Exactly What Is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
Summary
TLDRThis video delves into the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ), highlighting its importance in personal and professional life for over three decades. It outlines four key components: self-awareness of emotions, emotion management strategies, proactive relationship building, and empathy in action. The speaker emphasizes the need to recognize and respond to emotional cues, both in oneself and others, to foster deeper connections and enhance the quality of life. Developing EQ is portrayed as essential for effective communication and interpersonal relationships, promoting dignity, respect, and civility in social interactions.
Takeaways
- 🧠 Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is a recognized concept in psychology and counseling for over three decades, encompassing wisdom, discernment, empathy, and social skills.
- 🤔 Developing EQ involves self-awareness of one's emotions and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others, which is crucial for effective engagement.
- 📋 A well-conceived plan for managing emotions is a key component of EQ, allowing individuals to respond appropriately to their own and others' emotional states.
- 💡 Emotional intelligence includes proactively seeking to build relationships that go beyond functional exchanges to a deeper understanding of others' backgrounds and motivations.
- 🌟 Empathy in action is central to EQ, where individuals tune into others' perceptions and feelings, offering a deeper level of engagement and understanding.
- 🌱 EQ is not just about managing emotions; it's also about appreciating their function and using logic and objectivity to override them when necessary.
- 🔍 Recognizing and understanding emotional triggers for oneself and others is an important aspect of developing EQ, allowing for more effective communication and interaction.
- 🤝 The core of EQ is the quality of relationships, emphasizing the importance of genuine connection and understanding over mere functional interactions.
- 🛑 Developing the 'pause' skill is crucial for those with high EQ, enabling them to slow down and reflect before reacting to emotional impulses.
- 🌐 The ability to read and respond to covert messages in communication is a skill associated with high EQ, allowing for a deeper and more nuanced understanding of others.
- 🌟 The ultimate goal of developing EQ is to enhance the quality of life and interactions, making others feel better for having been in one's presence.
Q & A
What is emotional intelligence (EQ) and why is it important in our interactions with others?
-Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions and the emotions of others. It is important because it helps us to engage more effectively with people, enhancing our social skills and empathy, which can lead to better relationships and communication.
How long has the concept of emotional intelligence been recognized in the counseling and psychology field?
-The concept of emotional intelligence has been recognized in the counseling and psychology field for over three decades.
What are the four primary elements of emotional intelligence mentioned in the script?
-The four primary elements of emotional intelligence mentioned are: 1) Awareness of emotions within oneself and others, 2) A plan for managing emotions, 3) Proactively building relationships, and 4) Empathy in action.
Why is it crucial to be aware of our own emotions when developing emotional intelligence?
-Being aware of our own emotions is crucial because it helps us to not let them control our actions or reactions. It allows us to manage them effectively and respond appropriately to situations, enhancing our interactions with others.
What does it mean to have a well-conceived plan for managing emotions?
-Having a well-conceived plan for managing emotions means having a strategy or approach for how to deal with different emotional states, both in oneself and others, ensuring that emotions are handled in a way that is constructive and beneficial to the situation at hand.
How does building relationships tie into emotional intelligence?
-Building relationships is tied to emotional intelligence because it involves genuinely wanting to know and understand others beyond just a functional level. It's about connecting on a deeper, more human level, which fosters empathy and mutual understanding.
What is the role of empathy in emotional intelligence?
-Empathy plays a central role in emotional intelligence as it allows individuals to tune into others' feelings and perceptions, offering a deeper level of understanding and connection. It's about going beyond the surface-level conversation to truly engage with someone's internal experience.
Why is it important to recognize and respond to covert messages in communication?
-Recognizing and responding to covert messages is important because it allows us to understand the underlying emotions and intentions that may not be explicitly stated. This can lead to more meaningful and accurate communication, enhancing our ability to connect with others.
What is the 'pause skill' and why is it necessary for developing emotional intelligence?
-The 'pause skill' refers to the ability to momentarily halt and reflect before reacting emotionally. It is necessary for developing emotional intelligence because it helps prevent impulsive reactions and allows for a more thoughtful and considered response to emotional triggers.
How can being aware of emotional triggers help in managing emotions effectively?
-Being aware of emotional triggers helps in managing emotions effectively by allowing individuals to anticipate and prepare for situations that may evoke strong emotional responses. This awareness can lead to better self-regulation and more appropriate emotional expression.
What is the core relationship aspect mentioned in the script and why is it significant?
-The core relationship aspect mentioned is the genuine connection and understanding between individuals, which is significant because it forms the basis for meaningful interactions and a high-quality life. It emphasizes the importance of knowing and being known at a deeper level, beyond surface-level exchanges.
Outlines
🧡 Emotional Intelligence: Understanding and Management
The first paragraph introduces the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ), a topic recognized in the fields of counseling and psychology for over three decades. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and managing one's emotions and those of others, suggesting that emotional intelligence can be broken down, understood, and improved. The speaker outlines four primary elements of EQ: self-awareness of emotions, a plan for managing emotions, the ability to build relationships, and empathy in action. The paragraph encourages viewers to develop these elements to enhance their interactions with others and to be more in tune with their own emotional states and those of others.
🤝 Building Relationships and Empathy in Emotional Intelligence
The second paragraph delves deeper into the components of emotional intelligence, focusing on the proactive nature of building relationships and the active practice of empathy. It contrasts individuals with high EQ, who genuinely seek to understand others, with those who form relationships for personal gain. The paragraph also discusses the importance of empathy in action, where one not only listens to what someone is saying but also senses and acknowledges the underlying emotions and perceptions. The speaker encourages the development of EQ to enhance communication and understanding, emphasizing the human aspect of interactions beyond mere functionality.
💭 Developing EQ: Pause, Reflect, and Respond
In the final paragraph, the speaker discusses the development of emotional intelligence, highlighting the need to pause and reflect before reacting to emotional triggers. It touches on the importance of recognizing and managing one's own emotions and those of others, as well as the significance of understanding covert messages in communication. The paragraph also emphasizes the value of emotional intelligence in forming deep, meaningful relationships and the impact it has on the quality of life. The speaker concludes by encouraging viewers to cultivate EQ to enhance their interactions and to embody dignity, respect, and civility in their relationships.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
💡Self-Awareness
💡Emotion Management
💡Relationship Building
💡Empathy
💡Covert Messages
💡Pause Skill
💡Triggers
💡Narcissism Spectrum
💡Human Beings
💡Dignity, Respect, Civility (DRC)
Highlights
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a recognized concept in counseling and psychology for over three decades.
EQ encompasses wisdom, discernment, empathy, and social skills, which are essential for effective interpersonal engagement.
Four primary elements make up emotional intelligence: self-awareness, emotion management, relationship building, and empathy in action.
Self-awareness involves recognizing emotions in oneself and others, which is crucial for understanding reactions in various social contexts.
Emotion management requires a plan for handling one's emotions and responding appropriately to others' emotional states.
Building relationships involves proactively seeking to understand others beyond superficial interactions.
Empathy in action means tuning into others' feelings and perceptions to engage on a deeper level.
High EQ individuals are aware of their own backstory and are open to sharing it, fostering genuine connections.
Developing EQ involves learning to pause and reflect before reacting to emotional impulses.
Recognizing and understanding emotional triggers is key to managing emotions effectively.
People are more than just their achievements; EQ helps us focus on the 'being' aspect of life.
EQ allows us to communicate with an awareness of covert messages and emotional undercurrents.
Developing the pause skill is crucial for not letting emotions dictate our reactions.
EQ helps in identifying and addressing the core of relationships, making life more meaningful.
The speaker encourages viewers to manage the emotional side of life with sensitivity and care for a high-quality life.
The channel's slogan, dignity, respect, and civility, aligns with the development of emotional intelligence.
The speaker invites viewers to subscribe for more content on emotional intelligence and personal development.
Transcripts
[Music]
I want to talk with you today about
emotional intelligence EQ and it's been
a topic that we in the counseling and
psychology field have been aware of for
well over three decades now every now
and then you run across somebody that
says well is there such a thing as
emotional intelligence and it's kind of
like asking is there such a thing as
wisdom word discernment or empathy or
social skills well of course there is
and it's something that we can break
down and know and understand and build
upon so that we can be more effective in
the way that we engage with people now
today I want to talk with you about four
primary elements that go into the making
of emotional intelligence and then I
want to talk with you about how you can
build upon your skill so that this
becomes a stronger and stronger part of
the way that you do life now first and
this just kind of goes along with what
the title of it all is as you develop
emotional intelligence you are you show
yourself to be aware of the emotions
within yourself and within other
individuals you know whether we're
talking about what's happening in our
family schedules or how we're managing a
project that at work or how we're going
to engage with certain individuals in
the extended family and so on there's a
functional level but there's always an
emotional level it may be that as you're
engaging with somebody you can tell that
that person is feeling excited or the
feeling dull or they're feeling anxious
or tense or angry are you the kind of
person that picks up on that thinking I
know what's going on inside them and and
I want to make sure that I am tuned in
to that so that that becomes a factor in
the way that we engage with each other I
want to talk about more than just what
we're going to do we're going to talk
about who you are well that also implies
that as you look at other individuals
emotions you're very aware of your own
emotional set that you draw upon you
know how angry or impatient or annoyed
or critical or defensive or fearful or
insecure you may be and as you sense
those kinds of things so building on the
inside you have and
awareness of that so that you're not
going to let them run away with you you
know by the way you're also aware of the
good emotions to your happiness your
joys and your love and your tenderness
and you're very tuned in to that part of
life which leads to a second primary
ingredient in emotional intelligence and
that is you have a well-conceived plan
about how to manage those emotions now
let's start with you managing your own
emotions if you do perceive yourself as
feeling a bit insecure relative to a
scenario or angry or impatient or
fearful or insecure or happier tender do
you have an idea okay when that emotion
shows up this is what it says this is
how I want to manage it here's how I
want to be known especially when this
emotion shows up on the scene and then
in addition to that as other people have
similar kinds of emotions you can also
have a game plan as to how you're going
to respond to that if someone's angry
with me
if someone registers anxiety or fear or
inadequacy or tenderness I've got an
idea of how I want to manage that I've
thought through all of those many kinds
of things and and I know who I am and
I'm comfortable in working through those
kind of components now a third a strong
element in emotional intelligence is
obviously if you're going to have if
you're going to be tuned into the
emotional side of life you're someone
that proactively seeks to build
relationships now let's keep in mind
there are certain individuals and we'll
refer to those as those who might be on
the narcissism spectrum who develop
relationships with people but not
exactly they're developing assets they
like to collect data or they like to
collect ideas or get some some
functional elements and then when that
part's done then they discard them
people with high emotional intelligence
aren't just hanging around with other
individuals to collect data just for
some useful function they honestly want
to know who you are they want to know
what your back
or is they want to know what makes you
tick they like knowing the fuller
backdrop that causes you to make the
decisions that you do and people with
high EQ are also aware of their own
backstory and how they got to be where
they are and they like sharing that and
so it's there's more than just a
functional exchange that we have but
there's actually an exchange that says
you're one human being I'm one human
being we do life together but let's do
it with an awareness of the fullness of
what we are that's that's good
EQ and then a fourth element that will
say that makes up emotional intelligence
is we're going to call it empathy in
action a person who has strong empathy
and I've had other videos that have
dealt with the making of empathy likes
to tune into someone else's perceptions
and their feelings when someone says
here's what's going on rather than just
talking about that functional side the
empathizer can say you know I sensed
that what you really mean is this and
and this seems to be important or that
bothers you and so they're willing to go
inside rather than just arguing this is
correct this is incorrect here's what
you need to do here's what you shouldn't
do these individuals will slow down and
say what do you feel or what do you
perceive and they try to know and engage
with people making it very clear I want
to engage with you and you have the
privilege of knowing that I really see
what's behind the scenes there with you
is that something that you would aspire
to do I strongly suspect that when
you're around people who are able to do
that then it makes you feel a lot more
comfortable so obviously that's
something you'd want to do so the
takeaway from all of this is let's
understand that people are much more
than just machines we're not robots
we're not the sum total of our
achievements or performances now you
know that there are some people that
that seems to be all they care about
your functionality did you do this
correctly and did you not do that
correctly
oh and I know this sounds almost cheesy
to say at this
but we're not just human we're not human
doings we're human beings and let's
focus on the being side of life also
let's another take away as we understand
what EQ is let's learn to communicate
with each other with the covert messages
very much at the top of our minds you
know somebody may say something like I'm
gonna go to this social function okay
and you can have an exchange of
information but then let's suppose that
you're a person with strong EQ and you
realize whether there's a covert message
going on here and as that person says
I'm gonna go to this to this exchange or
this particular situation you may sense
you don't seem to be too enthusiastic
about that tell me why where you may
sense the opposite hey this is something
you've been looking forward to I'd like
to know about that
and so you rather than just talking
about the external function you go on
the inside and you learn how to read the
behind-the-scenes elements that are
going on the covert messages or give you
another illustration let's suppose
you're talking with someone about the
need to go forward with a task or work
through a conflict and they just shut
down they don't say anything okay
covertly what does that say well it may
be that they are feeling overwhelmed it
may be that they're angry it may be that
they're going into a defensive fearful
posture the person has good EQ is going
to pick up on the covert messages and
rather than just kidding into an
argumentative or controlling response
they're going to they're going to tune
into that covert element now another
really strong implication in order for
you to develop this EQ is you're going
to need to learn how to develop the
pause skill let's just say that whenever
you have situations that set off
emotions your amygdala in your brain is
going to be firing off all sorts of
impulses that can take you to the place
of anger or bitterness or harshness or
anxiety or tension or excitement or fun
or whatever and and you don't want to
allow your whole personality to
highjack by those impulses so the person
with strong EQ knows how to say slow
down hang on a minute I know that I have
certain emotions firing or I have
certain implications or impulses that
are there where does this fit into the
scheme of life that I want to be known
for and people with emotional
intelligence don't just let emotions run
away they appreciate the function of
emotions and they appreciate the fact
that we all have them but they also want
to have a certain amount of logic and
objectivity that can override it when
the requirement is there now in addition
to that let's also recognize that we
need to be aware of some of the things
that trigger our emotions that can go in
the wrong direction or we can be aware
of what's triggering the emotions of
other people we see it we know how to go
to that topic I can tell that that was
disappointed that your child did this or
you were expecting this result and you
know how to come up with the trigger
points and you can talk about those
kinds of things and then finally let's
just say when you have a real strong
sense of emotional intelligence you
realize you know the the core
relationship is what really makes life
worth living as we know one another as
real people with a lot of depth with a
lot of emotion and history and a need
and expectation that they carry with
them in all sorts of different scenarios
we're going to be much more effective as
we try to do life with one another
so yeah this emotional intelligence is a
really broad topic and it has lots of
implications for the way that we
interact with one another so I'm hoping
that you'll join me in trying to say you
know I want to be somebody that manages
the emotional side of life with
sensitivity and with a great deal of
care and concern because I want to have
a high quality of life and I want people
when they interact with me to feel like
they can be a better person by having
been in my presence that's kind of what
we're trying to do here now let's keep
in mind a slogan that we have here on my
channel and that is dr. CDR C stands for
dignity respect civility
and as you develop this emotional
intelligence I'm hoping that it's going
to carry you with those kinds of
characteristics and the ways that you
interact with folks and I'm hoping that
result it's going to be quite positive
both for you and for those who know you
well I do hope that you find benefit by
watching videos such as this beneath
this video you're going to see the
subscribe button and if you've not
already done so I would invite you to
hit that subscribe button so we can keep
you apprised of more videos as they come
along also beneath the video you're
gonna see links to other kinds of
resources like my books and online
workshops you're going to see a link to
online counseling possibilities if
that's something that you would need and
I would encourage you to do that if
that's something that you're really in
need of just know that I like being with
you on your journey I'm honored that you
would have me along so having said that
I will see you next time
[Music]
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