How to Ask Good Questions - A Guideline to Better Conversations

Summary

This video guides viewers on how to ask better questions for more effective conversations. It highlights the importance of curiosity in formulating great questions and emphasizes the distinction between good and bad questions. Key strategies include analyzing the conversational goal, asking open-ended questions for cooperative goals, and using direct questions for more competitive scenarios. Additionally, viewers are encouraged to avoid interrogation-like questioning by ensuring a natural flow and casual tone in their conversations. The video provides practical steps to enhance communication skills and foster meaningful connections.

Takeaways

• 😀 Good questions are intentional inquiries aimed at seeking novel information with a clear objective, such as curiosity, coordination, or advocacy.
• 😀 A good question fosters learning, discovery, and positive change, while answering questions is seen as a sign of intelligence in traditional education systems.
• 😀 Being able to come up with questions is considered even more valuable than answering questions, as it leads to deeper learning and discovery.
• 😀 Start with genuine curiosity when approaching a conversation, mapping out your existing knowledge to identify areas for further exploration.
• 😀 The more you learn, the more you realize the vast amount of information you don't know, which opens the door to asking better questions.
• 😀 Analyze the goal of the conversation before asking questions, as this helps tailor your approach for more effective communication.
• 😀 If the goal of the conversation is altruistic (cooperative), ask open-ended questions to invite deeper responses and build trust.
• 😀 When asking sensitive questions, begin with less sensitive ones to build rapport and gradually work up to more personal inquiries.
• 😀 If the goal is narcissistic (competitive), use direct yes/no questions to limit evasive answers and encourage straightforward responses.
• 😀 Reverse psychology can be a powerful tool when trying to gather specific information, subtly assuming negative outcomes to encourage responses.
• 😀 Avoid creating an interrogation-like atmosphere by managing the cadence, continuity, and casualness of your questions to keep the conversation comfortable.

Q & A

What is the essence of a good question?

A good question is a query with the intention to seek out novel information towards a particular objective. The objective could be to coordinate action within a team, advocate for a project, or satisfy curiosity.

How does the education system influence our approach to questions?

In the education system, we are taught how to answer questions correctly. This often leads to the belief that intelligence is defined by the number of correct answers we provide, rather than our ability to ask insightful questions.

Why is asking questions considered a 'superpower'?

Asking questions is considered a superpower because it facilitates learning, discovery, and positive change. It helps individuals uncover new knowledge and insights, which can be valuable for career development and personal growth.

How can mapping out your knowledge help in asking better questions?

Mapping out your knowledge allows you to visualize the depth of your expertise and identify gaps in your understanding. This awareness of what you don't know is the starting point for formulating insightful questions.

What is the importance of analyzing the conversational goal before asking questions?

Analyzing the goal of the conversation helps tailor your questions to align with the intended outcome. Whether the goal is altruistic or narcissistic, understanding this allows you to ask the right kind of questions to achieve your objectives.

What types of questions should you ask if the conversational goal is altruistic?

When the goal is altruistic, you should start with open-ended questions to encourage authentic responses. These questions build trust, foster rapport, and create a cooperative environment.

What strategy should be used when the conversation leans towards narcissism?

If the goal of the conversation leans towards narcissism, ask more direct, closed-loop questions that encourage short answers or yes/no responses. This reduces the possibility of evasive or roundabout answers.

How does reverse psychology play a role in asking good questions?

Reverse psychology can be used to frame questions in a way that assumes a negative or pessimistic outcome. This encourages the other person to provide more information, as they feel compelled to correct or elaborate on the assumption.

What are the risks of interrogating someone during a conversation?

Interrogating someone creates discomfort and can lead to the other person clamming up or feeling trapped. This breaks rapport and halts the flow of the conversation, making it harder to gain valuable insights.

How can you avoid making the conversation feel like an interrogation?

To avoid the interrogation experience, focus on the cadence of your questions (avoiding rapid-fire questions), ensure continuity in your follow-ups, and maintain a casual tone. Giving the person an 'out' allows them to feel more comfortable during the conversation.