Kompilasi Stand Up Abdur Kritisi Pemerintah: Pencuri Berijazah di Jakarta Dapat Fasilitas Mewah
Summary
TLDRThe speaker humorously critiques various societal issues in Indonesia, touching on taxation, overpopulation in Jakarta, transportation, and the contrast between rural and urban life. Through satire, they address how Jakarta is overly centralized, affecting the rest of the country. They discuss education, poverty, and the treatment of criminals, with a mix of wit and social commentary. The speech also highlights disparities in media coverage, political corruption, and inefficiencies in government policies, all while keeping the tone light and engaging with playful analogies and jokes.
Takeaways
- 😄 Education services in Indonesia are not subject to VAT, but goods like uniforms and books are taxed, creating a humorous analogy that sleeping is free but closing your eyes costs money.
- 🏢 Jakarta's rapid urbanization could lead to extreme overcrowding by 2030, with people living so close that stepping out of one's room might lead into someone else's space.
- 🚡 As infrastructure grows denser, transportation might evolve to creative solutions like using flying foxes for commuting between Jakarta and Surabaya.
- 😂 Crime and punishment in Indonesia are perceived differently in Jakarta compared to other regions, where criminals might receive harsher physical punishment rather than media attention.
- 📺 Media in Jakarta tends to focus only on issues related to the city, while neglecting problems in other parts of the country like water shortages in the east.
- 🛶 In response to Jakarta's frequent flooding, a humorous suggestion was made to create a floating market, turning disaster into an economic opportunity.
- 🏞️ The Ministry of Underdeveloped Villages is humorously criticized for being based in Jakarta instead of in rural areas, leading to inefficiencies.
- 🚢 Indonesia is likened to an old ship, steered by a captain who is more interested in personal gains than the well-being of the nation.
- 👴 The government expects elderly teachers to remain creative, which is seen as unrealistic, with the suggestion that their focus should be on spiritual growth instead.
- 🎓 Politicians are often criticized for prioritizing political alliances over real solutions to the country’s problems, particularly in remote areas, leading to disillusionment with reforms.
Q & A
What is the main point of the speaker's comparison between sleeping and paying for closing one's eyes?
-The speaker humorously highlights the absurdity of certain taxes, comparing it to how sleeping is free, but paying for closing your eyes would be ridiculous, similar to how some goods are taxed while others aren't.
What prediction does the speaker make about Jakarta's future in terms of housing?
-The speaker predicts that by 2030, Jakarta will be so densely built that leaving one’s room could lead directly into someone else’s room, exaggerating the overcrowding problem.
What transport system does the speaker humorously suggest for Jakarta?
-The speaker jokingly suggests using a 'flying fox' transportation system between tall monuments like Monas in Jakarta and Tugu Pahlawan in Surabaya due to future road congestion.
How does the speaker contrast the treatment of thieves in Jakarta versus Eastern Indonesia?
-The speaker contrasts that thieves in Eastern Indonesia are beaten up and severely punished, while thieves in Jakarta receive media attention and even luxurious prison facilities.
What issue does the speaker raise about media coverage in Jakarta?
-The speaker criticizes the Jakarta-centric media coverage, noting that issues like floods are covered extensively, while important problems like water shortages in other regions, such as Eastern Indonesia, are ignored.
What satirical suggestion does the speaker offer to handle Jakarta's flooding?
-The speaker humorously suggests creating floating markets during floods, similar to those in Banjarmasin, to keep the economy running by using sampans (small boats) to trade goods.
What criticism does the speaker make about the location of Indonesia's Ministry of Disadvantaged Villages?
-The speaker criticizes that the Ministry of Disadvantaged Villages is located in Jakarta, far from the rural areas it is supposed to help, making it ineffective, like placing a scarecrow in the ocean to scare away whales.
How does the speaker describe the state of Indonesia using a nautical metaphor?
-The speaker likens Indonesia to an old ship that has lost its direction due to the leadership's focus on personal desires, such as family and political connections, rather than the nation's welfare.
What is the speaker's perspective on the government's expectations from older teachers?
-The speaker finds it unrealistic that the government expects elderly teachers, who are near retirement, to suddenly become creative. They suggest that at this stage, teachers should focus on their spiritual growth rather than drastic professional improvements.
Why does the speaker suggest that political candidates are already 'crazy'?
-The speaker points out that candidates for the Indonesian parliament (DPR RI) face such slim chances of winning (8% chance) that anyone spending a large amount of money for such a low probability is already 'crazy,' indicating their desperate desire for power.
Outlines
🛏️ The Ironic Costs of Living in Jakarta
This paragraph humorously discusses the state of Jakarta's dense population and development. It contrasts essential free services like sleeping, with the irony of paying for necessary accessories like eye covers. The speaker notes how overcrowded Jakarta will become by 2030, where stepping out of your own room could mean entering a neighbor’s space. The mention of flying fox transport due to excessive building and congestion adds satire. The commentary then shifts to the disparity in justice between Jakarta and other regions, humorously critiquing the glorification of thieves in the media, which doesn't happen in less centralized regions like Eastern Indonesia.
🌊 Misplaced Priorities: Kementerian Desa and Jakarta's Development
The speaker questions the logic of placing the Ministry for Underdeveloped Villages in Jakarta, arguing that it doesn’t make sense given its purpose. Using an analogy of putting scarecrows in the ocean to ward off whales, the speaker criticizes the inefficiency of centralizing a ministry meant to serve rural areas far from Jakarta. The speaker shares the perspective of someone from a remote fishing village, seeing Indonesia as an old ship with unclear direction, driven by leaders with personal agendas. The paragraph critiques the lack of focus on truly underdeveloped areas and the misplaced attention on urban development.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡PPN (Value Added Tax)
💡Jakarta's Overdevelopment
💡Flying Fox as Transport
💡Desa Tertinggal (Underdeveloped Villages)
💡Media Bias
💡Banana Stem Boats
💡Kementerian Desa Tertinggal (Ministry of Underdeveloped Villages)
💡Old Teachers and Creativity
💡Reformasi (Reformation)
💡DPR RI (House of Representatives)
Highlights
In Indonesia, educational services are exempt from VAT, but school supplies like shoes and books are subject to it, leading to a humorous analogy about free sleep but having to pay for closing your eyes.
The speaker humorously envisions a future where Jakarta becomes so crowded that stepping out of your room means entering someone else's room, emphasizing urban overpopulation.
With the increasing urban density, the speaker jokes that flying foxes will become a mode of transportation in Jakarta.
The speaker humorously contrasts the harsh treatment of thieves in rural areas, where they are beaten, with the more lenient, even glamorous treatment in Jakarta, where they might be interviewed and appear on TV.
The irony is highlighted when rural thieves, who are not famous like their Jakarta counterparts, return home to 'go to school' in hopes of gaining recognition.
The media's Jakarta-centric focus is criticized, noting that events like floods in Jakarta receive significant coverage, while water shortages in other regions are ignored.
The speaker humorously proposes turning Jakarta’s frequent floods into an economic opportunity by creating floating markets, like those in Banjarmasin, where people can trade using boats.
A joke about haggling in floating markets during floods highlights the absurdity of trying to negotiate prices while being carried away by the current.
The speaker satirizes the placement of the Ministry of Rural Development in Jakarta, suggesting it’s as ineffective as placing a scarecrow in the ocean to scare away whales.
The metaphor of Indonesia as an old ship with a captain unable to read the map, distracted by personal interests, captures the speaker's view of the country’s lack of direction.
The diversity of Indonesia’s population, from Sumatra to Papua, is highlighted, but the speaker laments the lack of unity and direction, likening the country to a ship with passengers from different backgrounds but no clear path.
The government’s attempt to certify aging teachers and demand creativity from them is mocked, with the speaker suggesting that at their age, the only things they can improve are their religious duties.
Forcing elderly teachers to be creative is compared to making toddlers understand statistics, emphasizing the absurdity of such expectations.
The speaker calls out the government’s failure to support teachers in remote areas, where even basic infrastructure like phone signals is lacking, despite these teachers’ long-standing dedication.
The frustration with politicians who prioritize forming coalitions over finding solutions to real issues, such as the suffering of minorities, is a recurring theme.
The final satirical point compares the fierce competition for seats in the DPR RI (Indonesian parliament) to a nonsensical investment with low chances of success, humorously questioning the sanity of those who spend large sums to pursue these positions.
Transcripts
Hai
di Indonesia itu jasa pendidikan itu
tidak masuk dalam PPN tidak kena PPN
tapi barang Teddy kan sepatu seragam
buku tas itu kena PPN ini sama seperti
tidur Itu gratis tapi kalau tutup mata
bayar
[Musik]
jadi kita kalau tidur tuh buka mata saja
begini
lama-lama bikinkan sakratul maut kita
seperti yang saya bilang di putaran
pertama tadi Jakarta memang banyak
bangunan pemukiman juga padat
2030 kalau Jakarta ini selalu dibangun
seperti ini itu saking padatnya nanti
itu kita keluar kamar itu sudah masuk
kamar orang lain
Jadi begitu keluar kamar Begitu keluar
kamar ah om tante permisi
ya Om ke atas-bawah E
[Tepuk tangan]
itu jalan-jalan jadi tidak ada mobil
motor tidak bisa jalan karena
jalan-jalan ke bangunan semua akhirnya
transportasi Pak apa flying fox
jakarta-surabaya Monas ditinggikan Tugu
Pahlawan ditinggikan flying fox
dari Jakarta
Woi dari belakang ada nyusul mijon meja
yang awesome John
Den senden Indonesia itu memang terlalu
terpusat di Jakarta terlalu terpusat di
Jakarta
pencuri baik bahkan makanya kejahatan
tuh bikin apa juga datang kesini begitu
Mencuri itu teman-teman di Timur itu
dapat tangkap itu pasti dapat pukul
sampai busuk sampai bos uh uh musuh
pencuri di sini itu dapat foto
dapat syuting wawancara masuk tipi masuk
penjara fasilitas mewah
map makanya nol Timur di sana tuh
pikir-pikir ah kita pencuri yang sama
tapi kok kita tidak termasuk TV
kita pencuri di Jakarta saja
akhirnya mereka datang kesini pencuri
disini dapat tangkap Alhamdulillah
dipukul sampai besok juga
sampai musuh uh sampai busuk karena apa
karep Kenapa mereka tidak masuk TV
karena mereka ini bukan pencuri yang
berijazah
uh
uh Akhirnya mereka pulang ke timur lagi
untuk sekolah
[Musik]
tapi mereka tidak sadar bis Timur itu
sekolah juga susah hei sama saja begitu
dan media-media di Jakarta itu
teman-teman itu isinya itu itu hanya
orang Jakarta saja media-media di
Indonesia isinya keluar orang Jakarta
Kami di timur sampai Taiwan Kalian
disini begitu heran begitu
evolusi banjir macet mencret kowe
macam-macam
ah
macam-macam with dibilang banjir
kelebihan air itu diliput Kami di sana
kekurangan air itu luput
luput
banjir begitu banjir datang tiap tahun
dibilang melumpuhkan ekonomi SY kasih
usul ya biar it ekonomi tidak lumpuh
tiap kali banjir datang buat pasar
terapung matang di Banjarmasin
Iya
Jadi tiap kali banjir datang begitu
semua pakai sampan mulai berjualan
dayung-dayung
keliling Kompleks di pangkalan ojek ada
David uji sampan begitu
halo pituk itu perdagangan jadi efektif
karena orang-orang mau tawar-menawar itu
akan pikir-pikir Om itu baju berapa
100.000 adik ah terlalu mahal Rp50.000
aja Ah tidak bisa ada tasnya 80 ah 50
tidak bisa 80 Ayah sudah sampai tinggal
Ada Yang Abadi
Kenapa tidak bilang dari tadi ini saya
tahu lagi
hai day lagi 10 kali torpedo
pulang-pulang dengan putus
apa metode pura-pura pergi itu tidak
bisa tidak bisa diterapkan di pasar
terapung tidak bisa apalagi kalau
banjirnya pas deras Begitu
adek Mari sudah Rp50.000 sudah berilah
level 35 30.000 Ya sudah beratus-ratus
Ini bukan begitu Om Bukan saya tidak mau
ke situ Ini sudah terbawa arus ini
teman-teman teman-teman tahu gedung
Kementerian desa tertinggal itu ada di
mana ada di Jakarta fungsinya apa
fungsinya itu sama seperti kita buat
orang-orangan sawah taruh di laut
buat apa
mau mengusir paus pakai orang-orangan
sawah Hah
maksud saya akan segala sesuatu itu
berdasarkan fungsinya Kementerian desa
tertinggal ya taruh desa tertinggal
begitu ntar bisa Tertinggal
kalau taruh di Jakarta tiap pagi Dek
bangun buka jendela begitu dibuka Woi
bangunan sudah banyak gedung sudah
banyak oh Indonesia sudah maju
cauter desa tertinggal begitu buka
jendela Eh ini jendela dimana ini saking
tertinggalnya dijelasin tidak ada
Oh iya mungkin itu karena memang namanya
Kementerian desa tertinggal jadi
menterinya disini desanya ditinggal
sebagai anak nelayan dari lamakera saya
melihat Indonesia itu seperti kapal tua
yang berlayar tak tahu arah
Arahnya ada hanya nahkoda kita yang
tidak bisa membaca Mungkin dia bisa
membaca tapi tertutup hasrat
membabi-buta
hasrat hidupi keluarga saudara kolega
dan mungkin istri muda
Indonesia itu memang seperti kapal tua
dengan penumpang berbagai rupa ada dari
Sumatera Jawa Madura Sumbawa hingga
Papua bersatu dalam Nusantara
pemerintah itu memberikan sertifikasi
pada guru guru tua tapi mereka menuntut
agar guru-guru ini bisa kreatif Hai
sekarang pertanyaannya apa yang bisa
kita tingkatkan dari mereka yang 12
tahun lagi pensiun yang bisa
ditingkatkan tiga amal dan ibadah saja
teman-teman memaksa orang tua untuk
kreatif itu sama seperti kita memaksa
balita untuk mengerti statistik
ahado Ade lucunya Eh Dek rata-rata
simpangan baku umur teman-temanmu berapa
ya
pingsan
[Musik]
maksud saya begini teman-teman kalau
pemerintah itu memang mau memberikan
tunjangan untuk guru-guru yang tua ya
sudah kasih saja tidak perlu Tutut
apa-apa dari mereka karena apa Karena
itu akhirnya mereka
tonton Kalau tidak ada mereka Siapa yang
Pulau mau puluhan tahun bebeapa mengajar
di pelosok desa Hai siapa sinyal saja
masuk Esa itu sinyal pikir-pikir
teman-teman sudah 16 tahun kita tertatih
dalam reformasi ditipu oleh para
politisi yang katanya berikan bukti
bukan janji tapi begitu ada tangis
seorang minor dipelosok Negeri Mereka
sibuk mencari koalisi bukan solusi
makanya teman-teman daripada sibuk
nonton mereka yang debat di televisi
lebih baik datang kesini bisa cuci mata
ada konten ini
[Musik]
[Tepuk tangan]
tonton ada
6608 orang yang berebut kursi di DPR RI
560 Kursi ini berarti satu orang itu
cuman punya peluang menang Delapan
persen Delapan persen memang tidak semua
tapi ada orang yang menghabiskan uang
banyak untuk mendapatkan posisi ini
pertanyaannya sekarang adalah orang gila
Mana yang mau menghabiskan uang banyak
untuk investasi yang peluang dia kalau
ada dua persen orang gila mana Makanya
kalau ada yang bilang anggota DPR itu
gila Heh mereka itu sudah gila dari awal
[Musik]
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