Beyond Shame: Embracing Openness in Sex Education | Anveshi Jain | TEDxLonavala

Summary

In this powerful speech, Anveshi Jain, an actress, singer, and social media influencer, opens up about her experience with childhood sexual abuse under the guise of punishment by a tutor. She emphasizes the importance of sex education and the consequences of its absence, using her own story as a catalyst for change. Jain encourages the audience to be fearless, educate themselves and others about consent and boundaries, and to stand up against harassment, regardless of age or gender.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ The importance of open dialogue about sex and power dynamics is highlighted by referencing Oscar Wilde and Superman's quotes.
• 🌟 Anveshi Jain introduces herself as an actress, singer, and social media influencer, setting the stage for her personal story.
• 🚫 The script addresses the taboo and silence surrounding discussions of sex and its implications in society.
• 👧 The story of Toshi, a young girl subjected to inappropriate behavior by a tutor, illustrates the lack of sex education and awareness about personal boundaries.
• 😢 Toshi's emotional journey from a lively child to a traumatized adult emphasizes the long-term effects of childhood abuse.
• 🌐 The script points out the widespread nature of harassment, affecting people of all genders and ages.
• 💔 The lack of intervention and the continuation of the abuser's actions underscore the failure of societal and educational systems to protect children.
• 🔍 Anveshi calls for introspection on why such incidents occur and how they can be prevented in the future.
• 📚 The absence of sex education is identified as a root cause of confusion and vulnerability to abuse.
• 💪 Anveshi's recovery and healing process serve as an inspiration for others to seek help and confront their traumas.
• 🤝 The call to action for individuals to educate themselves and others about consent, boundaries, and self-respect is a central theme of the speech.

Q & A

What is the main theme of Anveshi Jain's speech?

The main theme of Anveshi Jain's speech is the importance of sex education and the serious consequences of its absence, as illustrated through her personal story.

Who is Toshi in the context of the speech?

Toshi is the nickname of Anveshi Jain, and it represents the young girl in her story who experienced sexual abuse.

Why did the distant relative start giving 'punishment' to Toshi?

The distant relative started giving 'punishment' as a pretext to touch Toshi inappropriately, taking advantage of the trust and vulnerability of a young and innocent child.

What impact did the abuse have on Toshi's life as she grew up?

The abuse had a profound negative impact on Toshi's life, causing her to become timid, silent, and sad. It affected her academic performance, social relationships, and emotional well-being.

How did Toshi eventually overcome the trauma from her past?

Toshi overcame the trauma by seeking therapy, understanding the root of her issues, and healing over time. She also gained the courage to share her story and stand up for herself.

What message does Anveshi Jain emphasize regarding the responsibility of individuals in preventing sexual abuse?

Anveshi Jain emphasizes the responsibility of individuals to educate themselves and others about recognizing and preventing sexual abuse, and to stand up against it when it occurs.

Why does Anveshi Jain believe it's important to talk about 'good touch' and 'bad touch'?

Anveshi Jain believes it's important to talk about 'good touch' and 'bad touch' to create awareness, educate people about consent and boundaries, and to provide a safe space for victims to share their experiences.

What is Anveshi Jain's profession, and how does it relate to her speech?

Anveshi Jain is an actress, singer, and social media influencer. Her profession gives her a platform to raise awareness and discuss important social issues like sex education and sexual abuse.

How does Anveshi Jain describe her experience with inappropriate behavior in her professional life?

Anveshi Jain describes experiencing inappropriate behavior, such as unwanted physical contact, during her professional life as an event host. She talks about the difficulty of responding to such situations, especially when there is a power dynamic at play.

What advice does Anveshi Jain give to those who have experienced sexual abuse?

Anveshi Jain advises those who have experienced sexual abuse to seek help, talk about their experiences with someone they trust, and not to blame themselves for what happened.

What is the significance of Anveshi Jain's speech in raising awareness about sexual abuse?

The significance of Anveshi Jain's speech lies in her personal testimony, which humanizes the issue of sexual abuse and highlights the need for open dialogue, education, and support for victims.

Outlines

00:00

🚸 The Silent Impact of Childhood Abuse

The first paragraph introduces Anveshi Jain, an actress, singer, and social media influencer, who begins her speech by referencing Oscar Wilde's quote about sex and power. She then shifts the focus to the topic of sex education and its absence, which she believes leads to serious consequences. Anveshi shares a personal story about a young girl named Toshi, who suffered from sexual abuse by a distant relative under the guise of punishment. The incident left Toshi confused and traumatized, unable to distinguish between good and bad touch, and ultimately led to a significant decline in her social and academic life. The paragraph ends with a reflection on the long-term effects of such abuse and the lack of awareness among children.

05:00

🌱 Overcoming Trauma and the Power of Self-Awareness

In the second paragraph, Anveshi, who is revealed to be Toshi herself, discusses the journey of overcoming the trauma she experienced as a child. She talks about the realization of her issues' roots and the necessity of therapy. Anveshi explains the impact of her past on her relationships and the difficulty of healing from the abuse perpetrated by her tutor. Despite the challenges, she has managed to heal and find happiness. She emphasizes the importance of sharing her story to inspire others who may have had similar experiences to seek help and to not blame themselves for the abuse they suffered. The paragraph concludes with a call for individuals to be more proactive in seeking healing and support.

10:02

🛡️ Advocating for Fearlessness and Personal Boundaries

The final paragraph focuses on the importance of standing up for oneself and advocating for personal boundaries. Anveshi shares her experiences of walking away from situations that disrespected her and emphasizes the need for fearlessness when it comes to addressing inappropriate behavior. She encourages the audience to be open about discussing good and bad touch and to create a safe space for those who have experienced harassment to share their stories. Anveshi also stresses the importance of teaching children how to handle such situations and to be more courageous in protecting themselves and others. The paragraph ends with a heartfelt request for the audience to be more proactive in preventing and addressing harassment.

Keywords

💡Sex Education

Sex education refers to educational programs and strategies that aim to provide individuals with information on issues related to human sexuality, including reproduction, relationships, consent, and sexual health. In the video, the lack of sex education is highlighted as a significant factor contributing to the confusion and vulnerability experienced by the young girl named Toshi, who does not understand the inappropriate nature of the 'punishment' she receives.

💡Power

Power in this context denotes the capacity to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events. It is a central theme in the video, as it is used to illustrate the imbalance of power between Toshi and her tutor, which enables the abuse to occur. The quote from Superman, 'With great power comes great responsibility,' underscores the idea that those with power have a duty to use it ethically.

💡Responsibility

Responsibility here refers to the moral, legal, or social obligations one has towards others and oneself. The video emphasizes the collective responsibility to educate and protect individuals, especially children, from sexual abuse. The speaker, Anveshi Jain, highlights the responsibility of society to address the silence around the topic of sex and its implications.

💡Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is the involvement in non-consensual sexual activity with another person. In the script, Toshi's experience with her tutor is a case of sexual abuse, which has profound and lasting effects on her emotional and psychological well-being. The video uses this term to discuss the serious consequences of such actions and the importance of recognizing and preventing them.

💡Trauma

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have long-lasting emotional effects. Toshi's story in the video is an example of how sexual abuse can lead to trauma, which she carries with her into adulthood and which affects her ability to form relationships and maintain self-esteem.

💡Healing

Healing in this context refers to the process of recovering from physical or emotional harm. Anveshi Jain's narrative demonstrates the journey of healing from trauma, which includes recognizing the abuse, seeking therapy, and learning to live with the consequences in a healthy way.

💡Self-Blame

Self-blame is the act of attributing negative events or outcomes to oneself, often unjustly. In the video, Toshi initially blames herself for the abuse she suffered, which is a common reaction among victims of sexual abuse. The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding that the victim is not to blame and that the responsibility lies with the abuser.

💡Fearlessness

Fearlessness is the state of being without fear, especially in the face of danger or adversity. The video encourages individuals to be fearless in standing up against abuse and in seeking help or justice. Anveshi Jain shares her own experiences of walking away from situations where she was not respected, illustrating the courage needed to protect oneself.

💡Consent

Consent is the voluntary and explicit agreement to engage in a particular activity. The video script implies the importance of understanding consent, particularly in the context of sexual interactions, as a means of preventing abuse and ensuring that all parties are comfortable and willing participants.

💡Empowerment

Empowerment is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights. Anveshi Jain's story is one of empowerment, as she overcomes her past and uses her voice to raise awareness and encourage others to do the same.

💡Therapy

Therapy refers to the treatment of mental health issues, usually by a professional, that helps an individual to deal with and overcome problems. In the video, therapy is mentioned as a crucial part of Toshi's healing process, allowing her to understand her experiences and develop coping mechanisms.

Highlights

Oscar Wilde's quote about sex being about power is used to introduce the topic of power dynamics in sexual education.

The global population is growing rapidly, which implies a need for increased awareness and education on sexual matters.

Society's reluctance to discuss sex openly is highlighted by the speaker's observation of the room's silence.

Anveshi Jain introduces herself as an actress, singer, and social media influencer.

The importance of sex education is emphasized by discussing its absence and the serious consequences it can lead to.

A personal story about Toshi is used to illustrate the impact of sexual abuse and the lack of awareness in children.

The story describes the introduction of a 'perverted' punishment concept by a tutor, which leads to sexual abuse.

Toshi's confusion and lack of understanding about the abuse she faced as a child is depicted.

The emotional and psychological impact of the abuse on Toshi's life is detailed, showing long-term effects.

Toshi's journey of healing and self-discovery is shared, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and addressing past trauma.

Anveshi reveals that Toshi is her nickname, and the story is her own, adding a personal touch to the message.

The speaker calls for collective responsibility in addressing and preventing sexual abuse and harassment.

Anveshi encourages the audience to be fearless and stand up for themselves and others in the face of harassment.

The importance of self-respect and setting boundaries is underscored by the speaker's personal experiences.

A plea for open dialogue about good and bad touch, and the need to educate and support each other, is made.

The speech concludes with a call to action for courage and fearlessness in confronting and preventing sexual abuse.

Transcripts

Transcriber: Ana Carrión Reviewer: Michael Nystrom

You know, Oscar Wilde once said

that everything in human life is about sex, isn't it?

Except sex, though, because sex is about power.

And as Superman once said,

“With great power ...”

(Audience murmurs)

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

Speaking of responsibility, we are 1.4 billion today.

And growing.

Growing as we speak, aren’t we? Which means it is definitely happening.

And a lot of it, isn’t it?

But we shy away to talk about it.

I can sense this silence in the room right now.

Why is it like we enjoy it so much?

We love it.

We watch things when nobody is watching, but we don't want to talk about it.

Well, I am Anveshi Jain.

I’m an actress and a singer,

and a social media influencer, if you’d like to call me that.

I want to talk to you about sex education.

I want to talk to you about the lack of it,

that brings some really serious consequences to us.

I am not going to make you uncomfortable by talking about

“What? When? How? This, that.”

No, I’m just going to start by telling you a small story

that will be self-explanatory.

There was this little girl. Her name was Toshi.

She was bright, full of life,

so exciting that wherever she walked in, she made the room cheer up.

She was studying in third standard, and her parents were working,

and she had one younger brother she used to spend her most time with.

One fine day,

a distant relative came to her place

and asked for some financial support from her dad.

As kind man as her father was, he agreed to help.

But not to make it look like a favor,

he insisted if he would like to coach or give tuition to his daughter.

He happily agreed.

Classes started.

Everything was going fine until one day, he introduced the concept of punishment.

(Sighs)

We all know about punishment.

It’s quite a regular thing. We grew up hearing about it, right?

Punishment and reward.

But what kind of punishment was he actually talking about?

A punishment that only a pervert can think of.

As days went by, he started touching her inappropriately.

A little girl in third standard. She didn’t know what was happening.

She felt uncomfortable,

but she didn’t know what a good touch is or what a bad touch is.

No idea. No clue.

One fine day, when he aggressively started to do something, she lost it.

And she started crying, and she said,

“I’m going to complain about you to my daddy.”

And he’s like, “Really? You want to do that?

No, you don’t want to do that. You know what will happen?

Your family will abandon you. They will throw you out of the house.

And because you are a girl,

they will blame you for everything that is happening.”

She got very scared, and she kept it to herself.

(Hindi) What was to happen?

The classes continued.

The tutor got away with it,

and he actually gave tuitions to a few more kids later on.

This child, Toshi, as time passed by,

was now a timid, silent ...

very very sad girl.

She started losing her marks.

She didn't score well at all. She stopped laughing.

She lost all her friends because she was in a cocoon.

She was crumbling inside.

She was crying in the washroom alone while everybody was eating together.

And this continued until she reached her college.

She grew up.

She did whatever she had to do.

But this loneliness,

this crumbling feeling inside of her, never really left her.

She could not recover from the damage that that tutor did.

It sounds very small.

A little bit of touch here and there, a little bit of teasing,

a little bit of not knowing what we’re doing to the kids.

The kid is unaware.

It seems very small.

But this girl went through over 20 years of trauma,

and that took a lot of time when she wanted to heal it.

She understood where her issues were coming from.

She understood that she needed therapy.

She understood that she will have a series of failed relationships

because she will not like any guy coming close to her.

That girl is now a grown-up girl.

She's healed, she's happy, she's recovered,

and she's standing right in front of you.

(Applause)

Hi guys, I am Toshi.

My name is Anveshi Jain. Toshi is my nickname.

And this is my story.

And I take pride ...

I take so much pride in talking about it.

Because I know many of you have gone through something similar.

If not more, something less.

In some ways, you all have experienced some kind of physical harassment,

some kind of emotional harassment.

Or even boys,

I’m saying boys, adults, kids. Nobody is spared.

But where is the gap?

Why did it happen to me?

And if it did happen to me, how did I let it happen to me?

How did I let it continue for so long?

And the tutor got away with it.

He might have done the same thing to other kids.

And that breaks my heart till today.

I wish I had the answer.

I wish I had a PPT, or I had a research detailed about

how many kids, how many adults are going through physical abuse

on a daily basis.

And we can do this, we can do that.

But no, guys, no.

I didn’t want to have any slides because I wanted to talk to you one-on-one.

It’s me versus you because I know how individually you suffer at times.

You don't even know why at times,

but it could be because something happened long ago.

Something said. Somebody did something to you.

And it's still continuing because we have not really fully healed.

Who's going to come help us? Who's going to come help our kids?

Who's going to tell your little sister about a bad touch?

Who's going to tell a boy that it doesn't matter that you're a boy?

You could be harassed, too. You have to take care of yourself.

How about we start with ourselves?

I don't have some very intelligent thing to say right now, I really don't.

I didn't come here to make a change, but I came here to share my story

so that if there is someone like me sitting in you,

you can gather some courage.

You can muster the courage to go up to your parents,

to go up to someone you can confide in and tell them what happened to you.

Half of the healing will begin when you own what happened to you

and not blame yourself for it.

I really wish, I swear, I wish ...

Only if I could turn the clock back.

I really wish, if there was someone who could have told me,

“Toshi, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know anything.

If you would have known better, you would have done better.

And when somebody else is doing something to you,

you are not to be blamed.

It's their mistake.

And if you stand up for yourself,

if you tell him,

‘If you move one step forward, I’m going to slap tight on your face.’

You actually can do that.

You won’t be wrong.”

That’s exactly what we should be doing.

But who is going to teach this to our kids?

Who is going to teach them how to act in such situations?

And I’m very sure even as adults, even until today,

I shouldn't be saying this from where I'm coming from now.

Even until today, I have seen that ...

I come from a background of events.

I have hosted events for a good six, seven years.

I had a lot of clients from corporates who called me to host the events,

and some from weddings ...

And they used to be some people who were trying to be extra friendly,

like they would want to shake my hand unnecessarily for a little longer.

I know about touch. I have been a dating coach.

I've been talking about body language for years, I know it.

They'll hold the hand. They would want to hug you.

They'll ask me if I'm repulsive.

"Can I please hug you?" Why? What is the need?

But even today,

I sometimes don't know how to react to such requests.

I have no clue what to say, what not to say.

And I can only imagine the scenario where there is power dynamics in play,

where there is someone who is authoritative to you,

and you can lose your job if you speak out.

You can lose your dream if you do something about it.

Be fearless.

When you talk about what is right, when you stand up for yourself,

the world stands up for you.

And if nothing, at least you would know

that you did the right thing because you stood up for yourself.

And trust me when I tell you this:

I have walked out of places where respect was not served.

I have walked out of films that didn't portray me correctly

because I respect myself utterly,

because the way I love myself is how I tell the world

how to treat me and how to love me.

At the end, I would only make a request to all of you: don’t shy away ...

Don't shy away when it comes to talking about good touch, bad touch.

Whoever you care about, talk to them about your issues

and tell them that they don't have to go through what you went through,

what I went through.

We can give them a comfort zone.

We can tell them that they can come to you.

If nothing, they can come to you, and you can deal with the situation better.

And for yourself, as far as that is concerned,

I think we can be a little more fearless and far, far more courageous.

Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen.

(Applause)