how to VALIDATE YOURSELF | stop seeking external validation, grow your self worth and level up!
Summary
TLDRThis video script addresses the issue of seeking validation from others and emphasizes the importance of self-validation. It outlines various types of validation people seek, such as romantic, social media, community, familial, and academic, and explains how this behavior stems from a weak self-perception. The speaker provides actionable advice on how to stop seeking external validation, including self-affirmation, understanding one's attachment style, taking a 'male detox', setting high standards for relationships, and focusing on self-improvement. The ultimate goal is to build a strong self-schema and learn to validate one's own emotions and experiences, leading to a more independent and self-loving life.
Takeaways
- 📞 Avoid seeking immediate validation from others when experiencing negative emotions; instead, learn to process and validate your feelings independently.
- 🤳 Recognize that external validation, such as social media likes or romantic approval, is fleeting and does not foster long-term self-worth.
- 🏠 Build a 'home' within yourself that is safe, supportive, and loving, so you can return to it for validation rather than relying on external sources.
- 🔍 Understand that seeking validation is often rooted in a shaky self-concept and self-esteem that are dependent on external approval.
- 🚫 Stop giving power to others' opinions by recognizing that their judgments are temporary and often a reflection of their own lives, not yours.
- 💪 Develop self-love and independence by setting high standards for friendships and relationships, ensuring they align with your self-worth.
- 🧘♀️ Practice solitude to enjoy your own company, which can boost your confidence and make you less reliant on external validation.
- 🚫 Refrain from people-pleasing behaviors that diminish your authenticity and self-respect in the pursuit of others' approval.
- 🔑 Learn to set boundaries and protect your peace without fear of disappointing others, as self-respect is paramount.
- 📈 Focus on self-improvement and achieving personal goals to build a strong foundation of self-worth that reduces the need for external validation.
Q & A
What is the main issue the video aims to address?
-The video addresses the issue of seeking validation from others, which is portrayed as a fast track to betraying oneself and a way to lose self-love and self-worth.
Why is seeking validation considered harmful according to the video?
-Seeking validation is harmful because it indicates a lack of trust in oneself and suggests reliance on external opinions for self-worth, which can lead to a never-ending cycle of chasing fulfillment without achieving it.
What are the different types of validation mentioned in the video?
-The video mentions five types of validation: romantic or mate validation, social media validation, community validation, familial validation, and academic validation.
What is the root cause of seeking validation as discussed in the video?
-The root cause of seeking validation, as discussed in the video, is having a weak self-perception built on a shaky foundation of self-worth, often due to receiving little to no validation during childhood or teenage years.
How can one start to validate themselves according to the video?
-One can start to validate themselves by closing the gap between their public and private self, ensuring they are the same person in all settings, and not curating a persona for external validation.
What role does male validation play in the video's discussion?
-Male validation is discussed as a common area where individuals seek external validation, often leading to a never-ending path of seeking approval and not finding long-term fulfillment.
What is the advice given for those struggling with male validation?
-The advice for those struggling with male validation includes taking a 'male detox' to focus on self-love and independence, and understanding that men's opinions should not define one's worth or beauty.
How does the video suggest handling the need for people-pleasing?
-The video suggests handling the need for people-pleasing by setting high standards for friendships, focusing on self-improvement, and learning to enjoy solitude to build self-confidence.
What is the significance of building a positive self-schema according to the video?
-Building a positive self-schema is significant because it helps in developing a solid self-worth, which in turn prevents the need for seeking external validation and allows one to accept and process their emotions healthily.
How can journaling or video recording be beneficial as per the video's discussion?
-Journaling or video recording can be beneficial as they provide a private space for individuals to express and process their emotions without seeking immediate external validation, aiding in self-understanding and self-validation.
Outlines
🔍 Understanding the Need for Self-Validation
The paragraph emphasizes the importance of self-validation, highlighting that seeking validation from others can lead to a betrayal of one's self-trust. It points out that external validation is a futile pursuit, as it relies on unstable foundations like social media likes or approval from others. The speaker introduces the concept that validation should come from within, and the video aims to guide viewers on how to achieve this. The paragraph also mentions different types of validation people seek, such as romantic, social media, community, familial, and academic validation, and suggests that seeking validation is often rooted in a weak self-perception due to lack of validation during formative years.
🚫 Overcoming Male Validation and People Pleasing
This paragraph delves into the specific issue of seeking validation from males and the broader behavior of people-pleasing. It discusses the temporary dopamine hit received from male attention but clarifies that it does not lead to long-term fulfillment. The speaker encourages viewers to replace the need for male validation with self-affirmation and to not compare oneself to others. The paragraph also touches on attachment styles and the importance of understanding one's own to overcome the need for external validation. The concept of a 'male detox' is introduced as a method to build self-confidence and independence, emphasizing self-love and the setting of high standards in relationships.
🧘♀️ Embracing Solitude and Setting Boundaries
The speaker discusses the benefits of spending time alone to build self-confidence and the importance of setting high standards for friendships. They stress the need to protect one's peace and energy by being selective with friendships and to set boundaries without fear. The paragraph suggests that confidence in solitude and high standards can prevent toxic relationships and enable individuals to avoid people who drain their energy. It also encourages viewers to remember that disapproval from others is temporary and not a reflection of one's self-worth, advocating for a focus on self-improvement as a way to achieve self-validation.
🌟 Building a Positive Self-Schema
This paragraph focuses on constructing a positive self-schema to eliminate the need for external validation. It advises identifying and appreciating one's positive qualities and then challenging and disproving any negative self-beliefs. The speaker provides an example of two individuals with the same negative self-belief about their attractiveness but differing in how they respond to it. The paragraph encourages self-experimentation with appearance and a shift in self-perception to build confidence and self-worth, ultimately leading to a state where one does not seek validation from others.
🌱 Growing into the Present Version of Yourself
The final paragraph stresses the importance of viewing oneself through the lens of the present, not the past. It encourages letting go of past insecurities and mistakes and starting each day as if it were the first day of one's life. The speaker suggests that this mindset helps in shedding old negative self-perceptions and embracing a new, more positive self-image. The paragraph concludes by reinforcing the idea that self-growth and self-acceptance are key to achieving self-validation and not relying on the validation of others.
🤗 Becoming Your Own Emotional Validator
In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the concept of emotional validation and why it's crucial to validate one's own emotions without seeking external approval. They explain that others cannot fully understand or validate one's feelings due to differing perspectives and experiences. The speaker recommends taking a break from immediately seeking validation from others and instead practicing self-validation through journaling or recording videos to express and process emotions. The paragraph concludes by emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and treating oneself with kindness as a means of self-validation.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Validation
💡Self-worth
💡Emotional validation
💡People pleasing
💡Self-love
💡Attachment style
💡Male validation
💡Solitude
💡Boundaries
💡Self-schema
Highlights
Seeking validation is a common behavior that can lead to self-betrayal and reliance on others for self-worth.
External validation can result in a loss of self and difficulty in self-love, leading to a lifelong chase for fulfillment that is never achieved.
Building a supportive and loving internal environment is crucial for self-validation and emotional stability.
Learning to validate oneself can maximize independence, enhance self-knowledge, and improve emotional management.
There are five types of validation: romantic, social media, community, familial, and academic.
The root of seeking validation often lies in weak self-perception and shaky self-worth foundation.
To stop seeking validation, one must close the gap between their public and private self.
Many people build a persona for social settings, which can lead to a loss of authenticity.
Validation is an underrated form of love and acceptance, and its absence in early life can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
It's not one's fault if they seek validation due to past experiences, but it's their responsibility to build a better present.
Self-validation starts with affirming one's own worth and beauty, regardless of external opinions.
Understanding one's attachment style can help in overcoming the need for male validation.
A male detox, which involves abstaining from dating and focusing on self-love, can lead to increased confidence and independence.
People-pleasing can lead to a loss of self and is often a result of low self-worth.
Spending time alone and setting high standards for friendships can help in building self-confidence and setting boundaries.
Rejection and losing people are normal parts of life and should not define one's character or worth.
Building a positive self-schema is essential for self-validation and involves identifying and challenging negative self-beliefs.
Self-validation involves acknowledging and accepting one's own emotions without seeking external approval.
Journaling or recording videos can be effective methods for self-expression and self-validation.
The video concludes with a call to action for viewers to practice self-validation and to seek support through the content creator's social platforms.
Transcripts
if you have to pick up the phone and
call somebody after you've been
triggered or going through negative
emotions if you have to run your big and
small decisions even like what picture
you should post on Instagram next by
somebody if you struggle with rejection
and your emotions are affected by other
people's opinions of you then you
especially need to watch this video
seeking validation is the fastest way to
betray yourself and in the process of
doing so not only are you saying you
don't trust yourself but you're saying
that you rely on others to have better
self-worth and that external opinions
are more important than your own and
after a while of engaging with this
Behavior not only will you lose yourself
you'll find it difficult to love
yourself and you could spend your entire
life chasing others and still never
feeling fulfilled because you haven't
taken the time to build a safe
supportive validating and loving home to
come back to within yourself and that's
why this video is all about how you can
learn to finally validate yourself
learning to validate yourself will
maximize your Independence allow you to
get to know yourself fully so you can
actually be your own best friend it
provides an effective practice to
actually grow your self-love and my
favorite it will help you to manage your
thoughts and emotions much better as
always I'll leave the video chapters on
the side of the screen so you can get to
know the structure of this video and
also my make sure you follow my
Instagram because every single week
before I record a YouTube video I always
put out q a on the topic of that YouTube
video so you guys can let me know any
questions or queries you have on the
topic of that week's video that you want
me to touch on and I've looked through
all of your answers and I've
Incorporated some of those questions
throughout this video to help as many of
you as I possibly can let's get to the
root of this because once you understand
fully where it's coming from you can
work back from it effectively seeking
validation is a very common thing but it
looks different in every single person
and this is because there are five types
of validation you can seek romantic
slash mail validation social media
validation like likes followers Etc
Community validation this is what I like
to call like popularity validation
wanting to be accepted by other people
the cool kids friends Etc familial
validation this is when you'll bend over
backwards to do anything that will make
your family proud even if it's not
actually very self-serving to you you'll
allow family members or parents to
overstep your boundaries because you
just want them to accept and love you
and finally academic valid station when
you attach your Worth to grades and
achievements and success the reason
people seek validation is because they
are placing their self-concept and
self-esteem in the hands of others such
as their approval from other people or
from external factors like grades you
are placing your self-love and your
self-worth to something outside of
yourself that literally makes no sense
and that's why it never works long term
that's why it's a never-ending cycle you
might get the likes and followers you
might get the guy to like you you might
be in with the popular kids but then
you're chasing it still over and over
and over again and never feeling
fulfilled you are always chasing
something because you are chasing the
wrong thing validation starts and ends
within yourself really seeking
validation is caused by having a very
weak self-perception which is built on a
very shaky Foundation of your self-worth
what I mean by this shaky Foundation of
self-worth is that an insult or online
trolling or even disapproval from a
stranger can now cause insecurities
within yourself because you haven't got
that strong foundation so how can we
reverse seeking validation from other
people the best way is to close the gap
between your public and private self we
want to take it from here
to here so it's the same person many of
us build a Persona that we use in Social
settings our public self and we
carefully curate this public self so
that we can gain the desired perception
we want other people to have of us for
example we might try to be quieter or
have fewer opinions so no one disagrees
with us and we're not controversial we
might water down our personality because
we think that's the only way we'll get
more friends you know like when you meet
someone for the first time you're like
you know don't be too much or I have to
be a bit more of a refined perfect
polite nicer version of myself so now
let me reassure and validate you it is
not your fault that you seek validation
the reason that you do is because you
probably received little to no
validation when you were a child or
maybe you didn't receive a validation
when you were growing up in your teenage
years from your family your friends
maybe even your teachers validation is
an underrated form of love and
acceptance and it should not be held
back from anyone and if it was held back
from you then of course you're gonna
have unhealthy copy mechanisms like
people pleasing or seeking male
validation or attaching your work to
your academics that is not your fault
and I'm so sorry that that's the place
that you're in however although it is
not your fault it is your responsibility
to make a better life for your present
self it is your mission to be there for
yourself so you don't keep suffering in
the long term because at the end of the
day you are and you need to believe that
you are beautiful enough you are smart
enough you are desirable enough and you
are worthy enough of everything you want
you are worthy enough to be validated
just from yourself and you need to hold
that self-validation to such a high
standard that the opinions of others no
longer hold any significance to how you
feel about yourself and this is the
perfect time to bring in male validation
this is something I struggled with for
so many years it's a never-ending path
of trying to fill a hole within yourself
which only craves self-love but that's
hard so you go out and you seek it from
other people instead because a
compliment a text from a guy being asked
on a date is quick and easy and it will
give you that dopamine hit so fast but
it will not fulfill you long term so
let's cut that out and this is how
first and foremost take men off the
pedestal and put yourself on it instead
affirm it I am that I always have
been and I always will be regardless of
what anybody else says I don't care if
you believe it you are going to say this
to yourself enough times until you do
you are going to embody the energy of
being your own it girl until it
naturally becomes a part of you also
just because somebody else gets more
male attention than you does not take
away your beauty or your worth as a
woman please do not let it Define you
because men's tastes are very
questionable they are not to be trusted
okay men should be the last people to be
the deciders of anybody's Worth or
beauty it's 2023 we know how stupid men
can be and the weird decisions they make
and yet you still trust that their
opinion of you is valid what next figure
out your attachment style if you are
seeking male validation then chances are
you have some attachment issues you
could have an avoidance or an anxious
attachment take a free test online learn
what it is and then work back from it
read your books take online courses join
therapy if you have to it is very
possible and I say this from experience
because I used to be an avoidant and now
I'm I am secure majority of my issues
around male validation came around
because I was an avoidant because I
loved flirting and being a Serial data I
also had a lot of internal insecurities
so I was placing my worth in the hands
of men so by working on my attachment
issues working on how to master
Detachment and working on my
insecurities I was good as new the next
step is my favorite and this is take a
male detox three months for six months
for a year do not date no talking stages
no hooking up no flirting just loving
your Solitude finding Community
supportive friends Hobbies building up
your dream life after spending a year
alone and not engaging in trying to
impress men trying to get them to like
you trying to get them to choose you
date you whatever you will become so
magnetic and confident and independent
your aura will be amazing and especially
once you've taken that significant
amount of time and spent a alone you are
no longer going to care what other men
think about you because now you're used
to not chasing it anymore it takes 30
days to form a habit so I don't care how
hard and uncomfortable it feels for 30
days you are not going to date or talk
to a man after a month you'll be used to
it after a month you'll be used to
loving yourself and your own company
then you keep it going then your
confidence increases then you're more
independent then you'll stand and
Skyrocket then you don't even care what
a man has to say about you and also
please remember this
why do you need somebody else to tell
you that you're beautiful or that they
like you you liking yourself is enough
you can stop there I am proud of myself
for XYZ yes maybe I have these few
weaknesses and insecurities over that
that's okay that's human that doesn't
make me any less worthy that doesn't
make me imperfect even if I am imperfect
that's fine but what I think about
myself is the only thing that matters so
let's talk about the next form of
seeking validation which is people
pleasing and how this can make you lose
yourself I have had my own battles with
this over the course of my life so far
this was even up until recently where I
feel like I didn't feel worthy of
friendship so I would water myself down
so I was more digestible for others or I
would push myself to fit in a smaller
box so that more people would like me or
I would bend over backwards to do favors
for people and impress them so that
they'd like me and approve of me and in
doing all of that I lost myself because
I was signaling to my brain that my
choices are not enough me just being
authentic take on my own as I am isn't
enough I had this limiting ongoing
belief that I have to perform and I have
to earn other people's approval I can
happily say I'm no longer in that place
and this is how I spent so long growing
my self-love through spending time by
myself in my solitude because the thing
is is seeking validation and people
pleasing is a very addictive behavior
and it can turn into a never-ending
cycle just like many other forms of
validation so sit with yourself start
practicing what it's like to spend time
with yourself and how fun it can be and
over time you'll enjoy it a little bit
more each day and when you've fallen in
love with yourself in your Solitude your
standards go so high my dating standards
and my friendship standards are equally
high and not enough people talk about
this there's so much emphasis on having
such a big list of rules and high
standards for dating men which of course
there should be but you should hold the
same standards for your friendships for
who you allowed to take up your time
energy space resources emotions love
affection and care I am so picky now
because I don't mind being alone I'm
happy with it that's how I protect my
peace and my energy that's how I stay
feeling good about myself because now at
least I don't have toxic friends at
least I'm not bending over backwards for
people who wouldn't do the same for me
and on top of this once you are
confident in spending time alone once
your standards have been raised to the
roof you can now set boundaries without
fear a lot of people tell me that they
struggle with setting boundaries really
this is a result of a lack of confidence
and also because you tend to be a people
pleaser you are afraid of letting other
people down or disappointing them but
the right people aren't going to be
disappointed when you set your
boundaries they will respect them and
when you spend time alone and have those
high standards for friendship you will
be able to protect yourself and avoid
those leeches that make you feel bad for
saying boundaries a very important
element to stop seeking validation is to
stop giving enough and this is how you
do it remember that everything is
temporary and that one person's
disapproval of you is a singular moment
in time that moment of time will pass
and they will forget about you before
you know it plus nothing really matters
and we're all living on a floating Rock
And We Are One one of eight billion
people let that sink in nobody cares
that much I am never going to be that
person that says that nobody cares about
you because truthfully yes people
stabbed people laugh they point they
insult they judge they talk behind your
back I've experienced it all sometimes
people do care about what's going on in
your life because it makes them feel
better about themselves to judge you but
nobody cares that much because when they
go home and they're working they are
doing other things they're about to fall
asleep at night they are not still
thinking about you when they are at work
and they are going through stresses and
they are trying to be productive they
are going through issues with their
family they are not still thinking about
you people have their own lives and yes
they will occasionally judge you and
project their insecurities on you but it
never matters enough for that moment to
last more than five minutes because
after that they will forget about you
they will move on to worrying about
their own life or judging another person
so if they're forgetting about it you
should too Let It Go the next step is a
crucial one Focus so hard on bettering
yourself and your life in the process of
achieving self-love self-growth and
achieving all of your life goals you
will have built up so much pride
confidence and Independence that your
newfound fulfillment will protect you
from falling back into your old and
healthy coping mechanisms like people
pleasing and seeking validation and this
is the way you can stop second guessing
yourself in Social settings overthinking
about things chasing people you need to
invest your time and energy into
something useful that will give you a
great output in your own life like
setting up a business or putting more
time into your hobbies or joining a
like-minded community of people that's
so you have something to put your time
energy and emotions into and that way
when the smaller stuff comes up like
when somebody disapproves of you or is
judging you or talking behind your back
you literally won't be able to overreact
or spend so much time thinking about it
or even being upset about it because you
are so preoccupied with how great you've
made your life and all of the amazing
things you get to do every single day
your brain should be too full of your
own passion and your mission in life
that what anybody else has to say would
never affect you because you're too
focused on yourself lastly I want to say
the fastest way to stop giving an app is
to remember rejection is normal losing
people is normal and outgrowing people
is normal oh they cut you off or they
don't like you or your crush doesn't
find you attractive so what that doesn't
Define you or your character or your
work some people just aren't meant for
us or sometimes we just deserve better
sometimes we're going after something
that we thought we wanted but actually
should never have come into our life not
everybody's meant for us and also you
shouldn't even want everybody to be
meant for you it's a good thing that not
everybody likes you that protects you
every single human being on this planet
even the richest and the most famous and
successful are handed their own little
bag of rejection and failures and life
lessons it is nothing personal that's
just life you are going to stop seeking
validation by becoming secure in
yourself and growing your self-worth and
this is gonna come about from you
building up your self schema yes that's
right I'm bringing psychology up in here
so what is self schema self schema is
all about your self-image it's about how
you define yourself according to your
personality traits your behaviors maybe
even your physical traits every single
person on this planet has a certain set
of beliefs that contributes to their
self schema to their self-image you have
to do everything in your power to build
up a positive self schema so that you
are no longer seeking validation from
others having a solid self-worth will
prevent you from seeking external
validation so how do we do this identify
your favorite parts of yourself really
journey inwards to weaken knowledge how
great of a person you are all of these
things all of the qualities things that
you've done achievements just who you
are as a person that makes you so effing
amazing automatically this will start
helping you look at yourself in a
positive light and then after this you
are going to write down all of the
negative perceptions you have of
yourself once you have a list of your
negative self-beliefs you are then going
to prove every single one of them wrong
and of course I'm going to give you an
example so let's bring back Lola and
Athena now both Lola and Athena have the
same negative self-belief which is that
they are not beautiful they feel very
unattractive Lola listens to this
negative self-belief so she hides
herself away she hides her face in
pictures she chases other people because
she thinks she's lucky when guys like
her because she thinks she's so ugly she
doesn't go after certain opportunities
because she automatically assumes she'll
be rejected from them because she's just
not good enough she's just not
attractive enough for that she allows
her negative self-belief to control her
life and the way she sees herself and
this ultimately leads to her seeking
validation from everyone and thing now
Athena also believes that she's
unattractive now we all know this ain't
true both of these women gorgeous
gorgeous look Athena is that girl okay
but Athena has had this negative self
schema this negative self-belief for her
whole life she just cannot see the
beauty in herself but she is sick of
placing her worth in the hands of others
and she wants to do something about it
she is not out on a mission to try and
see herself in a different light are
much better more secure life so she
starts experimenting which haircut suits
her face shape the best which makeup
products actually help effectively
accentuate the great facial features she
already has she treats herself and buys
herself a whole new wardrobe because
playing with clothes is going to help
her start stepping into her confidence
and when you do little things like
playing around with hair makeup clothes
they provide that first step into
confidence and over time once you've
taken the first step you can build
yourself up to eventually feel
confidence without having those things
without having the best outfit on or
having your makeup done and I speak from
experience once she's experimented she's
got a new look she's feeling a little
bit better about herself she locks
herself in a bedroom and she decides to
put on a little photo shoot of herself
she experiments with different lighting
and angles she really learns her face
what her favorite features are of her
face and body and she has fun with it
she experiments she tries on a bunch of
different clothes she does some crazy
things with her hair she takes a bunch
of photos of herself and in doing so she
starts to see The beauty within herself
Lola Athena are both stunning in their
own different ways the difference is
Lola decided to listen to her negative
self-belief and decided to live her life
according to it Athena wanted to prove
that negative self-belief wrong so she
put on a photo shoot she tried doing
some different things she experimented
with her appearance because she was
bored with it she didn't like it she
thought yes I'll change it up and that's
what a did her seeing her appearance in
a different light now she feels
comfortable when somebody wants to take
a picture of her now she started
building up the confidence to wear out
her favorite outfits in public and not
want to blend into the crowd because she
doesn't want to be seen and my last
point for this chapter is to look at who
you are as your current self and nothing
else start looking at yourself as the
person you are now start acting like
this morning when you woke up that was
the first day of your life because I did
this a lot for years even at 20 21 years
old I was still viewing myself through
the lens of who I was as my 15 year old
self who was very awkward and nerdy and
insecure and she had a really bad self
option she had a bunch of negative self
beliefs that like no one would like her
boys wouldn't like her she wasn't
desirable or attractive so even when I
was 20 and I had my little glow up and
I'd done a bunch of other things to help
grow my confidence I was still looking
at myself like I was my awkward 15 year
old self but that's not true I have
grown I have Newfound wisdom
intelligence Beauty I'm a whole
different person that's the beauty of
self-growth so the way to start seeing
yourself as your current version is
every morning you need to wake up like
today is the first day of your life and
that's gonna help you stop bringing in
past rejections mistakes cringy
embarrassing moments into your present
life it's gonna help you stop defining
yourself through your past mistakes
through the past versions of yourself
who you also need to give forgiveness to
because they were who they were and they
acted the way they did because they had
a certain level of awareness at that
time you have grown since then you do
not need to keep looking at yourself
through the lens of your pastels because
you're not that person anymore you need
to ask yourself if I woke up today if
today was the first day of my life with
the things I have the things I've
accomplished and the Newfound wisdom I
have at this age who would I be what
would I say how would I act what would I
do and go into your day like that rather
than harboring all of this resentment
for your past selves and your mistakes
because when you're still focusing on
past negative memories of yourself that
is also what is impacting your self
schema being negative I'm 22 now this
was me 10 years ago at 12 years old look
at me you can just see that I'm not
confident that I'm not feeling myself
imagine that I still viewed myself
through that lens I wouldn't even be
sitting here recording this video
because I would feel so much Shame about
myself so not only did I have to go
through self-growth to step into a new
version of myself but I had to shed the
old version of myself so that I could
allow a new perception to come into my
life and stick with it and believe it
and the last most important chapter how
to become your own validation the advice
I'm about to give in this chapter will
apply to all types of validation but I'm
going to be using emotional validation
as an example throughout when I I'm
explaining everything you are the only
person in this universe that truly knows
yourself inside and out not your parents
not your siblings not your childhood
best friend every single person in your
life has a different perception of you
your parents See You In a Different
Light from your siblings from your best
friends from your partner only you know
your full life Journey your inner
thoughts your inner dialogue and no one
else's knowledge of you no matter how
long they have known you could ever
compare therefore other people could
never ever accurately validate you
because people's opinions and
perceptions of you are based on their
own life Journey their own mindset their
own upbringing trauma projections their
opinions have nothing to do with you and
everything to do with them which means
their validation of you isn't even real
other people are incapable of validating
you because they don't have all the
facts the only person that does have all
the facts is you which means you are the
only person that can value date yourself
and this links to emotional validation
for example if you're really upset
you're going through it something is
happening you're explaining someone why
you're upset and what this situation is
and their response to you is that you're
overreacting you should get just get
over it or be positive it's not that big
of a deal other people have it worse off
like I'm sorry are you going through the
same thoughts emotions and internal
dialogue as me right now no right so
shut up so you see other people's brains
and emotions aren't wired in the same
way as ours so what affects us might not
affect them in the same way that doesn't
make our emotions any less valid they
might have a completely different
approach to the situation based on their
own upbringing and mindset in comparison
to US therefore that does not put them
in a valid position to validate you and
what you should do you need to do what's
right for you and only you can be the
true judge of that other people's
opinions of you does not lessen how bad
your situation is if it hurts your pain
is valid if it's affecting your emotions
and making you feel weird if you are
feeling affected by it your pain is
valid you do not need someone else to
validate your allowance to express your
negative emotions whether that be
sadness anger whatever this is why
self-validation is so important and this
is how you do it I want you to take a
break from calling someone going to a
family member or friend immediately
after you feel triggered or angered by
someone or you're upset about something
because when that's your first course of
action that's you seeking validation for
the way you're feeling from other people
it is absolutely okay to go to family
and friends for help but sometimes try
and be there for yourself so when you
take this break from running to somebody
else for help you're gonna start
practicing dealing with and accepting
your own emotions and then you're going
to either journal or video I personally
video now everybody knows the great
importance of writing down your feelings
journaling all of that I'm a big big
advocate for that personally what I've
started to do is hit record when I'm
feeling sad I literally get my phone out
record a video even if I'm like crying
I'm super angry my emotions are very
high instead of calling somebody I'll
press record and I'll just talk to
myself in this camera as if I'm having a
conversation with somebody and I can be
completely authentic and unfiltered and
walk along for as long as I can because
I'm actually in private and instantly
the weight of that bad situation has
been relieved because I've released it
I've said it out loud that's allowed me
to process it plus having this fall on
conversation with yourself will also
allow you to understand yourself and the
situation and your emotions much better
once I've recorded this video I'm very
aware of how I'm feeling maybe my
emotions are still a little bit High I'm
gonna think about what I would wish
somebody else would say to me if I was
to call up a family member or friend and
tell them what was going on in this
situation what would I hope to hear from
them
and then whatever I would hope to hear
I'm gonna say that back to myself
because that is what I deserve whatever
validation you're seeking from somebody
else whatever sentence you wish they
would say to you say it to yourself it's
as easy as that you know so I see you I
accept you it makes sense why you're
upset about this thing you are not
overreacting you are not a bad person
for feeling this way you are human it is
okay to also go through the negative
spectrum of emotions you are fully in
your right to feel upset about this or
be a bit off moody or down you did not
deserve that treatment from that person
I'm here for you we'll get through this
we'll resolve this issue it will be
better but for now if you need to feel
your feelings and be angry cry get it
out of your system that is completely
okay and you are in within your right to
do that in fact that is a very healthy
expression of your emotions to be able
to deal and process with the situation
and then move on from it sometimes it's
hard for us to empathize with ourselves
so if you're going through that maybe
you're beating yourself up about
responding to a certain situation in the
way that you did act like your friend
actually went through that better yet
look at yourself through the lens of
your inner child instantly you will have
so much more compassion for yourself and
you'll treat your self with much more
kindness which is the key to validating
yourself being not for yourself and stop
placing your worth and expectations in
the hands of others you can just be
there for yourself and that be enough
without seeking the approval of
everybody else and that brings us to the
end of this video I hope you guys
enjoyed this video and learn something
new if you did and it helped you out
make sure you comment down below and
like this video And subscribe because
I'm just churning out videos on YouTube
right now and I'm loving it make sure
you check out the description because it
has all of my Social Links and don't
forget to follow me on Instagram which
is linked in the description where I
post on my stories little question boxes
so you can have your say on what you
want me to talk about in my weekly
videos so I'll see you in the next one
thank you so much for watching and being
here I appreciate you bye
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lay down
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