Why more women are initiating divorce

Summary

January, unofficially known as 'Divorce Month,' sees a spike in divorce rates, with women initiating 69% of divorces. Therapist Una Mets, author of *Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women*, explains how divorce, though painful, can lead to growth and transformation. She highlights the rising divorce rates among baby boomers, fueled by increased economic independence and longer life expectancy. While divorce is often difficult, especially for women, many ultimately find happiness and personal healing. Mets offers compassionate advice on navigating divorce, especially in terms of dealing with children and emotional recovery post-separation.

Takeaways

• 😀 January is unofficially considered 'Divorce Month,' with family law attorneys seeing a spike in cases as many couples seek a fresh start.
• 😀 69% of divorces are initiated by women, with many women being forced to take action due to their partners already being emotionally or physically checked out of the marriage.
• 😀 Divorce rates among people aged 65 and older (baby boomers) have tripled since the 1990s, largely due to increased economic independence for women and longer life expectancies.
• 😀 Baby boomers, especially women, no longer feel obligated to stay in unhappy marriages due to financial dependency, and they are increasingly choosing to leave when they face the prospect of many more years together.
• 😀 Even if a woman is the one initiating the divorce, it doesn't mean she is happy or without heartbreak; the process is always emotionally challenging.
• 😀 Research shows that 75% of women do not regret their decision to divorce, and many experience personal growth, healing, and transformation afterward.
• 😀 While men often move quickly into another relationship after divorce, women benefit from the opportunity to rediscover themselves and find a new identity.
• 😀 The grief of divorce is often compared to the grief of a death, with similar emotional experiences of loss.
• 😀 It's important for divorcing parents to carefully consider how and when to tell their children about the separation, emphasizing that it's not the child's fault.
• 😀 Couples should prepare a script together to ensure they communicate the message to their children in a unified and compassionate manner, making sure the kids know they can reach out for support at any time.

Q & A

Why is January unofficially considered divorce month?

January is often considered 'divorce month' because family law attorneys report an increase in divorce cases during this time, as many couples seek a fresh start in the new year.

What is the significance of the statistic that 69% of divorces are initiated by women?

This statistic highlights that women are more likely to initiate divorces compared to men. This may be due to factors such as emotional disconnect, infidelity, or financial abuse, with many women feeling the burden of ending an already broken marriage.

Why are divorce rates among people aged 65 and older on the rise?

Divorce rates among older adults, particularly baby boomers, have tripled since the 1990s. This is attributed to increased economic independence among women, longer life expectancy, and a desire for personal fulfillment after decades in a marriage.

How have changing societal values affected divorce trends, especially among baby boomers?

Baby boomers are divorcing more than any other generation because societal values have shifted. While previous generations emphasized staying married until the bitter end, today’s individuals are more likely to prioritize their own happiness, especially with the financial independence women now have.

Why do women tend to be happier after a divorce, according to the expert?

Research shows that 75% of women do not regret their decision to divorce. Although the process is difficult, many women find that divorce leads to personal growth, healing, and the opportunity to redefine their identities.

What is meant by the phrase 'women grieve, men replace' in the context of divorce?

This phrase reflects the common difference in how men and women cope with divorce. Women often grieve the end of their marriage, whereas men may move quickly into new relationships, potentially to avoid dealing with their emotions.

Why is there no such thing as a painless divorce, even if one wants the divorce?

Even if a divorce is initiated by someone who desires it, there is always heartbreak and emotional struggle involved. Feelings of guilt or regret are common, even when one knows that divorce is the right choice.

What advice does the expert give to those who are struggling with the initial pain of divorce?

The expert emphasizes that while the beginning of divorce is painful and scary, it often leads to transformation and healing. Many people come out of the process feeling much better, though it’s hard to see this in the beginning.

How should parents approach telling their children about divorce?

When telling children about a divorce, it’s crucial that both parents come together and agree on a script. The primary message should be that the divorce is not the child’s fault and that they are always free to express their feelings.

What is the importance of the emotional support children need during a divorce?

Children need to be reassured that the divorce is not their fault and that they can talk to their parents whenever they need to. This helps minimize the emotional impact of the divorce and provides them with the support they need.