What a step father is NOT
Summary
TLDRThe video script emphasizes that stepfathers should not attempt to replace or substitute a child's biological father. Instead, stepfathers are 'bonus fathers' who bring something additional and supportive to the family dynamic. The speaker stresses that stepfathers should not assume the role of disciplinarian or corrective parent, as this responsibility belongs to the child's mother. Attempting to replace the biological father can create immense pressure, conflicts, and identity issues for the child, ultimately leading to heartache. The key message is for stepfathers to accept their supportive role without trying to fill the shoes of the biological father.
Takeaways
- 😁 A stepfather is not meant to replace the child's biological father, but rather serve as a bonus or additional father figure.
- 😐 Trying to replace the child's biological father can create pressure, conflicts, and force the child to feel they must choose between loving the stepfather or their biological father.
- 👐 A stepfather's role is to be a supportive parent, not a disciplinarian or corrective parent. That role belongs to the biological parents.
- 🤝 A stepfather should support the child's mother in disciplining and correcting the child, but not take on those responsibilities directly.
- 🙅♂️ A stepfather should not attempt to substitute or replace the child's biological father, as that will only lead to heartache and headaches.
- 😇 Recognizing that a stepfather is not a replacement for the biological father can bring relief and reduce pressure on the stepfather.
- 👪 The child already has a father, even if the biological father has passed away, and the stepfather should respect and acknowledge that bond.
- 🧑🤝🧑 A stepfather's role is to add value and bring something extra to the child's life, not to replace the existing parental figures.
- 🤲 A stepfather should offer suggestions and point out observations to the child's mother, but not directly to the child or in front of the child.
- 🙏 It's important for stepfathers to understand and embrace their role as a bonus or additional father figure, rather than trying to replace the biological father.
Q & A
What is the main point the speaker is trying to convey about being a stepfather?
-The main point is that a stepfather is not meant to replace the biological father of the children. The stepfather's role is to be a 'bonus father', providing additional support and guidance, but not aiming to substitute the biological father.
Why does the speaker recommend against trying to replace the biological father?
-The speaker suggests that trying to replace the biological father can create a lot of pressure on the stepfather and the children. It can also cause conflicts within the children, as they may perceive the need to choose between loving the stepfather or their biological father, which is counterproductive.
How does the speaker describe the roles of a stepfather and a biological parent in terms of discipline?
-The speaker states that the stepfather is not the 'corrective parent' or disciplinarian. That role is reserved for the biological parent(s). The stepfather is meant to be the 'supportive parent', offering suggestions and observations to the biological parent(s) when appropriate, but not directly disciplining the children.
What advice does the speaker give to stepfathers regarding their role?
-The speaker advises stepfathers to take the pressure off themselves and not try to replace the biological father. The stepfather's role is to be a 'bonus father', adding value and support, but not attempting to substitute the biological father.
How does the speaker suggest stepfathers should communicate observations or suggestions about the children?
-The speaker suggests that stepfathers should never make observations or offer suggestions about the children in front of them. Instead, they should communicate these things privately with the biological parent(s).
What does the speaker mean by the term 'bonus father'?
-The term 'bonus father' refers to the idea that a stepfather brings something extra or additional to the child's life, but is not meant to replace or substitute the biological father.
Why does the speaker believe it's important for stepfathers to understand their role?
-The speaker believes it's crucial for stepfathers to understand their role as a 'bonus father' and not a replacement for the biological father. This understanding can help alleviate pressure, avoid conflicts, and maintain a healthy dynamic within the family.
How does the speaker describe the potential consequences of a stepfather trying to replace the biological father?
-The speaker suggests that attempting to replace the biological father can lead to great heartaches and headaches for the stepfather and the family. It is described as a useless and counterproductive endeavor.
What emotion does the speaker aim to instill in stepfathers by clarifying their role?
-The speaker hopes to bring a little bit of relief to stepfathers by clarifying that their role is not to replace the biological father, but rather to be a 'bonus father'. This understanding is meant to alleviate pressure and provide a sense of clarity and comfort.
How does the speaker summarize the key point about what a stepfather is not?
-The speaker summarizes the key point by stating, What a stepfather is not, a stepfather is not a replacement for Dad. That's pretty much all that I wanted to tell you today because this is very, very important.
Outlines
🚫 A Stepfather is Not a Dad Replacement
The content emphasizes that a stepfather should not try to replace the biological father of the children. A stepfather is a 'bonus father' who adds value but does not substitute or take over the role of the existing father. Attempting to replace the dad can create conflicts, pressure, and cause the children to feel like they have to choose between loving the stepfather or their biological father. The stepfather's role is to support and offer suggestions but not to be the primary disciplinarian or corrective parent. The key takeaway is that a stepfather should not view themselves as a replacement for the dad, as this can lead to heartaches and headaches.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Stepfather
💡Bonus father
💡Not replacing
💡Supportive parent
💡Corrective parent
💡Disciplinarian
💡Pressure
💡Conflicts
💡Counterproductive
💡Relief
Highlights
Stepfathering is not replacing their dad.
Stepfathers are considered bonus fathers, adding value without replacing the biological father.
The role of a stepfather is to add to the family dynamic rather than to substitute or replace the biological father.
Stepfathers serve as supporting parents, not corrective or disciplinarian figures.
The importance of not undermining the biological mother's role in discipline and support within the family.
The significance of offering support and suggestions without overstepping or replacing the role of the biological parents.
The concept of 'bonus father' emphasizes the additional, unique value a stepfather brings to the family.
Stepfathers should avoid putting pressure on themselves to replace the biological father.
Avoiding conflicts and pressure on the children by not attempting to replace their biological father.
The potential psychological conflict for children feeling torn between loving their stepfather and biological father.
The counterproductive nature of trying to compete with or replace the biological father.
Stepfathers focusing on being supportive and additive rather than corrective or authoritative.
The role of a stepfather is distinct and should not infringe upon the unique relationship between a child and their biological father.
Encouragement for stepfathers to relieve themselves of the pressure to fill the shoes of the biological father.
The message of support and understanding for stepfathers navigating their role within the family.
Transcripts
hello stepfathers I came across a very
interesting topic I was reading
online about what is a stepparent what
is a step parent what is a stepfather
what is a stepfather what's a stepmother
I'd like to look at this a little bit
differently
and tell you my take on what is
not being a stepfather what being a
stepfather is
not so what is not stepfathering
stepfathering is not replacing their
dad full stop new line we are not there
to
be another father we are a bonus father
meaning that we bring something more but
they already have a dad even if he
passed they already have a a dad and I
am not going to be another father I am
not going to
replace your
dad I am someone else I am something
else I will add that's why I call myself
a bonus father but I will not do certain
things that are reserved for the
father and that is why I have another
video on this I talk
about corrective parent and supportive
parent so The Stepfather is the
supporting
parent we are not the corrective parent
we are not the
disciplinarian that is already there
they have a mom for that I can support
her for that I can point out things that
I might see never in front of the kids
and ask and offer suggestions but I will
not substitute a
father let's put this in uh let's let's
burn it into our minds stepf fathers we
are not substituting a father we are not
and we should not try to we should not
be doing it because that will just add a
hell of a lot of pressure on ourselves
it would add pressure on the kids it
will cause huge conflicts within
themselves because they will perceive
the need to either love you or love Dad
and if they love you unconsciously it
means in their minds they're not loving
dad anymore and that's a huge no no
because being in a counter position to
their biod dad is something that is
useless
counterproductive gets us nowhere other
than gives us great heartaches and
headaches so what is not a stepfather
what a stepfather is not a stepfather is
not a replacement for
Dad that's pretty much all that I wanted
to tell you today because this is very
very important take that pressure off
yourselves you are not a replacement for
Dad I hope this brings you a little bit
of
relief meanwhile uh cheers take care and
uh godspeed stepfathers
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