Attracting your crush is (a lot) easier than you think…
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares an experience about cold approaching women to build confidence, emphasizing the importance of being a good listener in conversations. He explains a unique approach by intentionally acting awkward to reduce anxiety and handle rejection better. The video highlights key communication techniques, such as reiterating keywords and asking deep questions to foster genuine connections. The speaker also stresses self-improvement, avoiding forced interactions, and viewing oneself as valuable, while offering practical tips for becoming a better communicator and handling social anxiety.
Takeaways
- 😀 Being a good listener is essential for being a good communicator. Without listening, communication breaks down.
- 😊 Reiterating key words from someone’s conversation can help keep discussions flowing naturally.
- 💬 Practicing intentional awkwardness when cold approaching women helps to ease performance anxiety and normalize rejection.
- 😅 Embracing awkwardness can reduce the fear of rejection and make future conversations less daunting.
- 👍 Regularly engaging in small public conversations (e.g., asking about products in stores) helps build confidence in social interactions.
- 🙃 Getting used to rejection by intentionally embarrassing yourself prepares you to handle real social situations with more ease.
- 💪 To attract someone you're interested in, focus on becoming the best version of yourself, both physically and mentally.
- 🚫 Don't force conversations, especially with someone you see regularly; natural interactions are more effective.
- 💡 When in conversation, avoid seeking validation. Focus on genuine human connection without pressure.
- 🔑 Asking deep, personal questions (like 'What makes you unique?') during conversations can help build deeper connections.
Q & A
What is the main challenge the speaker faced when approaching women for the first time?
-The main challenge the speaker faced was feeling scared and uncomfortable, as he had never really done cold approaching before and was super scared.
What unique approach did the speaker suggest to make cold approaching less daunting?
-The speaker suggested acting as awkward as possible when approaching women, which gets rid of the need to perform and reduces anxiety.
How does the speaker recommend ending the awkward conversation when cold approaching?
-The speaker recommends ending the conversation by admitting that the awkwardness was intentional and part of a challenge with a friend.
What is the importance of listening in communication according to the speaker?
-The speaker emphasizes that listening is the foundation of communication, and without being a good listener, one cannot be a good communicator.
What technique does the speaker suggest to keep a conversation flowing naturally?
-The speaker suggests reiterating the key words from the other person's conversation in a tone that asks a question, which helps the conversation flow more naturally.
Why does the speaker believe getting used to rejection is beneficial?
-Getting used to rejection helps reduce fear when approaching people, making it easier to talk to girls without much fear in the future.
What advice does the speaker give for building confidence in public conversations?
-The speaker advises to start by having simple conversations in stores about products of interest, which helps build confidence without the pressure of leading somewhere.
How does the speaker suggest approaching conversations with someone you are attracted to?
-The speaker suggests not forcing conversations and instead focusing on becoming the best version of oneself to naturally attract the person.
What is the speaker's view on seeking validation from the person you are attracted to?
-The speaker advises not to seek validation from the person you are attracted to, as the conversation should be about human connection, not proving oneself.
What question does the speaker recommend asking to deepen a conversation?
-The speaker recommends asking, 'Tell me something about you that I should know, what makes you special, what makes you unique, what makes you different than everybody else?'
What is the speaker's final advice on starting conversations naturally?
-The speaker's final advice is not to force conversations and to take action when a natural opportunity arises, focusing on listening more than speaking.
Outlines
💬 Boosting Confidence Through Cold Approaching
The speaker and a friend engage in cold approaching women to test their confidence. During one interaction, the speaker approaches a woman who is disengaged, focusing on her phone and giving minimal responses. This reminds him of the importance of being a good listener in communication. He emphasizes that repeating key points from the other person's conversation can help maintain the flow. Listening is crucial to effective communication, and failing at this can lead to conversations that feel disconnected.
🧠 The Power of Intentional Awkwardness
The speaker shares an approach he and his friend used to make cold approaching less intimidating. They decided to intentionally act awkward when talking to women, eliminating the pressure to perform perfectly. By aiming to be awkward, the speaker reduced anxiety and got more comfortable with rejection. After revealing the intent to the women, it sometimes led to genuine conversations. The goal was to get used to rejection and grow more confident in social interactions, suggesting that others try this technique to overcome fear of talking to women.
🛍️ Building Confidence Through Casual Conversations
The speaker explains how small interactions in public spaces, like asking about products in a store, can help build confidence in communication. For people who struggle with social anxiety, engaging in simple conversations with store employees about shared interests can serve as a stepping stone. The speaker advises starting with these low-pressure situations to develop confidence before moving to more challenging social encounters. This practice can gradually help people overcome fears and improve their ability to communicate in everyday life.
🌟 Be the Best Version of Yourself
The speaker stresses the importance of self-improvement when it comes to romantic interactions. To attract someone, particularly a crush, one must work on becoming the best version of themselves. This involves both physical and emotional self-care, as well as developing a strong character. He advises not to force conversations but rather focus on being someone the other person would naturally be attracted to. Additionally, he emphasizes valuing oneself and not seeking validation from others, as self-worth is key to genuine confidence and attraction.
👂 The Art of Listening in Conversations
In this section, the speaker revisits the significance of listening in conversations. He offers a conversational technique where asking someone what makes them unique can open the door to deeper, more meaningful discussions. People enjoy talking about themselves, and this question can lead to a natural connection. He encourages others not to seek validation in conversations, but rather to engage for the sake of connection. The speaker highlights how this technique can foster a stronger bond through authentic communication.
🗣️ Natural Conversation Starters
The speaker wraps up by sharing his preference for natural conversation starters, as opposed to forcing interactions. While cold approaches may require a pre-planned conversation starter, regular interactions at school or work should flow more naturally. Forcing a conversation can signal low self-esteem, and the speaker suggests waiting for moments that feel organic. When confidence is high, it's important to take action and engage, but always with a focus on listening and allowing the conversation to evolve naturally.
🏠 Building Communication on Listening
The speaker concludes by reiterating that listening is the foundation of communication. He uses the metaphor of a house: if listening is not properly established, the 'house'—representing communication—will collapse. Without strong listening skills, it is impossible to build effective communication. The video ends with encouragement to take action and practice the tips shared, reinforcing the importance of listening as a core component of successful conversations.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Cold approaching
💡Confidence
💡Listener
💡Communication
💡Rejection
💡Awkwardness
💡Key words
💡Validation
💡Natural conversation
💡Intentionally embarrass
💡High value
Highlights
Cold approaching women is used as a method to build confidence.
Listening is the foundation of communication, and without it, effective communication collapses.
Reiterating keywords from someone's conversation can help keep the flow natural and engaging.
The idea of intentionally embarrassing oneself during cold approaches helps reduce the anxiety to perform.
Practicing rejection helps overcome the fear of talking to people, especially women.
Going into stores and asking questions about products is an easy way to start conversations and build confidence.
Building confidence through social interaction helps prepare for more challenging social situations.
To attract someone, focus on becoming the best version of yourself instead of seeking validation.
Don't force conversations or interactions; natural ones are often the best and most successful.
When interacting with someone you like, focus on connection rather than seeking validation.
Asking deep, personal questions helps lead conversations into more meaningful areas.
Confidence plays a major role in improving communication skills.
It's important to value yourself as the 'prize' in any social interaction.
People can sense when interactions are forced, which may signal a lack of self-value.
Listening more than speaking is crucial for building strong communication skills.
Transcripts
so my friend and I are out doing some
cold approaching with women just for fun
just to test our confidence a little bit
but we have a spin on it which I'll get
to in a minute and it's probably my
third or fourth girl at this point that
I'm talking to I walk up to this girl
and I try and start a conversation with
her but she is just fixated on her phone
her eyes are locked on she doesn't even
look at me in the eye once she's giving
me like one two word three word
responses to my questions she does not
want to talk to me and that reminded me
that if you are not a good listener in a
conversation you are not a good
communicator it is the most important
thing but this girl was not listening to
me for a reason which I'll get to in a
minute when you are in conversations
with somebody when you're listening to
me right now I want you to find the key
words of my conversation and by simply
doing this what I do this all the time I
simply reiterate what somebody just said
let's say you're talking about going on
a Hol of barley oh yeah bro last week I
went on a Hol of barley and it was
awesome man you would simply say B tell
me more about it I haven't been there I
know this might sound really strange or
just too simple but trust me this works
if you take the key words out of
somebody's conversation and you simply
repeat them but say it in a tone that
you know asks as a question to them Chi
bro your your conversations will flow
much more natur natural I do this all
the time and the reason I say that first
is because if you are not a good
listener when you speak to people you're
not going to be a good communicator
listening is the foundation to the house
if that is not built your communication
aka the house is just going to collapse
it's the foundation nobody sees it but
it reflects in the ability to build a
great house and that is the ability to
you know communicate but let's go back
to that day when I was going out and
cold approaching women for the first
time with my friend the night before
that we'll playing some PlayStation
together and it was a Friday night and
I'm like bro you want to meet up
tomorrow play some basketball or
whatever and he suggested how about we
meet up and we Cod approach some women
together and bro my heart started
beating as soon as he said that because
if I said no I just said I was free all
day if I said no I was a if I said
yes I just put myself in the most
uncomfortable situation ever I haven't
really done this before I am super
scared I said yes I didn't want to be a
but I suggested an idea that made
the whole cold approaching process so
much easier and so much less daunting I
suggested to him how about we go up and
talk to women we act as awkward as we
possibly can in front of them this gets
rid of the need to perform the anxiety
to perform in front of a girl if you st
in a conversation right if your face
goes red or you have that awkward
silence all of this doesn't matter
simply because the goal of talking to
women because the goal of talking to
people is to be as awkward as you
possibly can that is the challenge and
whenever the conversation was coming to
an end I would simply say to them hey
that was a complete joke I was trying to
act as awkward as I possibly can while I
was talking to my friend and I just
doing some stupid jokes and sometimes
the conversation would end there or that
would be a gateway to actually getting
to know this girl no but in all
seriousness I want to get to know you
what's your name or whatever if I
haven't you know asked her your her name
yet but you don't need to do that you
can just end the conversation there if
you want this does a very very good job
at getting your mind used to being
rejected because when you become used to
being rejected you can go up and talk to
girls without very much fear if I went
out and did that cold approaching thing
again it it's it is not as daunting as I
did the first time but bro no jokes if
you struggle with talking to women that
much that you can't even say a word to
them grab one of your buddies if you
have one if you don't have one join an
online community or something like that
get one of the dudes in that Community
from your area you schedule a day go out
there do this challenge with him and get
your mind used to rejection look bro I
know it sounds you're just going to
embarrass yourself but man it is one of
the best things I've ever done and I can
say that with pure confidence all right
and once you do this once you start to
feel com like comfortable getting
rejected then actually try and talk to
girls and on top of that another thing
that has really helped my communication
and just my confidence in general is
when I'm out you know going shopping or
just I'm somewhere in public right and I
see a store that I I have like a semi in
there might be a product in there that
you know I find interesting and it's not
packed with people that I can just go in
there and the owner or the person that
the the register just says hi to me I
will go in there and just simply ask a
question about a certain product that I
find interesting and that is such a good
way to come up with a conversational
idea you and this person probably have
something in common if they're working
there they probably know something about
this product as well if you like video
games go and talk to the guy
standing at EB Games or GameStop about a
certain game that you find interesting
right just go and do that it doesn't
need to lead anywhere it simply helps
you build your confidence this is for
people who are extremely scared of going
outside because I know that's a lot of
you this is what I would do those two
things start with the you know start
with the conversation in the in the
store thing and once you know you kind
of build your confidence up a bit that
you can intentionally embarrass yourself
go out and intentionally embarrass
yourself but there's been a few women in
my life that I've actually had to
perform for and that sounds really
really wrong but you get what I mean by
that I can't go up to them and act as
awkward as I possibly can right if I
want to date this girl I need to be at
my best and might be your crush at
school your crush at work it might just
be an attractive girl across the street
that you want to take out in the date
when you need to be the best you these
are the two things I have for you number
one and most importantly you need to be
especially if you know this girl like a
crush at school for example you need to
be the dude that actually attracts this
person right you can't be a dude who
sits in his room all day jacking off
four times a day and expect you know I
don't like to say this cuz I don't
really like to compare people but a high
value girl right a girl that is high
value to you if that makes sense I
that's probably not the best wording but
you get what I mean by that you need to
be the person that this girl or this guy
finds attractive not just physically but
Also spiritually as your character your
personality so many things all you can
do is be the best version of yourself
the best version of you and usually that
is attractive to a lot of people the
second thing I have for you don't force
anything especially if you know this
person personally if I had a crush at
school right now I don't but if I did I
would not force anything I would not try
and force a conversation because
someone's absence makes their presence
valuable and I want you to remember that
that doesn't mean that when an
opportunity arises you do not take it
however don't force anything and that's
like the last day of school and you have
no other chance to get with this girl
then you have to kind of force something
but if you know that you will see this
girl every single day for a couple more
months or a couple more years speak to
her yes but spend the majority of your
time from my just from my personal
experiences someone else might have a
different experience and they completely
disagree with me spend the majority of
your time becoming the person she would
actually be attracted to aka the best
you it's all it's all you can do you
can't be anyone else because bro you are
the prize I'm specifically talking to
men here but this can apply to women as
well you know the woman or the man is
isn't anything below you however you are
the priz and you have to Value yourself
like this and that's why I don't want
you to force anything when you walk past
her just say hey name if there is an
opening for a conversation take it if
she's talking to you use that technique
I Shar with you at the start of this
video Yeah reiterate what she's saying
to go deeper into that conversation one
more thing actually one more thing when
you do talk to this specific person I
don't want you to seek validation from
them I don't want the point of the
conversation the purpose of that
conversation to be for validation from
her right I want you just to speak to
him or her just because you can just for
human connection right nothing you need
to prove you don't need any admiration
from this person because once you put
that pressure on yourself when then
that's when you start up you
start stuttering right your face starts
going red because the aim of the
conversation has a lot of pressure built
inside of it Focus your energy on truly
connecting again that technique I shared
with you at the side of this video is a
very very very good way to do that but
you can only do that when you're halfway
through a conversation when there
actually is an idea I know if a girl
asks me this I would love it people love
talking about themselves so if you're in
a conversation with somebody I want you
to ask this one question tell me
something about you that I should know
what makes you special what makes you
unique what makes you different than
everybody else yeah you might not say
this one off rip you you're looking at a
girl sitting on the Ben you walk up to
her you sit down next to her and you say
hey tell me something about yourself
that makes you different like but
especially when you're in a flow this is
a really really good one and any deep
conversation right that really touches
with the person's character their
personality their values their beliefs
their morals all these things that
really attend to somebody's deep
personality traits they are very very
good cuz it goes deep into who they
actually are and people love talking
about that bro trust me I know this
sounds really really wrong and I've said
this word so many times but the deeper
you go the better someone's going to
take that out of context heavy but who
who gives a but with all
seriousness the best conversation
starters at least from my personal
experience are the most natural ones
okay the ones that aren't really forced
the one I told you before it kind of is
a little bit forced and sometimes you
need to do that but the best ones are
the most natural from my personal
experiences if I don't have a
conversation starter I don't start the
conversation
if I'm cold approaching then yeah I
might need to think of one right that
isn't really natural but especially at
school or work or if you see this girl
regularly if you see this guy regularly
Don't Force anything because people can
see that and maybe some people like it
cuz they love the attention that just
signals to them that you don't value
yourself and I know if a girl doesn't
value her herself and she needs me I'm
not as attracted to her and that's how a
pure love and respect doesn't mean I
think anything less of this woman but
when you do find that natural
conversation start or you just haveing
in your mind take action Breo yeah if
you're feeling really really confident
on one day do as much talking as you can
not too much cuz again two ears one
mouth speak less than you listen but if
you're feeling confident take action all
right I'm not perfect I still have a
long way to go I'm only 18 I don't get
to do much socializing so I'm not the
best at it but from my personal
experiences this is what's really helped
me become a better Communicator remember
listening is the most important think of
that the foundation to the house if you
do not have that built which is your
listening the whole house will collapse
which is your communication skills hey
I'm going to end the video here I think
that's all I have to say make sure you
take action on this not just watch this
video okay and I'll catch you in the
next one peace
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