Why It's So Easy to Keep a Bad Habit
Summary
TLDREl guion de video explora cómo las necesidades humanas fundamentales, como la comodidad, la certeza, la variedad y la importancia, influyen en comportamientos adictivos como fumar. Se discute cómo el cambio puede ser difícil debido al miedo a la insuficiencia y la falta de amor, pero también se presenta la posibilidad de satisfacer estas necesidades de manera positiva a través de actividades como el ejercicio. Se enfatiza la importancia de reconocer y abordar estas necesidades para lograr un cambio duradero en la vida, destacando el proceso de transformación que incluye la saciedad, la insatisfacción, el umbral y la visión.
Takeaways
- 🚬 La adicción a actividades como fumar puede ser una forma de mantener un escudo que impide el cambio personal, ya que proporciona un pretexto para no asumir responsabilidades.
- 🧠 La mayoría de las personas tiene seis necesidades básicas: comodidad y certeza, variedad, importancia, conexión y amor, y crecimiento y contribución.
- 🔄 La comodidad y la certeza son necesidades que a menudo buscamos satisfacer, pero también es necesario tener incertidumbre y variedad en la vida para evitar el aburrimiento.
- 🏃♂️ Cambiar hábitos dañinos, como el fumar, requiere de arriesgar y enfrentar el miedo al fracaso, ya que esto puede llevar a sentirnos inservibles o no dignos de amor.
- 💡 La transformación personal ocurre cuando se alcanza un umbral de insatisfacción, se tiene una revelación y se toma acción antes de que se cierre la ventana de oportunidad.
- 🌱 Las actividades saludables, como el ejercicio, pueden satisfacer varias necesidades y ser una alternativa positiva a las adicciones, mejorando la bioquímica y la calidad de vida.
- 🤔 Muchas personas no saben ni siquiera cuáles son sus necesidades, lo que dificulta el reconocimiento de lo que realmente les hace falta en la vida.
- 🤝 En las relaciones, a menudo se da lo que no se necesita, lo que lleva a la insatisfacción y al eventual abandono, en lugar de proporcionar lo que realmente satisface las necesidades del otro.
- 🔄 La variabilidad en las actividades y en la vida en general es esencial para el crecimiento y para mantener la motivación y la satisfacción.
- 💡 La autoconciencia y la honestidad con uno mismo son cruciales para identificar y expresar las necesidades personales, lo que a su vez puede mejorar las relaciones y la felicidad.
Q & A
¿Por qué a veces no queremos cambiar algo en nuestra vida?
-A veces no queremos cambiar porque queremos mantener una excusa para culpar algo por nuestra ineficiencia. Es una forma de adaptación subconsciente para sentirnos seguros y justificar nuestro comportamiento.
¿Cuáles son las seis necesidades que todos los seres humanos tienen según el guion?
-Las seis necesidades son: confort o certeza, variedad, sentirse significativo, conectar y amar, crecer y contribuir más allá de uno mismo.
¿Por qué la falta de amor de alguien que uno desea puede ser tan dolorosa?
-La falta de amor de alguien que uno desea puede ser dolorosa porque sientirse insuficiente para alguien que uno ama puede provocar una sensación de que no se merece amor, lo cual es como una 'muerte psicológica'.
¿Cómo podemos cambiar un comportamiento dañino como el fumar?
-Para cambiar un comportamiento dañino, podemos tomar riesgos y empezar una nueva actividad que nos dé confort y certeza de otra manera, como hacer ejercicio, construir un negocio o participar en un proyecto.
¿Por qué el fumar puede ser una forma de satisfacer varias necesidades a la vez?
-El fumar puede satisfacer necesidades como el confort y la certeza, la variedad al cambiar el estado emocional, la importancia al ser visto como 'cool' por algunos, y la conexión al compartir la experiencia con otros fumadores.
¿Qué sucede si no encontramos una forma saludable de satisfacer nuestras necesidades?
-Si no encontramos una forma saludable de satisfacer nuestras necesidades, podemos recurrir a comportamientos autodestructivos o adictivos que nos proporcionen un sentido de confort, certeza o importancia temporal.
¿Cómo el ejercicio puede ser una alternativa positiva al fumar?
-El ejercicio puede ser una alternativa positiva al fumar porque también puede proporcionar confort, certeza, variedad, importancia, conexión y un sentido de crecimiento y contribución.
¿Por qué es importante saber nuestras necesidades y ser honestos con nosotros mismos sobre ellas?
-Es importante saber nuestras necesidades y ser honestos con nosotros mismos porque si no lo hacemos, podemos no ser capaces de satisfacerlas de manera efectiva y esto puede llevar a insatisfacción y comportamientos de adicción.
¿Cómo el cambio en la vida puede ser impulsado por un 'umbral' emocional?
-Un 'umbral' emocional es un punto crítico donde la insatisfacción se convierte en dolor y se reconoce que el comportamiento actual es insostenible. Es el punto donde uno decide que debe cambiar para evitar más dolor.
¿Qué es la 'química de la transformación' y cómo ayuda a la gente a cambiar?
-La 'química de la transformación' son cinco elementos que, cuando están presentes, pueden llevar a las personas a transformar su vida: saciedad, insatisfacción, umbral, visión y acción. Estos elementos ayudan a la gente a reconocer sus necesidades y a tomar la decisión de cambiar.
¿Por qué es importante 'saltar a través de la abertura' cuando se tiene una visión clara de lo que necesita cambiar?
-Es importante 'saltar a través de la abertura' porque es el momento en que se tiene la oportunidad de actuar sobre la visión y de hacer un cambio real. Si no se actúa, la oportunidad puede cerrarse y se debe volver a pasar por el proceso de transformación.
Outlines
🚫 La Resistencia al Cambio y las Necesidades Humanas
El primer párrafo explora la resistencia al cambio en el comportamiento humano, como el fumar, y cómo algunas personas se aferran a comportamientos dañinos por tener un pretexto para culpar sus fracasos. Se menciona que todas nuestras acciones satisfacen una de las seis necesidades básicas humanas: confort, certeza, variedad, importancia, conexión y amor, y crecimiento. Se discute cómo el miedo a ser insuficiente y no ser amado es una forma de 'muerte psicológica', y cómo las personas adoptan comportamientos que les brindan confort y seguridad, como el fumar, aunque esto implique un riesgo de fracaso y de ser vistos como sin valor. Además, se destaca la importancia de la variedad en la vida y cómo el equilibrio entre las necesidades humanas puede llevar a la adicción o a la satisfacción.
🏃 Caminar Hacia el Cambio y la Transformación Personal
El segundo párrafo narra la experiencia del hablante que decide dejar de usar medicamentos y cómo, en su lugar, comienza a correr, lo cual le proporciona una sensación de bienestar y una oportunidad para explorar sus emociones. Se discute cómo el correr puede satisfacer varias de las necesidades humanas, como el confort, la certeza, la variedad, la importancia y el crecimiento, y cómo este nuevo hábito puede ser más satisfactorio y beneficioso que el consumo de medicamentos. Además, se introduce la idea de la 'química de la transformación', que incluye la saciedad, la insatisfacción, el umbral, la visión y la apertura para el cambio, y cómo estas etapas son cruciales para que las personas se muevan hacia un cambio positivo en su vida.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Excusa
💡Necesidades
💡Miedo
💡Riesgo
💡Adicción
💡Cambio
💡Ejercicio
💡Contribución
💡Insight
💡Umbral
Highlights
The subconscious desire to maintain habits like smoking as an excuse for inefficiency.
Six fundamental human needs: comfort/certainty, variety, significance, connection/love, growth, and contribution.
Fear of feeling 'not enough' and its psychological impact on seeking love and validation.
Adapting behaviors to meet needs, such as smoking for comfort and certainty.
The importance of taking risks and facing the possibility of failure to induce change.
How overeating can serve as a substitute for smoking by providing a similar physiological response.
The necessity of uncertainty and variety in life to avoid boredom and maintain mental health.
The concept of addiction to behaviors that meet multiple needs, both positive and negative.
The role of relationships in meeting needs for certainty, variety, significance, and love.
The challenge of identifying and expressing one's own needs in a relationship.
The importance of replacing harmful habits with healthier alternatives that meet the same needs.
Running as an example of a positive habit that can meet multiple needs, including comfort, significance, and growth.
The five elements of personal transformation: satiation, dissatisfaction, threshold, insight, and action.
The process of hitting a personal threshold as a catalyst for change.
The significance of insight in recognizing that change must come from within.
The fleeting nature of opportunities for change and the importance of seizing them.
Transcripts
what's something like I noticed like
there's been times in my past where it's
like I think I didn't want to change
because I wanted to keep having an
excuse right like I remember even with
smoking I remember it was like um part
of me didn't want to stop there was a
part of me I realized it didn't want to
stop smoking because I knew if I stopped
I wouldn't and it wasn't like a it was
kind of a subconscious part of me yeah
but I knew if I stopped I would I
wouldn't have something to blame my in a
efficiency on or my what I just wouldn't
have something to blame it's like it
gave me something to blame does that
make any sense it does because
everything we do even things that seem
stupid or derogatory we do to meet some
needs there's only six needs people have
we have a need for Comfort or certainty
we have a need for variety we have a
need to feel significant unique special
important everybody has that need we
have a need to feel connection and love
we have a need to grow we have need to
contribute Beyond ourselves it was just
Comfort I think yeah it's the comfort
and the certainty what you know but
there there is a fear that everybody has
two fears MH all human beings at some
moment feel that they're not enough and
to feel like you're not enough for
someone who's love you crave makes a
person crazy inside for someone who's
what I didn't hear that right somebody
who's love you crave the average person
you don't care but if it's somebody
who's love you really want oh yeah so if
you feel like you're not enough then you
feel like you won't be loved to be
worthless and unloved is like
psychological death so people drug
themselves eat they do anything not to
feel that well what are your choices on
changing that well you could take on a
new project build a podcast build a
business do something but you have to
take risks to do that and risks you
could look like a failure you could fail
which might look like your worthless
might look like you're not worthy of
love so subconsciously we come up with
these ways to adapt so smoking a
cigarette comforts you because you take
that big slow breath in and blow it out
nice and slow it changes the tempo in
your body completely you go from stress
to you can do that same without the
cigarette but but once you're addicted
and it becomes the go-to some people
stop smoking and then they overeat cuz
overeating puts all the blood in your
stomach and you start to breathe slowly
again and feel things and you let go so
you can get certainty and comfort by
those ways or you can do it by working
out and developing the sense of strength
that makes you certain or you can do the
same thing day after day there's so many
ways there's positive ways and negative
ways but we also need uncertainty we
need variety if you if every day you
know what's going to happen how it's
going to happen you get bored out of
your mind yeah but if you have so much
variety you don't know what's going to
happen people freak out so these needs
bounce up against each other and so when
people do a behavior like smoking
smoking will give you comfort certainty
smoking will give you in some people's
case variety because you were stressed
out now you change your state that feels
different it's called variety smoking
will give you significance if you think
it's cool although today it's a little
harder to do that because most people
think you're an idiot we put you in a
separate room by yourself yeah they
think you are yeah so but it used to be
I'm cool if I smoke and some people say
you can't make me not smoke I'm
significant right for some people it's a
way to connect with other people who
smoke right so when you meet one of
those needs you like it when you meet
two you really like when you meet three
you get addicted and you get addicted to
positive things you get addicted to
exercise you get addicted to working out
you get addicted to you know growing
your business you everyone gets addicted
to something if it meets a bunch of your
needs it's amazing and in a
relationship if a person is certain that
you love them and there's always a
surprise they oh I I know they love me
and we have so many surprises we have so
much Variety in our life and I feel like
the most important person significant
and I feel so much love for them and
we're growing contributing I'm leaving
nobody says that because when your needs
are met people stay like whenever I work
with couples I work with hundreds of
thousands of couples over the years and
they always say one of them always say I
gave him or her everything everything
except what they needed if you gave them
what they needed they wouldn't be
leaving do you think we're afraid some
to say what we need though too or do you
think we even know what we need
sometimes most people don't you're
absolutely right most people not only
don't say it but most people don't even
know it they're not even honest with
themselves yet so what do you say to
somebody like me then or I mean sorry
I'm sitting here so also me but um yeah
like who's cuz there's ways like I know
once I right when I weaned off of my
medicine right I got to talked I
actually didn't talk to my doctor but
I've gotten off so many times over the
years I felt like I knew what I was
doing I did let my close friends know
hey I'm I'm getting off my medicine let
me know if anything what you using at
the time just uh Lexapro I've been taken
right I said let me know if anything
seems strange or whatever you know but
then I more strange than usual
yeah yeah yeah dude if I'm just like
masturbating at the house dude yeah
that's natural that's normal dude yeah
that's normal behavior right but if I'm
Pet
shopping you know that's a you need to
call somebody you know you're concerned
call somebody I'm looking at a dog
that's really scary dud can you fetch oh
yeah it's getting weird um but what I'm
saying is um
yeah so there but I started running
right I knew I said my biggest thing is
I don't want to lose this B this this
opportunity to see how I'm feeling
because I'm not doing my part of taking
care of myself y I have so much respect
for you doing that it's so hard to do
but you did the right thing which is
what I teach you got to replace it with
something you don't stop doing something
you replace something else but what
you're replacing it with actually
changes your biochemistry yeah I don't
want to run now I'm starting to freaking
like it dude I met somebody yesterday
and we got some damn Brook shoes to
gabing well that's a good first step
yeah literally you're right but you get
the runner's high and it's it's a good
high for you and you're making so it's
like it's not about stopping what you're
doing it's about starting something else
that's more fulfilling like running what
needs does it meet does it make you feel
comfortable afterwards you feel certain
you're going to feel good when you run
100% you have variety when you run is
like a totally different state yeah
sometimes I'll go around the track this
way sometimes I'll go around the track
this way okay okay and do you have sense
of significance like I'm really
changing I'm improving I'm becoming more
some guy the other day like this kind of
tough guy was like man you've been out
there for a while that's cool you feel
good yeah and do you feel more connected
yourself or God when you're running or
the universe or nature or anything like
that yeah I feel like I'm able to have
some or like my brain will have
conversations that maybe I've been
meaning to have or whatever they just
kind of show up while I'm running and do
you feel like you're growing by doing
this running by getting better um yeah I
feel like it's not going to hurt me
that's for sure yeah you know and there
may be some form of contribution that'll
come out of it because because you feel
so much better you'll be able to give
more so you're meeting at least four or
five of your needs by running yeah
versus the drugs made you feel certain
mhm did they make you feel variety um no
that was the biggest problem that was
boring feelings that's dead did they
make you feel significant no no and they
make you feel
connected no no they make you feel like
you're
growing no contributing to
others no so it met one need but when
you get in the habit of it and you're
numb it's hard to shift so the only
reason people shift is they hit a
threshold I'll give you the chemistry of
transformation you see how it works for
you okay like there's five elements that
when they're there people transform so
the first one that usually happens is
satiation satiation means there's
nothing wrong but you've been doing the
same thing over and over and over again
after a while if your favorite meal was
steak and lobster and you have it every
day three times a day there's going to
be a point where you go like there's
nothing wrong with Stak and lobster but
man I'm satiated right and that makes
you look around what what might what
might do different but it doesn't
usually make you change it just opens
your mind to change then you need the
second element and that is
dissatisfaction now it's not just you're
doing it and it's not as good now you're
doing it and it doesn't feel good and
you start to feel that in the
relationship side you like this I don't
I don't want to feel this way then
that's still not enough that makes you
look more for a change that's the second
piece of chemistry the third piece of
chemistry is now you hit a threshold
thresholds like you ever been in a
relationship like way too long you know
oh yes you sorry I want to apologize too
to a couple of women um yeah I you knew
it was wrong you knew it wasn't serving
them or serving you but you stayed
because it was certain it was hard to
change being well what if I'm alone
afraid to say certain things yeah but if
you got to the point where the way you
stay is you go it'll get better it was
better in the past or you jump to the
Future and say it's better but there's a
day we hear threshold you go it's been
painful in the past it's painful today
it's going to be painful forever I'm the
F out of here right that's when people
start to change when you hit a threshold
you get the fourth piece you get an
insight and the Insight is what's really
true and usually figure it out it's not
my partner it's not my job it's me
what's going on in me and you make a
distinction and that creates an opening
like there's a chance you to change your
life in that moment you had that when
you were here and you couldn't feel
anything with this girl you felt
dissatisfaction you eventually got to a
threshold and you finally said wait a
second these drugs are just making me
numb I got to do something and you had
to jump through the opening because you
didn't know was on the other side or
there's uncertainty a lot of people go
through all that and they get to the
opening it only stays open for a few
moments if you don't do something with
the Insight it closes you start all over
again you got to go through all the time
period of getting satiated and getting
dissatisfied again hitting a threshold
and some people just never jump through
the hole so I used to kick people
through the opening you know yeah I've
seen a couple videos you done like whoa
so but right but now what I do more is I
I bring them to the opening over and
over and get them to jump through so
they get the muscle cuz otherwise it
might last a year or two but it's not
going to last forever if you do it you
got a chance lasting for a long time but
you went through that chemistry but very
few people do yeah you got dissatisfied
enough
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