Want More From Someone? DO NOT Chase; Do THIS Instead!
Summary
TLDRDas Video thematisiert, wie wir oft dazu neigen, uns zu sehr auf eine Person zu konzentrieren, die wir attraktiv finden, und dabei andere wichtige Aspekte unseres Lebens vernachlässigen. Es wird betont, dass es entscheidend ist, in sich selbst zu investieren und eine starke Basis zu haben, um eine gesunde, gleichberechtigte Beziehung zu führen. Das Video ermutigt, sich nicht von der Anziehungskraft einer Person blenden zu lassen und die eigenen Werte und Hobbys zu schätzen, um wahre Selbstsicherheit zu erlangen.
Takeaways
- 😊 Vermeide es, dich in einer neuen Beziehung zu verlieren, indem du andere wichtige Lebensbereiche ignorierst.
- 💡 Wenn du jemanden triffst, der dich beeindruckt, solltest du dich weiterhin auf die Dinge konzentrieren, die dir ein Gefühl von Wert und Identität geben.
- 🛠️ Der Instinkt, sich mehr anzustrengen, um jemanden zu gewinnen, kann dazu führen, dass diese Person das Interesse verliert oder sich zurückzieht.
- 📚 Die Geschichte von David Mustaine und Pete Best zeigt, dass das Glück davon abhängt, welche Werte man schätzt.
- 🔍 Es ist entscheidend, die richtigen Dinge im Leben zu schätzen, um dauerhaftes Glück zu finden.
- 🏗️ Stärke die Säulen deines Lebens, die dir Stabilität und Selbstvertrauen geben, statt dich nur auf eine Beziehung zu konzentrieren.
- 🔄 Selbst wenn du jemanden findest, der deine Hoffnungen verkörpert, ist es wichtig, in andere Lebensbereiche zu investieren.
- 💪 Wahres Selbstvertrauen bedeutet, nein zu Dingen zu sagen, die nicht richtig für dich sind, selbst wenn du sie begehrst.
- 🌍 Deine Bedeutung im Leben ist nicht geringer, nur weil jemand anderes in bestimmten Bereichen erfolgreicher ist.
- 🚀 Investiere in dich selbst, denn diese Investition zahlt sich für den Rest deines Lebens aus.
Q & A
Was ist der häufigste Fehler, den Menschen machen, wenn sie von jemandem begeistert sind?
-Der häufigste Fehler ist, dass Menschen, wenn sie von jemandem begeistert sind, ihre eigene Identität und Werte in den Hintergrund rücken und sich zu sehr auf die Beziehung konzentrieren, um sie zu sichern.
Welche Rolle spielen Freunde, Familie und Hobbies in unserem Leben, wenn wir uns auf eine Beziehung konzentrieren?
-Freunde, Familie und Hobbies sind wichtige Aspekte, die unseren Wert und unsere Identität in unserem Leben geben. Sie sollten nicht in den Hintergrund rücken, wenn wir uns auf eine Beziehung konzentrieren.
Was passiert, wenn wir zu sehr in eine Beziehung investieren, ohne andere wichtige Aspekte unseres Lebens zu berücksichtigen?
-Wenn wir zu sehr in eine Beziehung investieren, könnten wir unsere Selbstwürdigkeit verlieren und uns von anderen wichtigen Bereichen unseres Lebens abwenden, was uns unsicherer und abhängiger macht.
Was ist der Unterschied zwischen der Geschichte von David Mustaine und Pete Best, wie sie in dem Skript erwähnt werden?
-David Mustaine hatte Schwierigkeiten, glücklich zu sein, weil er immer versuchte, die Erfolge seiner alten Band Metallica zu übertreffen, während Pete Best, der aus den Beatles geworfen wurde, ein glückliches Leben führte, weil er andere Werte schätzte und nicht rücksichtslos nach Erfolg strebte.
Was lehrt uns die Geschichte von Pete Best über das Schätzen des Richtigen in unserem Leben?
-Die Geschichte von Pete Best lehrt uns, dass das Schätzen anderer Aspekte des Lebens, wie Familie und persönliches Wohlbefinden, zu echter Glückseligkeit führen kann, unabhängig von externen Erfolgen.
Was bedeutet es, 'Fu confidence' zu haben?
-Fu confidence bedeutet, so viele starke Säulen in Ihrem Leben zu haben, dass Sie jederzeit Nein sagen können, selbst wenn es Dinge sind, die Sie eigentlich wollen, aber nicht für Sie das Richtige sind.
Wie kann man seine 'Fu confidence' stärken?
-Man kann seine 'Fu confidence' stärken, indem man in sich selbst investiert und die verschiedenen Bereiche des Lebens pflegt, die einen Sinn für Zweck und Bedeutung ergeben.
Was ist der Hauptunterschied zwischen Real confidence und der Fähigkeit, Nein zu sagen?
-Real confidence ist nicht nur die Fähigkeit, Nein zu sagen zu Dingen, die man nicht will, sondern die Fähigkeit, Nein zu sagen zu Dingen, die man will, wenn sie nicht für einen geeignet sind.
Was ist der beste Weg, um sicherzustellen, dass man in einer Beziehung als Gleichgesetzter angesehen wird?
-Der beste Weg, um in einer Beziehung als Gleichgesetzter angesehen zu werden, ist, sich auf die Bereiche des eigenen Lebens zu konzentrieren, die einen Sinn für Selbstwert und Identität vermitteln.
Was ist das Konzept des 'virtuellen Retreats', das im Skript erwähnt wird?
-Das Konzept des 'virtuellen Retreats' ist eine Online-Veranstaltung, bei der Teilnehmer sich drei Tage lang in die Welt der Selbstentwicklung tauchen, um ihre 'Fu confidence' und ihren Selbstwert zu stärken.
Welche Vorteile bietet das 'Selbst-Care Special Ticket' für das virtuelle Retreat?
-Das 'Selbst-Care Special Ticket' bietet einen Rabatt von 100 Dollar, einen Live-Q&A mit dem Sprecher vor der Veranstaltung und Zugang zu einem Masterclass namens 'The Daily Momentum Formula'.
Outlines
💡 Die Gefahr des Überinvestierens in Beziehungen
In diesem Abschnitt wird die häufige Fehler beschrieben, die Menschen machen, wenn sie sich zu sehr auf eine Person konzentrieren, die sie anziehend finden. Es wird erklärt, wie man in solchen Situationen dazu neigt, andere wichtige Aspekte des Lebens, wie Freunde, Familie und Hobbys, zu vernachlässigen. Die Folge davon ist, dass man sich in der Beziehung verliert und versucht, die Aufmerksamkeit der anderen Person zu gewinnen, was letztendlich gegen einen selbst arbeitet.
🔄 Der Wert der richtigen Prioritäten
Dieser Abschnitt vergleicht die Geschichten von David Mustaine und Pete Best, um zu verdeutlichen, wie das Setzen der richtigen Prioritäten zum persönlichen Glück führt. Während Mustaine von seinem Erfolg mit Megadeth nie völlig befriedigt war, weil er nicht das Niveau von Metallica erreichte, konnte Best nach seiner Entlassung aus den Beatles ein glückliches Leben führen, indem er andere Werte priorisierte. Die Lektion: Glück hängt davon ab, worauf man den Fokus legt und was man wirklich wertschätzt.
🏗️ Die Bedeutung stabiler Lebensfundamente
Hier wird das Konzept vorgestellt, dass unser Selbstvertrauen wie eine Tischplatte ist, die auf mehreren Beinen steht, die verschiedene Aspekte unseres Lebens repräsentieren. Diese Aspekte geben uns Stabilität und Sinn. Wenn man eine neue Beziehung eingeht, ist es wichtig, weiterhin in diese Bereiche zu investieren, anstatt alles auf die neue Person zu setzen. Nur so bleibt man in der Beziehung auf Augenhöhe und bewahrt seine innere Stärke.
💪 Selbstwert und unabhängiges Selbstvertrauen
In diesem Abschnitt wird das Konzept des 'F***-You-Confidence' erläutert, also das Selbstvertrauen, das einen unabhängig von der Meinung anderer macht. Es geht darum, genug innere Stabilität und Selbstliebe zu haben, um auch attraktive oder erfolgreiche Menschen ablehnen zu können, wenn sie nicht gut für einen sind. Echte Selbstsicherheit zeigt sich darin, dass man auch auf Dinge verzichten kann, die man eigentlich möchte, wenn sie nicht mit den eigenen Werten übereinstimmen.
🛠️ Investition in sich selbst als Schlüssel zum Glück
Der abschließende Abschnitt betont die Wichtigkeit, in sich selbst zu investieren, um langfristig glücklich und selbstbewusst zu bleiben. Es wird ein Event angeboten, bei dem die Teilnehmer sich intensiv mit Selbstentwicklung auseinandersetzen können, um in jeder Situation ihres Lebens das Gefühl zu haben, genug zu sein. Diese Investition in sich selbst wird als die lohnendste bezeichnet, da sie einem unabhängig von äußeren Umständen Sicherheit und Erfüllung bringt.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Anziehungskraft
💡Identität
💡Wert
💡Investition
💡Selbstwert
💡Abhängigkeit
💡Gleichberechtigung
💡Selbstvertrauen
💡Unabhängigkeit
💡Fu-Konfidenz
💡Investition in sich selbst
Highlights
The common mistake people make when they get excited about someone is investing too much in them and losing focus on other important aspects of their lives.
People often lose connection with friends, family, and hobbies as they try to secure a relationship with someone they are attracted to.
Investing too much effort in someone can cause them to pull away, as they may feel they have control over the relationship.
It's important to stay grounded in the things that give your life value and identity outside of a relationship.
Mark Manson's comparison between David Mustaine and Pete Best highlights the importance of valuing the right things for personal happiness.
Pete Best found happiness after being kicked out of The Beatles because he valued his personal life and family over external success.
When meeting someone who represents everything you’ve been looking for, it's crucial to continue investing in other meaningful areas of your life.
Confidence comes from having multiple sources of meaning and purpose in your life, not just from one relationship.
Maintaining strong 'legs under the table' of your life helps you remain stable and confident in relationships.
True confidence is the ability to say no to things you want when they’re not right for you.
Having 'FU confidence' means having so much strength in other areas of life that you can walk away from a relationship that isn’t right.
It’s important to stay connected to what makes your life valuable, even when you meet someone who impresses you.
You should never let someone else's achievements or attractiveness diminish your sense of self-worth.
Investing in yourself is the best investment you can make, as it pays off in every situation you face.
The virtual retreat is an opportunity for immersive self-growth to help build the confidence to feel equal in any relationship.
Transcripts
I wanted to talk today about one of the
most common mistakes that we make when
we're really excited about someone we're
attracted and we want to bring them
closer to us we want to turn it into
something lasting and maybe we feel like
that person is either a little bit Out
Of Reach or we feel like we're not
entirely sure of how they feel about us
and we find ourselves investing more and
more in them to try to secure the
relationship in the process what happens
is the things that are important in our
life right now whether it's our friends
our family our Hobbies the things that
give us a sense of value and identity in
our lives those things start to fade
into the background as we make this
person the focus of all of our attention
why do we do this well when we really
want to find love and we suddenly meet
someone
who seems to epitomize everything we've
been looking for we've decided based on
this person's qualities characteristics
what they look like how they act that
this is the love we've been looking for
all of a sudden it feels like there is
nothing more important in the world than
securing this thing and we do the one
thing in this moment that is the
opposite of what we should be doing we
should be grounding ourselves in the
things that are important in our own
life connecting to these things that
give us a sense of worth outside of a
person and yet we lose connection with
all of those things and we get drawn
into the gravitational pull of how do I
please this person how do I make this
person mine how do I make them want me
that instinct to try harder when we want
to get someone
is actually an instinct that works
against us because someone doesn't
become more attracted to us or want us
more simply because we're trying harder
when they feel us trying harder and for
some people it makes them kind of pull
away a bit or it makes them feel like
they can pick us up and put us down
whenever they want it makes them feel
like they're in control the whole time
it makes us even more anxious and then
we drift even further from these other
things that matter in our life in an
attempt to double down on the energy
that we're putting into this person
there's a story that Mark Manson talks
about in his book The subtle art of not
giving and he tells the story of a guy
called David Mustaine who got kicked out
of the band Metallica and went on to
start the band mega death which was a
hugely successful band David Mustaine is
seen as one of the most influential
people in his genre and that band
Megadeth went on to sell 25 million
albums and Tour the World several times
but he couldn't get it out of his mind
that he would never be successful truly
successful unless he was able to outdo
what his old band Metallica was doing
but Metallica were huge they sold 125
million albums and he really struggled
with the chasm between where they were
and where he perceived himself to be in
his success
Mark Manson then Compares this story to
the story of Pete best a guy who was
kicked out of the Beatles but went on to
marry and have kids and have a very
happy life a happy life that he
described as only being possible because
he got kicked out of the Beatles and he
wasn't resentful for that he was happy
about it he said being kicked out of the
Beatles brought me to the life that I
now love now what Mark Manson points out
is that the difference in why Pete best
was able to be happy in a way that David
Mustaine wasn't is because Pete best
valued different things
[Music]
and if we want to be happy we have to
learn to Value the right things now
let's take this back to the dating
scenario when we value more than
anything else the idea of finding a
person to share our lives with and then
we meet a person who represents that
dream in the flesh
all of a sudden will do anything to make
that happen even if it means losing or
ignoring all of these other important
parts of our life and of course when we
ignore certain things we lose connection
to them and they don't feel as
significant anymore and of course when
we divest in them they start to shrink
because they're not getting love and
attention from us anymore what we have
to do which is very counter-intuitive
when we find something we really want is
double down on the meaning that we get
from these other areas of our life
whether it's your hobbies your passions
your friends your family the ways you
love spending your time the books you
love reading things you love to do the
things you love to learn about your
purpose those things are the things that
if you value them well not only bring
you a sense of perspective in your life
where you go oh my life is so much
bigger than this one area of course I
would love for this person to
reciprocate and I'd love for it to go
somewhere but
if it doesn't I have a big rich life
these things are incredibly important to
me and I have those to fall back on if
we do that it's like having legs under
the table I want you to imagine that
here's your confidence
it's like a tabletop and that table top
is supported by these pillars or legs
under the table and each one of those
legs is a different part of your life
that gives you strength that gives you
meaning that gives you purpose that
gives you love now those are all the
things that when we meet someone we want
to come with those legs already strong
under the table we never want to meet
someone in either a not have them or B
suddenly decide that the legs under the
table we do have aren't important
anymore because we found this one really
important leg so at the very time that
we feel like we found the dream person
that's when we have to double down on
the areas of our life that support the
table because when that happens we're
able to go into that situation as
someone's equal knowing that if it
doesn't work out I'm good I got legs
under the table right you can break
I've got more legs under the table I
don't need to beg I don't need to try
harder than is reasonable I don't need
to keep chasing you I'm just gonna bring
you my best show you this wonderful life
I've created and if that's not enough
for you and if you don't give me enough
I don't need this I like to think of
confidence the same way we think of Fu
money you know when we think of someone
who has Fu money what we really describe
there is someone who has so much money
that they can say no to anything that
isn't right for them well I like to
think of Fu confidence Fu confidence is
when you have so many sturdy legs
supporting the table of your confidence
that if someone comes along that isn't
right for you either because they treat
you badly or because they don't invest
in you or they show that they're not
sure of you or because you're not sure
of them you are able to say no thank you
I'm good because you have so many other
things in your life that give you
meaning and richness and love and
importance you don't need that person no
matter how sexy they may be however hot
they may be or successful or high status
you know that nothing could be so sexy
that it becomes the most important thing
in your life to the detriment of
everything else you could be sexy and
still be wrong for me and real
confidence isn't the ability to say no
to things you don't want real confidence
is the ability to say no to things you
do want when they're not right for you
so
here's my my message to you this week if
you meet someone
who is attractive and they also
represent the hope
of adding a leg to the table that is
really important one that you want to
add to the table do the
counter-intuitive thing keep investing
in these other parts of your life that
give you f you confidence that give you
the sense that you can say no at any
point if this person isn't right for you
if they're not treating you the way that
you want to be treated or if they're not
giving you much energy they don't have
to be behaving badly they might just be
not giving you much energy and you
realize this isn't enough what this
person is giving me isn't enough for me
to keep going just because someone
impressive comes into your life
it doesn't mean that your world is an
important
it doesn't mean that who you are isn't
important it doesn't even matter if
someone comes into your life and they've
achieved more than you externally in the
tangible results they've gotten they
earn more money than you or they
achieved a certain level of status that
you didn't whatever it may be or even
that you just think that they're better
looking than you are right sometimes in
life we come across people like that we
feel like well they're much better
looking than me when you come across
someone like that you can never ever let
it diminish
how much of a difference you make in
your own life if all you did was look
after your sick brother
and that was what you did for your life
you still have a big rich life that's
important it's yours it's not less
important than this person's over here
that you've decided is really impressive
and you want to attract and if you stay
connected
to how important your life is how
important your world is to the
difference you make even in your
immediate sphere of influence even in
your own local way even in your family
if you stay connected to that no one can
come along and intimidate you no one can
come along and make you feel like you're
not enough or you have to work
particularly hard to get their attention
because they're hot [ __ ] and you're not
stay connected to what is valuable in
your life in your world about yourself
and then you'll always be coming to
someone as they're equal no matter what
the differences are
in your lives and like I said the way
that you do that is at the time when you
feel like you want to give up everything
else because it's no longer important
now that I found this love at that time
that's exactly the time where you have
to double down on the things you love
alongside falling for the person in
front of you investing in yourself is
something that makes this a reality you
can watch a video like this and it can
give you a sense of you know wow that is
really important and I've made that
mistake in the past I've got lost in a
relationship I've allowed myself to be
consumed by someone else I have in the
moment I started liking someone
immediately started undervaluing myself
and my life and what I bring to the
table if you've been in that position
you know it's about more than watching a
video
what you have to do is train those
muscles in your life invest in yourself
and the investment you make in yourself
is the greatest investment you'll ever
make because people in life come and go
there's no guarantee that the person you
start dating now that you fall in love
with is still going to be in your life
later on but you'll still be in your
life later on any investment you make in
yourself is an investment that pays off
for the rest of your life Warren Buffett
was asked what's the greatest investment
you've ever made and he said the
investment I'm making myself when I've
made investments in myself those are the
ones that pay dividends for ever because
no matter what situation you show up to
you bring yourself to that situation so
I want you to invest in you and this
year I have an experience that you can
do with me that represents the ultimate
investment in yourself we're going to do
it in June from the second to the fourth
we're going to spend three days together
and we are going to immerse ourselves in
the world of self growth so that
whatever situation you come into contact
with whatever person you meet you always
feel like you're enough you always feel
like someone's equal and when you carry
that energy
that Fu confidence that's exactly the
kind of energy that makes someone look
at you and say
this person's got something and I want
to be around it this event is called the
virtual Retreat and I want to invite you
to come and be a part of it with me and
by the way there is a ticket right now
called the self-care special ticket
which is only available until March 12th
it's a hundred dollars off has a live q
a with me before the event and it has a
access to a Master Class called The
Daily momentum formula that I did where
I give you my formula for having an
amazing day every day so come grab that
before March 12th at
mhvirtualretreat.com I can't wait to see
you there if you haven't acted yet you
already missed the early bird ticket
that we had on offer this is the next
best thing do not miss it this round I
really hope you make it and I look
forward to seeing you in the next video
foreign
[Music]
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