THIS Is What Happens When You Stop Talking To A Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

Summary

This video explores what happens when you stop talking to someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style, particularly after a breakup. It explains the common emotional patterns they go through, such as becoming more avoidant, repressing emotions, and relying on creature comforts. Over time, they may shift to their anxious side and possibly reach out indirectly. The video also offers advice on how to reconnect with them while avoiding overwhelming their avoidant tendencies. Additionally, it introduces resources for healing from breakups and managing attachment dynamics in relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Fearful avoidant attachment style, also known as disorganized or anxious-avoidant, is marked by a push-pull dynamic in relationships, where individuals desire closeness but fear it when it occurs.
• 😥 After a breakup, fearful avoidants often become more avoidant and may rationalize that they are fine, while repressing their emotions.
• 📺 Fearful avoidants may cope with their emotions by indulging in creature comforts like binge-watching TV, drinking, or other forms of detachment from the external world.
• 📉 Over time, the avoidant tendencies start to fade, and they struggle to continue repressing their emotions, leading them to eventually feel their suppressed feelings.
• 📱 As they begin to acknowledge their emotions, they may shift into a more anxious attachment phase and attempt indirect contact, such as liking social media posts or sending accidental messages.
• 📴 If the fearful avoidant’s outreach is met with rejection or no response, they are likely to revert to avoidant behavior again, becoming cold and distant.
• 🚦 It's important to navigate a relationship with a fearful avoidant by moving at a measured pace to avoid overwhelming them, which could trigger their avoidant side.
• 💬 Healing from a breakup requires grieving and understanding emotional patterns, allowing both partners to address core wounds, establish boundaries, and avoid repeating negative relationship dynamics.
• 🏋️‍♀️ Taking time after a breakup to reflect on what went wrong can empower both partners to grow and prevent falling into old patterns of attachment.
• 🏫 The speaker offers a course to help individuals heal from breakups, navigate attachment styles, and reprogram their relationships in a healthy way.

Q & A

What is a fearful avoidant attachment style?

Fearful avoidant attachment style, also known as disorganized or anxious avoidant, is characterized by a tendency to want closeness but also fear intimacy. This results in a push-pull dynamic where the individual becomes both anxious and avoidant in relationships.

How does a fearful avoidant react after a breakup?

After a breakup, fearful avoidants typically become more avoidant. They tend to push people away, repress their emotions, and rely on creature comforts like binge-watching TV, drinking, or smoking to cope.

Why do fearful avoidants initially become avoidant after a breakup?

Fearful avoidants become avoidant as a defense mechanism. When faced with intense emotions, such as those triggered by a breakup, they repress their feelings and distance themselves from others to avoid confronting their pain.

What are 'creature comforts' in the context of a fearful avoidant's coping mechanisms?

Creature comforts refer to habits or activities that fearful avoidants use to self-soothe when avoiding emotional distress. This can include activities like drinking, smoking, binge-watching TV, or withdrawing from the external world.

What happens when you go no contact with a fearful avoidant after a breakup?

When you go no contact with a fearful avoidant, they initially become more avoidant. Over time, they struggle to rationalize their feelings and begin to feel their emotions, leading them to possibly miss the person and become more anxious.

How do fearful avoidants express their emotions once they start feeling them after a breakup?

Fearful avoidants may start to reach out indirectly, such as liking a social media post, sending an old memory or picture, or pretending to contact someone by accident. This shows a shift from avoidance to anxiety, although they still try to maintain emotional distance.

What should you be mindful of when reconnecting with a fearful avoidant?

When reconnecting with a fearful avoidant, it’s important not to move too fast or pressure them. They need time to rebuild trust and feel safe. Rushing can cause them to retreat into their avoidant side again.

How long does it typically take for a fearful avoidant to move from avoidance to anxiety after a breakup?

It usually takes about three to six weeks for a fearful avoidant to shift from their avoidant side to their anxious side after a breakup.

What is the 'Goldilocks' zone when reconnecting with a fearful avoidant?

The 'Goldilocks' zone refers to finding a balance when reconnecting with a fearful avoidant. You need to go slow enough that the avoidant doesn’t feel overwhelmed, but also ensure there’s enough communication to avoid slipping back into old patterns.

What are some key strategies for healing after a breakup with a fearful avoidant?

Key strategies include taking time to process emotions, avoiding emotionally driven decisions, and engaging in healthy communication to address core wounds, boundaries, and unmet needs. It’s also important to heal from the breakup before considering rekindling the relationship.