how to process an emotion *life-changing tips from a therapy veteran*

Summary

In this episode, the host delves into the crucial yet often overlooked skill of processing emotions, a skill not typically taught in schools. They share personal experiences and research-backed insights on how to acknowledge, validate, and process emotions to become an emotionally intelligent individual. The host outlines steps to deal with unprocessed trauma and suggests various methods like therapy, self-reflection, and healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, journaling, or engaging in creative activities. The episode aims to empower listeners to cultivate positive relationships and achieve mental well-being.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Acknowledge and name your emotions as the first step, which is often difficult due to distractions and avoidance behaviors.
• 🚫 Avoid using social media, video games, substances, and other distractions as means to escape from dealing with emotions.
• 🧘‍♂️ Practice sitting in silence for 5 minutes a day to check in with yourself and your emotions without any distractions.
• 🌅 Reflect on your day by identifying one good and one bad thing that happened to help process emotions and understand your feelings better.
• 🔍 Use an emotions chart to help identify and name the emotions you are experiencing, which can increase awareness and understanding.
• 🤝 Validate your feelings, understanding that emotions don't need justification and that it's okay to feel what you feel.
• 🚫 Beware of people who invalidate your emotions by dismissing them as overreactions or by comparing them to others' experiences.
• 🔄 Recognize that emotions will resurface but should feel lighter each time you process them, leading to a point where they no longer trigger you.
• 💪 Decide on how to respond when emotions are triggered in the future, whether it's confronting the person or choosing to distance yourself.
• 🏋️‍♀️ Employ healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, journaling, crafting, or cleaning to give your feelings a safe physical outlet.
• 💤 Ensure you get enough sleep as part of processing emotions, as the sleep also plays a role in emotional health.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

The main topic discussed in this episode is how to process emotions and the importance of emotional intelligence in daily life.

Why is it important to process emotions?

Processing emotions is important because bottling them up can lead to mental distress, strained relationships, and a lack of peace and emotional well-being.

What are some common distractions people use to avoid their emotions?

Common distractions include social media, video games, substances, partying, staying in toxic relationships, and filling up schedules to avoid confronting emotions.

What is the first step in processing an emotion according to the podcast?

The first step is to acknowledge and name the emotion, which involves recognizing when distractions are being used to avoid dealing with emotions.

What is the purpose of sitting in silence for 5 minutes a day?

Sitting in silence helps to hear your own thoughts without distractions, allowing you to become more aware of your emotions and what might be triggering them.

What does the speaker suggest for reflecting on your day?

The speaker suggests reflecting on one good and one bad thing that happened during the day to be more mindful of your emotional experiences.

What is the role of validation in processing emotions?

Validation is crucial as it helps individuals understand and accept their feelings without needing to justify them, counteracting past invalidation experiences.

Why is it important not to expect the emotion to never come up again?

It's important because emotions can resurface when triggered unknowingly by others. Expecting them not to return can lead to self-anger and hinder the processing of emotions.

What should be the response if someone hurts you and you acknowledge your feelings to them?

An appropriate response would be an apology that includes an intent not to repeat the hurtful action or to do better next time.

What is a healthy coping mechanism and why is it important?

A healthy coping mechanism is an activity that gives feelings a physical form in a safe way, helping to release emotions and keep the mind free to process them.

Can you give examples of healthy coping mechanisms mentioned in the podcast?

Examples include exercise, journaling, talking to someone, crafting, walking, cleaning, and taking showers.

Outlines

00:00

🧠 Processing Emotions for Emotional Intelligence

The speaker introduces the topic of processing emotions and emphasizes its importance for mental health and relationships. They share their personal journey of learning to process emotions through experience, research, and therapy. The aim is to guide listeners on how to become emotionally intelligent individuals without causing harm to others. The speaker outlines the negative impacts of suppressing emotions and suggests that processing emotions can lead to a more peaceful and positive life. They also mention various methods to process emotions, such as therapy, talking to friends or partners, and self-help techniques.

05:01

🔍 Acknowledging and Naming Emotions

The speaker discusses the first step in processing emotions, which is acknowledging and naming them. They highlight the difficulty of this step due to common distractions that people use to avoid their feelings, such as social media, video games, and toxic relationships. The speaker advises listeners to pause and check in with themselves to recognize if they are avoiding emotions. They suggest sitting in silence for 5 minutes daily to become aware of one's own thoughts and feelings, as well as reflecting on the day to identify positive and negative experiences. The speaker also recommends using an emotions chart to help identify and name emotions accurately.

10:01

🤝 Validating Feelings and Moving Forward

The speaker moves on to the second step of processing emotions, which involves validation. They explain that it's crucial to understand what triggered the emotion and to validate the feeling without justifying it. The speaker warns against self-invalidation and the negative impact of others invalidating one's feelings. They suggest that after acknowledging and validating emotions, one should decide how to proceed, especially if the emotions were triggered by someone else. The speaker encourages listeners to communicate their feelings and to consider whether the person who caused the hurt is worth keeping in their life, advocating for self-love and protection.

🏋️‍♂️ Healthy Coping Mechanisms for Emotional Release

In the final paragraph, the speaker focuses on the importance of employing healthy coping mechanisms to process emotions. They define a healthy coping mechanism as an activity that gives feelings a physical form in a safe way. The speaker lists various activities such as exercise, journaling, talking to someone, crafting, walking, cleaning, and showering as potential coping mechanisms. They emphasize the importance of finding an outlet that allows the mind to wander while the body is engaged in an activity, facilitating the processing of emotions. The speaker concludes the video script with a reminder to ensure adequate sleep as part of emotional processing.

Keywords

💡Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one's own emotions and the emotions of others. In the video, it is presented as a desirable trait that can be developed through learning how to process emotions. The script emphasizes that becoming emotionally intelligent can lead to better relationships and a more peaceful life.

💡Unprocessed Trauma

Unprocessed trauma is a psychological term that describes the lingering effects of distressing events that have not been fully addressed or resolved. The video mentions that some individuals may still be writing on the effects of unprocessed trauma from early childhood, which can have a profound impact on their current emotional state and behavior.

💡Acknowledge

To acknowledge, in the context of the video, means to recognize and accept the existence of one's emotions. The script suggests that acknowledging emotions is the first step in processing them, as it involves identifying and naming the specific feeling one is experiencing.

💡Validation

Validation is the act of confirming or agreeing with the legitimacy of someone's feelings or experiences. The video script discusses the importance of validating one's own emotions or having them validated by others, which is crucial for emotional health and moving forward from emotional distress.

💡Emotion Regulation

Emotion regulation is the process of initiating, maintaining, modulating, or ceasing emotional responses. The video script provides strategies for emotion regulation, such as sitting in silence and reflecting on the day to better understand and manage one's emotional state.

💡Therapy

Therapy, as mentioned in the script, is a professional service that offers a structured environment for individuals to process their emotions and work through personal issues. The video suggests that therapy can be a helpful tool in learning how to process emotions, although it also acknowledges that it may not be accessible to everyone.

💡Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms are strategies or behaviors that individuals use to manage stress or negative emotions. The video outlines various healthy coping mechanisms, such as exercise, journaling, and crafting, which can help individuals process their emotions in a safe and productive way.

💡Distress

Distress refers to a state of emotional suffering or agitation. The script discusses how bottling up emotions for years can lead to mental distress, which underscores the importance of processing emotions to maintain mental well-being.

💡Emotional Processing

Emotional processing is the act of working through and dealing with one's emotions. The video's main theme revolves around the concept of emotional processing, offering steps and techniques for individuals to understand and manage their feelings effectively.

💡Self-Care

Self-care involves taking actions to maintain or improve one's well-being. The video encourages self-care practices such as sitting in silence, reflecting on the day, and using healthy coping mechanisms as part of the process of emotional self-regulation and self-care.

💡Mental Health

Mental health is the state of an individual's psychological and emotional well-being. The video script highlights the importance of mental health, noting that while it is increasingly discussed in society, it is still often underrated and not given the attention it deserves.

Highlights

Introduction to the episode focusing on processing emotions and its life-changing potential.

The importance of processing emotions to prevent mental distress and maintain healthy relationships.

The lack of emotional education in schools and the necessity to learn it through personal experience and research.

Acknowledging and naming emotions as the first step in processing them.

Avoiding distractions like social media and video games that prevent acknowledging emotions.

The suggestion to sit in silence for 5 minutes daily to become aware of one's own thoughts and emotions.

Reflecting on the day to identify positive and negative events that have occurred.

Using an emotions chart to better understand and name the emotions being felt.

The necessity to validate emotions without justifying them, as they are personal and valid regardless.

Recognizing the impact of past invalidation on current emotional processing.

The importance of not expecting emotions to never resurface and the process of lightening their impact over time.

Deciding on future actions when someone has hurt you and whether to maintain a relationship with them.

Considering the possibility of communicating feelings to the person who caused the emotional trigger.

The concept of employing healthy coping mechanisms to give emotions a physical form in a safe way.

Examples of healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, journaling, and engaging in creative activities.

The significance of sleep in processing emotions and the importance of getting enough rest.

Conclusion of the episode with a summary of the steps to process emotions effectively.

Transcripts

hello welcome back to I think this will

be episode three I already recorded

another episode 3 but I have been

thinking about this topic that I'm going

to talk about today for like two weeks

already this one is going to change your

life because some of y'all are still

writing on unprocessed Trauma from like

when you were 7 years old and you you're

in your is like still thinking about

that and this will change your life

because I am going to explain how to

process an emotion I know crazy concept

wish it was taught in schools but it's

not I had to learn this through personal

experience and a lot of research and

being a psych major and going to therapy

for 2 years let me save you the time the

insurance money the effort I'm just

going to tell you exactly how to do it

and you can go out into life as an

emotionally intelligent human being

instead of traumatizing the people that

traumatized you back why process

emotions well because bottling up

emotions for years will cause you mental

distress it will cost you friendships

and relationships as much as mental

health is being talked about more in

society and general and being taken more

seriously it is still severely

underrated how much having a healthy

mind affects you on a daily basis in a

positive way just you need to know how

to do this okay if you want to be a

healthy emotionally intelligent human

being and you want to cultivate positive

relationships in your life and just feel

at peace you need this the ways that you

can process an emotion are either in

therapy friends with your partner or if

you don't have friends or a partner you

and you don't want to go to therapy or

you can't go to therapy for whatever

reason Reon you can do this on your own

it is very helpful to do it with other

people too the best case scenario is you

do all of them but you might not always

have a partner or friends and if the the

emotions are really taking a toll on you

then definitely therapy okay let's get

into how to actually do it step number

one you need to acknowledge and name the

emotion you need to and this is very

hard to do because there are so so many

actions we do all the time to avoid our

emotions there are so many distractions

that we employ to avoid doing this for

example social media video games

substances partying staying in toxic

relationships and filling up your

schedule if you partake in any of these

or all of them you are probably avoiding

some Feelings by doing those things so

how do you stop time you want to pick up

a distraction pause just pause pause and

check in with yourself s am I avoiding

an emotion right now time you boot up

your video game did something just

happen that triggered me and am I doing

this to avoid dealing with it did I

think of something that triggered a

negative emotion and am I booting up

this video game or am I opening

Instagram or dating apps are also

another distraction that a lot of us use

to deal with negative emotions or rather

avoid them and distract ourselves from

them you can still do the thing like you

can still play the video game after

after you've acknowledged oh it's

because so and so happened or so and so

said this and it hurt me and now I'm

booting up my video game another thing

you should do is sit in silence for 5

minutes a day with no audio or visual

distractions just set a timer for 5

minutes stare at the wall or close your

eyes and just sit and I know some people

do like guided meditations I think those

are okay but I think you should still

sit for 5 minutes and just silence

because in the guided meditation they

tell you what to think and the purpose

of this is

to hear your own thoughts see just see

what comes up you don't have to do

anything about it another thing you can

do is to reflect on your day at the end

of the day what's one good thing that

happened today and what's one bad thing

that happened today that's all you need

to do if you want to think of like one

funny thing that happened today or one

weird thing that happened today one

thing that I'm grateful for that

happened today or one thing that really

pissed me off because we go through days

and we don't even stop and think about

what happened and then we reach our

breaking point and then we're like I

don't know what happened I just broke I

just feel so depressed I feel so sad but

it could be that you've accumulated so

many little things that pissed you off

or frustrated you or angered you that

you never acknowledged or thought about

and now you've reached your boiling

point like it's not out of nowhere it's

not I don't know know what happened my

final tip is Google an emotions chart I

will put up an example here somewhere

and look over it and see pick out a word

that best describes the emotion that

you're feeling you can think about what

color you think the emotion is or where

do you feel tension in your body is it

in your stomach is it in your chest is

it in your back is it in your head like

those are things that are going to make

you aware of your emotion they're going

to help you acknowledge that you're

feeling something right now and then the

emotions chart is going to help you name

it step number two to validate yourself

or if you're talking to somebody whether

it's a therapist or a friend or a

partner about your feelings they should

help you validate the feeling first

figure out what happened like what

triggered the emotion did somebody say

something or do something that triggered

the emotion or did somebody say or do

something that triggered a memory a

traumatic memory that then triggered

sponsor to it do not confuse this with

justifying your emotions because you do

not need to justify your emotions you're

allowed to feel whatever you feel to

whatever magnitude that you feel it and

we we do this because when we were

little people would tell us that we are

too sensitive or that we overreact or

that we can't take a joke or that other

people have it worse we have been

invalidated before so we're going to

want to do this to ourselves but don't

and if beware of anybody who does that

to you if somebody hurt you and you tell

them even if it's a small thing and they

say something like oh my gosh you're too

sensitive you're overreacting blah blah

blah beware of those people they are not

your friends they are not a good friend

or partner or therapist if you're

therapist tells you that run ideally

someone you're talking to or if you're

doing this by yourself you will tell

yourself things like I understand why

you feel

XYZ it makes sense that XYZ made you

feel

XYZ you are allowed to feel XYZ your

friend or therapist might also say I am

so sorry that you went through that I'm

so sorry that happened to you step

number three is to figure out what

you're going to do moving forward once

you've done steps number one and two do

not expect the emotion to never come up

again it will come up again because

people will unknowingly trigger you in

the future do not be angry at yourself

when the emotion comes up again for

feeling hurt again because that is

completely normal and fine but it should

feel lighter each time that it comes up

again and again and again eventually the

same trigger might happen but it won't

trigger you anymore and that is how you

know you fully processed the emotion if

somebody hurts you you acknowledge your

feelings and you name it to them they

apologize their apology needs to include

an intent of not doing that again or

doing better next time and if they don't

say how they're going to act differently

next time to avoid hurting you think

about whether you want that person in

your life because someone who loves you

they're going to want to do everything

they can to protect your feelings just

think about whether you want them in

your life if you're processing stuff on

your own but it was caused by another

person but you never said anything think

about maybe you want to talk to them

whether it's this time or next time

decide if they do that again I'm going

to bring it up and feel empowered in

deciding that because you are taking a

step to to love yourself and to protect

yourself basically so you should feel

proud for doing that if they won't

apologize then you can either slowly cut

contact with them if that's possible for

you or you can decide when they do it

again because they will do it again I

will not take it as personally next time

I'll know what to do and their word will

hurt you less each time that it happens

and each time that you process it this

way like I said the emotion will come

back in the future but every time that

you do this it's going to get easier and

then the final step to processing an

emotion is employing a healthy coping

mechanism what is a healthy coping

mechanism you might ask good question

basically it's anything that gives your

feelings a physical form but in a safe

way for everybody for yourself and other

people it's something that leaves the

Mind free to wander but your body's like

busy with something else for example

exercise if you're feeling really angry

and you have a gym membership where you

can go and punch something go do that if

you want to go to the treadmill and like

run for an hour go do that if you want

to go to the gym and lift some weights

and that helps you release your anger do

that that's perfect then there's

journaling there's writing things out as

they come to you when I'm feeling

something negative it's like really hard

for me to write it down for some reason

I feel a lot of resistance to it it's

almost like I don't want to make the

feeling like too real like once I write

it down it's going to become too real or

it's going to manifest like in a

physical way some way I need to think

about something for a while before I can

Journal about it if you're like feeling

the urge to write it out to write like a

an angry letter or something to whoever

hurts you listen to whatever your body

is telling you there talking obviously

like I mentioned multiple times either

talking to a therapist or talking to a

friend or talking to a partner this also

gives your feelings a physical form it's

you're turning it into a sound that

other people are able to perceive

there's crafting of any kind doing

something with your hands whether it's

drawing painting crochet it can be just

taking away walk see how long you're

able to walk without any external

distractions like a podcast or music

sometimes I need to have music or a

podcast to be able to think and wander

because like I don't feel safe thinking

about my feelings in silence so if

that's how you feel that's fine too but

I do try to first see if I can take the

silence for at least 5 minutes and then

I'll let myself put on whatever podcast

music audio book cleaning is also a

perfect healthy coping mechanism because

it's like a physical release you're like

sweating you're doing something with

your body but your mind is again free to

think and wander and Ponder something

that really helps me also is taking a

shower shower thoughts have been a

phenomenon that people have been talking

about forever because again while you're

showering you're doing something with

your body like on autopilot and your

mind is able to wander just perfect for

processing emotions also you process

emotions in your sleep too so make sure

you're getting enough sleep and that is

all I have for this mini unplanned

episode about how to process an emotion

this has been Sab with the scatter brain

pod see you next time