3 reasons you aren’t doing what you say you will do | Amanda Crowell | TEDxHarrisburg

Summary

In this powerful talk, the speaker explores the concept of 'defensive failure'—the mental blocks that prevent us from achieving our goals. Drawing from personal experience, she identifies three key mindset barriers: believing you can't succeed, feeling that it's not for people like you, and valuing the goal for the wrong reasons. She emphasizes that overcoming these blocks is crucial for breaking the cycle of inaction and achieving personal transformation. Through persistence, mindset shifts, and finding intrinsic motivation, anyone can surpass their limits and accomplish the unexpected.

Takeaways

• 😀 Exercise can feel overwhelming if it's not part of your identity, but making small changes over time can lead to big transformations.
• 😀 Defensive failure is a mindset block where you set intentions (e.g., going to the gym) but never follow through, often due to psychological barriers.
• 😀 One of the main reasons people struggle to achieve their goals is the belief that they can't do it, often rooted in a fixed mindset.
• 😀 Developing a growth mindset, as outlined by Carol Dweck, helps you see mistakes as learning opportunities rather than evidence of failure.
• 😀 People often fail to follow through on their goals because they believe that certain behaviors or achievements are reserved for 'other people'—not someone like them.
• 😀 Your identity plays a huge role in your ability to succeed—if an action feels like a threat to your identity, you may subconsciously avoid it.
• 😀 To overcome identity-based blocks, find examples of people like you successfully doing the things you want to do, and model their behavior.
• 😀 The third mindset block is valuing your goals for the wrong reasons—extrinsic reasons like admiration or approval don't provide enough motivation to push through challenges.
• 😀 Intrinsic motivation—valuing an activity because it's personally interesting or aligns with your long-term goals—is key to breaking free from cycles of defensive failure.
• 😀 Making progress requires moving from defensive failure to 'productive failure,' where you acknowledge mistakes, learn from them, and keep improving over time.
• 😀 With persistence, effort, and the right mindset, you can achieve things that seem impossible at first, just like the speaker did when completing a triathlon after starting with no athletic background.

Q & A

What is 'defensive failure' and how does it affect people's progress towards their goals?

'Defensive failure' is a phenomenon where people set goals and intentions, but never follow through. It is driven by three mindset blocks that prevent people from taking consistent action toward their goals. These blocks often manifest as self-doubt, identity issues, and lack of intrinsic motivation, leading to repeated cycles of procrastination and lack of progress.

What are the three key mindset blocks that contribute to defensive failure?

The three mindset blocks are: 1) Believing you can't do it due to a lack of talent or genetics, 2) Thinking people like you don't engage in activities like the one you're attempting (linked to identity), and 3) Not truly wanting the goal, but thinking you should want it for extrinsic reasons, like approval or admiration.

How does having a 'growth mindset' help overcome the first mindset block?

A growth mindset helps by reframing mistakes as learning opportunities rather than evidence of failure. The speaker emphasizes that effort over time, not innate talent, leads to success. This mindset allows you to see mistakes as part of the process rather than proof that you aren't capable.

What role does identity play in defensive failure?

Identity plays a crucial role in whether or not we follow through with our goals. The second mindset block occurs when people feel that their goals conflict with their sense of self. For example, the speaker struggled with promoting her coaching services because it felt inauthentic to her identity. Aligning actions with one's identity, or finding role models who reflect your desired self, can help break this cycle.

What advice does the speaker give for overcoming the identity mindset block?

The speaker advises finding people who are like you and who are already doing the things you want to do. By seeing others who share your identity and values succeeding, you can adjust your own actions to align with that identity, making it easier to stay motivated and take consistent action.

How does intrinsic motivation differ from extrinsic motivation in relation to goal-setting?

Intrinsic motivation comes from within, driven by genuine interest, curiosity, or a deep connection to long-term dreams. Extrinsic motivation, on the other hand, is based on external factors like social approval or admiration. Intrinsic motivation is more sustainable and helps you persist through challenges, while extrinsic motivation often fades when faced with difficult tasks.

What does the speaker mean by saying, 'You have to find a way to be interested or curious about what you want to do'?

The speaker suggests that if you aren't naturally interested in an activity or goal, you need to actively seek ways to develop that interest. This could involve learning more about the topic, exploring its benefits, or finding connections to your larger aspirations to make the goal feel more meaningful.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of making a connection between a goal and your long-term hopes and dreams?

Making a connection between a goal and your long-term aspirations helps create intrinsic motivation. When you're working towards a goal because it aligns with your broader dreams, it becomes easier to stay focused and committed, even when the process is challenging or the immediate rewards aren't obvious.

What is the speaker's personal experience with overcoming defensive failure, and how does it relate to her message?

The speaker shares her journey of starting exercise despite believing she wasn't naturally athletic. Over time, she shifted her mindset, overcame mistakes, and became consistently active, eventually completing a triathlon and a half-marathon. This experience illustrates how mindset shifts and persistent effort can lead to achievements that initially seemed impossible.

What does the speaker mean by 'productive failure' and how does it differ from defensive failure?

'Productive failure' refers to the kind of failure where you make mistakes but use them as learning experiences that lead to gradual improvement. Unlike defensive failure, which is paralyzing and discouraging, productive failure drives action, insight, and progress, eventually leading to success.