- she said

that's a role for a primary care

practitioner.

Women disproportionately are

responsible for physical care of

that high-touch, as Grace

called it.

Men tend to regress to the roles

of managing property and

finances and things like that --

the technical things that are

task-oriented.

>> But women, who it primarily

falls on, we're wired --

hard-wired -- as caregivers.

So sometimes it's hard -- It

would be very difficult, I'm

sure, for a lot of women to say

to their two brothers, "Hey,

you get in there and you figure

out how to do this, as well."

>> [ Chuckles ]

>> I hear people laughing.

>> Right.

>> Was that you, Grace?

>> Yes. It's changing, though.

It's changing, 'cause when we

look at the cohorts by age,

everybody from Gen Z to the

Greatest Generation is in

caregiving.

When you look at Millennials and

younger, men and women are

equally as likely to provide

care.

Now, some of that may be they're

not doing as much of that

high-touch toileting and helping

somebody take a bath and get

dressed, but I do think that

attitudes are changing.

Part of this is recognizing that

men may care in different ways.

They haven't been socialized to

take on those care roles, so

where we see younger men

starting to do that, you know,

encouraging them that it's okay,

there's nothing "feminine"

necessarily about caring.

We all have a role to play.

>> I think those roles differ

between even same-gender

children.

I know my sister and I have very

different styles of how we care

for our parents.

My sister loves to make the

family meal, and I was picking

Mom up and buying her clothes.

I mean...

>> Yeah.

>> You know, I had to figure out

how to buy DD 42 bras.

I mean, that's not something I

ever had to do.

And so, even my sister and I

have very different styles of

caring for our parents, but we

work well together.

I think that's the biggest

thing, and I think my advice for

everyone is always faith,

family, and friends.

That's the only way you'll get

through it.

>> What do you worry about, as a

physician, about the health of

all of these people, with just

so much on their shoulders?

>> Well, I think you introduced

it earlier.

They really need a close

relationship with their

physicians to maintain their

health.

The stress of being a caregiver,

particularly when you're taking

care of multiple generations, is

an inflammatory process in the

body.

It ages the heart, it ages the

kidney, it ages the liver, it

ages the brain.

Life expectancies are shorter

for individuals the longer that

you are a caregiver.

All of that has an impact, and

you need somebody that's your

ally that's looking out for you

and saying, you know, "We need

to manage all of this.

We need to make sure you're

healthy, because if you're not,

they don't have you."

>> Absolutely.

But we don't want to end without

talking about the silver lining

that definitely comes...

I mean, I know I had it with my

mom when I was back with her as

much as I was during the process

of -- of being in charge of her

healthcare.

>> And being part of your --

your parents', your loved ones'

healthcare team is so important.

The more that you learn and

understand about, you know,

their challenges, and the more

that you can learn and

understand about their strengths

and be able to spend more

quality time and be able to

focus more attention on -- you

know, we talk about the child

becoming the parent, and, you

know, there are times when you

feel like that you need to make

choices on behalf of your

parent, but you don't want it to

be like that all the time.

You know, I think one of the

most stressful things is always

feeling like you have to do for

instead of doing with and really

having that, you know, coming

back around to that positive

relationship -- like both, you

know, Shelly mentioned, and

Grace, too, about being able to

come back around and hear each

other's voice, and there are

very -- there are precious

moments that are part of the

caregiving experience.

>> What do we need to do to

better this situation for

53 million Americans?

>> So, part of this, I think, is

really from a -- from a policy

level, thinking about how we can

build better pathways.

You know, can we make it easier

for physicians to spend time

with family members?

Can we make it easier for

service providers who give

things like respite to really

connect with people so that, you

know, the caregivers don't --

you know, it's not sort of the

end of the line?

I think the other thing is,

right now, one of the biggest

things we're seeing is that

sense of isolation, and so it's

funny, as we were talking about

different siblings, like, I know

that I'm -- I -- ironically

enough, I probably would be a

terrible caregiver.

[ Laughter ]

I feel like I would be coming in

and, like, clapping and be like,

"Buck up, you're fine."

You know? And so...

But then I think about all the

caregivers that I know that we

interact with, and how selfless

you have to be to take on that

role that you forget to advocate

for yourself.

So that same energy that, you

know, I might not be very good

at doing the day-to-day

caregiving, I can apply that

more sort of advocacy part and

advocate for that person,

whether it's within the health

systems, you know, it's helping

with insurance, helping to get

other services for the person,

you know, noticing what they're

going through, or even calling

Congress and saying, "What are

you doing about this?"

You know, and I think that's

something for a lot of people to

think about, 'cause they see

people in their network who are

doing caregiving, and they say,

"Gosh, what can I do?"

And I think not just asking that

question in our heads, but going

to people and saying, "How can I

help?" you know, that would go a

long way.

And then bringing it to the

people who control these

systems, whether it's the

doctor, you know, your health

insurance company, or your

congressman, saying, "Are you

aware of how hard it is for

families to try to balance all

this, in addition to whatever

grief or complexity they have in

their lives?"

And let's give them back that

chance to just be with that

person and to love them, and to

not have to constantly be trying

to do all these other things we

ask them to do.

>> Such great advice.

Shelly, I mean, as somebody who

has gone through this journey

yourself, dealing with all the

complexities of it, what would

you say to other caregivers?

>> Count your blessings.

Know it's a journey.

And find someone who can support

you.

>> Such great advice today.

Thank you all for being a part

of this panel and addressing

a -- a complex situation that so

many Americans deal with every

single day.

And, of course, thank you for

watching.

Find more information about the

series at secondopinion-tv.org,

and you can also follow us on

Facebook and YouTube, where you

can watch today's episode and

much more.

But from all of us here at

"Second Opinion," we encourage

you to take charge of your

healthcare.

I'm Joan Lunden.

Be well.

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We believe it's our

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These are our stories to help

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>> "Second Opinion with

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