I Am Not A Layer | Paula Salvosa | TEDxYouth@SJCS
Summary
TLDRIn this TED Talk, Paula Salvosa reflects on her experience of being labeled 'I'm a liar girl' after a viral incident where she was publicly shamed. She shares her personal journey of overcoming online bullying, battling self-doubt, and the toll it took on her identity. Paula speaks about healing, self-acceptance, and reclaiming her life, emphasizing the importance of not letting a single mistake define one's future. She encourages others to show compassion and reminds us that everyone's bad moments don’t determine who they truly are.
Takeaways
- 🌟 The speaker, Paula Salvosa, became infamously known as 'I'm a liar girl' after a video of her went viral.
- 😔 The label 'I'm a liar' haunted her, causing her to feel ostracized and leading to a loss of her own identity.
- 😥 She considered changing her name and moving away to escape the negative label associated with her.
- 😣 The constant judgment and criticism led to Paula feeling hostile, aggressive, impatient, and selfish.
- 🙏 She initially sought solace in her work and faith, becoming a youth pastor, hoping it would heal her from the trauma.
- 📉 Despite her efforts, Paula's mental health and academic performance declined, indicating that she was not truly healed.
- 👩⚕️ Seeking professional help was a turning point, where she learned that healing is a process, not an instant fix.
- 🔄 Healing involves accepting the dark days, highs, and lows, and understanding that it's not linear.
- 💪 Paula learned the importance of self-regulation, self-talk, self-confidence, and self-appreciation in her healing journey.
- 🤝 She reconciled with her past by accepting that the 'I'm a liar girl' phase was part of her, but not all of her.
- 🌱 Paula emphasizes that one's past does not define their future and that everyone deserves compassion and understanding.
Q & A
What is the main theme of Paula Salvosa's TED Talk?
-The main theme of Paula Salvosa's TED Talk is overcoming the negative impacts of being labeled and ostracized due to a viral video, and her journey towards self-healing and acceptance.
What incident led to Paula Salvosa being labeled as 'I'm a liar girl'?
-Paula Salvosa was labeled as 'I'm a liar girl' after a video of her shouting or berating a lady guard at the LRT station went viral on the internet.
How did the label 'I'm a liar girl' affect Paula Salvosa's life?
-The label 'I'm a liar girl' led to Paula experiencing ostracization, confusion about her identity, and a significant decline in her mental health, to the point where she considered changing her name and moving away.
What was Paula Salvosa's initial reaction to the viral video and the public's response?
-Initially, Paula Salvosa felt scared for her own life, lost her sense of identity, and was deeply affected by the constant bashing and negative attention.
How did Paula Salvosa attempt to cope with the aftermath of the viral video?
-Paula Salvosa initially tried to cope by burying herself in work, becoming a youth pastor, and seeking guidance from God, but she later realized that she needed professional help to heal properly.
What steps did Paula Salvosa take towards healing herself?
-Paula Salvosa took steps towards healing by practicing self-regulation, self-talk, building self-confidence, and self-appreciation. She learned to accept her flaws and failures as part of her whole self.
What role did faith play in Paula Salvosa's healing process?
-Faith played a significant role initially as Paula turned to God for guidance and became devoted to the church, but she later understood that healing required a more intentional and personal process.
How did Paula Salvosa redefine her identity beyond the 'I'm a liar girl' label?
-Paula Salvosa redefined her identity by accepting her past, forgiving herself, and understanding that one bad moment does not define her entire personhood. She learned to appreciate herself and her journey.
What message does Paula Salvosa have for those who are going through similar experiences?
-Paula Salvosa encourages others to understand that their past does not define their future, to have compassion for themselves and others, and to not judge someone based on one bad moment.
How does Paula Salvosa view her past now, after going through the healing process?
-Now, Paula Salvosa views her past, including being labeled as 'I'm a liar girl', as a part of her journey that has made her stronger and happier. She has reconciled with her past and accepts it as a part of who she is.
What advice does Paula Salvosa give for dealing with cancel culture and public shaming?
-Paula Salvosa advises that healing is a journey and not instantaneous. She encourages intentional steps towards self-improvement, self-awareness, and self-acceptance, and to not let others' opinions define one's reality.
Outlines
🌎 Public Shaming and Identity Crisis
The speaker, Paula Salvosa, humorously introduces her age and playfully engages the audience before diving into the serious topic of her public shaming. After a video of her berating a lady guard went viral, she was labeled 'I'm a liar girl' worldwide. This label became her identifier, leading to a loss of identity and fear for her life. Paula discusses the intense emotional toll, including her desire to change her name and escape to a place where no one knew her. She highlights the long-lasting effects of this public shaming, which persisted for months, and how it led to her feeling 'canceled' long before cancel culture was a mainstream concept.
🔍 The Struggle with Self-Identity
Paula Salvosa describes the internal conflict she faced, where she began to doubt her own identity and whether she was indeed 'a liar girl'. The constant negative labeling and public scrutiny led her to become more hostile and aggressive. Despite trying to find solace in her work as a youth pastor and seeking guidance from God, she realized that she was not truly healed. Her mental health and academic performance suffered, leading a professor to suggest professional help. It was through therapy that she understood healing is not instant but a gradual and intentional process.
🌱 The Journey of Healing and Self-Acceptance
Paula shares the four steps she took towards healing: self-regulation, self-talk, self-confidence, and self-appreciation. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and celebrating small victories. Paula admits the challenge of accepting her flaws and the 'I'm a liar girl' part of her past but concludes that it doesn't define her. She learned to appreciate herself despite the negativity from cyberbullies, realizing their opinions do not define her reality. Paula's story is one of resilience, where she acknowledges her past but does not let it dictate her future.
🤝 Conclusion: The Power of Compassion and Self-Forgiveness
In her conclusion, Paula Salvosa shares her transformation from the 'I'm a liar girl' to Paula Salvosa, highlighting the importance of self-compassion and understanding. She encourages the audience to not judge others based on a single moment and to practice empathy. Paula reflects on her journey, stating that her past does not define her future and that everyone makes mistakes. She leaves the audience with a message of hope, urging them to accept their highs and lows as part of their identity and to view healing as a lifelong journey.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Cancel culture
💡Identity
💡Self-acceptance
💡Healing
💡Labels
💡Resilience
💡Social media
💡Mental health
💡Self-compassion
💡Reconciliation
Highlights
Paula Salvosa introduces herself as 'I'm a liar girl', a label given to her by the media after a video of her went viral.
The video showed her shouting at a lady guard at an LRT station, leading to widespread online shaming.
Paula discusses the profound impact of being labeled and how it affected her mental health.
She reveals her initial reaction was to escape the label by changing her name or moving away.
Paula shares her struggle with identity, feeling lost between being Paula or 'I'm a liar girl'.
She describes the process of being 'canceled' and the confusion it caused between her real self and the public's perception.
Paula talks about her journey towards healing, which included burying herself in work and becoming a youth pastor.
Despite her efforts, Paula admits that she was not truly healed and her mental health declined.
A professor advised her to seek professional help, which led to the realization that healing is a process, not an event.
Paula outlines four steps to healing: self-regulation, self-talk, self-confidence, and self-appreciation.
She emphasizes the importance of accepting one's flaws and failures as part of the healing process.
Paula reconciles with her past by accepting that 'I'm a liar girl' is a part of her, but not all of her.
She shares a powerful message about not letting others' opinions define you.
Paula reflects on how her experience made her stronger and happier, embracing both her strengths and weaknesses.
She concludes with a call for compassion, urging people not to judge others based on a single moment.
Paula's story serves as a reminder that one's past does not define their future and that everyone deserves a chance at healing.
Transcripts
foreign
would you believe me if I told you that
I was 34.
anybody
yeah no so you're telling me I'm a liar
yes
answer me you're telling me I'm a liar
I'm just kidding Let's watch this video
[Music]
liar
s
that's how you say sorry if I say sorry
[Music]
Ash returning a favor
[Music]
she's a liar oh my God you're a freaking
liar man
[Music]
thank you
[Music]
I don't know if you know the girl in
this video but from what I can tell I
assume that you are you're all thinking
she's a pretty bad person and who does
she think she is right well if you don't
know already if that girl was me
hi I am Paula salvosa a doting dog mom a
coffee person a K-pop fan an army to be
specific Army right then Korean food
lover but most people know me as the I'm
a liar girl does it ring a bell yet
okay let me introduce you to Amelia a
girl created by the media after a video
of her shouting or berating a lady guard
at the LRT station went viral on the
internet not just in the Philippines but
apparently worldwide I'm a liar this I'm
a liar me whichever direction I turn do
or I turned I could never really Escape
That Hideous word my identifier I was a
meme basically people again reduced me
to nothing but that name that horrible
name that made me scared for my own life
so you know imagine imagine
experiencing this every day and having
the world single you out for a single
mistake that you have done but choose to
be told I lost myself at that time it
felt as though that the world won
against me and I forgot my own identity
and in fact I hated it at that time I
remember telling my father that I wanted
to change my name and go to a Far Far
Away place where nobody knew me and I
felt nice favorite Paula or I'm a liar I
lost or I was lost somewhere in between
those two personas and the grief that I
experienced that time was never really a
sole response to the bashing that I
experienced not just for weeks or days
but for months yes the ostracizing or
the world ostracized me but what I truly
lost during that time was not my
reputation what I lost that time was the
fact that I could never be Paula
silvassa again I'm a liar became me
and for a long time it was me
again I was canceled I was canceled long
before even cancel culture was a thing
now cancel culture in our time is
described as ostracizing a person
through various platforms whether it be
social media or in person but I was a
victim of both I was constantly confused
between the line
where Paula and Amelia ended was I
really am a liar girl
am I a liar maybe at one point I did
become I'm a liar and everyone was
calling me that at all the time to a
point where I started to wonder whether
or if Paula ever even existed I started
also to doubt myself you know slaving
away and giving into thoughts and it
made me doubt myself maybe I was really
a liar or maybe I really am I'm a liar
so as a result I became more hostile
more aggressive
impatient and selfish to my own selfish
desires or
labels you know they have
the power
to do that
compelling you compelling someone to
doubt themselves to doubt their own
identities and at that point the
infamous label Amelia girl became mine
and mine alone everyone knew who I was
the I'm a liar girl who am a liar was
in that moment we were one and the same
and I remember thinking
I'm I'm a liar girl and I'm a liar girl
is me and it was so hard to accept that
identity and to this day I'm still
critiqued
I'm still judged
and I'm still talked about
because once many people have their eyes
on you
you have haters
you have critiques and people have all
these preconceived notions about you
we have expectations and they have
Brands and labels
who they expected and the liar to be
you know it's one thing to dislike the
person beside you
whether it be your family or friend
but it's another thing entirely to this
like yourself so much more to the point
that you'd like to leave yourself behind
and that's exactly how I felt
I remember desperately that I wanted to
go to a Farber place to a Faraway place
where no one knows my name and never
come back
because at least
at least no one knew me
and they wouldn't have any expectations
or preconceived notions about me and
for a long time I felt robbed of that
a life of normalcy a life of Peace where
people just like me or dislike me for me
a life of Brothers blending into the
crowd without Amelia smeared all over
it's so idealistic to say the least
and so I knew it would be impossible
to erase people's memories of of that
incident so I made an active decision to
heal myself
at first I buried myself in work and so
I became a youth pastor
treating to God for guidance in my
hardships
and my struggles and I preached became
devoted to the church and believed
myself to be healed from the trauma
because all of because of all of that
I thought the Ministries and the
preachers meant I was healed and that I
was
compete again or hold again I thought
the void at Malaya left could be could
be filled by God's grace by all this
work
for moments time I thought I was okay
soon after I spiraled down again
and I realized I wasn't healed as I
thought I was
I thought I could just
I could just pray this trauma away or
scripture memorize this trauma away and
I'm just bury it under me but that
wasn't the case
my grades and my mental health
drastically but they both declined and
my professor at that time advised me to
seek professional help
and so I did
and you know that's when they realized
that
healing is not instantaneous
it does not happen overnight just
because you bury it deep inside you
rather healing is unintentional and
deliberate process that you have to take
it one step at a time and you have to
mean it
you have to take every step of this way
waking up every day and deciding for
yourself that you want to heal
it was a discovery for me learning that
healing is actually a journey learning
that the process of healings means going
through the dark days
highs and the lows and it doesn't make
you less of a good person
realizing that healing isn't linear
and sometimes the only one that can help
you
is yourself
so gradually I became more and more
intentional about healing
I learned how to be kinder
not just to myself but to other people
as well I learned the importance of
self-awareness and celebrating my small
victories and breakthroughs and the four
big steps that I took were these
self-regulation self-talk
self-confidence and finally
self-appreciation
I learned to accept my flaws and my
failures along with my whole self with
the way I am because of course all of us
have parts of ourselves
that are ugly
that aren't exactly perfect and I think
one of the most important parts of
healing is being able to accept this or
these
ugly parts
I will admit it was a challenge
being able to accept
I'm a liar girl but at the same time how
can I deny that she's a part of me
a bad moment is
only a moment it doesn't Define who you
are and it certainly doesn't dictate the
rest of your life
you know my psychiatrist once told me
that
in this difficult world you need to Pat
yourself on the back and appreciate
yourself because you don't need all this
negativity
I was able to finally reconcile
reconcile with Myself by accepting that
those people who Cyber Bullied me you
know whatever they said doesn't really
matter
they don't know me what really matters
is what my loved ones think about me
what those in my inner circle think
about me those people who Cyber Bullied
me if they don't even have weight on my
life their hate definitely doesn't
Define me
and that their opinion of me that's
their opinion of me
but it's not my reality
I'm a liar girl yes it was a phase it
was a part of me
but she is not me
I apologize
not a liar but I am
is resilient I see purpose in all my
pain and like the common saying mentions
toughest diamonds are formed under
pressure
no one wants to be I'm a liar I bet you
won't you don't want that right but
after everything that I face I have
found that even if I Could Turn Back
Time
I wouldn't change the thing because I'm
a liar girl along with all my traits and
flaws made me the person that I am today
these all make me stand before you
proudly as Paula silvassa
Cheryl I don't know if any of you guys
know
but that girl in the picture
is me
that's also me
I know that I've come a long way
from the one so-called Amalia girl to
the current Paula salvasa learning to
overcome your fear giving yourself some
compassion isn't a one time task
but a practice
just as healing is
it's actually a lifelong journey full of
bumpy roads and ups and downs but a path
that you have to take to fully accept
your highs and your lows
who you are as a person and during this
journey I was able to reconnect with
Paula salvosa and reconcile with the
fact that I'm a liar girl will always be
a part of me not entirely though
and that's through forgiving
and accepting Amelia girl I was able to
disconnect
from hate
from the pressure
from the anger
from all the regrets that I had before
my relationship with myself has improved
and now I believe I'm stronger and
happier than ever
so to all of you out there please
remember this your past does not define
your future
we all make mistakes
and we all have our bad days
and just because you had one bad day it
doesn't make you a bad person
the way people Define you doesn't
actually matter unless that is how you
see yourself so will your bad day may
not be caught on camera the way mine was
or like mine was I hope that you can
have a little bit more of compassion
with others with yourself of course
don't judge someone based on one bad
moment and be more understanding
because one bad moment doesn't Define
Who You Are and neither should it Define
anyone else
and that concludes my TED Talk
[Applause]
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