Toronto couple raising 'gender-free' child
Summary
TLDRThe video discusses a controversial decision by a Toronto couple to raise their baby, Storm, without revealing its gender, calling the child 'gender-free.' This has sparked widespread debate on the impact of gender-neutral parenting. Experts, including a psychologist, author, and reporter, weigh in on the potential effects, with some applauding the parents' bravery and others expressing concerns about the psychological and social challenges the child may face. The conversation touches on broader themes of gender identity, societal norms, and parenting in a gender-conscious world.
Takeaways
- đ¶ The story revolves around a couple in Toronto who are raising their baby, Storm, without revealing the child's gender.
- đ§âđŒ The parents believe they are giving Storm the freedom to choose their gender identity later in life, avoiding traditional gender norms.
- đ The story has gained massive attention worldwide, becoming one of the most-read pieces on The Toronto Starâs website.
- đŹ Public reactions are divided: some praise the parents' bravery, while others criticize the approach as a potentially harmful experiment.
- đšâđ©âđŠ Psychologists express concern that raising a child without a defined gender could lead to social issues such as bullying and identity confusion.
- đ§ Critics argue that this method of parenting might send an implicit message that having a gender is problematic.
- đ Cheryl Kilodavis, who authored a book about her son wearing dresses, supports the idea of challenging gender norms but questions the extremity of the gender-free approach.
- đ§ââïž Dr. Lisa Boesky, a child psychologist, cautions that the child might suffer from confusion or become a social outcast due to this parenting decision.
- 𧏠Biological factors in gender identity play a significant role, and critics argue that disregarding these could lead to psychological consequences for Storm.
- đ The discussion raises broader questions about why society needs to categorize gender and why we canât accept children for who they naturally are.
Q & A
What is the central topic of discussion in this video?
-The central topic is a couple in Toronto who are raising their baby, Storm, as gender-free, meaning they have not disclosed the child's gender and are allowing the child to choose their own identity in the future.
Why is this couple's decision to raise their child as gender-free causing a stir?
-The couple's decision is controversial because it challenges societal norms regarding gender. Some people find it brave, while others view it as a harmful experiment that could negatively affect the child's development and social experiences.
What was Jamie Ponâs role in the discussion, and what did she observe about public reaction?
-Jamie Pon is a staff writer for the Toronto Star who profiled the family. She observed that the story sparked significant public interest, with reactions ranging from praise for the familyâs courage to concerns about potential harm to the child.
What are some of the concerns raised by critics regarding this gender-free parenting approach?
-Critics are concerned that raising a child without a defined gender could lead to teasing, bullying, or social isolation for the child. Additionally, there is concern that this could result in the child feeling confused or rejected in a world that heavily identifies people by gender.
How does Cheryl Kavis, whose son enjoys wearing dresses, view the familyâs decision?
-Cheryl Kavis views the family's decision as courageous and believes it challenges societal norms about gender expression. She advocates for accepting children as they are and supports the notion of not limiting children by traditional gender expectations.
What does Lisa Boesky, the clinical psychologist, say about the potential risks of this experiment?
-Lisa Boesky expresses concern that raising a child without a gender is an extreme social experiment. She worries that it might backfire, leading to confusion or bullying, and that the child could suffer more harm than if they had been assigned a gender at birth.
What does research suggest about the role of biology in gender identity, according to the discussion?
-Research suggests that biology plays a significant, though not exclusive, role in determining gender identity. This highlights that while social and cultural influences are important, biological factors are also powerful in shaping gender.
What subtle message might the coupleâs decision to raise their child gender-free send, according to Lisa Boesky?
-Lisa Boesky suggests that by not assigning a gender, the parents might be sending a subtle message that there is something wrong with having a gender, which could further complicate the child's sense of identity.
What is Kathy Whtk's perspective on raising Storm gender-free?
-Kathy Whtk explains that by not disclosing Storm's gender, she wants the child to have the freedom to discover their identity on their own without societal pressure or preconceptions based on gender.
What does Cheryl Kavis emphasize about the importance of this conversation on gender identity?
-Cheryl Kavis emphasizes the need for acceptance of children for who they say they are. She encourages society to focus less on categorizing children by gender and more on supporting their happiness and personal expression.
Outlines
đ¶ Gender-Free Parenting: A Controversial Choice
The video introduces a couple from Toronto who are making headlines for raising their baby, Storm, without revealing the child's gender. They argue that this decision gives their child freedom to choose their own identity. The segment discusses the impact of this approach, and the parentsâ motivation behind raising a 'gender-free' child. The hosts are joined by Jamie Pon, a Toronto Star writer who profiled the family, and two other experts who offer their insights into the decision's implications for child rearing and society.
đ Public Reaction: A Stirring Debate on Gender
Jamie Pon, the journalist who covered the story, shares her surprise at the overwhelming response to the article, which became one of the most-read pieces on the Toronto Star's website. Pon mentions that the reactions are mixed, with some praising the parents for their bravery, while others express concern about potential negative effects, including social isolation and teasing. Pon emphasizes that although some responses have been hostile, the story has sparked a much-needed conversation about gender and parenting.
đłïžâđ The Challenge of Raising a Gender-Nonconforming Child
Cheryl Kavis, the mother of a boy who enjoys wearing dresses, speaks about the challenges of raising a child who expresses gender nonconformity. She praises Stormâs parents for challenging societal norms and encouraging authenticity in their childâs identity. Cheryl shares her own experience, mentioning that her son has been exploring his identity since he was two years old. She believes itâs essential for society to accept children as they are and applauds the courage of parents who choose to break traditional gender expectations.
đ§ A Psychologist's Take: Is This a Social Experiment?
Child psychologist Lisa Boesky weighs in, describing the decision to raise a gender-free child as a form of social experimentation. She expresses concerns about the potential negative outcomes, including bullying and social exclusion. Boesky believes that while gender discussions are important, this approach may go too far, potentially putting the child at risk of being labeled or ridiculed. She also notes that biology plays a significant role in identity formation, which could complicate the family's experiment.
đ€ The Question of Gender Identity vs. Expression
The discussion shifts to the subtle messages being sent by Storm's parents. Lisa and the panelists consider whether by raising their child without a defined gender, the parents are implying that gender itself is problematic. The conversation contrasts this with Cherylâs experience, where her sonâs gender expression is celebrated without denying his gender identity. A statement from Stormâs mother is read, defending their decision by saying they want their child to freely explore who they want to be, but the panelists debate whether this is an overly idealistic approach.
âïž Balancing Gender Identity, Expression, and Social Acceptance
Lisa and Cheryl wrap up the discussion by exploring the broader implications of gender roles in society. Cheryl highlights the importance of accepting children for who they are and allowing them to express themselves freely. She contrasts gender identity and expression, pointing out that while her son identifies as a boy, he enjoys expressing himself in traditionally feminine ways. The conversation concludes with a call for society to focus on more significant issues rather than imposing rigid gender categories on children.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄGender-Free
đĄGender Expression
đĄSocial Experiment
đĄTeasing and Bullying
đĄBiology
đĄParenting
đĄGender Identity
đĄAcceptance
đĄCourage
đĄCompartmentalization
Highlights
Dr. Drew introduces a couple in Toronto who are raising their baby without revealing its gender, naming the child Storm.
The parents, David Stalker and Kathy Whitk, argue that they want their child to have the freedom to choose their gender identity.
Jamie Pon, a writer for the Toronto Star, mentions that this story has gained massive traction, becoming the second most read article on their website in two years.
Reactions to the story are mixed, with some praising the family for being brave, while others express concern over potential negative consequences for the child.
Cheryl Kavis, whose 5-year-old son enjoys wearing dresses, views the family's decision as an act of challenging societal gender norms.
Cheryl shares that her son, Dyson, identifies as a boy but enjoys wearing dresses, and she believes it's important to accept children for who they are.
Lisa Boesky, a child psychologist, voices concerns that raising a child without a defined gender is a social experiment that could have unforeseen negative effects.
Lisa highlights that while gender is only one part of a person's identity, it remains a significant factor and hiding it could lead to social isolation for the child.
Dr. Drew discusses the potential for teasing and bullying that the child might face due to the unconventional approach of gender-neutral upbringing.
The discussion touches on how biology plays a powerful role in gender identity, and suppressing this might create internal conflicts for the child.
A subtle message in the parents' approach might imply that having a gender is inherently wrong, which raises ethical concerns.
Kathy Whitk, the mother, expresses that their goal is for their child, Storm, to discover for themselves what gender they want to identify with.
Dr. Drew compares the concept of raising a child without a gender to the idea of communism, suggesting it might sound good in theory but may not work in practice.
Lisa Boesky emphasizes the importance of parents exposing their children to a broad range of experiences, but feels the Storm case takes it to an extreme.
Cheryl Kavis highlights the difference between gender identity and gender expression, stressing that conversations about gender should continue for societal growth.
Transcripts
watch Dr Drew's new show at 9 on HLN
week nights on HLN all right what's the
first thing we do when a baby's born the
first question we ask in fact we asked
the question before the baby's born we
now moved it back and look at
ultrasounds we asked is it a boy or a
girl right well there's a couple in
Toronto that is creating quite a stir
right now because they are not saying
they're literally not saying they're
raising their baby the baby's name is
Storm what they're calling gender free
David Stalker and his wife Kathy whtk
argue that they're giving their child
the freedom to choose who he or she
whichever it might be wants to be so
what is good about this what's bad about
it joining me to discuss it is Jamie Pon
she is a staff writer for the Toronto
Star and she profiled the family also
with me is clinical psychologist and
author Lisa boesky and Cheryl kavis her
son 5-year-old son likes to wear dresses
we visited with her family a couple of
weeks ago and uh she's authored a book
called The Princess boy all right Jamie
what is your take having reported on
this
family well thank you for having me uh
well I'm a I'm a news reporter so when I
went into this story I I thought that my
only goal was really to let it tell
itself and and I hope that what we were
able to do was create an article and and
a profile that raised a lot of questions
for people about child rearing and
parenting and gender and sex and how
those all come together when you're
raising your children I I don't think
the
pretending I'm gonna ask you are you
surprised by the stir are you surprised
by the the traction the story has gotten
the amount of reaction people are
having yes it's it's quite overwhelming
I uh I thought that it would be
interesting and I was hoping that it
would provoke an interesting discussion
it's the second most read story on our
website the star.com in two years and
I've been getting phone calls from
Austria the UK all over the US and as
soon as this story went up people
started emailing me responses uh some
good they think that the family is very
brave that they're letting the children
decide who they want to be uh other
people feel like this is perhaps an
experiment that will have harm harmful
effects on the children that they're
sending them out into the world in a way
that invites teasing and taunting uh I
think that it's creating a really
interesting discussion sometimes the
comments have been nasty and I don't
think that those contribute to a
constructive discussion but uh for sure
we've received a lot of really
interesting
feedback Cheryl let me ask you should
these parents be concerned about the
world they are sending that child
into well I think absolutely I mean as
parents we're all concerned about making
sure that we're making the right
decisions for our children but this is
just another example of of courageous
family saying okay World we're going to
challenge you about gender expression
and we're going to challenge you by not
using just adjectives to say strong boy
or pretty girl but we're going to
challenge you to say actually authentic
adjectives as such as pretty child and
strong child and chal does it surprise
you that people are reacting so
powerfully to this do you get similar
reactions with your
son absolutely I mean this is uh I think
it's just um as a mom we we go through
this kind of thing we try to make the
right decisions and we're doing the best
for our children and this is another
example I haven't met the family but my
hope is that there's an authenticity
there just as our family I mean my child
Dyson started doing this when he was
almost two years old and he's a very
strong extrovert child so he's sending
messages by saying accept me for who I
am and this family is challenging us to
do the same we need to get to a place of
acceptance well Lisa you're a child
psychologist and we we have a family
here that is sort of experimenting on a
child it's it's a human study of one is
it not that's exactly right I mean we do
have a culture obsessed I mean we have a
culture that's obsessed with gender I
agree and it's good that this gender
topic is being out in the Forefront but
I do think this choice is Extreme
raising your child without a gender
because it really is a social experiment
and we don't know if it's going to have
a negative outcome and if it does it's
going to be the child that pays the
price of that and think about the
Relentless teasing The Bullying I'm a
little concerned that this parents that
their their plan is going to back
backfire and although his identity won't
be male or female his identity could be
the he she boy or the ex-boy or the and
he might be a social outcast and that
might be worse than if he had a gender
in the first place you know most
research is pointing towards biology
having a very powerful effect correct
well very powerful not exclusive but
powerful understand so there's a
likelihood that that biology is going to
express itself and I and I know I know
males uh he's going to be angry he's GNA
you know what I mean that they're likely
to get that kind of a reaction from from
the child po that's possible and I think
just having to keep a secret of
something that what you are So
eventually he's going to notice he has
genitals well but isn't that isn't that
the the problem here in this story is
that behind that isn't there a subtle
message that gender itself is is wrong
it's something wrong with having a
gender exactly and and that's the part
that concerns me because there's a even
in not having a gender there's a message
that it's Cheryl's son was a different
story he has a certain way of expressing
himself and giving the fre to do that as
opposed to say gender is a bad thing and
let's hide it that's a subtle message
but that's that I we have a statement
from Kathy Whit let me read it because
she she she I think tries to address
this she says raising a child gender
free she says I'm not telling the gender
of my precious baby I'm saying to the
world please can you just let storm
which might if it's a he make him angry
by itself just let storm discover for
him or herself what he or she wants to
be on paper it sounds great it really
does but communism sounds good on paper
too that's all I'm saying well the thing
the thing is gender is one part of our
identity and an important part of our
our identity but you're also creative
smart a good soccer player an outgoing
personality and I think they're making
gender a bigger deal than it necessarily
needs to be kind of like what you're
saying by not having it out there it
makes it a bigger issue so I think they
can really I mean I'm a big believer
that all parents including myself we
need to be exposing our boys to more
feminine oriented things and we should
be doing the same thing with our girls
for sure all of us can work on that but
I think this takes it to such an extreme
it's like a social experiment Cheryl I
want to give you last words on this
because you've been struggling with this
for quite some time and you're I I would
call my my expert here having lived
through this what are your thoughts oh
well thank you yeah I think you know
there's there's a difference between
gender identity and gender expression
and um you're absolutely right Dyson
said I'm a princess boy he identifies
boy and that and that's what's happening
but this this is a bigger question I
think you're right there is the entire
experiment piece to it but it is
important for us to keep the
conversation going why do we need to
categorize why do we always need to
compartmentalize why can't we just
accept children for who they say they
are who they want to be and get to a
place where we're really focusing our
energy where it needs to be focused on
things that are going on in the world
not on where our children are trying to
be happy and be who they are thank you
Cheryl thank you Jamie thank you Lisa
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