How To Make People Respect You In SECONDS... | Secret Agent Evy Poumpouras
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful discussion, the speaker addresses the issue of disrespect in the workplace, offering advice on how to ensure one's voice is heard and respected. They emphasize the importance of setting clear expectations and boundaries from the outset, and the value of addressing conflicts directly and constructively. The speaker also shares personal experiences from boardrooms, highlighting the concept of a 'contribution score' and the impact of one's communication style on their influence in meetings. The conversation delves into strategies for dealing with interpersonal conflicts and maintaining a respectful work environment.
Takeaways
- 🗣️ Communication is crucial; ensure your voice is heard by projecting your voice and using paralinguistics effectively.
- 🤔 Reflect on personal contributions; consider whether you have something valuable to add before speaking, to avoid talking just for the sake of it.
- 📊 Develop a 'contribution score' for meetings; be aware of the value of your input and how it's perceived by others.
- 🚫 Set clear boundaries early on; it's easier to be firm initially and then become more lenient than to try to enforce rules after becoming too lax.
- 👥 Understand the importance of respect; ensure that any perceived disrespect is not just a result of personal ego but a genuine issue.
- 💡 Value silence; being the 'dumbest person in the room' can be beneficial, as it allows for learning from others' expertise.
- 🔧 Address issues promptly; don't let small issues grow into resentment by failing to confront them early.
- 🤝 Conflict can be healthy; approach it constructively to resolve issues and maintain a positive working environment.
- 🔄 Recognize the impact of your actions; consider whether your behavior may have inadvertently allowed for disrespect or poor standards.
- 👂 Listen actively; sometimes the best contribution is to listen and learn from others, especially in situations where you're less knowledgeable.
Q & A
What is the main issue discussed in the transcript related to workplace respect?
-The main issue discussed is the lack of respect from managers, bosses, CEOs, or colleagues in the workplace and how to address it when it occurs.
How does the speaker suggest someone should respond when they feel not being listened to by colleagues?
-The speaker suggests asking for specific examples of when they were not listened to and evaluating their own communication techniques, such as eye contact and projecting their voice.
What is 'paralinguistics' as mentioned in the transcript?
-Paralinguistics refers to the aspects of communication that include tone, pitch, and the way a message is delivered, which can impact how well one is heard and understood.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of not just talking to talk in meetings?
-The speaker emphasizes this to highlight the importance of making sure that contributions in meetings are valuable and beneficial, as opposed to speaking just for the sake of being heard.
What is a 'contribution score' as described in the transcript?
-A 'contribution score' is a metaphorical term used to describe the perceived value of an individual's contributions in meetings or discussions based on their past input.
How does the speaker describe their observation of people's reactions to those with low contribution scores?
-The speaker describes that people tend to dismiss the ideas of those with low contribution scores almost immediately, as they have a history of not providing valuable input.
What advice does the speaker give to their team regarding their communication in meetings?
-The speaker advises their team to project their voice and ensure their contributions are valuable, and to not feel obligated to speak if they have nothing valuable to add.
How does the speaker feel when they are the 'dumbest person in the room'?
-The speaker feels happy and appreciative when they are surrounded by smart people and have the opportunity to learn from them by listening.
What is the speaker's approach to conflict resolution when disrespect occurs in the workplace?
-The speaker suggests addressing the issue immediately, considering whether one's own actions may have contributed to the situation, and having a respectful but firm conversation about the expectations and standards.
What does the speaker suggest as the first step when dealing with a disrespectful colleague?
-The speaker suggests reflecting on one's own actions and standards to determine if they have inadvertently allowed such behavior, and then addressing the issue directly with the colleague.
Why does the speaker mention the importance of setting boundaries early in leadership roles?
-The speaker mentions this to emphasize that it's easier to establish clear expectations and boundaries from the beginning rather than trying to enforce them after a lax environment has been established.
Outlines
🗣️ Asserting Voice and Respect in the Workplace
The speaker discusses the importance of being heard and respected in professional environments. They address the issue of colleagues or superiors not showing respect, suggesting that individuals should ensure they project their voice and use paralinguistics effectively to command attention. The speaker also emphasizes the value of speaking only when there is something beneficial to contribute, drawing from personal experiences in boardrooms and the concept of a 'contribution score' that reflects one's past input and its value to others. They advise on not speaking just for the sake of it and to be mindful of the impact of one's words in meetings.
🛡️ Setting Boundaries and Addressing Disrespect
This paragraph delves into conflict resolution and interpersonal issues within a professional setting. The speaker encourages leaders to set clear expectations and boundaries from the outset, rather than trying to enforce them later. They stress the importance of addressing disrespect or compromised boundaries immediately to prevent resentment and further issues. The speaker also highlights the need to evaluate one's own actions that may inadvertently allow others to disrespect them, advocating for a firm yet constructive approach to conflict that focuses on resolution and improvement.
📈 The Power of Influence and Respectful Communication
The content of this paragraph is not provided, thus no summary can be given. The title suggests a potential discussion on the dynamics of influence and the importance of maintaining respectful communication, but without the text, a detailed summary cannot be accurately formulated.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡respect
💡paralinguistics
💡contribution score
💡communication
💡projecting
💡boundaries
💡confrontation
💡ego
💡conflict resolution
💡tone
💡value
Highlights
The importance of respect in the workplace and how it can affect an individual's performance and well-being.
Strategies for dealing with situations where respect is lacking, including self-reflection and addressing the issue directly.
The concept of 'paralinguistics' and how the way one speaks can impact how they are heard and respected.
The significance of projecting one's voice and using the right tone to ensure effective communication.
The idea of having a 'contribution score' based on the value of one's input in meetings and discussions.
Observations from boardrooms about how people's reactions to speakers can be influenced by their past contributions.
The impact of setting high standards for oneself and others in the workplace to foster an environment of respect and accountability.
The importance of not speaking just for the sake of it, and ensuring that one's contributions are valuable and meaningful.
The role of conflict resolution in maintaining respect and addressing issues of disrespect in the workplace.
The advice to reflect on one's own behavior to understand why others may disrespect or disregard one's boundaries.
The perspective that being the 'dumbest person in the room' can be a positive experience, as it allows for learning and growth.
The importance of being comfortable with conflict and using it as a tool for constructive dialogue and problem-solving.
The story of a former CIA Chief of Station on managing strong personalities and the importance of setting clear expectations early on.
The approach to addressing mistakes and misunderstandings in a respectful and solution-oriented manner.
The distinction between genuine disrespect and ego-driven perceptions of disrespect, and the importance of recognizing the difference.
The encouragement for viewers to subscribe to the channel to support its growth and help bring in bigger guests.
Transcripts
in those environments if someone's not
if you feel like your manager or your
your boss or your or the CEO or even
like a colleague isn't showing you
respect and I I I've read your story so
I know that this happened multiple times
in your life where there' be someone
around you that wasn't showing you the
respect you deserve um and I have a lot
of people that come up to me and they
say I'm struggling because my boss is
not showing me respect or my colleague
this colleague isn't listening to me or
all these kinds of things
where where does your mind default to
when I say that like where do you go to
in your mind what is your like action a
so with the last one you just said my my
colleagues don't listen to me I would
come back and I would say give me an
example of where they don't listen to
you right so I would say to you when you
do speak do you look at people when you
speak do you project your voice so it's
called paralinguistics everyone's so
focused on what they say like reading my
notes or reading my agenda they don't
think about the tone pitch of the voice
how Are you delivering this are you
projecting your voice or do you do you
talk like this when you speak I have a
question I just want to share
something people going to like glaze
over I have a question or or even just
the tone how you end hi am heav hi
mie feels different MH those are simple
things you can do to make sure people
hear you the other thing
is I say this a lot when I speak to
companies cuz communication a big thing
don't just talk to talk there's this
thing out there and especially with
women where it's like make sure they
hear you make sure your voice is heard
at the table I'm fine with that do you
have something beneficial to say or
value to say because if you don't don't
say anything half the meetings I go to I
don't speak because I maybe I have
nothing to say it's so interesting I am
from being in many boardrooms for many
many years probably 15 years being in
marketing boardrooms not 15 years about
10 years being in marketing boardrooms
with CEOs with my team with lots of
different people lots of different teams
I've had thousands and thousands of
meetings I eventually observe something
in myself which is a bit of a Prejudice
that I have which is the minute someone
speaks based on their contribution score
which is like a credit score based on
all of the contributions you made in the
past in those first couple of seconds if
their previous contributions were all
valuable everyone in the room would stop
and look and lean in but if they if they
developed a low contribution score
because they' continually talked for the
sake of talking i. they're just like
I'll give you an example um in my New
York office back in the day there was
this one one guy who we'd be in a
brainstorm trying to solve a problem and
he would start speaking and you you
you'd see by the way he started speaking
that had hadn't actually thought through
what he was going to say and he'd go
what about um if we put a I don't know
like a popup and uh like maybe you'll do
some Tik toks uh and so honestly what I
then observed from that individual is
every time they open their mouth people
would instantly basically like dismiss
the idea because they had such a low
contribution score and like we all have
a contribution score you have one I have
one based on the last 10 years of when
we've opened our mouth how valuable it
was to the people around us like that
individual whenever he spoke
I would see the person sat next to him
who I won't name almost like loky roll
their eyes in the first five seconds and
shut it down before he'd even got it out
and then there was this other guy called
in my UK office called Paul never spoke
like never really said anything super
mature super experienced guy the minute
he said anything because every time he
opened his mouth it was important and
valuable and considered everyone went he
could interrupt anyone the instant
silence everyone stares over at this guy
because when he contributed we all knew
that he had something valuable to add
and I so I would say to my team I said
this to this team that we're here with
us in New York like just make sure you
project your contribution score that is
that's such a brilliant way to say it
yes you're prob yes it's like it's your
score because people keep tabs on you
yeah they know Stephen's going to say
something he doesn't always speak but if
he's going to say something every time
he drops something he drops something of
value where people think like I have to
talk because everyone tells me I have to
talk make my voice heard no shut up and
if you're silent then you're not of
value that's what people think they
think you didn't add anything right well
you didn't take anything away either yes
I will tell you this too Stephen when I
go to meetings or sometimes I go to
meetings and if I'm the dumbest person
in the room I'm the happiest person MH
that's the one time where I'm happy
because I'm thinking wow look at all
these smart people around me and I get
to be part of this I get to listen I
love to sit back and listen there's
times I just had a meeting with like my
scripted agent Sylvie with my manager
about some TV project and I knew enough
to know to say I they're like hey eie
this and this and I said you know what
this is space I don't know I'm going to
follow your lead fill me in I'm taking a
seat back you guys do the talking what
about when someone compromises your
boundaries or disrespects you how do you
react to that because I think I have a
lot of um leaders around me in my
various businesses and I see sometimes
that some leaders struggle with
confrontation they struggle with you
know team member might disrespect them
in some way or might disregard might not
deliver work to the right standard
and they might struggle with like
pulling that person in knowing how to do
that and how to address that situation
and the avoidance of that conflict
obviously just causes a bigger future
problem because you're setting a new
you're setting a new boundary right
you've let
someone jeopardize or um cross a line
and if you don't I'm assuming that if in
the moment you don't address that
they're going to cross it again in the
future this is really about like
conflict resolution interpersonal
conflict resolution and when you've been
disrespected how do you deal with that
so the first I'm going to do is I'm
going to flip it back what have you done
to let people think that they can do
that to you that's the first thing I'm
going to say what standards have you
created or what things have you set up
to let people think I don't have to
deliver on time I can't be disrespectful
I can't show up late for work that's the
first thing I'm going to say so I would
Hazard a guess that I did I in the past
set a standard for this right in some
way that I showed up in the past that's
the first thing I'm going to do what is
there something I have done to create an
environment where a person thinks that
it is okay to do these things that's
first why do you go to I because I'm the
one who sets the tone for I I I I just
interviewed a chief of station former
Chief of station John franie he's former
CIA and he managed a lot of people and a
very strong a lot of strong
personalities because you got officers
and all these different people and he
said to me you know what I learned he
said it is easier to be more have
Bounder and be a little bit more sturdy
and more authoritative in the beginning
and then pull back then to be
everybody's friend and then try to put
those boundaries in place the lad
doesn't work he's like you do the first
you let people know what you expect of
them and then you can pull back a little
bit but you always have to tow that line
so that's what I'm going to say first
and he's right what tone have I set in
the environment that I'm working that
people think it's okay to do these
things that's one now let's say
sometimes I have an outlier I have a
person who does these things as soon as
it happens you have to address
it what people do is they don't address
things they let it go it's small and
then it happens again it's small then
again and then we become resentful we
become pissed why does this person keep
doing it why don't they self-correct
again it goes back to me why haven't I
addressed it people are afraid of
conflict conflict can be done in a great
way you have to think of conflict as
think of it as like I'm competing I'm I
can speak to you not raise my voice not
make it ugly and debate something with
you in the in the white house next to
the Oval Office was the cabinet room the
cabinet room is where the president
would sit with all his heads you know
Secretary of Treasury Secretary of
Homeland Security and they would discuss
and debate policies laws and they would
compete one person would say I don't
like this idea this is why another
person would say well this idea doesn't
work this is why you have to be
comfortable in doing that most people
are not they don't understand that you
can sit somebody down and say Hey you
know this happened can you tell me about
that I had someone who worked for me and
she had made a mistake on something and
so it was a pretty big mistake so I I
called her up and I said hey you know
what this and this happened you know
talk me through it and I let her explain
and you know she said you know I'm sorry
this and that uh there's a reason why
but the one thing I did is said because
I wanted to rectify it CU I didn't want
it to happen again I was like is there
anything I can do to help make your job
better so you can be more successful at
what you
do because I want to hear is there
something I'm doing or not doing that's
impacting her decision- making or the
way she sees things so it's a twofold
but you also to when it comes to respect
and this is a whole separate thing you
brought up with the respect part just
make sure people are truly disrespecting
you and that's not your ego that feels
disrespected cuz sometimes people can't
take somebody pushing back and if my
goal is to make a great product or
business deal or transaction then
everything we do should be in
furtherance of
that but what happens is Stephen people
are so afraid of hurting other people's
feelings or stepping on other people's
toes nobody says something and that's
worse if you love the dver CEO brand and
you watch this Channel please do me a
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