The revolutionary truth about kids and gender identity | Angela Kade Goepferd | TEDxMinneapolis

Summary

The speaker, a pediatrician and non-binary parent, reflects on how children understand gender identity. Sharing personal experiences and professional insights, they explain that while young children categorize people by gender, they are also capable of grasping more complex concepts. The talk highlights the importance of supporting transgender and gender-diverse kids, offering them language, understanding, and freedom to express themselves. The speaker emphasizes that embracing diverse gender identities expands the possibilities for everyone and advocates for a world where kids are given the tools to explore and express their true selves.

Takeaways

• 👶 Kids naturally categorize gender early, often asking questions like 'Are you a boy or a girl?' out of pure curiosity.
• 🤔 Many adults struggle to unlearn binary views on gender, but children often accept non-binary identities without judgment.
• 👩‍⚕️ The speaker, a pediatrician, identifies as gender diverse and explains the importance of understanding diverse gender identities in children.
• 🧠 Kids as young as two can understand gender differences and start sorting people into categories based on physical traits.
• 👧 Children begin discovering where they fit in gender categories around age three or four, often aligning with societal norms.
• 🎭 By age four or five, kids learn gender roles, figuring out what behaviors are expected based on their perceived gender.
• 👗 The speaker shared a personal story about their child feeling discouraged from wearing a dress, showing the impact of gender conformity pressures on children.
• 🎨 Children express themselves more fully when given the tools and language to explore beyond binary gender categories, like having a 'box of 64 crayons' instead of just two.
• 🏳️‍🌈 Many children today identify as gender non-conforming or transgender, reflecting a broader societal recognition of diverse gender identities.
• ❤️ Kids need support, understanding, and love to explore their true identities freely, and supporting them benefits not only them but society as a whole.

Q & A

What was the context of the little boy asking if the speaker was a mommy or daddy?

The little boy asked this question out of curiosity when the speaker, who identifies as non-binary, came to pick up their son from daycare. The boy was trying to categorize the speaker into one of the two gender categories known to him: mommy or daddy.

How did the speaker respond to the little boy's question about being a mommy or daddy?

The speaker responded by explaining that they were neither a mommy nor a daddy, but a 'mapa,' which is a combination of both mommy and daddy. The boy accepted this explanation quickly and moved on to ask about the speaker's favorite dinosaur.

What is the significance of children asking about gender identity according to the speaker?

The speaker highlights that children often ask about gender identity out of curiosity and without judgment. Their questions reflect their early efforts to categorize people based on gender, a process that is binary and concrete in their thinking at a young age.

At what age do children typically begin to understand gender differences, according to the speaker?

Children begin to understand gender differences around the age of two. This understanding is primarily based on physical characteristics and anatomy, and they start sorting people into categories like boys and girls, mommies and daddies.

How do children’s understanding of gender roles evolve as they grow older?

By age three or four, children start figuring out where they fit into the gender categories. They explore gender roles by understanding societal expectations, such as the association of boys with certain toys and girls with others. By ages six and seven, most children conform to traditional gender roles based on societal norms.

How do transgender and gender diverse children express their identities at a young age?

Some transgender and gender diverse children claim their identities as young as three or four years old. They are aware of gender categories but realize that their inner sense of identity doesn't align with societal expectations, and they communicate this to their parents early on.

What challenges do gender diverse children face when their gender expression doesn't align with societal expectations?

Gender diverse children are often punished or ridiculed for violating societal expectations. This can lead to harassment at school, rejection by family, and serious consequences such as depression or even suicide attempts. Conforming to traditional gender roles helps them avoid these negative outcomes, but at the cost of suppressing their true selves.

How did the speaker’s child Theo react to societal expectations around gender?

Theo loved wearing a princess dress, but after a friend and teacher told him that boys don’t wear dresses, he stopped wearing it for show-and-tell and eventually stopped dressing up as a princess. The speaker couldn't tell if Theo made this choice because he was ready to move on or because of societal pressure.

What impact does giving children more gender options have, according to the speaker?

By giving children more options and language to describe their gender identities—akin to giving them a bigger box of crayons to draw with—they are better able to express the complexity of who they are. Limiting their options, such as forcing them to choose between ‘pink or blue,’ restricts their ability to fully express their identities.

What message does the speaker want parents and caregivers to take from their talk?

The speaker emphasizes the importance of listening to children, asking open-ended questions, and providing a supportive environment for them to explore and express their gender identities. By doing this, parents and caregivers help children become the most authentic versions of themselves.