Signs You're Dating A Narcissist
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful discussion, Dr. Ramani dives into the complexities of dating a narcissist, highlighting key traits such as a lack of empathy, entitlement, and superficiality. She explains the manipulative tactic of 'gaslighting' and its impact on the victim's perception of reality. The conversation touches on the dynamics of two narcissists in a relationship, which she humorously describes as a 'psychological cage fight,' emphasizing the importance of recognizing and addressing narcissistic behaviors for healthier relationships.
Takeaways
- 📚 Dr. Ramani is an expert on narcissism and has written a book to help those struggling with relationships involving narcissists.
- 🤔 A narcissist is characterized by a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, grandiosity, superficiality, and poor emotion regulation.
- 🔍 Six key traits are typically expected to identify someone as a narcissist, but Dr. Ramani provides a list of 30 characteristics in her book.
- 🚫 Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism and may react aggressively if they do not receive special treatment or if their way is not followed.
- 💬 'Gaslighting' is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists where they deny the reality of others, causing confusion and self-doubt.
- 🗣️ Feeling the need to record conversations with a partner can be a sign of being in a relationship with a narcissist who is gaslighting you.
- 🤝 Narcissists may initially appear to have relationships that 'look good' on the outside, but lack genuine connection and empathy.
- 🥊 When two narcissists date, it can resemble a 'psychological cage fight' with a lack of listening and empathy, leading to explosive conflicts.
- 🚫 Dr. Ramani humorously suggests that narcissists should 'co-breed' to keep them out of the normal dating pool to prevent the perpetuation of these traits.
- 👥 Even when two narcissists admit their traits, the relationships do not succeed due to the inherent nature of narcissism.
- 🤔 The societal misuse of the term 'narcissist' can cloud understanding, but the script provides clear indicators to help identify true narcissistic behavior.
Q & A
What is the main topic of discussion in the transcript?
-The main topic is identifying and understanding the characteristics of narcissism in the context of dating and relationships.
Who is Dr. Ramani and what is her area of expertise?
-Dr. Ramani is a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with clients who have been hurt in relationships with narcissists.
What does Dr. Ramani find fascinating about working with narcissistic relationships?
-Dr. Ramani finds it fascinating because of the patterns she has observed and the need for a systematic way to help those affected by such relationships.
What is the title of Dr. Ramani's book on narcissism?
-The title of her book is 'Should I Stay or Should I Go'.
According to Dr. Ramani, what are some key characteristics of a narcissist?
-Key characteristics include a lack of empathy, entitlement, grandiosity, superficiality, concern with appearance, poor emotion regulation, quickness to anger, and hypersensitivity to criticism.
What is the minimum number of narcissistic traits one should exhibit to be considered a narcissist according to Dr. Ramani?
-Dr. Ramani suggests that at least six of the traits should be present to consider someone a narcissist.
What is 'Gaslighting' and how does it manifest in a relationship?
-Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person denies the reality of their partner, making the partner question their own perceptions and sanity.
Why might someone feel the need to record conversations with a narcissist?
-Recording conversations can be a way to document reality and provide evidence against the manipulative tactics of gaslighting used by a narcissist.
What does Dr. Ramani suggest about dating between two narcissists?
-She describes it as a 'psychological cage fight' where neither party is empathetic or genuinely listens to the other.
What does Dr. Ramani advise about narcissists reproducing?
-She humorously suggests that narcissists should 'co-breed' to keep them out of the normal dating pool and prevent them from passing on their traits.
What happens when both partners in a relationship admit to being narcissists, according to Dr. Ramani?
-Dr. Ramani states that even when both partners acknowledge their narcissism, the relationships do not succeed due to the inherent lack of empathy and understanding.
Outlines
🔍 Identifying Narcissism in Relationships
Dr. Ramani, a clinical psychologist, discusses the signs of narcissism in dating relationships. She explains that narcissists lack empathy, feel entitled, are grandiose, superficial, and have a poor ability to regulate emotions. They are prone to tantrums and highly sensitive to criticism. Dr. Ramani emphasizes that while many people may exhibit some of these traits, it takes a combination of at least six to be considered a narcissist. She also introduces the concept of 'Gaslighting,' a manipulative tactic where a narcissist denies the reality of their partner's experiences, leading to the partner questioning their own sanity. Dr. Ramani suggests that if someone feels the need to record conversations to prove a point, it might be a sign that they should leave the relationship.
🤼♀️ The Dynamics of Two Narcissists Dating
The conversation continues with Dr. Ramani describing what happens when two narcissists date each other. She humorously refers to it as a 'psychological cage fight,' highlighting the lack of empathy and the self-centered nature of such relationships. Initially, the relationship might seem to work because both parties are concerned with appearances and how they reflect on themselves. However, when one narcissist frustrates the other, the relationship can quickly deteriorate into a significant conflict. Dr. Ramani also mentions that she has encountered couples where both individuals admit to being narcissists, but such relationships never succeed because they fail to recognize and address the childlike aspects of their behavior that are detrimental to a healthy relationship.
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Mindmap
Keywords
💡Narcissism
💡Empathy
💡Entitlement
💡Gaslighting
💡Tantrums
💡Criticism
💡Superficial
💡Mirroring
💡Victim
💡Loyalty
💡Psychological Cage Fight
Highlights
Dr. Ramani discusses how to identify the signs of narcissism in a dating relationship.
Narcissists lack empathy and have a sense of entitlement, expecting special treatment.
Narcissists are grandiose, harboring fantasies and only wanting to affiliate with those they deem 'cool' or 'interesting'.
They are superficial, overly concerned with appearance and can have a 'beautiful facade' with little substance.
Narcissists struggle with emotional regulation and are prone to quick anger and tantrums, especially when they don't get their way.
Dr. Ramani explains that narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism and may engage in 'gaslighting' to manipulate reality.
Gaslighting involves denying someone's reality, making them question their own perceptions and feelings.
Dr. Ramani suggests that feeling the need to record conversations may indicate a relationship with a narcissist.
The term 'narcissist' is often misused in society, and Dr. Ramani clarifies the actual characteristics of narcissism.
When two narcissists date each other, it can be likened to a 'psychological cage fight' with a lack of empathy and listening.
In relationships between two narcissists, appearances are prioritized over genuine connection and mutual support.
Dr. Ramani humorously suggests that narcissists should 'co-breed' to keep them out of the normal dating pool.
Admitting to being a narcissist does not guarantee successful relationships, as self-awareness does not always equate to change.
Dr. Ramani's book 'Should I Stay or Should I Go?' aims to help those struggling with relationships involving narcissism.
Narcissists can exhibit jealousy, disloyalty, and take pleasure in the misery of others, among other traits.
The transcript provides a comprehensive look at the dynamics of narcissistic relationships and the impact on individuals involved.
Dr. Ramani emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between narcissistic behaviors and normal personality traits.
Transcripts
are you dating in a total jerk?
well, if you are you might be dating a narcissist
I am here to tell you how to spot a signs of a narcissism
is a Dr. Ramani.
Dr. Ramani thanks for being here to talk with us
about dating a narcissist
My pleasure, thank you my favorite kind of topic. Why is this
your favorite kind of topic? You know what is it
It's a curiosity to me. I started working with a lot of
clients who were i hate the word
,,victimize" but who really hurts by this relationship
and I saw a pattern and I though
wow we got to help this people but in a systematic way
so not only did i really get to helping them
but it all culminated in a book
that was meant to help everyone who is struggling with this issues
but it was remarkable to me to look in a narcissistic
relationship and essence
it's like looking into the mirror and nothing is looking back at you.
U, good metaphor.
Am ,,Should I stay or should I go'' is your book
about narcissism. What is,
or what define someone to be a narcissist?
A narcissist is, lets talk about in terms of sort of the key or kinds of pillow
it's a person who lacks empathy
who is really entitled, meaning that they expect
special treatment to be giving to them but nobody else
They are very grandiose they harbor a huge of fantasy
they only want to affiliate with people they think as
cool or as interesting as they are. They are
very superficial. They are very concern about their appearance
and the appearance of the people around them. I've always thinks of them as
beautiful facade with not a lot behind them.
They don't regulate their emotions very well
They are very prone to thrown a tantrums, getting angry very quickly, specialy if they dont get their way
and they can be really hipper sensitive to criticism
So those are some of the key elements we see
in a person who is narcissistic. And just because someone has
one or even maybe a two of those does it make them
a narcissists. In fact in my book I have 30 characteristics
so we can go all the way.
So then how many would I have to
have to be a narcissist. I would say that six I
gave you I expect to see all the six really to
call someone a narcissistic and the longer list for example
they tend to be jealous, they engage in something
called ,,Gaslighting'' where they literary doubt your own reality
leaving you feeling like you are gone crazy
they don't tend to be very loyal, they do tend of
throw temper tantrums, they get pleasure out of misery
in other people. They are kind of mean - Lets
explain Gaslighting
a little more. What is that look like?
Gaslighting looks like literary like I said when
somebody kinds of denies your reality, so
you might say something like
I feel really sad that you really say that to me, and they said something like
you have not rights to say that
you have no rights to feel that way or
they say something you are having an argument with them
and they will had said something terrible to you
couple of days before and you say, Listen when you said that,
they will say I've never said that
and so it's literary like they denies your reality
and when somebody says I never said that
most normal people tend to question of themselves - Mmm..
And so, in fact I've always say one of the ringers
that you're in a relationship with the narcissist who is
gaslighting you is you started to feeling the need
to voice record your conversation with them
so you can play it back to them,I always say when you feel like you need
a voice memo in your relationship it maybe time to get out
-Ok.
I have been
in a relationship where I thought
I am gonna record our next conversation because You are just
not believing that
what has been said has been said. Gaslighting. Wow. But that not necessarily
mean that that person was a narcissist. No that
can be a lot of parts. But yeah but it could be a key indicator
Yeah this is hard for a lot of people I feel like because we do
in our society throw around that term all the time You know
You get mad at somebody and say..well they're being narcisist
well, they want to have dinner at eight, they are narcisista, no they just want to have dinner at eight,you know...-right.
so this type of factors
really help people
narrow it in when they're narcisists
i'm really curios
on... when two narcisists date each other
in your practice, you're a clinical psichologist
you talk always people what is that relationship look like?
it's basically a psichological cage fight
i mean obvously..- ahahahahahha
i souldn't have been laughing, because it affects lot of people
i know it's fascinating because what ends up happening is
nobody's empathic,
nobody's listening,
and they're not playing with each other
they're kind of playing by themselves
everything actually goes well for a while
because they really care that the other one looks good
so they can deliver on that- they only care that the other one
looks good ..because it makes them look good
this... this is like the guy "i need a hot girlfriend"
you know .. it's that kind of a modelo
of ...like.. i need to look good, my partner makes me look good
so, it's a sort of .. almost
is larger than life kind of... almost toopretty couples
that you sometimes...make you wonder what is a .... looking so good?
don't... don't we want a partner who makes us look good?
no. we want a partner who makes us feel good. -mmm
there's a difference. - there's a big difference
so i think that what ends up happening is that when
the first time one person made up two narcisists togheter
frustrates the other then
it all breaks lose
so it gets to be .. when the fireworks go
they go.. big.in this kind of relationships
i always say let the narcisists al cobreed
then we kind of ... get them out of normal dating supplies
just don't reproduce
ok so... you have this two narcisists
that are dating toghether.-right. -
have you ever seen a couple
each of them were a narcisist and they both admit it
that they were both a narcisist.-absolutely
did those relationships succeed?- no.
no i'll tell you what happens is that there's...
a point wich, i will tell you, there's a number of people i work with who have admitted
straight up "i'm a narcisist"i know it
and now i can see how is affecting ...usually it would be kids...
or family relationships or their
intimate relationships
and they wanna do the work but they don't recognize
having almost childlike
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