Is My Skin Brown Because I Drank Chocolate Milk? | Beverly Daniel Tatum | TEDxStanford

Summary

In this compelling speech, the speaker addresses the importance of discussing race with children. She shares personal anecdotes of her son's early experiences with race-related questions and the challenges of explaining complex racial issues to young children. The speaker emphasizes the need to foster open dialogue, correct misconceptions, and instill pride in one's heritage while also acknowledging the painful history of slavery and resistance. She encourages educators and parents to engage in these conversations to shape a more inclusive future.

Takeaways

• 🧒 Early Race-Related Memories: People often have early memories related to race, usually from grade school, associated with emotions like confusion, anxiety, fear, embarrassment, sadness, and shame.
• 🗣️ Lack of Conversation: Many people do not discuss their early race-related experiences with adults, possibly due to an unspoken rule that race is not a topic to be discussed.
• 👶 Children's Curiosity: Young children are naturally curious about differences, including race, and often ask questions that reflect their misunderstandings or societal biases.
• 👩‍🏫 Teachers' Dilemma: Teachers often struggle with how to address questions about race and physical differences in the classroom, sometimes resorting to selective inattention.
• 👩‍👦 Parental Response: Parents also find it challenging to discuss race with their children, often responding with embarrassment or silence rather than education.
• 🌈 Colorblind vs. Color Silent: The desire to be colorblind can lead to color silence, where children learn not to talk about race, which can perpetuate misunderstandings.
• 🗨️ Importance of Dialogue: Open conversations about race are crucial for children to understand and challenge societal norms and biases.
• 👦 Jonathan's Experience: The speaker's son, Jonathan, had a preschool conversation about skin color that led to a discussion about melanin and the natural variation in skin tones.
• 🏪 Grocery Store Encounter: A scenario involving a mother and daughter in a grocery store highlights how children can innocently express biased views, requiring careful parental guidance.
• 📚 Historical Context: The speaker emphasizes the importance of providing historical context when discussing race, including the resistance and resilience of enslaved Africans, and the role of white allies.
• 🌟 Positive Affirmation: It's important to affirm children's identities and instill pride in their heritage while discussing race and history.

Q & A

What is the significance of early race-related memories in the script?

Early race-related memories are significant because they often carry strong emotions such as confusion, anxiety, fear, embarrassment, sadness, or shame. These emotions can shape a person's understanding and attitude towards race and are often not discussed with adults, leading to a lack of conversation and understanding.

Why did the speaker's son, Jonathan, think his skin was brown because of drinking chocolate milk?

Jonathan, being a preschooler, had not yet learned about melanin and made a connection based on his own experiences and observations. He associated the color of his skin with the color of chocolate milk, which he had seen turn skin temporarily brown.

What did the speaker do when her son asked about the color of his skin?

The speaker explained to her son that his skin color was due to melanin and that everyone has some, even if it's not visible. She used the example of Eddie getting a tan to illustrate that skin color can change.

Why did the teacher not address the issue of physical differences in the classroom?

The teacher may not have addressed the issue because it hadn't come up in a way she was aware of, or she might have been unsure of how to handle the conversation. It's also possible that she practiced selective inattention, choosing to ignore conversations that she didn't know how to address.

What is 'color silent' as mentioned in the script?

'Color silent' refers to the phenomenon where children learn not to talk about race or skin color, often due to a lack of guidance or discomfort from adults when such topics arise.

How did the speaker handle her son's confusion about being called 'black'?

The speaker clarified that 'black' is a term used to describe African Americans and that it doesn't literally mean the color black. She emphasized the pride in being African American and the diversity of skin tones within the community.

What was the speaker's approach to discussing slavery with her young son?

The speaker approached the topic by reassuring her son that slavery was in the past and not something to worry about. She emphasized resistance and rebellion, highlighting that not all white people supported slavery and that there were allies who fought against it.

Why did the speaker choose to discuss slavery with her son?

The speaker chose to discuss slavery to provide historical context and to address her son's confusion about being African American. She wanted to ensure he understood the past and felt proud of his heritage.

What was the speaker's son's reaction to the discussion about slavery?

The son was curious and asked questions, such as why people didn't return to Africa after slavery was abolished. His reaction showed a desire to understand his heritage and the history of his people.

What is the importance of having conversations about race according to the speaker?

The speaker emphasizes that conversations about race are crucial for changing the future. She believes that silence will not help, and it's important to discuss these topics, even with young children, to foster understanding and break the cycle of avoidance.

Outlines

00:00

👶 Early Race-Related Memories and Their Impact

The speaker begins by asking the audience to reflect on their earliest memory related to race, considering the age at which these memories occur and the emotions attached to them. They note that many people have early memories from grade school associated with negative emotions like confusion, anxiety, fear, and shame. The speaker then discusses the importance of discussing these experiences with adults, but acknowledges that many people do not, suggesting an early learned silence about race. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about their son's experience in preschool, where he was told his skin was brown because he drank chocolate milk, and the subsequent conversation they had about melanin and skin color. The speaker also raises questions about how educators and parents address conversations about race, suggesting that often these conversations are avoided or not addressed adequately.

05:02

🗣️ The Challenge of Discussing Race with Children

The speaker continues by discussing the difficulty many parents and educators face when talking about race with children. They provide an example of a mother who might be embarrassed by her child's innocent but incorrect observation about a person's skin color and how she might not know how to respond. The speaker then shares a personal story of her son Jonathan asking if he was black and the conversation they had about the term 'black' and its relation to African Americans. The speaker emphasizes the importance of explaining race in a way that is both simple and accurate, while also addressing the potential for children to internalize negative messages about their race. The conversation with Jonathan also touches on the history of slavery and the speaker's approach to explaining this complex and painful history to a young child in a way that is age-appropriate and emphasizes resistance and allyship.

10:04

🌟 The Importance of Conversations About Race

In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the importance of having conversations about race, even when they are difficult or uncomfortable. They recount a conversation with their son about the history of slavery, emphasizing the need to reassure children that such injustices are part of the past and that they are not personally at risk. The speaker also highlights the need to discuss resistance and the role of allies in overcoming historical injustices. They conclude by stressing that silence will not help change the future and that open conversations, even with young children, are crucial for progress. The speaker acknowledges the privilege of working with educators and the challenges they face in discussing this painful history, and they encourage the audience to engage in these conversations as a way to shape a better future.

Keywords

💡Race-related memory

A race-related memory refers to an individual's earliest recollection involving racial or ethnic differences. In the video, the speaker prompts the audience to reflect on their initial encounters with race, which often elicit strong emotions like confusion or fear. These memories are significant as they shape one's understanding and attitudes towards race and diversity.

💡Melanin

Melanin is a natural pigment found in the skin, hair, and eyes that determines skin color. The video uses the example of the speaker's son being told that his brown skin is due to drinking chocolate milk, to which she corrects him by explaining that it's because of melanin. This term is crucial as it debunks misconceptions about race and skin color.

💡Colorblind

The term 'colorblind' is used to describe an approach to race where individuals claim not to see or acknowledge racial differences. However, the speaker points out that this can lead to 'color silence', where children learn not to discuss race, which might suppress important conversations about diversity and inclusion.

💡Selective inattention

Selective inattention refers to the act of deliberately ignoring or not acknowledging certain conversations or situations, often because they are uncomfortable or challenging. In the context of the video, it is used to describe how teachers or parents might avoid discussing race-related issues with children, thus perpetuating a lack of understanding.

💡Resistance to victimization

Resistance to victimization is the act of fighting against being treated as a victim or being oppressed. The speaker emphasizes the importance of telling the history of slavery not just as a narrative of victimhood but also of resistance, showing that enslaved Africans were not passive but actively fought against their oppression.

💡Symbolic language

Symbolic language refers to words or phrases that carry a deeper meaning beyond their literal definitions. In the video, the speaker uses the term to explain the confusion children might feel when terms like 'black' and 'white' are used to describe racial identities, as these terms have symbolic meanings that can be confusing to young children.

💡African Americans

African Americans are individuals of African descent living in the United States. The video discusses the importance of using accurate terminology when discussing race and the historical context of terms like 'black' to describe African Americans, emphasizing the diversity within this group.

💡Slavery

Slavery is a system under which individuals are treated as property and are forced to work against their will. The video addresses the difficult topic of slavery's history in the United States, focusing on the importance of discussing this painful past to understand the present and work towards a more inclusive future.

💡Painful history

A painful history refers to past events that cause emotional distress or discomfort, often due to their negative impact on certain groups of people. The video emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and discussing painful historical events, such as slavery, to foster understanding and prevent their recurrence.

💡Color silence

Color silence is a term used to describe the avoidance of discussing race and racial issues. The video argues against color silence, suggesting that it can prevent important conversations about race and diversity, and that open dialogue is necessary for social progress.

💡Allies

Allies in the context of the video are individuals who support and stand up for the rights and well-being of others, particularly those from marginalized groups. The speaker mentions the importance of acknowledging white allies in the fight against slavery, emphasizing the role of solidarity in overcoming racial injustice.

Highlights

The importance of discussing race-related memories and emotions early in life.

The emotional impact of early race-related experiences on children.

The significance of talking about race-related experiences with adults.

The author's personal experience discussing race with her young son.

The misconceptions children have about skin color and race.

The role of educators in addressing questions of physical difference.

Parents' struggles with discussing race with their children.

The concept of 'colorblindness' versus 'color silence' in children.

The complexity of explaining race to young children.

The symbolic language children use to understand race.

The author's approach to discussing African American identity with her son.

The challenges of explaining slavery to a young child.

The importance of emphasizing resistance and resilience when discussing slavery.

The role of white allies in the abolition of slavery.

The necessity of having conversations about race to change the future.

The author's encouragement to engage in these difficult conversations.

Transcripts

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

take a moment and think about your

earliest race-related memory how old are

you 3 5 7 10 13 the answer is probably

going to depend on where you grew up but

now think about what emotion is attached

to that memory maybe it's curiosity or

affection but most people I talk to will

say that they have an early memory

attached to grade school kindergarten

early elementary and the emotion that's

there for them is something like

confusion anxiety fear embarrassment

sadness shame now if you've got an early

memory and you've got some emotion

attached to it think about whether you

talked about that experience when it

occurred with an adult with a parent or

teacher or some other caring adult I

asked this question recently of a group

of Stanford freshmen and most of them

said they did not and in fact that's

true with most of the audiences I speak

to most people can remember an early

memory with a strong emotion attached to

it but yet they didn't talk to anyone

about it which is puzzling because most

5 6 7 year-olds are pretty candid and

they don't filter themselves much so we

have to wonder why not why did so many

people have an early experience and not

share it with an adult in their lives

had they already benched about it had

they already learned you're not supposed

to talk about race my first experience

with a preschool conversation was with a

three year old my own son named Jonathan

when Jonathan was 3 we lived in

Massachusetts and he attended a day care

center where he was the only

back child in his class one day I picked

him up and he said mom Eddie says my

skin is brown because I drink chocolate

milk is that true I said no Jonathan

that's not true

your skin is brown because you have

something in your skin called melanin

everybody has some even Eddie remember

when he went to visit his grandmother in

Florida and he came back with a tan

it was the melanin that made his skin

turn brown in the Sun everybody has them

but at your school in your class you are

the kid with the most Jonathan seem to

understand what I was saying and he was

very tickled by the idea that he had the

most of something but I wondered about

Eddie the kid with the chocolate milk

theory had anybody set him straight I

went to school the next day and I asked

the teacher how they were addressing

questions of physical difference in the

classroom we know that preschoolers

noticed difference skin color is the one

they most comment on but they noticed

differences in hair texture the shape of

one's eyes other kinds of physical

differences but the teacher said very

pleasantly to me you know it hasn't come

up now I knew that it had come up with

Jonathan hideous Lee told me about that

but then I thought well maybe she hadn't

heard those conversations

maybe those conversations had taken

place on the sandbox at the lunch table

out on the playground out of earshot of

the teacher I also wondered if maybe

she'd heard those conversations in

passing and not knowing exactly what to

say had engaged in what we might call

selective inattention you know those

things that come up you let them pass

you don't comment on them you forget

about them you're just not really tuned

in it's not just teachers who struggle

with this I know parents who do too

imagine this scene imagine a white mom

with her child in a grocery store the

little girl is three years old they live

in a mostly white community and they are

shopping together and the little

girl notices a dark-skinned person

perhaps for the first time and she says

in that loud three-year-old voice mommy

why is that person so dirty mom is

likely to do what Shh

the mom is likely to feel embarrassed

because of the child's statement but in

fact preschool children particularly

white children often associate darker

skin with dirt because they know that if

their skin got darker it might be from

playing in the dirt that's a common

misconception imagine instead of saying

that mom had said something like honey

her skin is as clean as yours people

come in different colors just like we

have different hair color

people have different skin colors it

doesn't have to be a complicated

conversation she might have gone on and

explained about melanin the way I did

with my son Jonathan but the fact is

often we don't know what to say and we

stop with and as a consequence children

do not become what many parents say they

are colorblind instead they become color

silent they learn early on that they're

not supposed to talk about it now some

conversations are harder than others I

want you to go back to that grocery

store this time it was me and my son

Jonathan who was a little older in this

story he's four years old we're shopping

together he's riding in the top of the

basket and he says to me Mom

Tommy said I was black am i black I said

yes Jonathan you are he looked at me

quizzically and he said but my skin is

brown I realized then of course that

children young children don't understand

the symbolic language that we as adults

use and I said Jonathan you're right it

is a little confusing I said but black

is a term that people use to describe

African Americans just like they use the

term white to describe European

Americans I said African Americans

aren't really black they come in all

shades of brown light brown like me

dark brown like your dad medium brown

like you

in the same way white people aren't

really white they're kind of pink

garbage or sometimes white brown he

looked at me very seriously said yes

they are mom I said Jonathan I had a

grocery list written on a white piece of

paper I held it up

I said Jonathan they don't look like

this he said yes they do I said no they

don't and then I realized that

preschoolers of course learned from

concrete experiences and so I said

Jonathan let's go find one and see so we

are in the grocery store the aisle by

ourselves but sure enough we turn the

corner and there's a white woman

shopping and I leaned over I whispered

in his ear I said she doesn't look like

this piece of paper he agreed she did

not I thought maybe we could move on in

the conversation but I also was

conscious of the fact that as his mom I

was concerned about the tone of his

voice when he asked me that question am

i black almost as though perhaps he was

starting to get negative messages about

whether it was okay to be black maybe

there was something wrong with being

black and I wanted to address that so I

talked to him about the fact that one he

could tell Tommy that he was African

American and I started to talk about the

pride he should have in being African

American and I was getting ready to wax

eloquently about the joys of the ancient

civilizations of Africa when he

interrupted me and said mom if Africa is

so great what are we doing here

I had a very precocious four-year-old

and I knew that I had to answer his

question but I didn't know how I could

answer it without talking about slavery

and how do you talk to a four-year-old

about a history of cruelty and injustice

I knew there were three things that I

had to keep in mind if I were if I was

going to tell that story one of those

things was that I need to reassure him

because four-year-olds are easily

frightened

I needed to reassure him that these were

things that were in the past and that

they weren't things that he had to worry

about too

I wanted to tell a story that featured

resistance to victimization I wanted to

talk about the enslaved Africans as not

passive victims but people who had

resisted their victimization and three I

wanted to talk about the fact that it's

possible to have white allies not all

white people supported slavery there

were white people who worked against it

and that just as the Africans had

resisted being victims there were white

people who had resisted being

victimizers and so I began my story at

the beginning I reminded him of his

preschool and the fact that they had

talked about the colonial era and

celebrated Thanksgiving talked about

that time and I said you know a long

time ago before there were grocery

stores and roads and houses and all the

things we see here now when the

Europeans came they wanted to build

those things they wanted to build roads

and farms and grocery stores and houses

and grow cotton and other crops and they

needed a lot of good strong smart

workers and so they went to Africa to

get the strongest smartest workers they

could find but I said unfortunately they

didn't want to pay them and so they

kidnapped them and they brought them

here and they made them work on the

farms and do the building and all of

that work without paying them and

was really unfair and they wouldn't let

them leave when they wanted to go home

and that was really unfair to and I said

many of them worked very hard to escape

and some of them were able to though not

everybody could and they found people

who were willing to help them there were

white people who didn't think slavery

was right and who joined with them to

work against slavery and eventually

working together they were able to

abolish it to end it he was listening

very carefully to me as I spoke about

this I emphasize the fact that Jonathan

you were never a slave I was never a

slave daddy was never a slave grandma me

and granddaddy were never slaves this

was really a long long time ago and now

slavery is illegal he was paying very

close attention and then he said well

when they weren't slaves anymore why

didn't they go back to Africa

fortunately I knew enough to say some

did but I said you know some people

might have wanted to stay because by

that time they had family members here

they had friends here and then he

interrupted me again and said and this

is a nice place too and I said yes it is

I'm sure you can imagine my relief that

the conversation was over but

retrospectively I was glad that it was

me actually that had the opportunity to

introduce this painful history because I

got to put my spin on it in the way that

reassured him and that also emphasized

resistance to victimization as well as

resistance to being a victimizer I know

that these are hard conversations I've

had the privilege of working with

teachers across the country and many of

them have told me how hard it is for

them to talk to elementary school

children even older children about this

painful history and I've talked to

African American children in particular

who have said how painful it is for them

sometimes to sit in classrooms when this

history comes up because it is so often

told from the point of passive

victimization

without the story of resistance without

the story of rebellion as part of the

narrative the reality is we have a

painful history and sometimes we have a

painful present in this moment our

silence will not help us we have to have

conversations the way forward to

changing our future is with a

conversation sometimes even a

conversation with a three-year-old thank

you very much

[Applause]