‘I was afraid I’d be rejected if I told people of my abuse’ | Philippines | Invisible Asia

Summary

The speaker recounts childhood sexual abuse by an older neighbor, the societal stigma that prevents boys from reporting such abuse, and the internalized pressure to be strong. He discusses the impact on his mental health, including panic attacks and depression, and his journey to understand his sexuality. The narrative concludes with a call to support others facing similar struggles and prevent suicide, offering comfort to his younger self.

Takeaways

• 😢 The individual experienced sexual abuse as a child by an older neighbor.
• 🏠 The abuse occurred when the neighbor's family members were not present.
• 🔨 The abuser used various objects to inflict physical harm.
• 👩‍👧 The victim's mother intervened to protect them, suffering injury in the process.
• 😞 The victim grew up harboring resentment towards their father due to the abuse.
• 🗣️ There is a societal stigma attached to male sexual abuse and rape, which often goes unreported.
• 💪 Boys are expected to be strong and self-protective, which can hinder them from seeking help.
• 🏫 The victim sought refuge in a seminary to escape their past and home life.
• 😔 Mental health issues, including panic attacks, anxiety, and depression, arose during the victim's time in the seminary.
• 🌈 The victim explored their sexuality and identified with the LGBTQ+ community.
• 👨‍🏫 As a teacher, the individual has lost students to suicide due to gender identity issues and family rejection.
• 🤗 The individual wishes to have been able to support and connect with those students to prevent their tragic ends.
• 👶 If given the chance, the individual would offer comfort and protection to their younger self.

Q & A

What was the age difference between the narrator and the older male neighbor?

The older male neighbor was five or six years older than the narrator.

How many times did the older male neighbor invite the narrator into his house?

The older male neighbor invited the narrator into his house three times.

What was the narrator's initial willingness to give himself entirely to the older male neighbor?

The narrator felt willing to give himself entirely to the older male neighbor after the third time of being invited.

What was the older male neighbor's reaction when the narrator was ready to do whatever he wanted?

The older male neighbor did not engage in any sexual activity but instead spat on the narrator and hit him with various objects.

How did the narrator's mother protect him during the last encounter with the older male neighbor?

The narrator's mother covered and protected him, and when she tried to cover him, the stick broke on her, indicating the severity of the neighbor's actions.

Why is foreign sexual abuse and rape often unreported according to the narrator?

Foreign sexual abuse and rape are often unreported due to the stigma society attaches to it, especially for boys who are expected to be strong and not show weakness.

What was the narrator's experience with his parents when he told them about his sexual abuse?

The narrator's parents dismissed his experience, saying 'boys will be boys' and that they would not get pregnant, showing a lack of understanding and support.

Why did the narrator enter high school seminary?

The narrator entered high school seminary as a means to escape his unpleasant home situation and past.

What mental health issues did the narrator face during his second year in seminary?

The narrator faced panic attacks, anxiety, and depression during his second year in seminary.

What was the narrator's behavior regarding sexual exploration during his time in seminary?

The narrator was addicted to the thought of having sex with his peers and was adventurous, even craving to satisfy himself sexually.

Why did the narrator decide to share his story?

The narrator decided to share his story because he had lost students to suicide due to gender issues and family non-acceptance, and he wished he could have spoken with them to prevent such outcomes.

What would the narrator say to his five-year-old self if given the chance?

If the narrator could see his five-year-old self again, he would embrace him and assure him that he is there for him, he will be fine, and he will be safe.