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Summary

The video discusses the roles and responsibilities of men and women in marriage from an Islamic perspective, emphasizing that men are caretakers and providers, while women must work to maintain the relationship. It highlights the importance of mutual respect, love, and forgiveness, noting that women must guard their attitudes and actions, especially when their husbands are absent. The discussion underscores the idea that both men and women are accountable to Allah for their roles in preserving and safeguarding the relationship. Neglecting these responsibilities can lead to emotional and relational decay.

Takeaways

• 😇 Men are caretakers and responsible for supporting women, and this support requires ongoing effort.
• 🙋‍♀️ Women must work to overcome tendencies like holding grudges, resentment, and negative attitudes towards their husbands.
• 💡 The concept of 'Saleh' involves fixing or improving something, implying that women must actively work on their relationships.
• 😔 Despite men's efforts, some women may fail to acknowledge the good in their actions, leading to frustration.
• ⚖️ Women's behavior toward their husbands is linked to their connection with Allah, and negative attitudes can reflect spiritual issues.
• 💬 Women should guard their words and attitudes, avoiding spite and negative speech towards their husbands.
• 🛡️ Women are tasked with protecting their husbands' dignity, trust, and the integrity of the relationship, especially in their absence.
• 🤝 Marriage is a two-way street: men must continuously provide care, and women must reciprocate by supporting and safeguarding the relationship.
• 🌸 Neglecting these responsibilities can lead to emotional or actual separation within a marriage, where love and peace may be lost.
• 🔐 Allah emphasizes that both men and women must guard and maintain their roles in marriage to prevent it from falling apart.

Q & A

What is the main theme discussed in the transcript?

The transcript focuses on the roles and responsibilities of men and women in a marriage, particularly discussing how women should guard their relationship with their husbands and how men should continuously provide and take care of their wives.

What does the speaker suggest is the primary responsibility of men in marriage?

The primary responsibility of men in marriage, according to the speaker, is to be caretakers and providers for their wives, continuously working to support and maintain the relationship.

How does the speaker describe the attitude that women should avoid in their relationships?

The speaker describes that women should avoid developing attitudes of spite, anger, or resentment, even when they feel they have reasons to be upset. Instead, they are encouraged to reconcile and maintain a positive demeanor.

What does the word 'Saleh' mean in the context of the transcript?

'Saleh' is described as the opposite of 'fasada,' which means corruption or decay. In the context of the transcript, it refers to women maintaining a positive attitude, free from bitterness, and being willing to fix and improve their relationships.

Why does the speaker say that women must guard what cannot be seen?

Women must guard what cannot be seen, according to the speaker, because they cannot always see or know the challenges their husbands face outside the home, such as temptations or difficult interactions. They must still care for their husbands and protect the relationship, even in the absence of direct observation.

How does the speaker describe the danger of women neglecting their relationships?

The speaker warns that if women neglect their relationships, they risk emotionally losing their husbands, who may emotionally distance themselves or develop resentment, leading to a breakdown in love and tranquility within the marriage.

What analogy does the speaker use to describe the potential decay of a relationship?

The speaker uses the analogy of food going bad when not properly cared for to describe the potential decay of a relationship. Just as food must be protected from spoilage, a relationship must be actively maintained to avoid deterioration.

Why does the speaker emphasize that women should not assume they will keep their husbands?

The speaker emphasizes that women should not assume they will keep their husbands because neglecting their needs and failing to maintain the relationship can lead to losing them, either physically or emotionally.

What is the significance of the term 'kawam' as used in the transcript?

The term 'kawam' refers to the responsibility and duty of men to be caretakers and maintainers of their wives. It is described as a noble role that reflects one of Allah's names, highlighting the divine responsibility of men to care for their families.

How does the speaker connect a woman's relationship with her husband to her connection with Allah?

The speaker explains that a woman's attitude towards her husband reflects her connection with Allah. If her demeanor becomes corrupt or spiteful, it may indicate a weakening of her relationship with Allah. Conversely, maintaining a good relationship with her husband is seen as part of her devotion to Allah.

Outlines

00:00

🧔‍♂️ The Role of Men and Women in Relationships

This paragraph discusses the roles of men and women in a relationship according to Islamic teachings. Men are described as caretakers, continuously trying to provide and support their wives. Women, on the other hand, are reminded to fight tendencies toward resentment and anger, especially when men fail to meet expectations. The text emphasizes that women should strive to maintain a positive demeanor, despite any imperfections in their husbands, as their actions toward their spouse reflect their connection to Allah. The concept of being 'Saleh' (good or righteous) is highlighted as the opposite of 'fasada' (corruption or ugliness), encouraging women to reconcile and maintain harmony in their relationships.

05:02

⚡ The Impact of Spite and Anger on Faith and Relationships

This paragraph highlights how extreme spite and anger toward one’s husband can sever a woman’s connection with Allah. Even educated and religious women can fall into this trap, distancing themselves not only from their husbands but also from their faith. The text illustrates how deeply ingrained spite can block one's relationship with God, and stresses the need for women to remain subservient to Allah while maintaining respect and care for their husbands, even when they feel wronged.

10:04

🔒 Guarding What Cannot Be Seen in Relationships

This section delves into the concept of women guarding their husbands' dignity, trust, and honor when they are not present. It advises women not to speak ill of their husbands behind their backs, or engage in behavior that goes against their husbands' wishes. Furthermore, it emphasizes that women must be mindful of the trials and temptations men face outside the home. The paragraph stresses the importance of protecting the marriage and keeping it healthy, as neglecting this responsibility can lead to emotional disconnection or even the loss of the relationship.

Keywords

💡Kawam

The term 'Kawam' refers to men being protectors and maintainers of women, based on their responsibilities of provision and care. It carries a noble responsibility, similar to one of Allah's attributes as a caretaker. In the script, men are expected to repeatedly take care of their wives, and failure to do so may cause the relationship to fall apart.

💡Saleh

The Arabic term 'Saleh' means good, righteous, or upright. It is used in the script to describe how women are expected to exhibit good character by overcoming tendencies like holding grudges or being spiteful. The term is contrasted with 'fasada,' which represents corruption or badness, emphasizing that women should work toward maintaining goodness in their relationships.

💡Fasada

'Fasada' refers to corruption, decay, or something that has gone bad, like spoiled food. In the video, it is used to describe a state of a woman’s demeanor becoming corrupt or spiteful. Women are encouraged to avoid this tendency by maintaining a positive attitude toward their husbands, ensuring that relationships do not turn 'ugly' or 'corrupt.'

💡Subservient to Allah

The concept of being 'subservient to Allah' refers to women's ultimate obedience and devotion to God. In the script, women are advised to maintain a good relationship with their husbands not merely out of duty to them, but as a reflection of their connection and obedience to Allah. This submission to God guides their behavior and attitude.

💡Guarding the unseen

This concept emphasizes the responsibility of women to protect the dignity and integrity of their marriage when their husbands are not around. It means safeguarding the husband’s trust by refraining from actions he would disapprove of and maintaining loyalty. The script also suggests that women must recognize the unseen challenges their husbands face in the world, guarding their relationship from external threats.

💡Resentment

Resentment is the feeling of anger or displeasure that may develop in a marriage. In the script, resentment is discussed in the context of a wife holding a grudge against her husband for various reasons, such as unmet expectations or perceived faults. This resentment can cause the relationship to deteriorate, as it distorts communication and mutual respect.

💡Emotional divorce

Emotional divorce refers to a situation where a husband emotionally distances himself from his wife, even if the marriage is still intact. In the script, this concept is mentioned as a possible consequence of neglecting the husband’s needs, leading to a lack of love and emotional connection in the relationship, even if they remain married legally.

💡Reconciliation

Reconciliation in the context of the video refers to the process of resolving conflicts and repairing a strained relationship between a husband and wife. Women are encouraged to overcome negative emotions and work towards fixing their relationships, rather than letting anger and grudges take over, ensuring the relationship remains healthy.

💡Peace and tranquility

This phrase represents the ideal state of a marital relationship, where both husband and wife find comfort, peace, and contentment with each other. The video highlights that the purpose of marriage is for spouses to find this peace, but when conflicts and neglect arise, the home can become a source of tension rather than solace.

💡Caretaker

The term 'caretaker' is used to describe the role of both men and women in marriage. Men are caretakers of women, responsible for providing and maintaining the household. The video also suggests that women have the role of caretakers in guarding their relationship and maintaining emotional and physical care for their husbands, especially in their absence.

Highlights

Men are described as caretakers of women, responsible for their welfare.

Allah emphasizes that not all women naturally possess certain qualities; they need to make an extra effort.

The term 'Saleh' in Arabic refers to goodness, the opposite of corruption ('fasada').

Women are encouraged to resist holding grudges or letting their anger cloud their interactions.

A key quality for women is their ability to reconcile and maintain peace in the relationship.

Allah instructs women to fight tendencies of spite and anger, which harm relationships.

A woman's attitude towards her husband is seen as reflective of her connection with Allah.

Guarding what cannot be seen: Women are advised to protect the dignity and trust of their husbands when they are not around.

Women should refrain from bad-mouthing their husbands to others, as it breaks trust.

The concept of ‘caretaking’ in the Quran applies to both men and women, stressing mutual responsibility.

Men face trials and temptations outside the home that women may not see, and women are reminded to be mindful of this.

Women should not assume that neglecting their relationship won't affect their husbands; emotional detachment is a real risk.

Reciprocity in care: Women are reminded that just as men strive to maintain the relationship, women must do their part.

Guarding the relationship is necessary because neglect can lead to destruction of the marriage.

Allah’s emphasis on protection and care highlights that both men and women have divine responsibilities in safeguarding the relationship.

Transcripts

foreign

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good men are caretakers of women he said

all men are all men are but when it came

to women he did not begin with the word

women

he didn't begin with Anisa

is

Allah is saying that what is going to be

described about women isn't actually

naturally the case for all women they're

going to have to make an extra effort to

be this way as a result of what a man is

trying to do

he's trying to provide he's trying to be

a source of support and he's doing so

over and over and over again and they're

going to have to be the first thing

Sally had a poor translation they're

gonna have to be good but we're gonna

have to understand what means

in Arabic actually is the opposite of

fasada

when something is bad something is

disgusting or ugly or corrupt and when

you fix it

of something to become good or for you

to fix something

for you to fix something now what women

are being told in this Ayah is that

actually they have they can have a

tendency they may or may not have it but

they have the ability to have a tendency

that no matter what good is done for

them they can't see good in it

they just can't see it in it now we'll

see it so what oh you think just because

you did the groceries I'm supposed to

respect you now

and then you can taste salaamu alaikum

and she'll say but the way in which my

sister the way in which you will say is

corrupt is

ugly

there's no love in it there's no respect

in it there's spite in it there's hatred

in it there's disresp there's this

there's this rejection in it

you're saying good words but they're not

Saleh and you'll and there's anger well

he didn't call me last night or he

didn't do this or he didn't do that and

there's all these reasons for you to be

upset now he's trying over and over to

be kawam and he's not perfect he's gonna

mess up and you're going to always have

reasons to be angry you get any wife

that's sitting in the audience here do

you have any reason to be upset with

your husband there are going to be

reasons even if she says no no no in her

mind there's gonna be a list

and our mind is going to be a list and

if I say can you just write them down on

a paper she's going to say do you have a

notepad I don't think a paper is enough

you know there are going to be reasons

for her to be upset and yet Allah says

the First Quality she's supposed to have

is to fight that tendency to hold a

grudge and to be angry and to let that

cloud the way she speaks and the way she

carries herself but actually become a

person that wants to reconcile that

wants to fix that wants to move on and

lot let things get corrupt not let

things get ugly by the way fasada is

also used for like

when food goes bad when you don't take

care of food it goes bad and you have to

take extra precaution to make sure it

stays fresh or stays clean and doesn't

get you know doesn't get infected she's

constantly gonna have to survey herself

and her attitude that's the First

Quality why should she do it then she

asks why should I do this he doesn't

deserve it you know what he smells like

do you know what he looks like do you

know what he talks like brother he gave

this but you don't understand my

situation yes you're right I don't

understand your situation but Allah does

I'm not talking to you about what I

think I'm telling you what Allah says

and he gives the reason in the next next

description of women why should you be

motivated to be this way

because you're willing and obedient

willing and ready to serve Allah

goes back to Allah

only to Allah should you be subservient

so when women are described as

subservient their relationship and their

attitude with their husband is actually

directly related to their connection

with Allah

and when their attitude becomes corrupt

when their demeanor becomes spiteful

then actually that's an indication to

yourself not for your husband to point

it out to you for you yourself of how

far you're traversing from your

connection with Allah and it gets so bad

at sometimes I've heard this with my own

ears a woman well educated well-educated

learn it in their religion she's arguing

with her husband she'll she gets mad at

him and she won't even sleep in the same

bed she won't even say she won't even

look at him for weeks and when she

starts arguing and he says you're you

you're so you learn the religion you

pray every day

you know you're so good in Islam why are

you so mean to me and she says well

right now I don't have to be muslim okay

literally right now I'm a Hindu

these words come out of knowledgeable

religion with religious women it's

shocking because the relationship with

Allah gets cut when you're spiked

towards your man is so high everything

gets blocked off

even your relationship with God

it's shocking

you have to check yourself

you know thank God they can't see me

right now

they have to be subservient to Allah

then he adds

guarding Khan consistently guarding

for what what is what can't be seen now

what does that mean guarding what can't

be seen the first meaning of that is

these women have to guard the dignity

the Integrity the respect and the trust

of their husbands when the husband is

not around

they shouldn't be talking to their

friends about how bad he is because he

can't be there to defend himself they

shouldn't be talking to other men if he

doesn't want them talking to other men

they shouldn't be going places he didn't

want them to go or he's never going to

find out he's at work until 6 PM he's

never gonna know he's completely India

they're invisible the daytime they're

invisible guys at work or whatever he's

traveling and they can do whatever they

want the first meaning of this Ayah is

actually they protect themselves from

what he doesn't want them to do

and by the way interestingly enough

Hatfield Guardian is also caretaker in

the Quran

caretaker that's the first meeting here

the second meaning of which is profound

is that they they are some things you

cannot see

you cannot see your husband

when he's at work

you can't see your husband when he's

traveling you can't see your husband

when he's checking into a flight at the

airport you can't see who he's sitting

next to

and you all know what I'm talking about

you can't see that you can't see the

trials and The Temptations that this man

that married to you faces when he goes

outside

how the women at the office talk to him

how people look at him who he interacts

with you can't control any of it

you don't see any of it but you know

what even if you don't see it you can't

be blind to it you have to guard what

you can't even see you know elsewhere in

the Quran

how can we guard over something we can't

even see

how can we be careful about something we

can't even see and women are being told

listen up

I know you can't see it but you better

watch for it anyway

you better take care of your husband as

if to think that what you cannot see

still exists

they have to go out of their way to be

good to their husbands to take care of

their needs to be attractive to their

husbands to be loving and caring to

their husbands they have to do all of

these things and then not assume while

he's ugly anyway who's gonna like him

outside

who's gonna look at him

I have to take care of him whatever

he can't do anything

they developed this attitude and once

that attitude develops in the mind of a

woman she starts demeaning her husband

puts him down and assumes that there's a

kind of well I don't have to do anything

to take care of this relationship and

Allah is countering all of it because

men try to continuously maintain

maintain maintain take care take care

take care it has to be reciprocated on

the other end you have to take care of

your husband and you have to guard for

the Unseen you have to know that he

might just you don't take care of

yourself and your relationship with him

you'll lose him

don't assume that you're gonna keep him

you will lose him and even if you don't

lose him explicitly you might lose him

emotionally he might emotionally divorce

himself from you

he may not even look at you with The

Eyes Of Love he may he may walk into the

house with resentment why am I walking

into this battlefield again

oh my God what's she gonna say today

if that happens between a husband and

the wife

what's the point of a marriage left

when Allah says so you go to them so you

can find peace so you can find

tranquility and now you have situations

where in the marriage the only time A

man does not find peace and

tranquilities when he's around his life

this is the tragedy on either side men

not doing their job women not doing

their job

and

the word also the sisters listen up in

the beginning of my I said that men

share a response have been given a word

of responsibility that is so Noble that

one of Allah's names it goes back to

that word kawam

I said that in the beginning

and now the final attribute for women is

the name of Allah is one of the names of

Allah

over all things this is one of the

shared names of Allah in other words

this is a Divine responsibility for you

to guard and Safeguard this relationship

and by the way you never use the word

guard unless something is in danger

never

you don't have to guard something that's

not in danger what are what is Allah

telling women and what is Allah telling

men when all men are told take care over

and over and over again it actually

means if you don't repeatedly take care

it will fall apart and what are women

being told if you don't watch guard it

will be destroyed you'll lose it

this is it's actually very powerful that

both sides have been given this balance

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oh

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