The surprising secret to speaking with confidence | Caroline Goyder | TEDxBrixton

Summary

In this engaging talk, the speaker explores the concept of inner confidence, emphasizing that it lies within us rather than in external appearances. Through personal anecdotes and historical references, the speaker illustrates the importance of practice, breathing techniques, and the power of breath in achieving confident speech. The talk culminates in a heartfelt story about using these skills during challenging moments, highlighting the profound impact of breath on our emotions and expressions. Ultimately, the key to confidence is mastering our breath and knowing when to pause and reflect.

Takeaways

• 😃 Confidence can be found within ourselves if we know where to look.
• 😀 The voice is an instrument, and like any instrument, it requires practice to master.
• 😊 Practicing regularly, such as singing daily, can improve your voice and confidence.
• 😌 Breath control is key to maintaining calm and confidence, especially in high-pressure situations.
• 👍 The diaphragm plays a crucial role in regulating breath and should be actively engaged.
• 👑 The most powerful person in the room often has the most relaxed breathing pattern.
• 💡 Breath is thought; the quality of your speech is influenced by your in-breath.
• 🎤 Historical figures like Demosthenes improved their speaking abilities through dedicated practice and self-belief.
• 💬 The ability to speak confidently can be crucial in important moments, such as delivering a eulogy.
• 🗣️ Learning to control your breath and speak on an out-breath filled with positive emotions can enhance the impact of your speech.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speech?

The main theme of the speech is about finding confidence within oneself, particularly through understanding and utilizing the power of one's voice and breath.

How does the speaker describe the initial energy in the room?

The speaker describes the initial energy in the room as 'great' and 'friendly', noting that it feels 'great in this room' and that the audience looks 'really friendly enough'.

What is the speaker's initial reaction to the audience's uncertainty?

The speaker reassures the audience by saying 'Don't worry, it's going to be fine', acknowledging their uncertainty but also encouraging them that everything will be alright.

What does the speaker suggest about the nature of confidence?

The speaker suggests that confidence is not something that exists on the outside but rather within, in the 'visceral stuff' that we don't see.

What was the speaker's experience at Central Hall?

The speaker had a disastrous experience at Central Hall where everything that could go wrong did, including speaking too fast, losing words, and the microphone breaking, leading to feelings of shame and embarrassment.

What is the significance of the chest of drawers made by George McCallum?

The chest of drawers is symbolic and contains three secrets to finding confidence within, serving as a metaphor for the speaker's journey and lessons learned.

What is the first lesson about the voice that the speaker shares?

The first lesson is that the voice is an instrument, and just like any musical instrument, it requires practice to improve. The speaker encourages practice through singing as a way to enhance the voice.

Who is the historical figure mentioned in the speech, and what did he do to improve his oratory skills?

The historical figure mentioned is Demosthenes from Ancient Greece. He improved his oratory skills by practicing in an underground cellar, shaving half his head to avoid distractions, and speaking over the waves to project his voice.

What role does the diaphragm play in confidence according to the speaker?

The diaphragm is described as the key to regulating the body's system and calming oneself down, which in turn helps in projecting confidence. The speaker suggests that breathing with the diaphragm can enhance confidence.

What is the third and most significant lesson the speaker discusses?

The third lesson is about the power of breath and how it is connected to our thoughts. The speaker emphasizes that controlling one's breath can control the voice, and thus, confidence in speech can be achieved by understanding that 'breath is thought'.

How does the speaker conclude the speech?

The speaker concludes by humorously stating that the big secret to confidence in speech is knowing when to shut your mouth, highlighting the importance of controlling one's breath and thoughts.

Outlines

00:00

😊 Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

The speaker shares a personal anecdote about a challenging public speaking experience at Central Hall. Despite initial failure and embarrassment, they learned that confidence is found within and not influenced by external factors. They emphasize the importance of internal confidence and the idea of looking 'under the bonnet' to find it.

05:03

🎸 Voice as an Instrument

The speaker discusses how the voice is an incredible instrument, likening it to a guitar. They highlight that anyone can improve their voice with practice, sharing the story of Demosthenes, an ancient Greek orator who overcame his speaking difficulties through intense practice. The speaker encourages daily singing as a way to develop a better voice.

10:03

🧘‍♂️ Power of Breath

The speaker explains the importance of breath in achieving confidence, noting that the most powerful person in a room has the most relaxed breathing. They describe an exercise involving the diaphragm, which is key to regulating the body's system and calming oneself. They share a personal story of discovering how to use the diaphragm effectively during a yoga class.

15:07

💖 Breathing Love and Confidence

The final lesson emphasizes the significance of breath in speech and thought. The speaker recounts a poignant email from someone who used these breathing techniques during a deeply emotional moment. They underline that breath is thought and that by controlling the in-breath, one can influence the confidence and emotion in their speech. The speaker concludes with the simple but powerful advice: to gain confidence in speech, sometimes one just needs to know when to close their mouth.

Keywords

💡Adrenaline

Adrenaline is a hormone that prepares the body for a 'fight or flight' response. In the video, it is mentioned in the context of how the speaker feels when their eyes meet the audience's, causing an acceleration of molecules and a rush of adrenaline. This relates to the theme of confidence and how one's physiological response can affect their performance in front of an audience.

💡Voice Coach

A voice coach is a professional who helps individuals improve their vocal skills, often focusing on speech, singing, or public speaking. The speaker identifies themselves as a voice coach, emphasizing the importance of voice as an instrument and the need for practice to master it. This is central to the video's theme of building confidence through understanding and controlling one's voice.

💡Practice

Practice is the act of repeatedly performing an activity to improve or master it. The speaker emphasizes the power of practice in developing a great voice, drawing a parallel to the story of Demosthenes, who practiced tirelessly to become a renowned orator. This underscores the video's message that confidence can be cultivated through consistent effort and dedication.

💡Diaphragm

The diaphragm is a muscle that separates the chest from the abdomen and plays a crucial role in breathing. In the video, the speaker explains that the diaphragm is key to regulating one's system and achieving a calm, confident demeanor. The diaphragm is presented as the 'king of confidence,' highlighting its importance in controlling breath and, by extension, one's voice and presence.

💡Breathing

Breathing is the process of inhaling and exhaling air, which is essential for life and also plays a significant role in controlling emotions and physical responses. The speaker discusses the importance of breathing, particularly deep and slow breathing, in achieving a state of calm and confidence. This is illustrated through the example of a woman who used her breathing skills to deliver a eulogy, demonstrating how breath can be used to manage emotions and convey messages effectively.

💡Confidence

Confidence refers to a feeling of self-assurance and belief in one's abilities. Throughout the video, the speaker explores the concept of confidence, suggesting that it is not something that exists externally but is found within. The video's theme revolves around the idea that confidence can be developed and accessed by understanding and controlling one's internal responses, such as voice and breath.

💡Eulogy

A eulogy is a speech or piece of writing that praises someone who has recently died. The speaker uses the example of a eulogy to illustrate the importance of finding inner confidence in moments of great emotional significance. This example shows how the skills discussed in the video, such as controlled breathing and voice control, can be applied in real-life situations to convey deep emotions and respect.

💡In-Breath and Out-Breath

In the context of the video, 'in-breath' and 'out-breath' refer to the process of inhaling and exhaling, respectively. The speaker explains that controlling one's breath, particularly the in-breath, can help in controlling the thoughts and emotions conveyed through speech. This concept is central to the video's message about using breath to manage emotions and enhance communication.

💡Expression

Expression in this video refers to the conveyance of thoughts and feelings through voice and body language. The speaker mentions that Demosthenes was advised to add more expression to his voice, suggesting that effective communication involves not just the words spoken but also the energy and emotion behind them. This ties into the video's broader theme of using voice and breath to project confidence and convey messages effectively.

💡Chest of Drawers

The 'chest of drawers' is a metaphor used by the speaker to represent the different aspects of finding confidence within oneself. Each drawer in the metaphor contains a lesson or secret related to confidence, such as the importance of the voice as an instrument and the role of the diaphragm in breathing. This metaphor serves as a visual aid to the video's theme of exploring the internal sources of confidence.

💡Thoughts

In the video, thoughts are presented as being closely tied to breath, with the speaker suggesting that what one thinks can be reflected in how they breathe and, consequently, in their speech. The idea that 'all in breath is thought' emphasizes the connection between mental states and physical responses, highlighting the video's theme of using breath to manage emotions and enhance communication.

Highlights

The moment when eyes and worlds collide generates a feeling of adrenaline.

Different people react differently to this moment of connection, with some feeling confident and others anxious.

Everyone has confidence within them, and it can be discovered by looking inward.

The speaker's past experience at Central Hall as a rookie voice coach was a moment of failure that taught valuable lessons.

The feeling of shame from an audience's judgment can be crippling, but it can also be a catalyst for change.

Confidence is not about external appearances but about internal, visceral qualities.

The concept of opening new drawers in the self was inspired by director Peter Brook.

A physical chest of drawers was created to symbolize the journey of finding confidence within.

The first drawer contains the idea that the voice is an instrument that can be improved with practice.

The story of Demosthenes from Ancient Greece illustrates the power of practice in overcoming speech challenges.

Singing is recommended as a daily practice to improve the voice and build confidence.

The second drawer reveals the importance of breath and how it can convey confidence.

Paul Eckman's research shows that breath is a key to accessing the unconscious and calming oneself.

The diaphragm is identified as the key to regulating the body's system and achieving a relaxed, confident demeanor.

The third and most significant lesson is about the power of breath in controlling thoughts and emotions during speech.

A personal story illustrates how the skills of breathing low and slow can be a gift in times of great emotional challenge.

The final lesson emphasizes that confidence in speech is achieved by understanding when to shut your mouth and focus on the breath.

Transcripts

Translator: Angelica Teal Reviewer: Denise RQ

It is this moment, isn't it?

I'm looking at you, and you look like a really nice bunch.

There's been such great energy.

I was sitting here for five minutes, and it just feels great in this room.

You look really friendly enough, so thank you!

You are looking a bit unsure in a voice coach.

Don't worry, it's going to be fine.

And I can see a couple of really brainy TED faces there.

There's going to be a few ideas, too.

But it's this moment, when eyes, our worlds, are colliding right now.

You are looking at me, I am looking at you,

and it hits my brain with the feeling of adrenaline;

accelerating molecules, you might say.

Different people deal with this moment differently.

Some of us go, "Hey!", you know?

There are people who are confident,

they cope with this moment totally fine.

Then there are other people not so confident,

and it stops them from speaking this moment;

It makes them feel anxious, that maybe they are not up to it.

That is not the case.

Actually, all of us have confidence within.

What I want to talk about today

is the idea that we can find more confidence within us

if we know where to look.

Where do we look?

We go within. We look under the bonnet.

That's where we are going next.

And the reason I want to talk about this is because, many years ago,

I stood in front of an audience this big - bigger - at Central Hall,

which is by the Houses of Parliament, a really big Methodist space.

I was super excited about that moment

because I knew that it was my big moment as a rookie voice coach,

and I was going to be able to speak.

I stepped up in front of that audience,

and what happened was everything that could possibly go wrong did.

I went too fast, I lost my words.

It felt like such a horrible experience.

And just as I thought it couldn't go any worse,

the microphone broke.

I looked out across the room, and I said in my big voice coach voice,

- there wasn't so much wind at the time, I have to say -

(Laughter)

I said in my big voice coach voice, "Can you hear me at the back?"

And someone said, "Speak up!"

I felt this feeling of absolute shame.

That feeling of an audience looking at you,

and a feeling of judgment which cripples us.

I left that venue, and I thought to myself, "Never again."

Clearly that didn't work because I am here.

I also thought I am going to do it differently next time.

I will make sure that next time I stand up to speak, it feels good.

Where I had to go was within.

We live in a really visual culture.

We spend a lot of time - if you think about two worlds -

we spend a lot of time thinking about the outside.

Maybe especially for women.

Actually, confidence doesn't exist on the outside;

It exists within, in the visceral stuff,

in the bits within you that we don't see.

We are going to go to those bits.

When I was thinking about this idea three months ago,

when I was asked to do it,

I started to feel nervous about this moment,

I started to think about a quote

the director Peter Brook had said

which is that we open new drawers in the self.

I started to think about a chest of drawers.

Then I came across this really cool maker

called George McCallum, who is actually sitting there.

I said to George, "Can you make me a chest of drawers?

And he did.

You might be wondering what this object is.

And what this object is here is what George made.

But when you ask a maker to make a chest of drawers,

they don't always do what you think they are going to do.

Do you want to see what he did?

(Laughter)

Yeah! Thanks George. Best response of the morning.

Upstaged by the furniture.

(Laughter)

Within this little chest of drawers,

this rather big, manly chest of drawers,

are three secrets to finding confidence within.

Three lessons I had to learn on the way.

There is a big lesson in here.

The last lesson is the big one.

We are going to get there, and it's not what you might think.

It's a lesson that might surprise you.

But first, would you like to see inside the first drawer?

(Audience) Yes!

CG: It's a bit delicate this; George.

So what we have in here is an instrument.

Because you just been hearing the voice is the most amazing instrument.

It's magnificent.

How often do you think about how yours works?

Because like this little guitar, it has a string, and it has a hitter.

Where is the string of your voice?

Can you put a hand on it?

Here, give it a shake; it's your larynx.

Ahhhhh... Can everyone do that for meeee?

Ahhhhh!

The hitter is the air.

When you know that your voice is an instrument,

what does that tell you?

People come to me and say,

"I've a bad voice," "I am not a good speaker."

"I get worried about this kind of moment."

"I hate meetings," "I hate presentations," "Can't do it."

The voice is an instrument.

There is not such thing as a bad saxophone, is there?

Because when we hear a great saxophonist,

and he is probably somewhere down here,

what we know is that they've practiced a lot,

that not only did they have talent but also they have worked,

and worked, and worked to get a great sound.

If you ever doubt the sound of your voice,

let me tell you all you have to do is practice.

When I was worrying about that moment

I am going to call my central hall of shame, because it was,

what I remembered was the story of a guy in Ancient Greece

called Demosthenes.

There's a big old name,

so we're going to call him the Greek dude from now on,

which actually is also a bit of a big word,

so we might just call him Dave, I think.

(Laughter)

Dave was speaking at the Assembly which is like the O2.

We have Simon in the room.

It's like the Brixton Academy of the Ancient Greek world.

He was feeling pretty nervous. He wanted to be an orator.

Orators were the rock stars of their day.

So he geared himself up for this big moment at the Assembly,

and you know what?

He bombed.

They said he was uncouth in his speaking, and that he stammered.

So the audience jeered at him, and they threw stuff.

Please don't do that today!

(Laughter)

He left that stage feeling so downcast

when he got a bit of advice from an actor.

I'm sure Greek actors were pretty much the same as they are now.

I am sure the actor was a bit like this, but what he said to him was,

"You need more expression in your voice.

You are not giving enough welly, enough energy.

You also need to believe in yourself because the message is good."

Demosthenes takes himself back home, and he goes for it.

This is his rocky moment.

He builds himself an underground cellar.

He shaves his head - half of his head -

so that he can't leave the house for three months

and then he practices for three months solid

in front of a big shield that is polished like a mirror.

When he is ready, when he is up there,

he goes out.

He goes to the sea, and he speaks over the waves.

His voice has to boom out over the waves.

Then, he goes back. He goes back to the Assembly.

He speaks again,

and he becomes known as one of the greatest orators of his day.

What does that tell you?

It tells you about practice.

The power of practice.

You may not want to shave half of your head;

you may not want to build an underground cellar

because the council may have words,

but what you can do is practice.

And the simplest way to practice is to sing.

You don't have to do a big, "Mamamamahh!",

a voice coach warm-up - unless you want to -

but what I really recommend is that everyday sing somewhere:

sing in the shower, sing in the car, sing on the tube if you feel brave.

(Laughter)

I was at St Thomas' Hospital for a blood test about two weeks ago,

and there were two women singing in the space

where the blood test was happening which was lovely.

So I recommend it.

Singing is the way to a great voice.

Practice is the way to a great instrument.

That's lesson one.

We have another drawer which we will open in a moment,

but before we get there, I've a question.

Say you walk into a room, OK?

You don't know anybody.

Some of you may have had that feeling this morning.

How do you know who the most powerful person in the room is?

The person with the most confidence,

that inner confidence that we are going for here?

How could you tell?

How they carry themselves. That's lovely, [Lola].

You are in the same space, aren't you?

Because you are a singer.

It is that how they carry themselves.

Actually, what an actor will tell you is that is about the breath.

The most powerful person in the room has the most relaxed breathing pattern.

There is a well-known scientist called Paul Eckman who looks into emotion,

and he said - which would make actors laugh

because it seems so straightforward to them

that maybe isn't to science -

that he couldn't understand why breath mattered for a long time,

and his research has explored it,

until he started to understand that the unconscious system--

You know I can't control my spleen.

It is just doing its own thing.

But I can control my breathing.

And if I get into my breathing, I get into the unconscious.

I calm myself down.

So what's within you is the key to this relaxed, confident power.

Actors know this

because when actors are playing King, the King stays really still.

Everybody moves around the king,

and that's how you know the king is in charge.

The next time you fell nervous about something, try that; try getting still.

Within your body is something that is really the king of the body.

It's what the Greeks called the center of all expression.

I bet that 50% of this room has never thought about it.

Would you like to see what it is?

Thank you, my still handsome friend.

We've our lungs, don't we?

We have this, which is probably not an anatomical representation of a heart,

but it is nice.

(Laughter)

But what's down here? What's this?

(Audience) The diaphragm?

CG: Thank you very much! Diaphragm. It is indeed your diaphragm.

Put your hands up if you have thought about the diaphragm recently.

Put your hands up if you thought about your diaphragm today.

Thank you, singers in the room; good. Or actors, or saxophonists.

Put your hands up if you haven't yet thought about your diaphragm today.

Yeah, that is quite a large percentage.

So we don't think about our diaphragms, do we?

But the diaphragm is the key to regulating your system.

It is how you calm yourself down

in that moment when you stand in front of all the eyes.

It will make you feel confident

when you most need it, and you'd least feel like it.

I didn't know anything about my diaphragm.

I'd learned about it. I knew what it was supposed to look like,

but I didn't know how it felt.

Then one day,

I was feeling really stressed, I was breathing up in my chest.

I had that kind of squeaky high-voiced adrenaline breathing up in the chest;

Not good.

I walked into a yoga class, and the yoga teacher said,

"You look really stressed."

Which is never a good start.

He said, "Lie down on the floor."

And he laid me down, I closed my eyes,

expecting some lovely relaxing yoga thing,

and suddenly, he put a gym weight on my stomach.

And he said, "Breathe, lift that."

I did. I breathed in,

and as I breathed in,

I had to lift that gym weight with my stomach,

and my diaphragm shuddered into action.

Suddenly, I got it. I got how it should feel.

I got that I didn't need to breathe up here anymore;

that I could breathe down.

I'd like to suggest that the diaphragm is the king of confidence.

Should we find yours?

We take a thumb--

Take your thumb and just put it bellow your bra strap.

Yeah, that's right, sir. You got it.

(Laughter)

That's it. With your thumb there, gently push.

Lawrence Olivier, when he was taught to breathe--

Lawrence Olivier - you know, the actor?

was taught to breathe by pushing a grand piano.

I certainly don't have a grand piano at home.

London houses don't fit them these days, do they?

But we can all practice the feeling of pushing a grand piano

if we breathe in and push your thumb away.

Now breathe out and push back.

You are filling up an air balloon in your stomach.

Now, breathe in, push your thumb away.

Now breathe out, push it back.

Welcome to your diaphragm.

If you put your hand on your ribs,

your diaphragm goes all the way around.

You can also fill the rib cages as you breathe in.

You feel the ribs open as you breathe,

and close as you breathe out.

If you are ever nervous about one of these moments, do that.

Your diaphragm is the key to your confidence.

So we've two lessons:

we've the power of practice. we've the importance of the diaphragm.

There's a third lesson which is the big one.

It's the one that really makes a difference.

I started to think about this lesson a couple of weeks ago actually,

because someone I'd worked with wrote to me.

She wrote me an email, and she said

she'd been through the worst possible thing

that you could imagine happening to someone.

She had just got married, and was on honeymoon,

when her husband had a heart attack and died.

She had to go back to the church they got married in

and speak a eulogy for this man.

In fact, she also read a poem that she had written when they first met.

She said, "On the worst day of my life, I had to put myself together.

I had to find the energy of celebration for this man who I really loved,

and the only way to do it was you taught me.

The skills of breathing low and slow; taking my time,

getting the control, finding the inner confidence.

It was the greatest gift that I could give him."

There are moments in our lives where we have to speak

not because we have something to say for us

but because we want to speak for someone else:

a wedding, a eulogy.

I would suggest that in those moments, these skills matter more than ever.

What you need to know in those moments is in this drawer.

It's breath.

It's air.

Why does air matter?

It's because we breathe our thoughts.

All speech is our breath. All song is our breath.

And all in breath is thought.

Just put a hand back on that diaphragm for a moment, and breathe out.

Then feel the breath in,

and as you breathe in, think of someone you really love.

If we were all to speak on that out breath,

it would be full of love.

Now breathe in again,

and breathe in a feeling of excitement for the day that is going to come

because it's going to be so good.

If we were to breathe in and then speak on that feeling,

then we have excitement in our voices.

So you can control your voice

with the idea of breath is thought.

And it's in Latin, the two worlds: ancient and modern.

The Romans understood this:

inspiration and respiration have the same root.

The Romans understood that we breathe our thoughts.

Because we speak on the out-breath,

all you have to think about is the in-breath.

You know, the simplest way to think about the in-breath:

close your mouth.

So who would have thought that the big secret I promised you

was that if you want confidence in speech,

all you have to do is to know when to shut your mouth.

(Laughter)

Thank you.

(Applause)