Unattractive Men Can Still Get Beautiful Women | Sadia Khan
Summary
TLDRThe transcript discusses societal perceptions of attractiveness and the dating strategies of men and women. It suggests that men can compensate for a lack of physical attractiveness through humor, intelligence, or success, becoming more appealing to women. Conversely, women are perceived to have fewer compensatory strategies, with kindness or niceness not altering a man's perception of their beauty. The conversation also touches on unrealistic dating preferences, advising individuals to align their preferences with those who reciprocate interest, to avoid psychological disappointment and foster mutual respect in relationships.
Takeaways
- 😀 Men can compensate for unattractiveness with qualities like humor, intelligence, or success, which can make them more attractive to women.
- 😔 Women are perceived to have fewer compensatory strategies for physical attractiveness, with kindness and niceness not being as convincing as humor is for men.
- 🤔 The idea that women are more likely to find a man attractive if he is funny or successful, whereas men are less likely to find a woman attractive for her personality alone.
- 🏆 Men are suggested to have a 'charm' or 'banter' that can make them sexually attractive, even if they lack physical attractiveness.
- 🚫 The notion that women's attractiveness is more rigidly defined and less open to being influenced by other qualities.
- 🤷♀️ Women are advised to adjust their preferences if the type of man they are attracted to does not reciprocate their interest.
- 🔄 The concept that both men and women should be open to changing their 'type' to match those who are attracted to them.
- 🤔 The discussion of societal expectations and the potential for 'settling' if one's preferred type does not reciprocate interest.
- 💔 The potential for psychological failure if one insists on pursuing a type of partner who is not interested.
- 🤝 The suggestion that mutual attraction and respect are key to a successful relationship, rather than forcing a connection with someone who is not genuinely interested.
- 🧐 The idea that choosing a partner who chooses you can lead to self-respect and mutual respect within the relationship.
Q & A
What is the main argument presented in the transcript about attractiveness and compensatory strategies between men and women?
-The transcript suggests that men can compensate for a lack of physical attractiveness through humor, intelligence, or success, and become more attractive to women. However, it argues that women do not have the same compensatory strategies and that being nice or kind does not make them more physically attractive to men.
According to the transcript, why might a woman consider changing her 'type' of preferred man?
-A woman might consider changing her 'type' if the men she is attracted to are not showing interest in her. The transcript suggests that if a certain 'type' of man is consistently showing interest in her, she should consider them, as it indicates a mutual attraction.
What does the transcript imply about the psychology behind women setting specific criteria for men on dating apps?
-The transcript implies that women may set specific criteria for men on dating apps based on their preferences, but if those men are not showing interest, it may be more beneficial to adjust the criteria to match those who are attracted to them.
How does the transcript suggest men and women can improve their chances in the dating market?
-The transcript suggests that both men and women should adjust their preferences to align with those who are attracted to them, rather than pursuing those who are not interested, which can lead to feelings of rejection and disrespect.
What advice does the transcript give to someone who is consistently attracting the wrong 'type' of partner?
-The transcript advises that if someone consistently attracts the wrong 'type' of partner, causing drama and disrespect, they should consider changing their 'type' to match those who genuinely reciprocate their interest and respect.
What does the transcript mean by 'the type of person that chooses you'?
-The transcript refers to 'the type of person that chooses you' as someone who is genuinely interested in you and responds positively to your advances, indicating a mutual attraction and respect.
How does the transcript discuss the concept of 'settling' in the context of changing one's type?
-The transcript addresses the misconception that changing one's type equates to 'settling'. It suggests that choosing a partner who is interested in you is not settling but rather a practical approach to finding a relationship with mutual respect and attraction.
What is the transcript's stance on the idea that physical attractiveness is the only currency women have in the dating market?
-The transcript challenges this idea by stating that while physical attractiveness may be highly valued, it is not the only factor. It emphasizes the importance of mutual attraction and respect in forming a successful relationship.
How does the transcript relate the concept of 'type' to feelings of rejection and respect in dating?
-The transcript suggests that pursuing a 'type' that does not reciprocate your interest can lead to feelings of rejection. Conversely, choosing a partner who is attracted to you can foster feelings of respect and mutual attraction.
What does the transcript suggest about the importance of mutual interest in romantic relationships?
-The transcript emphasizes that mutual interest is crucial for a healthy romantic relationship. It suggests that both parties should be attracted to and interested in each other to establish a foundation of respect and reciprocity.
Outlines
😀 Attraction and Compensatory Strategies in Dating
The speaker discusses the perceived differences in how men and women can compensate for physical attractiveness in dating. Men, according to the script, can become attractive through humor, intelligence, or success, while women are said to lack such compensatory strategies. The speaker suggests that being nice or kind might not make a woman more attractive to a man, but being funny can make a man more handsome to a woman. The script also touches on societal expectations and stereotypes, such as the preference for tall men, and the idea that women should adjust their dating preferences based on who is attracted to them, rather than solely on their ideal type.
🤔 The Psychology of Choosing a Partner Based on Mutual Attraction
This paragraph delves into the psychological implications of choosing a partner who may not be your 'type' but is attracted to you. It suggests that if a person is not the type that their desired partner is attracted to, there may be a sense of disrespect in the relationship. The speaker advises choosing someone who reciprocates your feelings to ensure mutual respect and a healthier dynamic. The paragraph also addresses the idea of changing one's type to align with those who show interest, as a strategy to avoid the emotional distress of unrequited attraction.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Compensation
💡Attraction
💡Physical Appearance
💡Humor
💡Intelligence
💡Success
💡Dating Apps
💡Type
💡Rejection
💡Respect
💡Settling
Highlights
Men can compensate for bad looks with humor, intelligence, or success, becoming attractive to women.
Women lack a compensatory strategy for unattractiveness, unlike men.
Being nice or kind does not make a woman more attractive to men.
Men can become more handsome in a woman's eyes if they are funny or have a certain charm.
Men are not blinded by a woman's kindness or niceness if she is unattractive.
Women's attractiveness is often solely based on their looks.
Men have the option to be charming or witty to be sexually attractive, even if not conventionally attractive.
Tall men are still considered sexually attractive despite other physical traits.
Women are advised to change their type if the men they are attracted to do not reciprocate their interest.
Dating apps often reflect unrealistic expectations in terms of physical attributes.
Women should adjust their preferences based on who is attracted to them for a more successful dating experience.
Majority of women may have unrealistic expectations about the type of men they want.
Realistic expectations in dating involve mutual attraction and interest.
Men and women should change their type to those who are interested in them to avoid feelings of rejection.
Choosing a partner who is attracted to you can lead to mutual respect and a healthier relationship.
Disrespect can occur in relationships where one partner is not truly attracted to the other.
People should choose partners who respond to them and care about them, regardless of their physical appearance.
Having a type can lead to drama and disrespect if the attraction is not mutual.
Transcripts
men can compensate bad looks women can't
when a man is not that good looking he's
super funny he's super intelligent he's
super successful he becomes attractive
especially if he's funny like this is
some of the easiest way to like you know
get women whereas women don't have a
compensatory strategy
you can be nice you can be kind but a
guy's not going to think wow you're
gorgeous he's just gonna think you're a
nice kind I'll marry you because you're
great but he won't convince himself that
you're beautiful and not really whereas
for women when you're the funniest guy
you become super handsome
it's like we get this like lens on us if
he's super or if he's super you can
become super handsome to a woman in her
lens but for a man if you're
unattractive you're unattractive even if
you're nice pretty kind caring they'll
still be with you I'm not saying they
won't choose you but they're not blinded
to your to your looks they're not going
to be like you're the most beautiful
girl in the world they'll still
recognize that you're not that
attractive it's so you're saying then
essentially that women
have only got their their looks to to
essentially trade off really well well
they've got this only you got their
looks but if you don't have it you don't
have it
it's that simple whereas for men if you
don't have it you've got charm you've
got banter you've got you got this is
something that you can put in there that
will make you sexually attractive right
on this in the sexuality sexually
attractive if you're super tall if
you're in shaping you're still sexually
attractive whereas for a women if we're
not attractive we're not attractive but
what's what's to go with um most women
say they want a man who's like sixth so
if you're not under if you're not over
six foot you're dead to me
um all this kind of stuff that they're
saying now and all the dating apps you
know I'm not on any dating apps now
myself but they do say that on dating
apps like what what is the psychology
behind that what I would say to women is
make your criteria in men the pool of
women a pool of men that are attracted
to you if you're a girl who wants a six
foot two in-shaped man but none of those
men are giving you attention change your
type
if that is the type of man that's
constantly coming for you keep that type
you're very lucky you can use it so
women should change the type predicated
on what's attracted to them absolutely
it would be a completely pointless
strategy being attracted to a man who
has no interest in you
no point if I'm a girl that is I don't
know me let's say for example I'm super
overweight or I'm super super short and
I'm not getting the type of guys that I
that I like change your type they're not
gonna like you you either stay single or
beg them to like you or use sex to get
them to like you or make them need you
because you don't know because you don't
feel like they want you you're gonna set
yourself up for psychological failure so
what percentage of women then are going
out there into the marketplace
misaligned on the type of man that they
even want majority
I would say majority here's the thing
that here's how you know you you have a
realistic expectation of what you want
those type of man that you want always
want you back
simple same with men men and women
here's how you know you've got the right
realistic expectations the type of
person that you walk into a room and you
look at and you think oh he's my type by
the end of the night he's speaking to
you without you saying a word or girl a
guy you look at it going you're like
that's my type she's equally interested
she responds to your texts but if you've
got this particular type you know no I
want this type I don't care I'm not
going to settle I'm not going to settle
but they don't come for you you're
deluded yes I've never even had this
conversation with many clients I didn't
think that you could kind of change your
type I never even thought the concept of
change in time well here's the thing
that works for men too right yeah men
and women change your type to the people
because here's the thing they're like
they see it as settling what if you
don't like what if you're a man though
who doesn't like the type that he's
attracted well then here's the thing you
might not like the type that you're
attracting but the type that you want
are giving you no time and energy so do
you like that feeling of rejection do
you enjoy that so if you enjoy like if
you change your type to that feeling not
the person I don't like the feeling of
somebody leaving me on red I don't like
the feeling of someone canceling a date
on me I don't like the feeling of
somebody saying no when I ask them out I
like the feeling of someone who responds
to me who cares about me so choose those
people whatever shape form size color
they come in so with me I have a type
what's your type what's your type babes
on paper no no
I've obviously got a type and and I've
been attracted to and I've and I've had
relationships with and then I've got
this other type that's also good looking
and spicy too but I kind of think when
you said that I was saying okay I've got
a type and I was going processing in my
mind and then I thought to myself
look I always wore with the these women
on my type because they're all but but I
still get with them but like they're
it's it's drama it's it's drama like
it's like it's being in a fight it will
be disrespect here's the underlying
feeling when you go for somebody that is
your type but you're not necessarily
their type you're there's an element of
disrespect always there's either I'll
cancel on you last minute I will talk to
other people there's an element of
disrespect if you're causing that person
to shift their type to be with you
they'll start disrespecting you because
they don't want to be there so what
happened yeah so what happens is when
you choose the person that chooses you
there's an underlying respect choose a
person that chooses you then you'll get
some self-respect and mutual respect
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