Why Did The Narcissist Discard You?

Summary

This video script delves into the manipulative tactics of narcissists, who are driven by an insatiable need for 'supply'—attention and energy from others. It explains how narcissists discard individuals once they've exhausted their supply or when they pose a threat to the narcissist's control. The script outlines the three-tiered system of supply sources and the reasons behind discarding, including seeking fresh sources and isolating victims. It emphasizes the importance of understanding these patterns to recover and protect oneself from such toxic relationships.

Takeaways

• 🔄 Narcissists are addicted to 'supply', which is the attention and energy they get from others.
• 🤔 Survivors of narcissistic abuse often question why they were deceived, devalued, and discarded.
• 🧐 Narcissists manipulate by moving 'goalposts', making it impossible to satisfy their constant demands.
• 🗣️ They use projection, gaslighting, and stonewalling to deflect blame and confuse their victims.
• 📢 The more malignant the narcissist, the more they attempt to control the narrative by smearing the victim to others.
• 🏆 Narcissists aim to isolate their victims to force a choice between self-destruction or submission.
• 🕸️ The 'fuel matrix' is a network of supply sources that narcissists construct and manage.
• 🔄 Discarding occurs when the supply from a source depreciates, the source asserts themselves, or the source识破 the narcissist.
• 💔 Nothing is sacred to a narcissist; they discard people, even family, once they've served their purpose.
• 🔮 The narcissist's ultimate goal is control, and they use love-bombing and deception to achieve it.
• 🌟 Recovery involves shifting focus from the narcissist to oneself, setting new goals, and healing.

Q & A

What is the term 'supply' in the context of narcissism?

In the context of narcissism, 'supply' refers to the attention, energy, and essence that a narcissist consumes from other people. It is the fuel that narcissists crave and is essential for their self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

Why do narcissists move the goalposts further out of reach?

Narcissists move the goalposts to keep the person obsessed with pleasing them, ensuring a continuous supply of attention and energy. This is a manipulation tactic to maintain control and keep the person invested in the relationship.

How does a narcissist use projection, gaslighting, and stonewalling?

Narcissists use projection to blame others for their own faults, gaslighting to manipulate and distort a person's perception of reality, and stonewalling to shut down communication and avoid accountability.

What is the purpose of a narcissist's smear campaign?

A narcissist's smear campaign aims to discredit and isolate their target by altering the perception of others in the target's support system. This is done to maintain control and ensure the target is left with no allies or support.

Why do narcissists discard people after devaluing them?

Narcissists discard people once they have obtained the desired supply or when the person is no longer able to provide the attention and energy they crave. Discarding is also a way to punish or assert control over the person.

What is the 'narcissist's fuel matrix' as described by HD Tutor?

The 'narcissist's fuel matrix' is a network of various sources of supply that a narcissist constructs and divides into primary, secondary, and tertiary sources. It allows the narcissist to manage and manipulate multiple relationships to maintain a constant supply.

How does a narcissist use deception to maintain their supply matrix?

A narcissist uses deception as a smokescreen to keep their sources unaware of each other's existence. This enables them to develop multiple personas and maintain control over each source, ensuring a steady supply of attention and energy.

What are the three factors that cause a narcissist to move a source from primary to secondary or tertiary?

The three factors are: 1) Depreciation of supply quality, as the source becomes depleted and exhausted. 2) The source asserting themselves, which the narcissist sees as a threat to their control. 3) The source becoming aware of the narcissist's true nature.

Why do narcissists seek to isolate their targets?

Narcissists seek to isolate their targets to control their environment and ensure the target has no support system to rely on. This makes the target more vulnerable and easier to manipulate.

How can understanding the narcissist's mindset help in recovery from a narcissistic relationship?

Understanding the narcissist's mindset can help in recovery by recognizing the patterns of manipulation and control. This awareness can empower the individual to focus on self-healing, setting personal boundaries, and rebuilding their self-esteem without seeking closure from the narcissist.

What are some steps to recovery after being discarded by a narcissist?

Steps to recovery include shifting focus from the narcissist to oneself, setting personal goals, developing a strong sense of self, and working on core wounds to raise self-esteem. It's also important to build healthy boundaries and become self-aware to protect oneself from future manipulation.