How to Seize Everyday Negotiation Opportunities HBR Video

Summary

In this discussion, Allison Beard interviews Deborah Kulp, author of 'Negotiating at Work,' about 'lowercase n' negotiations, which differ from traditional deal-making. Kulp explains that these everyday negotiations are more emotional and often involve power dynamics and resistance. She outlines four key steps for success: recognizing negotiation opportunities, preparing with 'anchor with options,' initiating conversations strategically, and navigating the negotiation with effective questioning. Kulp emphasizes the importance of understanding others' reasons for resistance, especially for women who frequently face such negotiations in the workplace.

Takeaways

• 📚 Lowercase 'n' negotiations refer to the everyday work interactions that lack formal structure, as opposed to Capital 'N' negotiations which are structured deal-making processes.
• 🤝 In lowercase 'n' negotiations, individuals often negotiate for themselves without the backing of an organization, making it more personal and emotionally charged.
• 🚧 Lowercase 'n' negotiations frequently involve addressing issues or problems within a power hierarchy, where resistance is common.
• 🔍 Recognizing the possibility of a negotiation is the first step, as many may not initially see everyday interactions as negotiation opportunities.
• 🛠 Preparation is crucial, which includes understanding people's interests and considering their valid reasons for saying 'no'.
• 📋 'Anchor with options' is a key preparation strategy, where one presents solutions rather than just identifying problems.
• 🗣️ Initiating the negotiation is challenging due to the lack of a formal structure, and it often requires repurposing existing meetings or conversations.
• 🧭 Navigating the negotiation involves asking the right questions to move towards resolution, such as hypothesis testing questions.
• 💡 Understanding and addressing the other party's reasons for saying 'no' can help in building a proposal that addresses their concerns.
• 👩‍💼 Women often face more occasions for lowercase 'n' negotiations due to societal expectations and workplace dynamics, making these negotiation strategies particularly relevant for them.

Q & A

What is the difference between 'lowercase n negotiations' and 'capital N negotiations' as described by Deborah Kulp?

Lowercase n negotiations refer to the routine work negotiations we engage in daily, often without a formal structure, and can be more emotional and subjective. Capital N negotiations are more formal deal-making processes, typically involving clear roles, such as buyer and seller, and are more objective with a clear power structure behind the negotiator.

Why is it important to recognize the possibility of negotiation in lowercase n negotiations?

Recognizing the possibility of negotiation is crucial because it allows individuals to prepare and approach the situation strategically rather than reacting impulsively. It shifts the mindset from a simple 'yes' or 'no' to considering a 'yes, and' which opens the door for negotiation.

What does 'anchor with options' mean in the context of lowercase n negotiations?

Anchoring with options in lowercase n negotiations involves presenting potential solutions to a problem when raising it, which helps to focus the discussion on solutions rather than the problem itself. This approach can prevent the negotiator from becoming the problem and increases the likelihood of a positive outcome.

How can understanding people's reasons for saying 'no' be beneficial in lowercase n negotiations?

Understanding the reasons behind a 'no' allows negotiators to address these concerns proactively, either by incorporating them into their proposal or by engaging in a dialogue that addresses the underlying issues, thus increasing the chances of reaching a mutually beneficial agreement.

What is the significance of initiating the negotiation in lowercase n negotiations?

Initiating the negotiation is significant because it sets the stage for the discussion. It involves finding appropriate opportunities, such as status updates or performance reviews, to bring up the negotiation in a way that is recognized by the other party as a negotiation.

How can asking questions help navigate a negotiation when faced with defensive statements?

Asking questions in response to defensive statements can help to shift the conversation away from a defensive stance and towards a more collaborative dialogue. It allows the negotiator to seek clarification and understanding, which can open up new avenues for discussion and potential agreement.

Why is it particularly important for female executives to be adept at lowercase n negotiations?

Female executives often face more occasions for lowercase n negotiations due to societal expectations and workplace dynamics, such as taking on extra work, managing work-life balance, and being placed in leadership roles during challenging times. Being skilled in these negotiations can help them advocate for themselves and their teams more effectively.

What is a 'contingent agreement' and how can it be used in lowercase n negotiations?

A contingent agreement is a proposal that includes clear criteria or conditions that must be met for an agreement to be finalized. It allows the negotiator to address concerns about performance or readiness by setting measurable goals that, if achieved, result in the desired outcome.

How can making one's value visible help in initiating negotiations?

Making one's value visible can prompt others to recognize the potential benefits of negotiating, as it demonstrates the negotiator's worth and the potential gains from reaching an agreement. This can motivate the other party to engage in a negotiation they might otherwise avoid.

What strategies can be used to deal with stonewalling during lowercase n negotiations?

Dealing with stonewalling involves strategies such as reinitiating the negotiation at a later time, making one's value more apparent, or addressing defensive statements with questions to open up dialogue. The goal is to find ways to engage the other party in a constructive conversation.

How can the principles of lowercase n negotiations be applied to situations like Nora's, where she is seeking a permanent role after acting in a position?

In Nora's situation, applying the principles of lowercase n negotiations would involve recognizing the need for negotiation, preparing by anchoring with options and understanding her boss's reasons for saying 'no', initiating the negotiation by finding an appropriate context, and navigating the conversation by asking questions and addressing concerns.

Outlines

00:00

📚 Understanding Lowercase 'n' Negotiations

Deborah Kulp, a professor at Simmons College and author, discusses the concept of 'lowercase n' negotiations, which are distinct from 'capital N' negotiations focused on deal-making. Lowercase negotiations pertain to everyday work interactions where one negotiates for themselves without the backing of an organization. These negotiations are more emotional, less structured, and often involve dealing with superiors in a power hierarchy. An example given is Nora, who has been acting in a director role and wishes to make it permanent. Kulp emphasizes the importance of recognizing negotiation opportunities, preparing with solutions ('anchor with options'), initiating the negotiation by repurposing meetings, and navigating through the negotiation by asking hypothesis-testing questions.

05:00

🚧 Overcoming Resistance in Negotiations

The conversation continues with strategies for overcoming resistance in negotiations, such as stonewalling. Kulp suggests making one's value visible to encourage the other party to negotiate. When faced with defensive comments, turning the situation around by asking questions can be effective. The example of Nora is revisited, where her boss might question her readiness for a role, and Kulp advises responding by seeking clarification on the job criteria to open up the negotiation. The discussion highlights that women often face more occasions for 'lowercase n' negotiations due to societal expectations and organizational dynamics, making these strategies particularly relevant for them.

Keywords

💡Lowercase n negotiations

Lowercase n negotiations refer to the everyday, informal negotiations that individuals engage in at work, as opposed to formal, structured 'capital N' negotiations which are more about deal-making. In the context of the video, lowercase n negotiations are about routine work interactions where one is negotiating for oneself, often without a clear structure or power behind them. An example from the script is when Nora is asked to take on an acting director role, which is not a formal job offer but requires her to negotiate for a permanent position.

💡Capital N negotiation

Capital N negotiation is a term used to describe formal, structured negotiations that typically involve deal-making, such as buyer-seller interactions or formal job offer negotiations. These negotiations often have a clear process and structure, and the individual is acting as an agent for an organization. The video contrasts this with lowercase n negotiations, which are more personal and emotional, and where the individual is the principal in the negotiation.

💡Anchor with options

Anchor with options is a strategy mentioned in the video for preparing for lowercase n negotiations. It involves presenting a problem along with potential solutions, which can help to avoid becoming the problem oneself. This strategy is crucial for moving towards a resolution and is exemplified in the video when discussing how to approach a negotiation without appearing as the problem but as a solution provider.

💡Recognizing negotiation

Recognizing negotiation is the first step in the four-step process outlined in the video for engaging in lowercase n negotiations. It involves being aware that a negotiation is possible or necessary, even if it's not explicitly presented as such. In the script, Nora initially does not recognize the acting director role as a negotiation until she seeks to make it permanent.

💡Initiate

Initiate refers to the third step in the process of lowercase n negotiations, where one must create opportunities for negotiation when there is no formal structure in place. This could involve repurposing meetings or finding ways to bring up the topic of negotiation. The video uses the example of Nora needing to initiate a conversation with her boss about her acting director role to turn it into a permanent position.

💡Navigate

Navigate is the fourth step in the lowercase n negotiation process, which is about managing the conversation once a negotiation has begun. It involves asking the right questions, such as hypothesis testing questions, to move towards a resolution. The video suggests using questions like 'What if we did it this way?' to engage the other party and facilitate negotiation.

💡Stonewalling

Stonewalling is a tactic that can be used by the other party in a negotiation to avoid discussing the topic or to put the negotiator on the defensive. In the video, it is mentioned as a potential obstacle that Nora might face when trying to negotiate her acting director role into a permanent position. The video suggests turning stonewalling into an opportunity for further discussion by asking questions.

💡Good reasons for saying no

Understanding the good reasons why someone might say no is a critical part of preparation for lowercase n negotiations. The video emphasizes the importance of considering these reasons and addressing them in the negotiation. For instance, Nora should consider her boss's potential reasons for not offering her the permanent director role and prepare her negotiation strategy accordingly.

💡Contingent agreement

A contingent agreement is a proposal that includes clear criteria or conditions that must be met for an agreement to be finalized. In the video, it is suggested as a strategy for Nora to propose a contingent agreement to her boss, outlining the performance criteria she must meet to secure the permanent director role.

💡Hypothesis testing questions

Hypothesis testing questions are a type of question used in negotiations to explore possibilities and engage the other party. The video suggests using these questions, such as 'What if we did it this way?', to navigate negotiations and explore potential solutions without directly confronting the other party's objections.

Highlights

Deborah Kulp introduces the concept of 'lowercase n' negotiations, which are about routine work and differ from 'capital N' negotiations focused on deal-making.

Lowercase n negotiations are more emotional and harder to be objective about, as they often involve raising issues within a power hierarchy.

These negotiations can be expected to meet resistance since they involve changing the status quo, which others may be content with.

Nora's story illustrates a lowercase n negotiation where she seeks to transition from an acting role to a permanent position.

The four major steps in lowercase n negotiations are recognizing, preparation, initiation, and navigation.

Recognizing negotiation possibilities is crucial, as many don't see everyday work scenarios as opportunities for negotiation.

Preparation involves understanding people's interests and preparing options to anchor discussions on solutions rather than problems.

Initiating negotiation in informal settings requires repurposing meetings and making one's value visible to encourage engagement.

Navigating a negotiation involves asking hypothesis-testing questions to engage the other party and explore potential resolutions.

One of the hardest parts is recognizing the other party's good reasons for saying no, which is essential for effective negotiation.

Negotiators can build the other party's concerns into their proposal or contingent agreement to address potential objections.

When faced with defensive statements, turning them into questions can help keep the negotiation process moving forward.

Women often face more occasions for lowercase n negotiations due to societal expectations and workplace dynamics.

The advice provided is particularly applicable for female executives who frequently negotiate for additional work, personal life balance, and leadership support.

Deborah Kulp emphasizes the importance of seizing small end negotiation opportunities to improve one's work situation.

Transcripts

hi I'm Allison beard and editor at hbr

and I'm here today with Deborah kulp

Professor amera at Simmons College

School of Management and author of the

book negotiating at work she also wrote

the hbr article be your own best

Advocate Debbie thanks so much for

coming in I'm delighted to be here

Allison thank you so in the book and

article you talk about what you call

lowercase n negotiations how did those

differ from typical negotiations so what

I called capital end negotiation which

is really about deal making you know we

think about buyer seller you negotiate

with a supplier a customer there's sort

of a process and a structure about that

uh you know you know how to do it many

of us have actually taken courses and

learned how to do it focusing on

people's interests um well you know you

know uh where you can give where you can

take when you can walk away You're

negotiating as an agent in capital

letter end negotiation you have your

organization behind you lowercase end

negotiation is about the routine kind of

work that we do every day right there's

no structure to it you're negotiating

for yourself you're a principal when you

negotiate as a principle it's more

emotional it's harder to be objective

sometimes you can't even figure out what

it is you want so in little end

negotiations you're often negotiating

with people who are senior to you in a

power hierarchy so they're always power

Dimensions um there and you know in

little end negotiations you are often

raised ing an issue a problem and other

people are quite happy with the way

things are so you can also expect to

meet resistance so that's what it really

looks like where it's different and so

you're talking about things that just

sort of arise not sort of a formal job

offer where I'm negotiating for a salary

or I'm negotiating for a raise right so

let me tell you a story about a woman

that I had worked with her name is Nora

right and so Nora was asked by her boss

to take on an acting director role there

was an opening they weren't able to fill

it immediately and she of course said

yes to it but now she's been doing it

for two months right and now she'd

actually really like to have the job

right so she's negotiating it's not an

offer in the way we think about it but

she's been doing it she needs to get it

as a permanent role for her or go on to

something else that's an example of the

kind of thing we would see okay so what

advice would you give her or someone in

a similar position yeah so you know I

like to talk about four really major

steps when you in these little end

negotiation the first thing is

recognizing right so Nora doesn't

recognize this as a negotiation she

thinks she has a choice when her boss

asks her to take on this role do I say

yes or do I say no now those for closed

negotiation I like to say you want to

talk about a yes and because a yes and

is a negotiation so the first thing is

recognizing that negotiation a

possibility the second thing is

preparation you know we talk a lot about

preparation in the field of negotiation

understanding people's interests where

they're coming from but one of the most

important preparation ation steps in

little end negotiation is what I call

Anchor with options because you often

are raising a problem in a little end

negotiation and when you raise the

problem you can become the problem and

if you anchor with options you're

focusing on Solutions and you're much

more likely to get a yes another

important part of preparation is also

thinking about people's good reasons for

saying no to you because they do have

good reasons for saying no to you

otherwise they would have agreed in the

beginning the third is what we call

initiate so there's no structure for a

negotiation like this you have to

repurpose meetings if you want to get a

little end negotiation going is it a

status update a performance review so

it's really trying to think about how

you get the other person to recognize

that negotiation is a possibility that's

not always so obvious and the fourth is

what we call sort of navigate once

you're in the negotiation how do you

start to get towards some kind of

resolution

and then we talk a lot about asking

different kinds of questions like

hypothesis testing questions what if we

did it this way which is something

that's very engaging uh for people yeah

in your experience are there particular

steps that people struggle with more

than others yeah you know so I always

think the one of the hardest things is

recognizing people's good reasons for

saying no to you let's just take Nora

for a minute right so Norah's been doing

this job and of course she thinks it's

obvious that she should get the job

right and that's the problem it's

obvious to her but you think about what

are her boss's good reasons for saying

no to her well maybe there are a bunch

of people that are vying for the job

that she doesn't know about maybe he

doesn't think her performance is that

great and once you can connect with

people's good reasons for saying no to

you there are two things you can do one

is you can actually build it into your

proposal so for example in Norah's

situation if she thinks that one of his

good reasons for saying no to her is

that he's worried about her performance

she can come up with what we call a

contingent agreement so let's come up

with clear criteria that I would have to

do in order to get this job permanently

and if I do then I get the job so that's

one way to do it but a second way to do

it is to mention a good reason to her

boss so she might say to him you know

maybe there are other people vying for

this you know it's important because

he's that may be true and if you can get

him to talk about it you can start to

deal with it and Nora can start to talk

about why she's a better candidate than

maybe the other people who are buying

for it what happens if you decide that

there is an opportunity for a small end

negotiation you want more resources or

you want to say yes to something but you

want something else to go along with

that higher salary different job title

what if you try to initiate the

conversation and your boss or the other

party just stonewalls you or what should

you do yeah well you I mean I think

stonewalling is I always like to say you

know one of the things is that people

often are not ready to negotiate with

you you know and stonewalling can take a

lot of different forms I'm not ready to

talk about it call me in three months

and so one of the things that's really

important there is thinking about how

you initiate negotiation making your

value visible to them so that they might

want to do it but there's another form

of stonewalling that we talk about in

the article which is when people don't

want to give you what you're asking for

they can say things that put you on the

defensive so Norah's boss could say to

her you know Nora you're not ready for

this job and from that POS position she

can't negotiate so in dealing with those

moves that put you on the defensive what

we talk about is how you turn them how

you turn it around and a really good

turn is to ask a question so in Norah

situation when he says you might not be

ready for this role rather than saying

yes I am which doesn't get you very far

what she could say is help me understand

what the criteria for this job is and

then they can start to negotiate about

it yeah I know you work with a lot of

female Executives so tell me why this

advice is particularly applicable for

them right I think the reason that it's

important for women is they often have

to negotiate for more of these kinds of

issues than their male colleagues we

know that women get asked to take on

extra work and expected to say yes much

more than men we know that women have

primary responsibility for fam so

they're negotiating about work and

personal life we know that women get

asked to help out and they have to

negotiate about that we also know that

disproportionately when organizations

are going through difficult times

they're more likely to put a woman in a

leadership role and so she's got to

negotiate for support so I think all of

these kinds of things it's not because

men and women are different dis negators

I just think for women the more

occasions for them to have to do this

yeah well that is great advice hopefully

we can all start to seize these small

end negotiation opportunities more often

I hope so yeah thank you so much for

coming in thank you

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