You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation

Summary

The video explains Deborah Tannen's book *You Just Don’t Understand*, which explores the differences in communication styles between men and women. Women excel in emotional communication, focusing on connection and intimacy, while men use report-style communication to maintain status and independence. Misunderstandings in relationships often arise from these differing approaches. The video emphasizes that understanding and adapting to these styles can improve relationships, both personal and professional, and offers insights into how communication shapes interactions in everyday life.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ Men and women often use different communication styles, which can lead to misunderstandings in both intimate relationships and everyday interactions.
• 👥 Women excel at emotional communication, focusing on intimacy and connection, while men tend to be better at report-style communication, focusing on independence and status.
• 📖 Deborah Tannen, a sociolinguist, explored these gender differences through research, and her book remained a bestseller for eight months, helping many couples improve their relationships.
• 💬 Emotional communication is centered on sharing feelings and matching experiences, often seen as a way to strengthen relationships, especially in private conversations.
• 📢 Report-style communication is used to convey information, demonstrate knowledge, and establish status, often preferred in public or hierarchical settings.
• 🧠 Men and women develop these communication patterns during childhood, with boys maintaining emotional connections through conflict and competition, and girls building bonds through conversation.
• 👩‍❤️‍👨 In relationships, men using report-style communication may be seen as insensitive by women, who tend to prioritize emotional connection and empathy in conversations.
• 👨‍🏫 In public or professional settings, men often take the lead in speaking, while women may hesitate to express their opinions, fearing judgment or criticism.
• 😊 Emotional communication helps create stronger interpersonal connections, especially in one-on-one situations, but can sometimes place an emotional burden on others if overused.
• 🏡 The concept of 'home' differs by gender: men may see it as a place of silence and freedom from communication, while women often view it as a space for meaningful, intimate conversations.

Q & A

What is the main idea of the book 'You Just Don't Understand' by Deborah Tannen?

The book explains how men and women have different communication styles, with men often using 'report-style' communication to establish status and women using 'emotional communication' to build intimacy. These differences can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in personal and social interactions.

How does emotional communication differ from report-style communication?

Emotional communication, which women often excel at, focuses on expressing feelings and building connections, while report-style communication, more common among men, emphasizes delivering information and establishing status.

What is one advantage of report-style communication?

An advantage of report-style communication is that it allows individuals to gain attention, prestige, and influence, especially in public settings like the workplace or social events.

What is a disadvantage of emotional communication?

A disadvantage of emotional communication is that it can place an emotional burden on others, especially in personal relationships, where constant expression of worries or concerns might overwhelm the listener.

What stereotype about men and humor does the book explain?

The book addresses the stereotype that men believe women lack a sense of humor. In reality, women often tell jokes in more private, intimate settings, whereas men use jokes in public situations to establish dominance or control.

How do men and women typically form friendships during childhood?

Girls often form friendships through conversation and emotional connections, while boys establish bonds through conflict and competition, such as sports or debates. These patterns shape their adult communication styles.

Why do men tend to avoid eye contact during conversations?

Men often interpret eye contact as either hostile or having sexual implications, so they may avoid it to reduce awkwardness. Their engagement is more reflected in body language than direct eye contact.

How can women improve their communication in the workplace according to Deborah Tannen?

Tannen suggests that women should assert themselves in public settings, speak without waiting for an invitation, and be more willing to interrupt when necessary. This approach helps overcome the dominance of report-style communication in the workplace.

What impact does report-style communication have on customer service?

In customer service, report-style communication can be detrimental when the speaker uses technical language or emphasizes superiority, making the customer feel inferior or unintelligent, as seen in the example of Martha and the male salesperson.

What advice does Deborah Tannen offer to improve communication in intimate relationships?

Tannen advises men to practice empathy when women share personal details, as these conversations are often meant to build connection rather than seek solutions. Similarly, women should recognize that men may find constant emotional sharing overwhelming.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Understanding Gender Communication Styles

The opening of the script introduces the concept that men and women often face communication difficulties in intimate relationships, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and even breakups. Deborah Tannen's book explores the 'gender dialect' between the sexes, with women excelling in emotional communication and men in report-style communication. Tannen, a sociolinguist, researched how men and women express their thoughts and emotions differently, and how recognizing these differences can improve relationships. The book is framed as a guide for navigating communication challenges in both personal and social settings.

05:00

👩‍❤️‍👨 Emotional vs. Report-Style Communication

This section delves deeper into two distinct communication styles: emotional communication, typically used by women, and report-style communication, more common among men. Emotional communication focuses on building emotional connections, while report-style communication aims to establish status and independence. Tannen argues that men and women use these styles to pursue different goals in conversation, with women seeking intimacy and men seeking to maintain independence. Outstanding communicators can use both styles effectively depending on the situation.

10:02

👥 Childhood Influence on Communication Patterns

The text explains how communication patterns are learned during childhood, with girls using conversation to strengthen friendships and boys bonding through conflict, competition, and sports. These early communication styles become more ingrained as they grow older, influencing how men and women interact in friendships and relationships. Men focus on hierarchical social structures, while women prioritize intimacy and emotional connections. The gendered communication styles are part of deeply rooted socialization from childhood.

15:03

💼 Advantages of Report-Style Communication

The script discusses the advantages of report-style communication, which is typically more suited for public settings, such as workplace meetings or community events. Men who use this style, like Stuart, excel in public speaking and are more likely to command attention and influence. However, this comes with challenges in private settings where their communication style may seem distant or unengaged. Tannen argues that in situations of status or attention, men tend to become more eloquent, often leading to misunderstandings with women who prefer emotional communication.

20:04

😂 The Role of Humor in Gender Communication

This paragraph highlights how humor plays into report-style communication, with men often using jokes to gain status and demonstrate intelligence in public settings. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to share jokes with close friends as part of emotional bonding. The pressure of telling jokes in public may cause women to avoid humor in unfamiliar social situations, creating a perception that women are less humorous. This is due to differences in the way humor is used to establish social connections and control.

🛑 Limitations of Report-Style Communication

The section explores the limitations of report-style communication, particularly in customer service or intimate settings. An example is given of a male salesperson who overwhelms a female customer with technical jargon, making her feel incompetent. This highlights how report-style communication can be unhelpful and even harmful in settings where empathy and clarity are more important than showcasing expertise. The script also touches on how men’s challenging style in academic discussions can create hostility rather than productive engagement.

👀 Emotional Communication in Relationships

The focus shifts to emotional communication and its advantages in one-on-one interactions, especially in intimate relationships or customer service scenarios. A female salesperson helps Martha, a computer buyer, by simplifying technical jargon and ensuring she feels understood, showing how emotional communication fosters rapport and mutual understanding. The section emphasizes that emotional communication builds bonds by minimizing gaps between people and helping each other feel supported, contrasting it with the distancing effect of report-style communication.

💬 Challenges of Emotional Communication

This part discusses the potential downsides of emotional communication, such as placing an emotional burden on others. A man shares his experience of being overwhelmed by his girlfriend's constant emotional sharing, which led to feelings of exhaustion and frustration. While emotional communication can build closeness, it can also unintentionally strain relationships when one partner feels pressured to respond emotionally. Tannen advises emotionally communicative individuals to be mindful of how their words impact others.

📢 Women’s Voices in the Workplace

Tannen reflects on the dynamics of emotional vs. report-style communication in the workplace, where report-style communication tends to dominate, favoring men. She argues that women should learn to adopt some elements of report-style communication, such as speaking up without waiting to be invited. Conversely, men should understand that women may feel less comfortable using report-style communication in professional settings. The section advocates for more balanced communication strategies that consider both styles' strengths.

🏡 The Concept of 'Home' in Communication

The script concludes by exploring how men and women view the concept of 'home' differently in terms of communication. For many men, home is a place where they can finally be silent and avoid the pressures of public communication. For women, home represents a space where they can express themselves freely and engage in heart-to-heart conversations with loved ones. The section encourages readers to think about how they can create a more comfortable environment for their family members through communication.

Keywords

💡Emotional communication

Emotional communication refers to the way individuals, especially women, use language to express care and foster intimacy. The focus is on sharing feelings and ensuring that both the speaker and the listener are emotionally connected. In the script, it is explained that women excel in emotional communication, often using it to build relationships and coordinate emotional bonds.

💡Report style communication

Report style communication is a direct, often factual way of communicating, aimed at asserting independence, establishing status, or sharing knowledge. This style, typically associated with men, focuses on delivering information rather than building emotional connections. The script mentions that men tend to excel in report style communication, using it in public settings to showcase knowledge or attract attention.

💡Gender dialect

Gender dialect refers to the differences in communication styles between men and women. This concept highlights that men and women often use different 'languages' or logic in conversations, which can lead to misunderstandings. In the video, the book by Deborah Tannen explores how these gender dialects play a significant role in intimate relationships and workplace dynamics.

💡Intimacy

Intimacy is the emotional closeness that women often aim to build through communication. Women use language as a tool to foster intimate bonds and to ensure that both parties feel emotionally connected. In contrast, men may not prioritize intimacy in their communication. This difference in goals can cause misunderstandings, as explained in the script.

💡Status

Status refers to a central aspect of communication for men, where language is used to establish or reinforce their position in a social hierarchy. The script points out that men, through report style communication, often aim to assert dominance or independence, using language to solidify their status in both public and intimate settings.

💡Misunderstandings

Misunderstandings occur when men and women fail to recognize or adapt to each other's communication styles. The script explains that men’s focus on status and independence can clash with women’s emphasis on emotional connection, leading to arguments, resentment, or even relationship breakdowns.

💡Public versus private communication

Public communication, typically associated with men, involves speaking in front of larger groups, where the goal is to command attention and assert dominance. Private communication, more aligned with women, involves intimate, one-on-one exchanges, where the goal is emotional connection. The script illustrates these differences using the example of a couple where the man thrives in public settings while the woman is more comfortable in private settings.

💡Childhood communication patterns

Childhood communication patterns are the behaviors and language styles that boys and girls learn from a young age, which later shape their adult communication styles. The script explains that girls use conversation to build relationships, while boys often bond through conflict, competition, or hierarchical interactions, reinforcing the distinct adult communication styles of men and women.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, which is crucial in emotional communication. The script emphasizes that empathy helps bridge the gap between men and women’s communication styles. For instance, men who can engage in empathetic listening are better able to connect with women who use emotional communication.

💡Workplace dynamics

Workplace dynamics refer to how different communication styles play out in professional settings, where report style communication often dominates. The script points out that women may struggle in workplaces that favor assertive, status-driven communication, but both men and women can benefit by adapting their styles to the context and understanding each other’s approach.

Highlights

Men and women have different purposes for communication: women focus on building connections through emotional communication, while men use language to establish status through report-style communication.

Emotional communication, which women excel at, is focused on expressing care and sharing feelings, helping to build intimacy and mutual understanding.

Report-style communication, typically used by men, is focused on maintaining independence and using speech to showcase knowledge or skills in a public setting.

Outstanding communicators often use both emotional and report-style communication depending on the context, allowing them to navigate both intimate and public settings effectively.

Communication styles are learned early in life: girls often use conversation to strengthen relationships, while boys connect through competition and conflict.

In public settings, men often dominate conversations and are more likely to ask questions or showcase their knowledge, while women may avoid the spotlight.

Humor is often misunderstood across genders: men may believe women lack humor because women reserve jokes for intimate conversations, not public settings.

Report-style communication, while beneficial for gaining influence and attention, can feel cold or condescending in private settings, leading to misunderstandings.

Emotional communication is well-suited for one-on-one interactions, fostering a sense of support and understanding, particularly in customer service settings.

Men may interpret emotional communication as overbearing or trivial, leading to feelings of frustration or exhaustion when constantly asked to validate emotions.

Emotional communication can place a heavy emotional burden on others if not moderated, leading to strain in relationships.

In the workplace, the dominance of report-style communication may silence women's voices, but women can gain influence by adopting report-style strategies without sacrificing their natural communication strengths.

Tannen encourages women to speak up boldly in public and work settings, where report-style communication is often dominant, in order to ensure their voices are heard.

Men may instinctively avoid eye contact in conversations, seeing it as confrontational, while women value eye contact as a sign of engagement and connection.

Home holds different meanings: for men, it’s a place of silence and respite from public competition, while for women, it’s a space for open, heart-to-heart communication.

Transcripts

foreign

[Music]

book for you is you just don't

understand women and men in conversation

complaints like you just don't get me

frequently occur in Intimate

Relationships and we might feel that men

and women sometimes seem like two highly

different species struggling to

communicate with each other small issues

can lead to arguments and resentment

while larger ones can result in breakups

or divorces this book points out that

there exists a gender dialect between

the Sexes with men and women using

different language Logics women tend to

be better at emotional communication one

then tend to excel at report style

communication which often leads to

misunderstandings in their conversations

the book's author Deborah Tannen is a

renowned American sociolinguist to write

this book she conducted extensive

research and observed the thought

processes and expression logic of both

sexes the book remained on the New York

Times bestseller list for eight months

has been translated into 31 languages

and received much feedback many readers

claim that this book has saved their

marriages to a certain extent for

Intimate Relationships you can treat

this book as a communication guide

between you and your partner in terms of

social life you can gain insight into

the principles behind misunderstandings

and hostility in everyday life and work

effectively adjusting your mindset and

smoothing out your relationships with

others next I will interpret this book

for you in three parts first let's get

to know two distinct communication

Styles emotional communication and

Report style communication in the second

and third Parts I will take you through

a deeper understanding of these

communication Styles examining their

respective strengths and limitations in

different scenarios so during the

following 20-minute talk I strongly

recommend you do two things first please

follow my narration to identify your own

communication style second I invite you

to set aside your emotions put yourself

self in the other person's shoes and

familiarize yourself with the

communication style you are not

accustomed to I believe that after 20

minutes you will have gained a deeper

insight into communication let's get

started part one of the core idea of

this book were to be summarized in one

sentence it would be men and women have

different purposes for talking and

communicating which is an important

reason for the failure of communication

between the Sexes generally women use

language to build connections focusing

more on intimacy and excelling in

emotional communication men on the other

hand use language to establish status

pursuing Independence and are often

better at report style communication

let's look at them one by one first

let's examine emotional communication

which women are generally better at the

purpose of emotional communication is to

express care for others with the focus

on the feelings of both parties the

speaker shares their own feelings while

so considering the listeners feelings

the author offers a simple judgment

method if you feel at ease when speaking

privately your communication style is

likely emotional communication emotional

communication is often a communication

style when an excellent as the name

suggests emotional communication sees

conversation as a means to build

emotional connections and coordinate

relationships with the emphasis on

showcasing similarities and matching

experiences between the two parties even

in the most public settings women May

organize their speeches using intimate

exchanges based on sharing their own

experiences next let's look at report

style communication which men are

generally better at the purpose of

report style communication is to

maintain one's Independence and freedom

those accustomed to report style

communication are skilled it's using

speech to attract others attention if

you feel more comfortable when speaking

publicly your communication style likely

leans towards report style communication

report style communication is often what

men X selling for most men in a

hierarchical social order languages used

to maintain Independence negotiate and

uphold status Metamora accustomed to

showcasing their Knowledge and Skills

through verbal expression such as

telling stories making jokes and

imparting information to become the

center of attention in a crowd even in

the most intimate settings they might

deliver a report as if they were

speaking publicly so do women who are

accustomed to report style communication

and men who are better at using

emotional communication exist of course

they do moreover outstanding

communicators almost always use both

communication strategies for example a

male psychologist might be closer to

emotional communication compared to his

previous communication style quickly

winning the trust of others due to his

warmth and empathy meanwhile a Confident

Woman or one engage in business

management and public speaking will

skillfully use the logic of report Style

communication her words will be not only

infectious but also authoritative

however overall there is a clear

tendency for women and men to have

distinct speaking Logics if someone

wants to make friends and establish

friendly relationships with those around

them men often focus on whether they

hold a higher position in the group's

hierarchical structure with friendly

relationships serving as a means to

greater power on the other hand women

pay attention to whether the occupier a

more Central position in the intimate

network with friendly relationships

being the goal in and of itself in fact

these speaking styles for men and women

are learned during childhood when they

develop friendships with their same-sex

peers for girls conversation serves as

the glue that strengthens relationships

and they may exclude children who are

very different from them boys on the

other hand maintain emotional

connections through conflict which may

involve fighting or engaging in

competitive Sports when discussing

certain activities they also Prof for

topics filled with conflict such as

Sports and politics as men and women

grow older these communication patterns

are further Consolidated in their

friendships with their same-sex peers

part two in the first part we have

roughly understood the differences

between the two communication modes in

the second part we will focus on the

reporting style communication that men

tend to use more often let's first look

at the advantages of reporting style

communication there is a relatively

loving couple with the husband Stuart

being reporting style communicator and

the wife Rebecca being an emotional

style Communicator in private settings

Stewart is silent while Rebecca talks

non-stop but in public settings the

situation reverses Whenever there are

parent meetings or Community Committee

events Stuart is always the one to step

up and speak Rebecca avoids speaking

like an ostrich as she imagines that

others might not like what she says or

they might find her voice unpleasant and

she doesn't like being judged if she

gathers the courage to say something she

needs time to organize her thoughts and

waits to be called upon she doesn't want

to put herself in the center of the

stage subject to the scrutiny of the

audience meanwhile the previously silent

Stewart can stand up directly and calmly

say what he thinks in front of a group

of strangers in using speech to attract

the attention of others many more Adept

than women which is also the core

difference between reporting style and

emotional style communication the

benefits of being good at reporting

style communication are obvious you can

gain stronger influence be quickly

noticed and gain Prestige and influence

in school the workplace or even in

social activities Stuart is not an

exception indeed men tend to be the

first to ask questions during the queue

and a session after a speech and their

speaking frequency is also higher in

private settings men may feel that women

are more trivial the fewer the listeners

the more familiar the people with each

other and the more the status of the

listeners and speakers the more it

resembles emotional style Communication

in public settings women may feel that

men are a bit boastful this is because

the more people involved in the

conversation the more unfamiliar they

are with each other and the greater the

status difference between the listener

and the speaker the closer the

conversation is to reporting style

communication which is the speaking

style men are accustomed to in

situations where men feel their status

is being challenged or need to deter the

crowd they become eloquent and talk

incessantly the author believes that

this reasoning can also explain a

stereotype many men think that women

lack a sense of humor and hardly ever

tell jokes in reality it's not that

women don't tell jokes but that men

don't hear those jokes because women are

used to intimate emotional style

communication and don't tell jokes to

unfamiliar people women prefer to tell

jokes to their same-sex friends as it's

part of the private information shared

between close friends the essence of

telling jokes is actually a form of

self-display requiring the speaker to

seize the center stage and demonstrate

their abilities with the pressure not

unlike making a public speech men are

more familiar with establishing

connections by entertaining others

furthermore the person telling the joke

is the speaker and others are the

listeners particularly when joking about

someone it's an act that places oneself

in a higher position demonstrating the

ability to be an informed and

controlling party making others laugh

gives you the temporary power to

suppress them in the moment of laughter

a person is temporarily incapacitated

Sometimes some men would choose not to

laugh in situations that may or may not

be funny to show Authority and hostility

women accustomed to emotional style

communication are reluctance to tell

jokes to men because doing so would give

men an opportunity to judge them if the

male listener Remains stone-faced the

joke teller loses face which in the eyes

of women is not what it however the

problem is that if women are always

accustomed to playing the role of the

listener and never the joke teller this

inequality in public settings will

continue to spread and women will

increasingly use their voice becoming a

character who only smiles nods and

applauds next let's look at the

limitations of reporting style

communication for example Martha bought

a computer and the male salesperson

guiding her made her feel like the

dumbest person in the world he used

various technical terms to explain

things and she had to stop and ask what

each term meant asking questions made

her feel incompetent and his answers

were impatient he seemed to be

constantly emphasizing one message I am

an expert I am smart you don't

understand you are dumb you're inferior

to me in the end Martha left in a panic

this interaction left a shadow on Martha

and the male salesperson didn't really

explain how to use the computer at all

this male salesperson is obviously

someone accustomed to reporting style

communication using his speech to show

that he possesses more information

knowledge or skills and is on the

Advantage side however in a customer

service setting doing so is very foolish

and unprofessional as a subject matter

expert the author Tannen mentioned her

feelings during academic exchanges

feeling that male students questions

were always aggressive through

interviews she discovered that juman men

often think it's natural to challenge an

expert and they try to undermine her

Authority by questioning tannin said

that although this questioning and

challenging can express a kind of

respect and even be constructive for

academic exchanges the problem is that

when she feels challenged and attacked

she doesn't want to give any answers and

refuses to play the game of academic

wrestling tannen's experience serves as

a wake-up call for those who only use

reporting style communication the

expressions of respect and disgust can

sometimes be very similar some sometimes

when no one wants to refute someone it

may not be out of respect but rather

because they are repelled or afraid of

them in Intimate Relationships men's

reporting style communication is often

interpreted by women who are generally

more Adept at expressing their feelings

as being insensitive this leads to men

often having less say an intimate

relationship communication Talon's

advice is when facing someone who uses

emotional style communication please

understand that when they are sharing

the details of their life or even past

pains it is their way of trying to

express friendliness towards you what

you need to do is simple look at the

other person listen carefully use

empathy to actively seek similarities

between you and don't rush to teach them

we just mentioned one point looking at

the other person why do men need to pay

particular attention to this it's

because men often instinctively

interpret eye contact as hostility and

sexual implications compared to women

men in conversation tends to look

elsewhere appearing less engaged which

may be their way of avoiding awkwardness

men's engagement is reflected in body

language rather than eye contact they

are more accustomed to performing

similar actions in the same direction as

someone they like at the same time like

two swans preening their feathers they

may seem to be ignoring each other but

they are actually mirroring each other's

actions in a synchronized Rhythm to show

we are friends part 3 now that we have

covered reporting style communication

let's take a look at emotional style

communication first let's understand the

advantages of emotional style

communication emotional style

communication is not limited to

interactions among friends and family it

is the best approach for one-on-one

communication between strangers do you

remember the story of Martha from

earlier Martha bought a computer in the

mail salesperson intentionally or

unintentionally made her feel in

inferior fortunately the story didn't

end there a few days later Martha

gathered the courage to return to the

store for help and this time a female

salesperson assisted her the female

salesperson was very friendly avoided

using technical jargon and whenever it

appeared she immediately explained it in

the simplest and clearest terms making

sure Martha could keep up this female

salesperson may have been a professional

service provider but it's also possible

that her behavior was due to her years

of experience communicating with others

women tend to Value interpersonal

relationships more and they are

motivated to minimize the gap between

their own and others Professional

Knowledge and Skills making every effort

to help us understand them this way they

convey The Meta communication of I

support you rather than I disdain you

for those accustomed to emotional style

communication the purpose of dialogue is

to maintain similarity between people

and sharing knowledge helps balance the

scores between both parties they feel

stronger and more satisfied when they

realize they have helped others and

their Community or group becomes

stronger emotional style communication

believes that conversation is for

building emotional connections and

coordinating relationships with an

emphasis on highlighting similarities

and matching experiences between both

parties as a result women are often the

core force in maintaining a large family

next let's look at the disadvantages of

emotional style communication emotional

style communication May impose too heavy

and emotional burden on others a man in

a relationship was tormented because his

girlfriend talked too much he said I

feel that my fleeting thoughts are

meaningless and so are those of others

this is what happened at the beginning

of their relationship his girlfriend

constantly expressed her worries and

fears questioning whether she could

trust him if she would lose herself in

the relationship whether it was suitable

for her and so on the man felt that his

girlfriend was talking too much and that

she should keep these doubts to herself

and wait to see how things would unfold

in fact they got along very well and his

girlfriend was satisfied but he was left

with lingering issues he was constantly

exhausted trying to explain and prove

himself to address his girlfriend's

concerns feeling like yo tied to her

Consciousness bouncing around and

feeling dizzy he believed that her habit

of casually sharing her fleeting

thoughts had permanently damaged their

relationship for women who constantly

confide in their Partners it's crucial

to recognize that they may be

underestimating the impact of their

words on their significant others men

are not invincible and they can be hurt

by women's words too sometimes men may

appear no more indifferent in

communication because women repeatedly

use emotionally charged language to

pressure them by the way it's suddenly

apparent that this case is memorable

because the man uncharacteristically

used emotional style communication to

express his own pain which is rare among

men lastly Tannen offers advice for

those who use emotional style

communication as a woman she believes

that the key to change lies within women

themselves the media has criticized how

men dominate meetings and women's voices

are not valued in the workplace however

Tannen thinks that men are innocent in

this regard as the primary reason is

that the workplace is a setting for

reporting style communication which

naturally favors men but she Advocates

that both men and women who are more

accustomed to emotional style

communication can force themselves to

speak up without invitation without

seeking a certain level of politeness

and women can certainly interrupt others

boldly adjustments shouldn't be

one-sided though men should also

understand that in the workplace women

might be using a communication style

they are not accustomed to this is not

easy to do as we often believe there is

only one right way to do things which is

not the case both communication Styles

have their limitations and advantages

the key is for both parties in a

conversation to try to understand each

other rather than measuring the other

person's Behavior against their own

standards conclusion well that's where

our interpretation of the essence of

this Begins the advantage of being good

at reporting style communication is that

you can gain more influence whether in

school the workplace or even in social

activities quickly gaining Prestige and

influence the downside is that reporting

style communication can seem cold or

intimidating in one or one private

conversations and less friendly for

those skilled in reporting style

communication it is important to improve

their empathy appropriately respond to

the other person's topics and seek

similarities between both parties the

advantage of being good at emotional

style communication is that groups and

others often provide tremendous support

for you allowing you to receive help

from more people and help more people in

return the downside is that emotional

style communication might lead you to

overly value feelings which can be a

significant emotional drain for both you

and those around you ultimately harming

everyone's feelings for those skilled in

a emotional style communication the most

important thing is to enhance their

influence within the group raise their

voice and be willing to express

differing opinions through this book we

can understand that communication may be

a bit complex but it's not difficult to

grasp and is worth her effort to

understand each seemingly

incomprehensible behavior and

communication pattern has a reasonable

logic behind it and we can empathize

with those around us and unite more

people through communication lastly I

want to share with you the most

inspiring point from the book Tannen

believes that from a communication

perspective the concept of Home has

different meanings for men and women for

many men who means they don't have to

use words to intimidate others and gain

power they finally arrive at a place

where no one demands them to speak and

they finally have the freedom to be

silent however for many women home is a

place where they can freely Express

themselves where they want to have

heart-to-heart conversations with their

loved ones the comfort of home lies in

their ability to speak freely without

worrying about being judged let's start

with the people around us based on this

definition how can you make your family

members feel more comfortable and happy

feel free to discuss this in the

comments section well that's the essence

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