It Doesn't Matter How You Feel
Summary
TLDRThe speaker reflects on the enduring impact of music on personal memories, drawing parallels to the emotional responses elicited by songs from their past. They recount a recent experience playing 'Heroes of the Storm' and feeling an inexplicable sadness when a certain song played, despite no impending end to their current situation. The narrative delves into the idea that individual feelings, while significant to the person experiencing them, may not align with reality or the perceptions of others. Citing Jerry Garcia's perspective on the disconnect between his emotions and the actual performance, the speaker emphasizes the importance of separating personal feelings from broader impacts, especially in leadership roles. The summary concludes with a discussion on the luxury of focusing on feelings in a prosperous society and the maturity required to manage one's emotions without imposing them on the world.
Takeaways
- 🎶 Music has a lasting impact on people, often evoking strong emotions and memories associated with specific periods in their lives.
- 🕰 The power of music can transport individuals back to different eras, such as the 1990s, and rekindle the cultural atmosphere of those times.
- 🎧 Listening to a song from the past can trigger a rush of feelings and nostalgia, even if the current circumstances do not align with the emotions the song brings up.
- 🎮 The speaker discusses their experience with the game 'Heroes of the Storm' and the impact of background music during gameplay streaming.
- 🌧 The song 'Jane Says' by Jane's Addiction unexpectedly brought about a strong sense of sadness, highlighting the unpredictable emotional responses to music.
- 💡 The concept that personal feelings are subjective and may not reflect the reality or the feelings of others is a central theme of the script.
- 🎸 Jerry Garcia's quote from an interview emphasizes the disconnect between an artist's feelings during a performance and the actual outcome or reception of that performance.
- 🏋️♂️ The speaker's personal experience with dieting and the emergence of 'low carb Bernard' illustrates how physical states can influence mood and behavior.
- 🤬 The story of an incident at the gym showcases how intense feelings can be irrational and unrelated to the actual situation, underscoring the importance of managing emotions.
- 👥 As a leader, it's crucial to recognize that personal feelings about a project or situation may not align with the perceptions and enjoyment of the team or followers.
- 🕊️ The importance of morale and the feelings of a group, rather than just individual emotions, is highlighted as a key factor in success, especially in leadership roles.
Q & A
What are the two things that the speaker mentions young people often obsess over?
-The speaker mentions that young people often obsess over their hair and music.
How does the speaker describe the impact of music from 15 to 20 years ago on their current feelings?
-The speaker describes that music from that era can evoke strong feelings and transport them back to that time, bringing back memories of sights, sounds, and pop culture.
What game does the speaker mention playing and how does it relate to their discussion on music?
-The speaker mentions playing 'Heroes of the Storm' and watching a sponsored streamer play the game. The streamer played a song called 'Jane Says' by Jane's Addiction, which unexpectedly triggered strong feelings of sadness in the speaker.
What concept has the speaker been contemplating since college regarding feelings?
-The speaker has been contemplating the concept that one's feelings might not matter in the grand scheme of things and are a product of personal perception, which may not align with reality or how others perceive things.
What quote from Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead does the speaker find particularly impactful?
-The impactful quote is: 'There's no relationship I've been able to hear on tapes between the way I feel and the way it went down.' This quote emphasizes the disconnect between personal feelings and objective reality.
How does the speaker describe the emotional state of 'Low Carb Bernard'?
-The speaker describes 'Low Carb Bernard' as a person who gets frustrated and moody as a result of being on a low-carb diet, leading to mood swings and irrational anger over trivial matters.
What incident from the speaker's college days illustrates the irrational anger of 'Low Carb Bernard'?
-The incident where the speaker yelled at someone at the gym for not working hard enough and perceived them as wasting space, which led to regret and a realization of the irrationality of their anger.
Why does the speaker suggest that feelings in a leadership role might not matter?
-The speaker suggests that feelings in a leadership role might not matter because the perception and enjoyment of the people being led are more important. Leaders should focus on outcomes and the feelings of their team rather than their own feelings.
What is the importance of morale in a group setting according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, morale is crucial in a group setting because it affects the performance and attitude of the group members. Low morale can lead to decreased productivity and a negative impact on the group's success.
How does the speaker reflect on the temporal nature of feelings and their relation to outcomes?
-The speaker reflects that feelings can be fleeting and may not accurately represent the eventual outcomes. They suggest that feelings might not matter as much as the outcomes, which can be reevaluated over time with a clearer perspective.
What societal privilege does the speaker acknowledge that allows people to focus on their feelings?
-The speaker acknowledges the privilege of living in a society where people are affluent enough to consider their feelings in their actions and decisions, which was not the case for their parents when they first immigrated to America.
What advice does the speaker offer regarding the handling of personal feelings?
-The speaker advises that it takes maturity to learn to keep one's feelings to oneself and not let personal perceptions dictate actions or reactions, as the world does not solely revolve around one's individual feelings.
Outlines
🎶 The Power of Music and Nostalgia
The speaker reflects on how young people are often obsessed with hair and music. They admit to having moved past the hair phase, but music still resonates with them, especially songs from 15 to 20 years ago. These songs can evoke strong feelings and transport them back to significant moments in their life, such as 1999, which they consider one of the best years. The speaker suggests that this emotional connection to music is a shared experience, as others likely have songs that bring back their own set of memories and emotions. They also mention a recent experience with the game 'Heroes of the Storm' and a streamer who played 'Jane Says' by Jane's Addiction, a song that inexplicably made them feel a sense of impending sadness, despite no logical reason for such feelings.
🏋️♂️ The Impact of Diet on Emotional State
The speaker discusses the emotional effects of a low-carb diet, drawing from personal experiences and the concept of 'low carb Bernard,' a persona representing heightened frustration and mood swings due to limited glucose supply in the brain. They recount an incident in college where they became unreasonably upset with someone at the gym, a reaction they later regretted. The speaker emphasizes that feelings, while personal and significant, should not dictate one's actions, especially in leadership roles. They argue that it's crucial to separate personal emotions from the impact and enjoyment others may have from one's actions or creations, suggesting a level of humility and self-awareness in leadership.
🧐 The Irrelevance of Personal Feelings in Leadership and Life
The speaker explores the idea that personal feelings are often irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, especially in leadership and group dynamics. They argue that while one's own feelings may seem significant, the perceptions and emotions of those being led or influenced are what truly matter. The speaker uses the example of office morale and historical references to soldiers to illustrate the importance of maintaining a positive environment. They also discuss how feelings can be fleeting and often misrepresent the actual outcome of situations, suggesting that it's a sign of maturity to learn to set aside one's feelings and focus on the bigger picture. The speaker concludes by acknowledging the luxury of being able to consider feelings in the Western world and the importance of not letting personal perceptions dominate over collective well-being.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Nostalgia
💡Music
💡Emotions
💡Personal Perception
💡Leadership
💡Morale
💡Diet
💡Low Carb Bernard
💡Self-Reflection
💡Outcomes
💡Maturity
Highlights
Young people often obsess over hair and music.
Older music can evoke strong memories and emotions from the past.
Listening to a song from the past can transport you back to that time.
The speaker's personal experience with music and memories from 1999.
Music from 15-20 years ago can still resonate with listeners.
The game 'Heroes of the Storm' and its community of streamers.
Watching others play games can be a learning experience.
The impact of commercial music on game streaming.
The song 'Jane Says' by Jane's Addiction evokes a sense of sadness.
Feelings triggered by music can be inexplicable and unrelated to current circumstances.
The concept that personal feelings may not reflect reality or others' perspectives.
Jerry Garcia's quote on the disconnect between personal feelings and performance.
The importance of not letting personal feelings interfere with objectivity.
The experience of 'low carb Bernard' and mood swings during a diet.
How diet can affect mental state and behavior.
The insignificance of personal feelings in a leadership role.
The importance of considering the feelings of those being led.
How feelings can change over time and not reflect the actual outcome.
The societal privilege of being able to focus on personal feelings.
The maturity required to understand that personal feelings are not always paramount.
Transcripts
there's two things that young people
just really love obsessing over the
first is hair and I think I've gotten
past that point in my life well I mean
my hair's always been bad anyways but
the second one is music now music if you
are around my age or older a lot of the
music that you listened to a long time
ago I don't know 15 20 years ago stays
with you it probably has still stuck
with you and you know I don't know about
you but for me if I listen to a
particular song Sometimes I might get
transported back to 1999 and all the
sights and sounds and pop culture gets
brought back to me I have this flashback
I have this Rush of feelings as if I'm
back in one of the best years of not
just my life but one of the best years
of the world in my opinion now when I
say something like that it's very
probable that you have no recollection
of my feelings in 1999 you probably
don't really care it probably doesn't
matter very much to you but when I say
the fact that music that you listen to
15 or 20 years ago uh kind of stays with
you and let's say that you after this
video go and listen to some music that
you were you know you really enjoyed
when you were a teen then kind of the
generalization of me having those
feelings would get brought back to you
and that you would have your own set of
feelings from a particular song at one
particular point in time so it's
interesting because the way that I feel
about something literally matters to
nobody here but the notion that I get a
feeling from a particular song that I
haven't heard for you know 18
years that's a feeling that could be
generalized to you because you have one
of those songs that might strike that
nerve with you as well now the reason I
bring this up recently there's been a
game that I've been playing a lot called
Heroes of the Storm and on the games
launcher there is a link to some
streamers that play the game and you
know way I figured if I want to learn
how to play a game I watch other people
play it and there's one who's sponsored
by the actual company who makes the game
and she's kind of like a regular person
playing the game she's above average in
terms of skill but it was interesting
because I was watching her and she
plays commercial music on her stream you
know things that record companies might
strike if I did on YouTube but one song
that she played that kind of hit me
really hard and I'm not quite sure why
was a song called Jane Says by Jane's
Addiction now it was weird because when
I first heard her play the game and
heard the song you know just seeing the
game's visuals and her playing it along
with the song I got this overwhelming
sense of sadness it was this sense that
something was going to end soon now that
feeling literally has no meaning not
just to anybody but it also has no
meaning to me because nothing's going to
end nothing nothing's going to end
anytime soon for me I still have five
weeks left of the diet right now there's
nothing going to end but those feelings
and why they happened you know I'm not
really sure I'm not really sure why I
felt as if something was going to end
after I heard that song in fact the last
time I heard that song I think was early
2000s like 2000 or 2001 and nothing was
about to end back then either so I'm not
quite sure why those feelings had
manifested themselves but those were
actual
literally no meaning feelings at all now
this has been a concept that I've been
thinking about it's been on my mind ever
since I was back in college and it's the
notion that your feelings don't matter
your feelings might matter to you but
they are a product of how you see things
and you know your feelings about one
particular thing might not be the actual
reality or how somebody else sees it as
well you know I mentioned music and back
when I was in college I listened to a
lot of grateful Deb and I tried to see
every single video that I could of this
band playing I got all the live
recordings not all 3,000 of them but I
got a whole bunch of them and I remember
coming across an interview with the
guitar is Jerry Garcia of the band
1974 and this is a quote that I just
have never shaken out of my mind and he
says there's no relationship I've been
able to hear on tapes between the way I
feel and the way it went down doesn't
matter how I feel I haven't been able to
hear it matter it matters to me how I
feel of course because I feel that way I
come off the stage sometimes really
really upset when I was younger I'd get
even more upset I'd get more crazy I'd
want it to be really good I feel as if
it's not the way it should be it's
almost there but not there I remember
one time at the carousel I got really
upset at the end of a set because I
thought it was just horrible seemed like
everything was a struggle I got real
pissed off at Phil grabbed him and threw
him down this little flight of stairs
and I'm like man I've never done that
I've been tight with Phil for years I
was that freaked out and high too music
was just [ __ ] we listened to these
tapes months later and ended up using
them on our album you know they were
crackling with energy they were amazing
and it was then that I learned to just
keep my mouth shut and not think about
what was happening to me once that's
common when I get deeper into a diet and
this is maybe the third time in my life
that I've done this so I know that this
has happened the first two times the
first time that it happened was the
first time I started working with my
coach Shelby starns and I didn't quite
understand what was going on it was the
creation of somebody who I would like to
call low carb Bernard because once you
get lower or more depleted in the diet
you start to get more frustrated as if
your body's running on limited resources
as if the glucose that's used by your
brain is not in plentiful Supply anymore
and that your body needs to convert the
proteins and the fats that you consume
in order to get the glucose into your
brain for energy your brain doesn't use
fats or protein for energy it only uses
glucose and because your glucose is in
low Supply I would suspect that perhaps
the mood swings that come out
are what's normal when you get later
into a diet lowart Bernard is the kind
of guy who flips out at random stupid
things I remember the one time when I
was in college I was already deep into
the diet I started yelling at somebody
at the gym because I thought that they
weren't working hard enough that you
know they were just screwing around by
the weights and it was it would made me
so upset right and the way that I felt
had no bearing at all actually nobody
was paying attention to the guy except
for me and the only reason I was paying
attention to him because he was blocking
my way from the dumbbells and I thought
you know if you're if you're going to be
here don't be waste of space but that
wasn't really Justified because you
might even say that I was wasting Space
by I don't know doing work there it
doesn't quite matter but the way that I
saw it was that I had this
self-righteous arrogance about me and
that I was the one who was doing work
and that if you weren't on my level then
you should get the hell out of the gym
this kind of feeling on behalf of low
carb Bernard was uh almost got me thrown
out of the gym it was probably one of
the worst things that I could have done
I didn't understand it and one of the
things that I would just always feel
anger I'd always be upset
and it was it was very frustrating to me
because there was finally a point in
time where I thought okay I need to cut
this out I don't know what's happening
because after I yelled at this person at
the gym I almost get thrown out and then
I figured you know after I start yelling
I immediately regret doing it you know
the way that I perceive things and the
way that I perceive that person the way
that I perceive myself completely
irrelevant the way that I feel
completely irrelevant I doesn't matter
how I feel about that person it doesn't
matter how I feel in general it's the
fact that you would have to stay the
course of the diet but put the feelings
aside that's what matters now everything
that I mean about the way that you feel
doesn't matter I'm talking about when
individually when you have people
following you and you're in a leadership
role it is even more so the fact that
the way you feel doesn't matter the way
that you Fe as a leader feel doesn't
matter now the way that the people
following you feel absolutely matters
because your own perception of something
you might hate what you're doing you you
know and not
necessarily don't like what you're doing
but you think that the product of what
you're doing is not up to par you might
think that the things that we're
creating is not up to my standards but
everybody else who would be following
you is very much in enjoyment of what's
being created out of the team and if you
are not happy with it that's your
feelings about it but remember your
feelings don't matter because if other
people enjoy it then does it really
matter how you feel about it you might
be always perpetually upset with it but
it doesn't matter because other people
might perceive it in a different way
therefore you would be arrogant to think
that only your perception matters this
is what I mean by your feelings don't
matter but in a group of people it
definitely matters how the other people
who might be following you or the other
people around you feel you ever hear of
the concept of morale and you know it
could be something as simple as people
at the office are not happy with the
leadership of who they're working under
and when the morale goes under you see
people showing up at you know 10 11:00
they're pushing the limits to when they
can show up and they're not getting a
whole lot done or very typically in the
old days when people were talking about
soldiers and fighting morale of your men
was very important in that you know if
your if your guys weren't feeling up to
par then you know you might be losing
the next battle in terms of somebody
being a leader one who acts very
abruptly and in a very Brash fashion is
usually one that ends up not being
successful in the eyes of a lot of
people how you feel doesn't matter how
other people feel does matter and the
other thing that comes up too is that a
lot of times you might feel a certain
way but then you look back months later
and you think why why would why did I
feel that way about something right
there was a case that I was really you
know happy with the way that things were
going at one point in time and then 8
months later I figured what what what
the heck was I happy about that was an
awful time it turns out the outcomes of
everything that was going on at that
point in time was the outcomes were all
terrible and if that's the case then
that happiness in itself means very
little because the outcome is something
not very good on the flip side you might
feel awful about something you might
feel terrible that things are going on
at that particular point in time but you
look back 6 to 8 months later and you
think wow you know the outcome was
actually really good it wasn't anything
that was really that terrible I don't
know why I felt so bad it mattered to me
at that point in time but in reality the
feelings actually didn't matter that
much the outcomes were okay now I'm fine
and I'm looking back at it and just
think you know what was I what was I so
upset about I wasted all my energy being
upset over
nothing now depending on where you live
if it's in the western world most of us
are living in a society of people where
we are rich enough to focus on feelings
when my parents came here to America
from Taiwan they had $300 in their back
pocket they slept on the floor and on my
mom's brother's couch there was nothing
to be happy about except that they were
here and that they were actually able to
get a job we're rich enough now to know
that well we can consider our feelings
in doing things right we can do things
that in effect make us happy and we can
do that for a living we're afforded that
luxury in that we're able to do it the
way that I see it is that it does take a
certain level of maturity to come up and
finally realize that one day you should
just learn to keep your mouth shut and
not think about what's happening to you
at that particular point in time because
what's going on then is your perception
and you should not be as arrogant as to
think that the world should only bow to
just your
perception
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