8 Charts That Will Change The Way You See Dating

Summary

The video explores how men and women perceive attractiveness on dating platforms like OKCupid, Match, and Tinder. It discusses differences in standards for casual hookups, the high importance of physical attractiveness for both genders, and how attractiveness correlates with online dating success. The video also delves into the effects of age, occupation, height, and neuroticism on dating and relationships. It concludes by highlighting the significant role of physical appearance and other factors like social status in shaping the modern dating landscape.

Takeaways

• 📊 Men perceive women's attractiveness following a bell curve, with the majority rating women as average (3 out of 5).
• 🚹 Only one in six men are considered above average by women, suggesting a skewed perception in dating standards.
• 🔍 The perception of male attractiveness by women varies significantly based on the context of the dating platform, becoming stricter for more casual encounters.
• 📚 Data from OK Cupid, Match.com, and Tinder reveal that women's standards for casual dating are higher compared to serious dating.
• 🤔 The study indicates that women's higher standards in casual dating might be a response to the additional risks they face in such scenarios.
• 💃 In speed dating settings, physical attractiveness is the most valued trait by women, with a strong correlation to positive responses.
• 💼 Men's social status, particularly their occupation, plays a significant role in their perceived attractiveness, independent of income.
• 🔝 The most attractive men on dating platforms are those in the top 5% of physical attractiveness, demonstrating an exponential effect on dating success.
• 👵 Men's and women's desirability peaks at different ages, with men consistently preferring younger women, while women's preferences shift slightly as they age.
• 🤝 Both men and women have similar preferences for height in potential partners, with both genders generally preferring partners of similar or greater height.
• 💔 Women initiate a majority of divorces, and this trend is consistent across different types of relationships, potentially linked to higher neuroticism in women.

Q & A

How do men perceive women's attractiveness according to the bell curve mentioned in the script?

Men perceive women's attractiveness on a standard bell curve, with the average rating being 2.83 out of 5, and the most common rating being three.

What does the script suggest about the attractiveness standards of women on dating sites?

The script suggests that women's standards for men increase as the dating site becomes more casual, indicating that higher standards are applied for casual intimacy.

What does the 'Dataclysm' book by Christian Rudder reveal about the differences in how men and women view each other's attractiveness?

The book 'Dataclysm' summarizes data from OK Cupid, revealing that men and women have different perceptions of each other's attractiveness, with women's standards varying based on the nature of the dating site.

How does the script describe the correlation between physical attractiveness and the perceived attractiveness of a profile on online dating sites?

The script describes a strong correlation between physical attractiveness and the perceived attractiveness of a profile on online dating sites, with a correlation coefficient of 0.92 from OK Cupid data.

What was the average distribution of points women assigned to different traits in the 2016 speed dating study mentioned in the script?

In the 2016 speed dating study, women assigned points to six traits, giving all attributes near even value, indicating that they initially considered all traits to be of similar importance.

What did the actual distribution of points assigned by women during the speed dating event reveal about their preferences?

The actual distribution of points assigned by women during the speed dating event revealed that physical attractiveness was by far the most important attribute, with a correlation coefficient of 0.801.

How does the script explain the exponential effect of attractiveness on online dating?

The script explains that the effect of attractiveness on online dating is exponential, with the top 5% of men being seen as more than twice as desirable as a 90th percentile man, and each percentile making a bigger difference the closer one gets to the top.

What role does a man's social status play in his perceived attractiveness according to the 'what makes you click' study?

According to the 'what makes you click' study, a man's social status, particularly his occupation, plays a significant role in his perceived attractiveness, with some industries boosting attractiveness more than others.

How do men's and women's preferences for age change as they get older, as described in the script?

Men's preferences for age do not change much as they age, consistently being most interested in women aged 20 to 22. However, women's preferences do change, with older women starting to prefer dating men slightly younger than when they were younger.

What does the script suggest about the relationship between height preferences and gender in dating?

The script suggests that both men and women prefer dating partners of similar height, with men preferring women shorter than themselves and women preferring men taller than themselves.

How does the script explain the high percentage of divorces initiated by women?

The script explains the high percentage of divorces initiated by women by suggesting that women are more sensitive to negative emotions due to higher neuroticism, which makes them more likely to initiate divorce.

Outlines

00:00

📊 Perception of Attractiveness in Dating

This paragraph discusses how men and women perceive attractiveness differently in the context of dating. Men's perception of women's attractiveness follows a standard bell curve, with the average rating being 2.83 out of 5. In contrast, women's perception of men is skewed, with only one in six men considered above average. The paragraph introduces Christian Rudder, former CEO of OKCupid, who shared insights from the dating site's data. As the dating context becomes more casual, women's standards for attractiveness increase, which is rational given the additional risks women face in casual encounters. The importance of physical attractiveness is highlighted, with a study showing a strong correlation between physical attractiveness and positive responses in speed dating.

05:04

🔍 The Impact of Attractiveness and Social Status on Dating

The second paragraph delves into the exponential effect of physical attractiveness on online dating success. It reveals that the top 5% of men dominate in receiving matches and messages, being seen as more than twice as desirable as men in the 90th percentile. The paragraph also examines the role of social status, particularly occupation, in a man's perceived attractiveness. Some industries, despite high salaries, do not significantly boost a man's attractiveness, while others like firefighting and law enforcement do. The discussion also touches on the age factor in dating preferences, showing that men's preferences remain consistent across ages, favoring younger women, while women's preferences shift slightly as they age.

10:05

📈 Height Preferences and Divorce Statistics in Relationships

The final paragraph addresses height preferences in dating, indicating that both men and women prefer partners of similar height, with men preferring women shorter than themselves and vice versa. It also presents surprising statistics on divorce, suggesting that women initiate a majority of divorces and that this trend is consistent even in same-sex relationships. The paragraph concludes with a hypothesis that neuroticism, a personality trait associated with sensitivity to negative emotions, may be a significant factor influencing these divorce rates, as women are more likely to be neurotic and thus more likely to perceive and act on relationship issues.

Keywords

💡Bell Curve

The bell curve, also known as the normal distribution, is a statistical concept that describes the likelihood of a value falling within a range of another value, when the probability of that happening is known. In the context of the video, it's used to illustrate how men perceive women's attractiveness, with most women being rated around an average value and fewer being rated as either very attractive or unattractive. This concept is central to understanding the distribution of attractiveness ratings.

💡Attractiveness

Attractiveness in the video refers to the physical appeal of individuals as perceived by others, particularly in the context of dating and relationships. It's a key factor in how people evaluate potential partners and is shown to have a significant impact on the dating market, with the video highlighting how standards for attractiveness can vary based on the context of the relationship (e.g., casual vs. serious).

💡OK Cupid

OK Cupid is one of the largest dating websites mentioned in the video. It's used as a source of data to understand user behavior and preferences in the online dating landscape. The video references data from OK Cupid to discuss how men and women perceive each other's attractiveness and to compare these perceptions across different dating platforms.

💡Dataclysm

Dataclysm refers to a book by Christian Rudder, the former CEO of OK Cupid, which summarizes data revealed by the dating site. The book is mentioned in the video as a source of insights into the dating market, particularly in how it contrasts the perceptions of attractiveness between men and women on the platform.

💡Tinder

Tinder is a popular dating app that is discussed in the video in comparison to OK Cupid and Match.com. The video uses Tinder as an example to show how women's standards for male attractiveness can change depending on the perceived casualness of the dating site, with standards reportedly increasing on more casual platforms.

💡Correlation Coefficient

The correlation coefficient is a statistical measure that evaluates the strength and direction of a relationship between two variables. In the video, it's used to quantify the relationship between physical attractiveness and the number of positive responses in dating contexts, highlighting the significant impact of physical appearance on dating success.

💡Physical Attractiveness

Physical attractiveness is a central theme in the video, referring to the aesthetic appeal of a person's physical appearance. The video discusses how physical attractiveness is a critical factor in dating, with studies showing a high correlation between physical attractiveness and the likelihood of receiving positive responses in dating scenarios.

💡Social Status

Social status in the context of the video refers to an individual's position or rank within a societal structure, often influenced by factors like occupation and income. The video suggests that a man's social status, particularly his occupation, can significantly impact his perceived attractiveness in the dating market, even beyond income.

💡Industry Attractiveness

Industry attractiveness in the video pertains to the perceived desirability of men based on the industry they work in. The video presents data suggesting that certain industries, such as law enforcement and military, may boost a man's attractiveness in the dating market, regardless of income levels.

💡Age and Desirability

Age and desirability in the video discuss how the appeal of men and women in the dating market changes with age. The video presents data showing that men's preferences for women's ages remain relatively constant, while women's preferences for men's ages shift slightly as they age, indicating a complex interplay between age and dating preferences.

💡Height Preferences

Height preferences refer to the ideal height or height range that individuals find attractive in potential partners. The video notes that both men and women tend to have similar preferences for height in partners, with most preferring someone of similar or greater height, reflecting a common trend in dating preferences.

💡Neuroticism

Neuroticism is a personality trait that measures an individual's sensitivity to negative emotions. In the video, it's mentioned as a potential factor influencing the higher rate of divorce initiated by women, suggesting that women's greater neuroticism may make them more likely to perceive and act on relationship problems.

Highlights

Men perceive women's attractiveness on a standard bell curve, with an average rating of 2.83 out of 5.

Only one in six men are considered above average by women, according to the data.

The perception of attractiveness varies by the context of dating, with higher standards for casual encounters.

Christian Rudder, former CEO of OK Cupid, released data insights into the dating market in his book 'Dataclysm'.

On Tinder, the curves of perceived attractiveness move further apart compared to OK Cupid.

Women's standards for casual intimacy are higher due to the additional risks they take on.

Physical attractiveness is the most important attribute for women in speed dating, with a correlation coefficient of 0.801.

The correlation between physical attractiveness and perceived profile attractiveness in online dating is 0.92.

The effect of attractiveness is exponential, with the top 5% of men dominating in online dating.

Social status, particularly occupation, significantly contributes to a man's perceived attractiveness.

Men's preferences for women's age remain consistent, being most interested in women aged 20 to 22.

Men receive the most attention from women between the ages of 25 to 30.

Both men and women's height preferences depend on their own height, with a preference for partners of similar height.

Women initiate 69% of divorces, and this percentage remains consistent in same-sex relationships.

Neuroticism, sensitivity to negative emotions, is hypothesized as a reason for the high divorce initiation rate by women.

Transcripts

This is a chart showing how men perceive women's  attractiveness, looks pretty normal. Men tend to  

perceive women's attractiveness on a standard  bell curve. On the scale of 1 to 5 the average  

is 2.83 with the most common rating being  three. 8% are above the four and 17% below  

a two. All pretty normal, and here is how  women perceive men. Yeah, doesn't look so  

good for men. Taking this at face value only one  in six men are above average in an absolute sense,  

and if we translate this plot to something more  familiar like IQ, then we have a world where  

women think 58% of men are brain damaged. When  we dive a little deeper though it becomes clear  

this isn't a men or too ugly to date thing,  it's a men or too ugly to hook up with thing.

This is OK Cupid one of the biggest dating sites  in the world and this is Christian Rudder the  

former CEO of the platform. In 2009 looking  to promote the platform Rudder and his team  

began to release data from the site giving us an  insight into what the dating market really looks  

like behind closed doors. In 2014 he released  the book dataclysm summarizing much of of the  

data revealed by the site. Within the book Rudder  displays the differences between how men and women  

view each other's attractiveness on the site, but  when asked about it in an interview promoting the  

book and platform this is what he had to say.  Tinder those curves move even further apart uh  

match they move closer together. The male curve  barely moves it's really the female curve that  

moves around. The the men kind of have the  same curve on all three sides and it's the  

female curve that moves around. When OK Cupid was  acquired by the match group in 2011 Rudder got  

access to the rest of the match group's biggest  platforms data. The two biggest of which at the  

time Match.com and Tinder give us a lot of insight  into what's really going on here. Although charts  

or data were never posted we can estimate based  on what Rudder said. This is an estimate of how  

women perceive men on Match.com and this is an  estimate of how women perceive men on Tinder.  

We can see that for women as the dating site  becomes more casual in nature the standards climb.  

Although people like to push the narrative that  women are delusional and have too high standards,  

the data seems to say the relatively high  standards are only for casual intimacy.  

Which when you consider the additional risks  women take on with intimacy the relatively high  

standards seem reasonable. Essentially women  are thinking if I'm going to take the risk of  

a casual hookup he better be attractive. The next  question is then "what makes someone attractive?"

To answer this question I'd like to bring forward  a study from 2016 looking at what women look for  

in a speed dating context. The study started  by giving women a list of six traits and asking  

them to assign points to each trait based  on how important it was to them. The average  

distribution of points the women provided looked  like this. All attributes given near even value.  

After completing the dates the women were asked to  assign the points to the men at the dating event  

then which men they were going to see again. This  is the chart displaying the actual distribution  

of what was seen as important by the women at the  event. Physical attractiveness was by far the most  

important attribute with the amount of positive  responses and level of physical attractiveness  

having an astonishingly large correlation  coefficient of 0.801. For comparison the  

correlation coefficient between IQ and academic  performance is 0.54. Think about that for a  

second. For those wondering online dating shows  an even stronger correlation with the data from  

OK Cupid showing a 0.92 correlation coefficient  between physical attractiveness and the perceived  

attractiveness of a profile. Confirming what a lot  of men have recently begun to realize. Physical  

attractiveness is just as important to women as  it is for men, women just don't admit it. Another  

thing I think most people aren't aware of is the  effect of attractiveness is exponential. The 2011  

study what makes people click mate preferences  in online dating looked at various traits to see  

what makes people attracted to each other. The  study separated that 22,000 participants facial  

attractiveness into deciles of attractiveness,  with the top 10% getting separated into two  

groups, giving the top 5% their own group. To  no one's surprise the study found attractive  

people were significantly more likely to receive  messages and match requests, but the distribution  

was eye opening. We see a steady climb in matches  and messages as participants get more attractive  

until we get to the top 5%. Miles above the rest  the top 5% of men dominate in online dating,  

seen as more than twice as desirable as a 90th  percentile man. Data released from OK Cupid  

tout similar if not even more telling results  showing the exponential effects of physical  

attractiveness. Each percentile makes a bigger  and bigger difference the closer you get to the  

top. I don't want the takeaway from this video  to be that looks are the only thing that matter  

because they're not another large contributor to  a man's attractiveness is his social status. If we  

look again at the 'what makes you click' study, we  can see a large contributor to a man's perceived  

attractiveness is his occupation. Regardless of  a man's individual income the industry he worked  

in had a large impact on if women attempted  to match with him. This is a chart showing the  

attractiveness of different Industries men in the  study worked in and my fuzzy best estimates of the  

average salary in those industries. As you can see  there's a correlation between the average salary  

in the industry and the attractiveness of it,  but it's certainly not a one to one. Industries  

like computer, engineering, science, government,  politics, finance/accounting make a large amount  

of money but don't give the men in them much of  an attractiveness boost. Industries like fire  

fighting, law enforcement, and military don't  make a ton of money but give the men in them  

large boost in their attractiveness. And over here  less attractive than being unemployed are service,  

hospitality, and labor. And up here in the corner  the highest paid and most attractive career option  

for men legal/attorney, maybe your parents were  right about considering law school. Something I've  

heard discussed a lot over the last few years  is how men get better with age will women only  

get less desirable, and while the former is true  the latter isn't. This is a chart showing the age  

at which men and women are most desirable to each  other at every age. The thing that sticks out the  

most is that men's preferences don't really change  as they age always being the most interested in  

women 20 to 22. I think we all knew that though,  something I don't think most men realize is that  

the prime demographic they're interested in 20 to  22-year-old women are are most interested in 21  

to 25-year-old guys. That's your Peak guys it's  not your early 30s and it's certainly not 38. It  

is worth noting that as a man you'll receive the  most attention from women in general between the  

ages of 25 to 30. This essentially means men have  two primes. A first Prime from the ages of 21 to  

25 when Prime women 20 to 23 are most attracted  to you, and a second Prime from ages 25 to 30,  

when you'll get the most attention from women  overall. I think it's also worth pointing out that  

even women start wanting to date a little younger  as they get older. Dating truly is a younger man's  

game and despite men seeming to age better in  women's eyes than women do in men's eyes Father  

Time continues to stay undefeated. Now there's  one more thing in the 'what makes you click'  

study I want to show you. When reading through  the study I found this. The researchers concluded  

that both men and women's height preferences  depend on their own height. Basically being  

shorter than a woman will on average make you  be seen as significantly less attractive than  

a man of the same height as her, and in a  whole another category than men taller than  

her. I don't think this is too surprising,  but here's something I think will be. Yes,  

this is men's height preferences for women outside  of being reversed, men prefer women shorter than  

themselves, men's height preferences for for women  are nearly identical to women's height preferences  

for men. Which makes sense when you think about  it. Would you want to date a girl 5 inches taller  

than you? Women feel the same way about dating  men shorter than them. Although men and women  

think similar in regards to height one thing they  don't think similar in regards to is divorce. A  

commonly thrown around statistic is that women  initiate 69% of divorces, but here's another  

stat that makes it even crazier. If we look at the  percentage of same-sex divorces that are male-male  

versus female-female we see that female-female  relationships are responsible for 78% of same-sex  

divorces. Female-female marriages are more  common than male male ones though a 55-45 split,  

so we have to adjust for this. After we adjust  for the differences in relationship commonality,  

the relative split of same-sex divorces are 69%  women, 31% men. Despite men and women not even  

being involved in each other's relationships  the divorce percentages remain the same.  

Pretty unbelievable, right. The current common  hypothesis is this is due to trait neuroticism.  

Which measures one's sensitivity to negative  emotions. If you take a random man and woman,  

the woman will be more sensitive to negative  emotion, more neurotic, 62% of the time. This is  

why women are commonly seen as more emotional and  volatile, both sub-characteristics of neuroticism.  

What this means for divorce though, is that in 62%  of relationships the woman will feel the problems  

in the relationship more than the man will.  Which explains a large portion of this seemingly  

astonishing statistic. And there you have it.  8 charts that hopefully changed the way you see  

dating and relationships. If you find this kind  of stuff interesting subscribe to my newsletter  

down below. It's free with no ads, and I go over  concepts and charts like these every Thursday at  

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