"A Seat at the Table" Isn't the Solution for Gender Equity | Lilly Singh | TED

Summary

In this powerful TED Talk, Lilly Singh shares her personal journey of feeling like a disappointment due to being born female in a culture that favored sons. She discusses her rise to fame on YouTube as 'Superwoman,' her struggle with gender inequality, and the challenges she faced as a woman of color in late-night television. Singh calls for a collective effort to build 'better tables' that are inclusive, equitable, and supportive of diverse voices, offering guidelines to dismantle the barriers that prevent women from thriving in traditionally male-dominated spaces.

Takeaways

• 👶 Lilly Singh was born female in a family that expected a male heir, leading to initial disappointment and a sense of inadequacy.
• 🎓 From a young age, Lilly felt the pressure to prove herself and show that she was 'enough', which became a lifelong mission for equality and recognition.
• 🌐 In 2010, Lilly identified a lack of representation for South Asian women on YouTube and created her 'Superwoman' channel to fill that gap.
• 🎬 Lilly's hard work and dedication to creating content led to her success on YouTube, amassing millions of subscribers and billions of views.
• 🌟 A pivotal moment in Lilly's life was when her grandfather, who initially didn't celebrate her birth, acknowledged her achievements and apologized, marking a personal victory.
• 🏆 Lilly's late-night show 'A Little Late with Lilly Singh' made history as she became the first bisexual woman of color to host such a show, challenging late-night traditions.
• 💰 Despite her achievements, Lilly faced the reality of gender inequality in the digital space, including the Forbes list and the discomfort her discussions about it caused.
• 📉 Lilly's show faced budget constraints and a lack of support that reflected the industry's failure to value diversity and new perspectives.
• 🗣️ Lilly experienced pushback when trying to contribute to 'table talk', with her opinions and identity being seen as too loud or disruptive.
• 🛠️ She proposes a solution to build better tables, emphasizing the need for systemic change rather than individual fixes to a broken system.
• 🤝 Lilly offers guidelines for creating more inclusive environments, advocating for not just a seat at the table, but a table built for everyone.

Q & A

What was the initial reaction from the speaker's family in India upon her birth?

The speaker's family in India did not find out about her birth for two weeks due to a complication. The complication was that she was assigned female at birth, which was seen as a disappointment because her family had high hopes for a son.

What did the speaker's mother experience as a result of giving birth to a daughter?

The speaker's mother was told that if she gave birth to a daughter, it wasn't worth informing her family in India about, as she had already given birth to a daughter and the family was hoping for a son this time.

What was the speaker's childhood dream and how did it relate to her mission in life?

The speaker's childhood dream was to be treated equally. This dream set her on a lifetime mission to prove herself and feel like she was enough, despite being born into a reality where she was initially seen as a disappointment.

Why did the speaker start her YouTube channel under the name 'Superwoman'?

The speaker started her YouTube channel under the name 'Superwoman' because she noticed that there was no South Asian woman who was loud and expressive giving her take on the world on YouTube. She saw a seat up for grabs and decided to take it.

What was the significance of the speaker's first world tour in 2015?

The significance of the speaker's first world tour in 2015 was that it marked a monumental milestone in her career. The day after announcing this tour, she was set to visit her grandfather in Punjab, India, for the first time in her adult life.

How did the speaker's grandfather change his perspective towards her after her success?

The speaker's grandfather changed his perspective towards her by acknowledging her achievements. He welcomed her with a flower garland, a gesture for people of importance, and admitted that he was wrong about her. He recognized that she had done what no one else could have done and made the family name proud.

What challenges did the speaker face when she started her late-night show 'A Little Late with Lilly Singh'?

The speaker faced several challenges when she started her late-night show. The budget was small, the writing staff was even smaller, and she had to shoot 96 episodes in three months. She also received notes to tone down her personality and not to focus too much on her South Asian identity.

What was the speaker's experience with the Forbes list for online creators?

The speaker pointed out the gender gap in the Forbes list for online creators, which she had previously been on. She wanted to start a critical conversation about the inequality on the list, but the internet reacted negatively, making her feel uncomfortable and silenced.

What was the speaker's advice for building a more inclusive and equitable table?

The speaker advised not to weaponize gratitude, to invest in potential, to make space for women, and to upgrade the table talk. She emphasized the importance of building tables that are designed to accommodate and value everyone, rather than trying to fit into existing structures that were not built for us.

What is the speaker's view on the importance of representation in media and storytelling?

The speaker believes that representation in media and storytelling is crucial as it controls the narrative and impacts culture. She argues for the inclusion and empowerment of women and girls in driving stories, especially those that impact them, to create a more balanced and comprehensive understanding of the world.

What is the overarching message the speaker wants to convey through her TED Talk?

The overarching message the speaker wants to convey is the need for systemic change in how opportunities and recognition are distributed, particularly for women. She advocates for building a world where everyone, regardless of gender, can thrive and contribute equally.