The EASY Way To Win Back An AVOIDANT Ex

Summary

In this video, Brad Browning, author of 'The Ex Factor 2.0' and a breakup coach, explains that winning back an avoidantly attached ex can be easier than others due to their need for distance. He outlines the importance of understanding attachment styles, particularly anxious and avoidant, which often form a push-pull dynamic in relationships. Browning advises taking a non-confrontational, patient approach post-breakup, allowing space for the avoidant ex to miss the relationship and gradually rebuild connection without triggering their avoidance. He also suggests reflecting on one's own behavior to avoid repeating past patterns.

Takeaways

• 🔒 **Avoidant Attachment Style**: People with an avoidant attachment style tend to fear closeness and prioritize their independence, often pulling away in relationships.
• 🔄 **Clinginess and Avoidance Cycle**: A common pattern in relationships is the cycle of one partner being clingy and the other avoidant, which can be damaging to both parties.
• 💔 **Breakup Reasons**: Often, breakups involving an avoidant partner aren't due to specific issues but are a result of their need for distance and fear of losing independence.
• 🤔 **Understanding Avoidance**: To reconnect with an avoidant ex, it's crucial to understand their perspective and not take their avoidance personally.
• 🌱 **Growth and Change**: While attachment styles can be modified over time, they are deeply rooted and changes should not be expected overnight.
• 🚫 **No Contact Period**: After a breakup, an avoidant ex may require a no-contact period to process their feelings and to start missing their former partner.
• 📈 **Reconnecting Slowly**: When attempting to reconnect, it's important to take things slowly and not to rush the avoidant partner into commitment.
• 🤝 **Building Trust**: By showing understanding and patience, the avoidant partner can be shown to be a safe person to get close to, building trust for a closer relationship.
• 🚀 **Flirtatious Approach**: A bit of interest followed by backing off can create tension that may entice the avoidant partner to want more.
• 🏃‍♂️ **Resist the Urge to Chase**: When an avoidant partner pulls away, it's important not to chase after them but to maintain independence and a broader focus in life.

Q & A

What is the main challenge in dealing with an avoidant partner or ex?

The main challenge is their tendency to stonewall and avoid confrontation or closeness, which can make it difficult to reconnect or maintain a relationship.

Why might getting back together with an avoidant ex be easier than with other types?

It can be easier because the breakup often stems from a temporary emotional state rather than a fundamental issue with the relationship itself.

What are the four attachment styles mentioned in the script?

The four attachment styles are secure, disorganized, anxious, and avoidant.

How do anxious and avoidant attachment styles typically interact in a relationship?

Anxious individuals tend to seek closeness and connection, while avoidant individuals pull away, leading to a cycle of clinginess and avoidance.

What is the role of conflict in interactions between avoidant and anxious partners?

Conflict often triggers the avoidant partner to withdraw further, while the anxious partner may escalate their attempts to connect, exacerbating the situation.

How can understanding an avoidant ex's perspective help in rebuilding the relationship?

Understanding their need for independence and fear of closeness can guide one to approach the relationship with patience and without demanding too much too soon.

What is the significance of no-contact periods when dealing with an avoidant ex?

No-contact periods give the avoidant ex space to miss the other person and process their feelings, which can be crucial for them to realize their need for the relationship.

How should one approach an avoidant ex after a breakup?

One should approach slowly, without demanding too much, and allow the avoidant ex to set the pace of reconnection.

What is the paradox mentioned in the script regarding avoidant individuals and closeness?

The paradox is that avoidant individuals leave relationships because of too much closeness, but once broken up, the lack of closeness removes their reason for staying away.

How can an anxious person best support an avoidant ex during the process of reconnection?

By reflecting on their own behavior, not taking the avoidant ex's behavior personally, and giving them space to navigate their feelings at their own pace.

What is the advice for dealing with an avoidant ex who wants to keep the relationship casual?

One should make their expectations clear, resist normalizing a casual relationship, and potentially use actions to communicate their needs if direct conversation is difficult.